AN: So I've always wanted to wirte a Sirius/Lily story, since I think the couple can work really well, and I just gave it a shot. I hope I made it believable and not too ooc. The title refers to the song "When love and death embrace" by HIM, as I was listening to it when I came up with the idea for this story (But this is no song-fic in any way). The two quotes are from Max Payne (the game).
When love and pain embrace – A Lily/Sirius fanficition
'Sometimes, something good comes out of it.
Something you know you wouldn't deserve in a million years.'
Sirius Black impatiently paced through the living room of his very exquisite and comfortable flat in London. He didn't feel at ease tonight, something was amiss but he couldn't quite place what it was. It was almost midnight and he couldn't sleep, however any other options didn't appeal to him either. He didn't want to get drunk and pick up a random girl in a bar; neither did he want to sit home alone with a book or something.
Sirius decided it was best if he went over to Godric's Hollow and had a little talk with his best friend James Potter. That was always a good way to get rid of his weird mood. He picked up his leather jacket and keys form the coffee table and headed out into the freezing night. The dark blue sky was inviting him for a ride on his motorbike, so he decided to fly instead of apparating. He climbed onto his most precious possession and with a loud roar of the engine headed for the cloudless sky. The cold wind of the chilly autumn night hit him in the face and Sirius closed his eyes, enjoying the numbing sensation the icy air was bringing him. Time passed by quickly as he flew the well-known path to the village where he had spent the happiest times of his youth.
When he saw the bright lights of the small village called Godric's Hollow, he pulled his bike lower until he felt a soft thump and was back on the road. He reduced the speed and slowly drove down the main street. He didn't want to scare the poor muggles with his flying motorbike, Lily would probably kill him if he did, Sirius thought with a small smile on his lips. But no, he couldn't think of her, not tonight, not when his feelings were messed up already. He rolled through the silent streets, passing by many sweet, cosy houses. Since it was rather late, the windows were mostly dark, but as he reached James' and Lily's house, he was relieved to see that their lights were still on. He carefully parked his bike behind the house, so no curious passers-by would be able to see it.
Slowly he walked through the still garden, inhaling deeply, savouring the fresh air flowing through his lungs, before slowly breathing out again. He stopped dead in his tracks however, when he looked through the living room window and saw Lily sitting on the couch, gazing thoughtfully into the vast, blue sky. She was as beautiful as always, with her deep red hair cascading down her shoulders in soft waves, framing her perfect face and highlighting the flawless ivory skin and the stunning emerald green eyes. Those sparkling green eyes always captured him with their intense but at the same time warm and loving gaze.
Sirius couldn't help but stare at Lily, while his thoughts drifted into the past, to an evening he would never be able to forget.
"She said yes Sirius! Lily finally said yes!" James cried joyfully, jumping around like a four year old boy who had just gotten a broom for his birthday. "If that isn't worth a party, then what is?" He grinned at Sirius expectantly as if to dare him to come up with something else.
Ignoring the painful feeling in the pit of his stomach, Sirius flashed him a wicked grin of his own "Alright Prongs, you take the cloak and get us some booze and I will go down to the great hall and invite everyone I find. No snakes of course." He added as an afterthought, thinking of the slimy appearance that was Severus Snape.
Just as James was halfway up the stairs to the boys' dormitory to get his famous invisibility cloak, Sirius called after him "Better get lots of booze, I'm planning on getting drunk tonight."
His best friend turned around, a mischievous smirk playing on his face "Who do you think I am, Padfoot? You better hurry up, the party is supposed to start at ten and it's already nine fifteen." With a nod at James, Sirius climbed through the portrait hole, and made his way to the great hall. He was eager to invite some chicks from Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff, so there were at least a few girls at the party he hadn't dated before. Those parties with only Gryffindors were getting boring, since he had already gone out with every halfway pretty girl. Except for Lily of course.
Two hours later, Sirius was already drunk (although not as plastered as he wished to be) lounging in a comfy red armchair with some hot blonde chick from Ravenclaw on his lap. What was her name again? Laura? Leslie? Well, something with L, that's for sure. Anyway...Never mind.
