The Humiliation of the Avengers

Summary: Letting Loki read fanfiction probably wasn't the smartest move any of them could have made… especially when he starts writing them while on holiday with his vampire lover and the rest of the Avengers.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything Marvel related. The other characters are my creations

This will be part of a series of fics in what I'm calling the Undisclosed Desires series. Just as soon as I've finished it XD

Chapter One

Loki scowled at the laptop I had pressed onto him. "Is there some purpose behind me reading this nonsense?"

I shrugged from the dressing table, finally wiping away the last of my make-up. It was kind of tiring, wearing it all the time. "I just thought I should introduce you to the weird and sometimes disturbing world that is fanfiction before one of the others did. Knowing Barton, he would probably pull up something that would give you nightmares."

"Some of this will give me nightmares," my consort muttered, clicking out of whatever he had been reading. "According to this… stuff… I am in love with either my brother or Stark, have been impregnated by and given birth to an eight-legged horse-"

"That's an actual Norse myth," I interrupted smoothly. "It isn't just fanfic drabble."

"-I'm so desperate for a fuck that I turn desperate and begging when I get the chance for it, and I have a kink for either being slapped or being spanked! Urgh!" Loki flopped back onto the pillows. "I do NOT!"

I turned towards him, smirking. "Really? You seem to enjoy the latter plenty whenever I do it…"

He threw a pillow at me, a superior look on his face. "Yes, but that's YOU. NOT Stark. Or Thor. Is it normal around here to have a relationship with your own brother?"

"Nope. Not even slightly." I slipped off the stool and sauntered over to the bed, where my Norse god consort was currently curled up with my laptop. "I think the line of reasoning – and I use the word 'reasoning' quite loosely – is that you aren't actually brothers, so it's not REALLY incest."

"I am not sure I care about the intrinsics," Loki announced. I resisted the urge to tell him that wasn't a word. It would probably make him grumpier, and a grumpy Loki can be seriously freaky. "You write things like this, Durante?"

I had discovered a love for writing fanfiction, though not for the Avengers RPF. Within the last year I had discovered I enjoyed the TV show Angel, and when I found the vast amounts of fanfiction devoted to the show I had spent a fair bit of time writing my own little stories for the archives. I'd become quite famous under my pseudonym CorbeauNoir for Angel fics and the odd parody of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Dracula, the Vampire Diaries, and most recently Twilight.

Nothing is more annoying to this vampire than poor vampire literature.

"Sure but not that kind," I leaned over to click back to my archive. "I do vampire shows like Angel."

Loki smirked. "You write about stupid takes on your own race? Charming. I'm sure they'll love you for that."

"Well no one knows it's me. And I do parody a few really stupid ones." That reminded me of why I actually wanted Loki to read these. I clicked onto the currently unpublished story in my document manager. "Actually, I wanted you to proofread this one. I keep on making nasty mistakes, and I don't really want anyone else to know I write this stuff."

Loki blinked at the fandom title. "Amnesia? As in that horror movie Arri starred in? You are writing about his character?"

I winced. "Yep. It's just as well he doesn't read fanfiction." My best friend, the second in line for the vampire throne and well-known actor, would almost certainly kill me if he read this story, even if I hadn't put him in a 'situation' (you know the kind) with his co-star.

Loki hmmed and started reading through it. I became aware of the noise coming from the lower floor of the holiday house. The royal residence of Forrestmonte's queen and daughter on their private beach wasn't normally anything but peaceful, but with the addition of the vampire royal family, the Avengers and half a dozen of Thor's tag-ons, it had become more than slightly rowdy. Not that I really minded, given I had my love here with me. How the heck I ended up with an exiled Norse god-prince with a mischievous personality, a tormented past and a fading case of PTSD, I had no idea. What I did know was I wouldn't have it any other way.

Even now, six months after he got here, I felt as though I could spend forever watching him, just drinking his beauty in. That pale, chiselled face and long, unruly black hair. Those huge green, thickly lashed eyes and thin lips. And don't even get me started on his body, long and lithe and muscular. I might be a vampire, and we're known for our seductive beauty, but he was a God.

"See something you like?" Loki asked without even looking up.

I smiled predatorily. "You know I do."

Loki smiled back in a way that never failed to get me hard. "Maybe you should show me, then?" he shifted on the bed suggestively. The silk sheet covering him slipped dangerously low on his naked hips.

"When you finish that," I replied, trying not to seem desperate to touch him. I don't think he fell for it.

"I already have," Loki clicked a few times. "Arri would throw a fit if he read this, but otherwise there's nothing wrong with it." He suddenly frowned at the screen. "Hey, why have you bookmarked all these stories about me?"

