Why?
A week ago my wold collapsed. A week ago I lost every thing. A week ago nothing was fine. A week ago was the day I died.
A strong word died. But I have. I'm no longer living. I have no heart beat. However you want to put it. Its my one week die-aversery. I said I hated people who celebrated there closer to death day. But I was one of them people. I, Jadelyn August West, have nothing. You would call me a ghost, but I'm not. You could say I'm alive, but I'm not. You could say I am a liar, but I'm not.
You could say I'm a ruthless, conceited, daughter of a bitch, gank, and I am. You could say I didn't deserve Beck, and I didn't. You could say I destroyed my life, and I did. You could say I committed suicide, and I did.
Yes I, Jadelyn August West, committed suicide on the 17th of November. I, Jadelyn August West, have made my friends and family depressed. I, Jadelyn August West, had too much stress in life. I, Jadelyn August West, jumped of the Hollywood sign. I, Jadelyn August West, ended my own life.
You might think, oh my god why did you do that. You might think, you little evil bastard how dare you kill your self. You might think wasnt there someone there to stop you. You may think, why the hell do it think of everyone you idiotic little girl.
It depends on your brain. Mines negative. That's why I jumped. Beck's brain is positive that's why I didn't let him see my die. Cat's brain, if she has one, is like a controller of a x-box or something, you can say something and she does. Her, Catarina Valentine saw me die.
You might say I'm an evil bitch, and I am. You might say that I've traumatized her, and I probably have. You might just think why, and I have as well.
Why?
Why did I do this? Why did I want to? Why did Cat watch? Why...Why...
Why did I do this?
Probably the simplest why. I needed to get rid of my life. Too many people had suffered for me. And to many people wished I would just die and burn in hell. So I did.
Why did I want to?
Is a different matter. I first thought of it when me and Beck was having a fight. We had recently moved into a flat together. We started fighting over something stupid like turning the TV off instead of standby or something. Then it kept going untill after 4 hours of the non-stop fight about everything Beck ran to our room and I guessed he packed everything because he came out with a suitcase, filled.
He said I was the worst girlfriend on Earth and if I died no one would care I should better die quicker before you get attached to anyone as they wont like you. I said he had a positive brain, maybe not always. I stayed standing in the very spot he walked out on me and stood there crying my heart out alone. I couldn't bear it any more. So many people hated me. Beck might have just been angry at that point of time but so many other people did. The only person who didn't was Cat I needed her so at 3 in the morning I put my shoes on and headed to her flat.
I called her cell phone two times before she picked up. Cat said she would meet me out side her block. She did. And I drove her to the place I had dreamed about going but never went. I looked at it to decide what letter. I choose the O as it was an eternal shape like the ring on my neck. Also it seemed easy to climb.
I told Cat to sit down on the slightly wet ground. I think she thought I was getting food but it was a completely different story. She looked confused so I shouted and she shone her phone at me. I was on top of the letter. I shouted her to record me. I heard a rather loud click so I decided that was my cue. I swung my arms and jumped as high as I could. I held my arm out like an angle.
It felt like I was flying. "Jade, Jade" I kept hearing Cat call after me but that was it I felt the ground and it felt like it was broken and I was the glue. I was ment to be there. I was ment to be famous. I was ment to say 'I Love You Beckett Oliver' But it was on my phone. It never got sent.
So there is my story of how I died. No end. No beginning. Pointless fights lead into bigger out of hand situations. I never cared as much for my boyfriend as I needed to. I never treated my friends right. Tori Vega, André Harris, Robbie Shapiro all hated me. I was to conceited and stubborn and a bitch. I needed my friends and my friends needed me. But I was to bitchy to understand.
My boyfriend loved me. My boyfriend cared for me. He was everything. So positive. The only one I really listened to. But then again the last words he said to me were 'if I died no one would care I should better die quicker before you get attached to anyone as they wont like you.' But anger does that to you. How could I blame him. I'm such a bitchy, daughter of the devil, asshole. But oh well whats done's done.
You might say I wasted my life, and I did. You my say that Beck loved me and that he was just fed up with the fight, and he was. You may think why I brought Cat, as I wanted comfort with my last few moments.