James and Moony were seated opposite of him, while Peter was getting more firewhiskey for them. Prongs was grinning from ear to ear (like he had the whole evening) while Remus looked at his love-drunken best friend amusedly. "So where's your sweetheart, James? Shouldn't she be here celebrating with you?" Remus addressed the happy marauder next to him. James looked puzzled for a moment, but then the smile was back on his face and he answered playfully "Well Moony, you know Lily...she isn't quite the party girl. She was here earlier, but she told me she needed some quiet and left. But before..." there he made a pause, and flashed them a mischievous smile "...she gave me a peck on the cheek" he finished excitedly, obviously very pleased with himself.
Remus could barely contain his laughter at the happy face his friend was making, Sirius on the other hand wasn't even trying and burst out laughing. "Wow, Prongs, you really got it going with her. Next time you two will probably be holding hands!" and with that Sirius broke into barking laugh again. At first James looked a bit hurt at his supposedly best friend's words, but then he joined in the laughter and only directed a half-hearted "Shut up" at Sirius.
"What's so funny?" a squeaky voice from behind asked. "Nothing, Peter" Sirius answered in a dismissive tone and took the full bottle of firewhiskey out of his hands. "Ready for another round, boys" he asked cheerfully and without waiting for an answer he poured them all another shot. He took his glass and lifted it for a toast, while the other marauders and that Ravenclaw girl (Lexie? No, not quite) mimicked his movements and waited for him to say something.
"Here's to James and his beloved Lily who finally declared there undying love for each other!" Sirius exclaimed gleefully, although you could here a bitter edge, if you listened close enough. Fortunately James wasn't a real close listener, and he just smiled good-natured. "I really wouldn't go that far as to say she declared her love, but close enough. So cheers!" he lifted his glass and emptied it in one gulp. The other four followed suit, all feeling the hot liquid burn down their throats, making it impossible to breathe for a few seconds.
The girl on his lap (Lisa? No, that wasn't her name either) brought her mouth to Sirius' ear and whispered teasingly "Maybe you and I go find some private place, so I can show you my love!" for the other marauders to hear clearly. Sirius turned to them, his grey eyes sparkling with mischief "Well boys, you heard her, I'm out of here!" and he lifted the girl from his lap, standing up as gracefully as his drunken state would allow.
"Don't do anything I wouldn't do, Padfoot" James called after him and Sirius turned to give his best friend a knowing wink, before climbing through the portrait hole and pulling his girl behind him.
"What do you say we go to the Astronomy tower? You have a great view of the beautiful night sky up there" the black haired, charming marauder suggested seductively, running his hands up and down the soft skin of her arms, causing goose bumps to erupt on her skin.
She giggled nervously and nodded her agreement, so Sirius took her by the hand and led her through the labyrinth of corridors. Just when he stepped outside onto the open balcony at the top of the tower, he noticed that they were not alone and with a shock he saw Lily sitting with her back against the wall of the castle, her emerald green eyes looking thoughtfully into the vast dark sky. The moonlight sparkled in her eyes like a thousand stars; it illuminated her red hair and porcelain skin in such a beautiful way that he couldn't take his eyes off her.
When Lily heard the door creak open, she turned around to see who interrupted her silence, only to be greeted with a sight that broke her heart all over again.
She quickly averted her eyes, fixing them on the black night sky again.
The blonde girl giggled lightly and moved back into the castle "It seems this place is already taken. Let's go somewhere else Sirius" she proposed and tried to tug him with her. He however didn't move a bit and without taking his eyes off Lily, he took his hand out of the girl's. "I'll be there in a second love, why don't you wait for me in the common room?" he suggested sweetly, although his tone left no room for objection. "O…Okay" she answered weakly, shutting the door behind her as she left.
The two of them were silent for awhile, both captured in a whirl of thoughts and emotions.
"What are you doing out here?" Sirius asked curiously.