"Is that a trick question?" I asked, hurriedly taking the laptop back, blushing. "I had those bookmarked before I met you. Or most of them. Have I mentioned I love you?"

"And you're reading fanfictions about me being fucked by someone else?" He raised an eyebrows.

I rolled my eyes, at a loss as to how to defend myself. "You win."

"Naturally." Loki stretched languidly. He looked like a big, pale cat. I dropped my robe on the floor and climbed onto the end of the bed, next to his feet. I felt very distinct flush of heat in my groin as his eyes roamed over me. No matter how many times he did that, I could never get enough. "Got anything else for me to look at?"

"Actually," I grinned as I posted my story and clicked on one of my bookmarks. "I wanted you to read this. I think you'll find it funny." I handed the laptop back to him.

"Uh-huh." Loki started to read the story.

As I predicted, after about two minutes he was laughing madly. "What the heck? The Avengers discover RPF and I'm writing some of them? HA!" he flopped back on the pillows, still giggling. "Who writes this stuff?"

"I thought you'd like it," I said smugly, watching him wipe his eyes.

"Love it." He agreed. "It's so harsh though. Listen to this: 'Jane leaves Thor because she thinks he's an idiot and sleeps with half a million Midgardians to spite him, and when he tries to pleasure himself to ease the pain he discovers he's impotent.'" Loki collapsed in a new wave of hysterics. "I'd love to read that." He choked out, still with tears running down his face. Suddenly he paused, an all-too-familiar smile splitting his face in half. "Actually…"

I groaned. "I see where this is going. You want to write it, don't you?"

"You know I do," Loki smirked. "Can I put it on your account?"

"Go ahead." I took the laptop back to click around the document manager and find a blank page before handing it over. I was probably going to regret this later, but I couldn't deny my lover. "Just let me read it before you publish it, OK?"

"As you wish," he grinned innocently, already tapping away at the keyboard. Only the evil glint in his eyes gave away that he was doing anything other than… well, something innocent. That and the way he was still giggling, occasionally stopping because his hands were shaking too much from laughter to type. After half an hour Loki turned the computer around for me to see. He was still giggling, and looked quite proud of himself. Taking that as a rather bad sign, I began to read.

I shook my head when I finished, grinning. "Loki, that is not right."

"I enjoyed it, and that's all that matters." Loki said shortly, his giant grin taking the edge off his words. "How do I post it?"

"Here." I crawled up next to him, leaning over to reach the mouse-pad, adding some notes, a summary and ratings (MA, I'd say for this). I was exquisitely aware of the coolness of him against my side and his long, slender fingers suddenly against my hip. And of course, the bastard decided to choose that moment to kiss along my throat, causing my hand to spasm. I'm a vampire, for God's sake! Our throats tend to be annoyingly sensitive.

"Stop that," I hissed, finally posting the story. 'Thor's Humiliation', he'd decided to call it. Quite a convenient name.

"You like it," Loki breathed back, mouth against my ear.

"A bit like you like being spanked?" I asked smartly, leaning over to put the laptop down on the bedside table.

There was a blur of movement and suddenly I found myself on my back with the god on top of me, smirking dangerously. I could push him off me no problem, but I held still.

"Yes." Loki said softly, almost purring. "A bit like that."

When he began to kiss along my throat again, I lost all ability to think.

I woke late the next morning to Loki wiggling around against my chest. I cracked my eyes open and pulled him closer. "Stop moving around." I said sleepily.

"Unhand me." Loki hissed, moving more just to annoy me. "I can hardly breathe. Do all consorts have this problem?"

I shrugged non-committedly, making no move to let go. "Ask Andrew or Inkrata later. Maybe they get squashed too."

Loki reached behind my head to grasp my dark red hair and give a sharp tug at it. I grunted and pulled back slightly. "I like how you point out that I'm getting squashed, and yet you make no move to give me some breathing room. Let. Go. Of. Me. For. Two. Seconds."

"You're no fun." I groused, loosening my embrace. Loki pulled away slightly, but softened the blow by turning around so he was facing me, leaning in for a kiss. "Is that your way of making up for it?"

"Sort of." Loki smirked, resting his head on my chest. I ran my fingers through his hair absentmindedly, looking at the laptop on the table.

"I wonder if anyone has looked at the story yet?"

Loki pulled back to look at me, excitement and some guilt in his eyes. "I think I might have lost you some subscribers, with that one."

I smirked. "I don't know about that. You might have gained me some, delving into the Avengers fandom. Even if it was a seriously twisted one." I stretched a little and slipped out of bed. "Lets get downstairs. We're probably missing breakfast. And we can see if anyone has seen the story yet."

Loki sat up, suddenly looking doubtful. "Do you think they will?"

