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Rick and Morty - Crystal Clear

Chapter 1

Rick, as usual, was in his garage constructing some sort of invention. Rick hadn't gone on any adventures recently, so naturally Rick was looking for an excuse to escape the repetitive cycle that is human life. He had plenty of alien liquor, plenty of crystals for his portal gun as charging material, among other things. After trying one of the screws in the invention for some time, he stopped in frustration and reached for his drink across the table.

Shatter

Damn. He didn't notice the cluster of crystals in between him and his drink, and it ended up in pieces. Just great, now I have to get more. He needed those crystals for the invention he was working on and now that it was everywhere on the floor in millions of tiny pieces, it was useless. On the bright side, he had an excuse to go on adventures again. He picked up the pieces in the matter of seconds with another of his inventions. Although they were useless for his new invention, the pieces could be used for something else. After putting the unfinished invention away, he went to go to wake up Morty.

Rick made his way up the stairs to Morty's room. He couldn't see very well but he'd learned the house by memory. Neat ability. He opened the door like he usually does, not giving much of a fuck for the dresser behind the door.

Rick: Yo, Morty, you wanna-

Morty: Holy shit, Rick!

Rick: Oh, oh god. Morty, put that away!

It was at this moment that Rick realized his grandson was at that age. Yes, that's the one.

Rick: Morty, lock the fucking door if you're gonna do that. (covers his eyes a bit so he doesn't see Morty's... bulge) I don't think anyone would like the first thing they see to be a penis when they enter a room.

Morty: Are you kidding me, Rick? Don't put this on-on me! You're supposed to knock first.

Rick: Since when does anyone knock anymo- Nevermind, just put your pants on.

Morty did as he was told.

Rick: Alright, Morty. (damn, can't get that image out of my head now. Ugh.) W-w-we gotta go find some crystals. We've waited too long f-for an -urp-AAaadventure, Morty.

Morty: Rick, ugh, can't this wait?

Rick: Morty, I-I-I-I know how much you wanna go back in there and jerk off till you get calluses on your dick, but this is important, Morty. You can jerk off to Jessica later.

Morty: Rick, don't-don't say things like that. It's awkward.

Rick: Whatever, horndog.

Rick and Morty were on their way to the Garage to get ready for their first adventure in weeks. It was too long.

Rick: Hey, Morty. Pass me the-the thing on the sh-urp-EEelf over there, by the screwdriver.

Morty: This, Rick?

Rick: Yeah, we gotta do some scouting for a dimension with crystals like the one I had, before I broke it.

After some scouting, Rick had found a pretty suitable dimension. The planet he chose was an alternate Earth, although the crystals are somewhat common there. It was good enough.

Rick: Yo, Morty, I found one. Get off your ass and get in the car.

Morty: *sigh* Alright.

Rick and Morty flew through the portal and ended up flying in a town of some sort. It was coastal, so there's that. Rick hadn't actually been to the beach in a while (earth beach, mind you).

Rick: H-hey, before we do any actual adventuring, I'm-I'm gonna buy some booze. I'm starting to run out. Sit tight, Morty. You're old enough to be in here. I think. I don't know the laws here.

Morty: Oh, um... alright Rick. But what if someone tries to hurt me?

Rick: Uhmmm... take the gun in the glove compartment, and use that. Oh, and if by some stupid chance the gun doesn't work or they grab it and throw it, don't be scared to play dirty. I've survived a few fights playing like that, Morty. Bite them, or hit 'im in the n-urp-UUuts if it c-comes to that.

Morty: Oh, ok Rick.

Rick made his way to the closest store, and parked in the back. Shit, he forgot he doesn't have money from this dimension. Hopefully the money's the same. He didn't feel like kicking the cashier's ass and stealing the booze again. As he entered the store, he noticed there were two teenagers at the counter. Oh great, two hormone-fueled sacks of shit. The girl there was a little short and stubby, the boy was tall and thin.

Girl: Hi, sir, welcome to the-

Rick: Yeah, yeah, I g-urp-Oot it. Just give me some booze. (pulled out his wallet and started taking bills out of it)

Girl: I'm sorry, sir. We don't serve alcoholic beverages here.

Boy: Listen, geezer, either buy something from behind the glass here or beat it.

Rick: What did you call me? (quickly moves to the counter and grabs the kid by the collar, pulling out his Laser gun from his pocket and putting the end under the kid's chin) WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?