Lily still didn't look at him.
When she answered her voice was cold and void of emotion. "As if you would care Black!"
Without giving her any response whatsoever, Sirius stepped to the balustrade of the tower, his grey eyes gazing out into the night. He appeared calm and collected, but on the inside his emotions were boiling. As he spun around to face her, not able to hold himself back anymore, he saw that she had stood up. A single tear was sliding down her pale cheek, her emerald eyes a pool of twirling emotions.
Within two seconds, Sirius had her pinned against the cold stone wall, his grey eyes fixed on hers in an angry stare.
"You have no right to do this to me, Lily! Not tonight, not ever!" he hissed menacingly.
The way she looked at him then, so sorrowful and heartbroken, made all his self control crumble to the ground and he crashed his lips on hers in a fervent kiss.
The world exploded around him as he tasted Lily's soft lips on his and breathed in the scent of her hair. It smelled like a field of flowers in the warm summer rain, making his head all dizzy.
He let his fingers run through her velvety locks, enjoying the sensation on his hands and pulled her even closer to him. Sirius caressed her lips gently with his tongue, silently asking her to deepen the kiss. She granted him the access to her mouth, moaning lightly when his tongue met hers.
He had waited for this so long, he had dreamed about it every day, and now that Lily was finally here with him, it was better than he ever imagined. Her gentle, slender fingers had found their way to the buttons of his black shirt and painfully slowly she began to open each on of them until she finally pushed the shirt off his shoulders and let her hands run over his exposed skin in a feather-like touch.
Sirius ground out in frustration. He couldn't wait any longer; she was driving him crazy, setting his skin on fire with every touch.
He broke their kiss only to pull her forest green dress over her head and dropping it to the floor next to his shirt.
Her ivory skin was gleaming in the moonlight, her auburn hair falling onto her bare shoulders in tender waves. His hands roamed over her body, trying to commit every little bit of her soft skin to memory. Lily let out a soft sigh of pleasure and tangled her hands into his thick black hair, meanwhile pressing her slim figure closer to him.
Sirius couldn't hold back the deep moan that escaped his lips when he felt her body pressed up so close and perfect to his own. Within seconds he had cast aside her bra and panties, admiring her flawless body glowing in the pale moonlight. He started placing light kisses down her neck, until he found her pulse point and sank down his teeth into her soft flesh, making her shiver with excitement.
Whilst he was kissing every part of her skin he could reach, she slid her hands down to his belt, quickly opened it and pushed down his trousers and boxers, leaving him as naked as she was. When her soft fingers brushed against his erect member, Sirius couldn't contain himself any longer. He hoisted her up so that her legs were around his waist and entered her in one swift move. Lily cried out in ecstasy, her emerald eyes fluttering shut.
He picked up the pace, grounding in and out of her faster and faster, while he watched her enjoy the pleasure he was giving her. Her skin was covered in cold sweat, glistening in the white light; her red hair was ruffled and clung to her face in various places. He could still see the salty streak her tear had left, but gods, she had never looked more beautiful.
He could feel her getting closer to the edge, she was panting heavily, and he passionately claimed her lips as he drove in and out of her even faster. Her moan was muffled by his mouth on hers and when she finally came, her walls tightening around him, he came undone, emptying himself in her.
They stood there for several minutes, breathing heavily until at last he pulled out of her and the got dressed, a heavy silence weighing upon them.
Grey eyes met green eyes one last time, their gaze twirling with all the emotions they couldn't say out loud.
Suddenly Sirius broke the connection and headed to the door. Before he went out however, he stopped and without looking at her, he simply said "You said yes to him" and with that he was gone and the door fell shut behind him. He never saw how Lily sank to the ground, tears streaming down her face.
Sirius blinked the memory away, but the images of Lily's soft, porcelain skin, her half parted cherry red lips and those emerald green eyes looking at him, and only him, came rushing back. All he wanted for her to be in his arms again, for her to be his alone and not James'. But deep down he knew he could never have her. She had chosen James, and he had too. She loved his best friend and not him and that broke his heart more than he wanted to admit.