"Oh, don't worry," I grinned knowingly. "Darcy Lewis is one of my subscribers. They'll see it."

Right on cue, we heard a couple of high-pitched laughs from downstairs. My consort and I swapped knowing looks. "They've seen it."

We hurriedly dressed and went quietly downstairs, trying not to giggle too much or too loudly. It became increasingly difficult as we heard Barton's voice hoot "Thor the God of Impotency! HAHHHHHHHHHHH! This is the most awesomely hilarious thing I've ever read!"

"Oooh, that's a tough call," I couldn't see Stark, but I just knew he was smirking like a loon. "What about that little one about all of us on Loki? THAT was awesome." I had one glance at Loki's face and almost gave us away from laughing. His expression was somewhere between horrified and pissed, as he had clearly recognized what story Stark was talking about (pretty unlucky for him, the first fanfic he ever read being what Tamra declared to be the most pornographic thing she had ever read in fanfiction).

"No this is better," Barton insisted, still giggling. "None of us are getting fucked senseless in this. Actually, it's the opposite." He started laughing harder, and I heard a thump that I rather suspected was him falling off a chair.

"I can't decide what's funnier," I whispered hoarsely. "That they've read and liked Whose turn is it, anyway?, or that they've willingly looked up porn about themselves."

"Whose turn is it, anyway? was NOT funny, it was mortifying." Loki hissed in annoyance.

"Because you were the one acting like a slut?" I guessed, then ducked as my consort lunged at me. "I don't know why you're complaining, you do it for me all the – OW!"

"You are going to pay for that," Loki scowled, stilled with a fistful of my hair. "Later."

Before I could reply, we were both startled by Thor's booming "WHAT?!"

Not daring to look at each other, we peeked around the corner at the foot of the stairs into the main living room. Clint Barton, Tony Stark and Darcy Lewis all sat together on one of the couches (or at least stark and Darcy were sitting; Clint was sort of rolling on the floor). Thor had come up behind them and had clearly been reading over their shoulders, if his expression was anything to go by. He looked so outraged, horrified and humiliated… I wished I had a camera.

"What is this?" he asked in an expressionless voice.

Darcy and Stark looked slightly nervous, unlike Clint, who was still too busy rolling on the floor in now silent hysterics. "It's, uh, fanfiction." Darcy weakly tried to explain. "Where people try to write stories about people they don't know. Famous people, or fictional characters." She shrugged apologetically. "This one's just slightly messed up."

"It's great," Clint choked. "Messed up, but great."

"God of Impotency," Thor repeated, in the same flat voice. I heard sniggering and saw Fandral behind Thor, trying desperately not to laugh too hard. Thor turned slightly to glare at him before turning back. "Who wrote this?"

"No one knows. Everyone uses pseudonyms," Stark ran a hand threw his dark hair.

"It's one of my favourite authors." Darcy added.

"Right." Thor said flatly, only the glint in his eyes giving away how angry he really was. "If anyone else starts calling me the God of Impotency, I will clout the lot of you. Do NOT say anything about this to ANYone. Got it?"

"Yes sir," Stark said meekly. Thor only scowled and stomped off, glaring Fandral into silence. Once he was out of the room, Clint, Stark and Darcy burst into muffled giggles.

"The God of TESTY Impotency," Stark whispered, making Clint smack his head on the coffee table leg in his laughter.

Loki and I couldn't last much longer. We quickly rushed back up the stairs to our room. As soon as we were in and I'd closed the door we collapsed in explosive laughter, crumpling to the floor, clutching at each other. My face and sides hurt from laughing so hard. This had definitely made my week, let alone my day.

"That…" Loki choked out, rocking back and forward. "Was… perfect! Just perfect!" he drew in a shuddering breath, and burst into more giggles at the memory of Thor's face. Finally he managed to pull himself together enough to grin at me. "Thanks for letting me put that up."

"No prob," I gasped, wiping my eyes. "Although if Thor ever works out it was us we'll get flayed alive."

"I'm not sure I care," Loki snorted. He leaned back against the wall, sighing. "I need to write another of those. When will the opportunity arise?"

I sighed. This could go on a LOOOOONNNGGG time…

Notes:
This is part of a longer multi-chapter fic I'm currently working on. But since I'm in the middle of exams, it might take a while to put it up. This story is set just after.

In regards to this story, I plan to have some of the Avengers do something embarrassing (but not sexual!) which Loki and Durante turn into something disturbing online. Any suggestions for what the 'situations' might be are more than welcome!

Also: 'Whose turn is it, anyway? is a real fanfic on Archive of Our Own, by FrostIron_ed. And the story Loki reads that gives him the idea is 'Private Bookmark?' by storiesfortravellers. I definitely bookmarked it!