You might still think I'm alive, I wish I was. You may wonder how I'm still can do all this if I'm dead, well I might have no heart but I have a mind and soul. You may think this is a stupid story, it might be but Its MY STORY of how I died.
All I have left to say is...
I WOULD DO ANY THING TO HAVE
MY LIFE BACK
Why: Part 2
I had a stupid fight with my girlfriend. I said she should die soon. I walked out on her. Then she died.
You might say I should think before you say stuff, and your right. You might say I'm the biggest jerk ever, and your right. You might say that it was a stupid fight and I love her, and your right.
I was to angry at her that time. Who wouldn't have been? A four-hour fight with Jadelyn August West is not fun. Are fights were normally quick and easy to fix. But not FOUR BLOODY HOURS though. The words came to my mouth as I wanted to sat the last words. I wouldn't let her win, but she didn't want me to win.
To many people miss judge her. To many people hate her. To many people have given up on her. Tori started hating her once we got back together again. André gave up on her to quick. No hope. No faith. Robbie was a scared wimp who never liked her to begin with. Her parents, well her moms on a different drug every week and her dad abandoned her, like no one knows where he is. The only people who never gave up on her is me and Cat, so she gave up on us.
She never had enough love. She never had any from her parents. Any from her 'friends'. Only me and Cat. We will always be there. She might not be breathing but she is still there.
So I am an idiot for giving up hope. I am very sorry for what I did to cause her to die. I am still very in love with Jadelyn August West.
I will never love some one the same. I will never have the last words. I will never be that low. But I will always be with Jade, no matter what.
Even though I'm extremely sad, Cats like can't think straight. Her heads gone bad and negative. No happy, fun little red. Shes also dyeing her hair back brown. No more happiness. No one else cares that she's gone. None of her family as most are on drugs or dead or dead because of drugs. No friends, all gave up. Cat and me. Me and Cat we keep going. She maybe struggling but she still 'talks to Jade'. Its cute.
Saturday 17th of November was the day Jade died but Saturday 24th of November we're still holding on. And me and Cat will never let go. Tori has been trying to replace Jade already talking to Cat and replacing the best friend slot. Man, I hate Tori. Trina has tried making a move on me. Scrap what I said about Tori, I hate the Vega sisters. André has been a bit sympathetic. Only a smidge bit. Robbie, well no ones seen Robbie for about two days. Strange.
The gang is broken. Lost one member, broken the circle.
Even though we're broken there's still some glue to keep us together. It just about keeps us right. You may think I don't sound sympathetic but I am never good to get my emotions out.
I don't know what to do though now. Jade was so determined I just did what she wanted. My life seems not worth living, but I'm not a copy cat. I sneak into my mom and dads room and look for my dads secret draw. I finally got it and took a bottle of Jack Daniels. I put it in my pocket and go to my old RV whats still parked at the front. I drink the whole bottle in one go and get into my car and speed along the busy street.
I didn't know what I was doing I ended up at the Valentine house. With another bottle I nicked. I banged on the door and she let me in. She looked at me surprised but lead me to her bedroom as she didn't want her brother invading us.
We got there and she saw my drink. She asked for a little bit as she's never drunk before. It was like seeing the old Cat. We started talking then we went out driving along the street sing at the top of our voices. Well that was untill we heard the cops. Great. We pulled over and we did a drunk test and we had to pay then 4,000 dollars and give them my car. Greater.
So after I said good-bye to my life savings I went to the flat as my parents wouldn't be happy. Even though I lost everything I had some fun. The most I had for 2 weeks.
I miss Jade but you still have to live you can't just be depressed all your life. The fight was pointless and didnt mean a thing, but those small things can create something bigger then you ever thought. She killed her self for me shouting at her and walking out. What was the point? She wasted her life for me to be happy.
All I have left to say is...
I WOULD DO ANYTHING TO
HAVE NOT HAD THAT
FIGHT SO JADE
WOULD STILL
BE HERE
AND THAT WOULD BE THE GREATEST THING EVER:
TO HAVE A AMAZING GIRLFRIEND