Morty was sitting silently in the car. Ohhhh, man, I'm getting horny again. He couldn't control his thoughts. Jessica in sexy poses, moaning and groaning Morty's name. Geez. Maybe a quickie couldn't hurt. He was about to grab his member when he heard screaming coming from the store. Oh, man. What did Rick do now? Morty pulled out the gun from the glove compartment, in case Rick couldn't be reasoned with. He hoped to God that wouldn't happen. He made his way to the store, pushing the glass door as quickly as he could.

Rick: You little shit! Take that back!

Girl: Stop! Let him go!

Morty: Rick! Stop! It's not worth it! Just put the gun down!

Rick turned his head a little so he could see Morty and the kid with the shitty attutide at the same time. He saw Morty with the gun in his hands aimed at him.

Rick: Morty, don't do this!

Morty: I-i-if I can't reason with you Rick, I'll use it. I-I-I-I won't hesitate.

Rick: Morty!

Morty: I'm serious, Rick! He's not worth it! Just let the guy go!

Rick looked back and forth at Morty and the kid. Little punk has fear in his eyes. Made him feel superior. But Rick analyzed the situation and pulled back. Morty did as well.

Rick: Little bitch. C'mon, Morty. There's no booze here. It's just a stupid pastry shop.

Rick made sure there weren't any cops as he was getting out. Some places had silent alarms, but it looks like he was in the clear.

Rick: C'mon Morty, hurry to the car before someone shows up.

They speedwalked toward the car, in case anyone could see them. Didn't want to attract attention.

Rick: Okay, we're safe, Morty.

?: Oh, I wouldn't be so sure about that.

The voice came from behind them. It wasn't one of the teenagers, voice was less annoying. Instead it was calmer and controlled. Thankfully, Rick had been in situations like this before, so he knew what to do. He quickly dropped towards the ground, dragging Morty with him, since the poor kid didn't know what was coming. As soon as they hit the ground, the sound of an object, likely a limb, is heard wooshing over their heads. Rick rolled his body quickly, pushing Morty away so he would roll too, out of the way of an anticipated attack. A crack is heard and tiny bits of asphalt are sent upwards. Rick took out his laser gun and shot in the attacker's direction, but they were too fast. Rick quickly got up and dragged the confused yet scared Morty across the asphalt, to the other side of the car. Rick opened the door and quickly tossed Morty inside, then diving towards the driver's seat, closing the door behind him. Just in time, too, as the car door gets hit, causing a dent. Rick locked and started the car. The car was rising, and Rick felt like he just escaped when a sudden drop is felt. He looked back and the attacker was holding on to the car.

?: Stop!

Rick flicked the engines to maximum power, and the momentary blast of heat and energy caused the attacker to lose their grip and fall off. Rick opened the window and stuck his head out, giving the finger.

Rick: Ha! Nice try, bi-urp-Iiiitch!

Rick suddenly put his head back in as a chunk of asphalt flew past where his head just was. Shit, who the fuck is this?! He returned fire, but the shadowy figure dodged and started chasing after them, with such incredible speed.

Morty: Rick?! What the hell is happening?!

Rick: I don't know Morty. Must be this dimension's version of a cop. Morty, pull out your gun and shoot the bastard! And don't hesitate! Bitch might damage the car, and w-urp-Eere sitting ducks if that happens!

Morty wanted to protest, but he didn't want to go to jail. After seeing that person... yeah no thank you. He opened his window and shot at the attacker. They dodged a few shots before Morty got a hit. The attacker exclaimed, stopped, and suddenly...

Poof.

Morty: Rick, did you see that?

Rick: Yeah, I saw the shot, Morty. Wasn't that impressive.

Morty: No, I mean what happened to the guy after. He just went up in smoke.

Rick: What?

Rick looked back and saw a dissipating cloud where the person was. Morty's gun was only supposed to shoot lasers that carved holes through bodies, like if they were swiss cheese.

Rick: We gotta check it out, Morty. Gun's not supposed to do that.

Rick steered the car and landed next to where the attacker presumably died, then got out and examined the scene.

Rick: Morty, I-I-I don't see any remains. I think they were disintegrated somehow.

Morty: Look, they dropped some rocks!

Rick: Huh. Ruby and Sapphire. I bet I could sell these online for a lot of money. These are pretty big, Morty.

Rick put them in his pocket. Although these aren't the crystals he was searching for, it was a bonus.

?: What did you do to Garnet?!