Pushing all these thoughts from his mind, he made his way to the front door of the small cottage and rang the bell. A few seconds later the door was opened and he met those emerald, warm eyes again.
"Sirius! What are you doing here so late at night? Did something happen?" Lily asked him, her voice thick with worry.
"No, no, nothing happened" he told her reassuringly. "I just wanted to talk to James. Is he at home?" he required, desperately wishing for his best friend to be home so he wouldn't have to spend the evening with Lily, James' girlfriend and the woman he was in love with.
She gave him an apologetic look "No he's on a meeting with Dumbledore, I'm sorry. Do you want to come in?"
'Oh no, no, no...'
"Yeah of course" he answered instead and stepped into the warm house. Lily gestured for him to go to the living room and sit down. "Have a seat! Do you want a butterbeer or anything?"
He nodded and made himself comfortable on the green couch, hanging his precious leather jacket over the backrest.
"So was there anything specific you wanted to talk about with James?" Lily's voice sounded from the nearby kitchen.
"Not really. Just a bit of men talk I guess..." he answered slowly, contemplating the question. Actually he had no idea why he felt the need to talk to Prongs tonight, but somehow it had felt like the only right thing to do.
When Lily came back into the living room, holding two bottles of butterbeer, Sirius was amazed at how beautiful she looked in only sweatpants and a simple forest green sweater. She handed him one of the bottles and then cautiously sat down next to him and took a sip of her own butterbeer.
Then they were silent for several minutes. Sirius didn't know what to say to her, so he kept quiet, staring intently at his bottle as if all the answers were written on the label. They hadn't been alone together since that fateful night in their seventh year in Hogwarts.
It was Lily who broke the silence after all.
"James asked me to marry him."
At her words Sirius heart clenched painfully and he felt as if he couldn't breathe anymore. He kept his fixed on his bottle, trying to calm down. He should've known something like this was gonna happen tonight, his instinct was almost always right. But although he had expected this engagement for quite some time, the truth of it felt like a punch in the face.
Before he could stop himself a question escaped his mouth he rather didn't want to be answered.
"So what did you say?"
As she didn't reply, Sirius turned to look at her. His grey eyes landed on her emerald green ones and the answer he was dreading was written all over them. He couldn't look at her anymore, it was too much. He quickly stood up.
"I have to leave" was all he mumbled to her, while grabbing his jacket and heading to the door. He had to get as far away from her as possible. Right in this moment he wasn't sure whether he loved or hated her, whether he still loved James or hated him for taking Lily away from him. The only thing he was sure of was that he hated himself for coming here tonight.
Before he could reach the door however, a small hand grabbed his hand, willing him to stop.
"Please Sirius, don't leave" Lily pleaded with him. When he slowly turned, he saw tears streaming down her beautiful face and he was once again certain that he loved her. He couldn't bear to see her as heartbroken as he felt himself.
"I'm sorry Lily, but I…I can't …"he broke off not knowing what to say to her. She looked at him expectantly, her eyes still brimming with tears, but also an emotion in them he couldn't quite place.
"Why?" she asked simply, and he couldn't hold his emotions back any longer.
"Why? You seriously have to ask me why? Because, Lily, because I love you, I love you so much it hurts!"
A sad smile was on her face as she gently put her hands under his chin and made him look at her.
"Don't you think I love you too, Sirius?" she whispered, "I love you so much that my heart breaks every time I see you. But we can't... we just can't..." Contrary to what she said, her head moved closer to his until her lips were pressed on his in a soft, desperate kiss. His hands snuck around her waist, pulling her as close as physically possible. Now that he had her in his arms again, possessiveness flared up in him and he wanted to never, ever let her go again. Screw James, screw everyone, right now Lily belonged to him and her body was his to explore, his to enjoy.
Without either of them consciously realizing it, they made their way to the bedroom, discarding their clothes on the hard wood floor, never once breaking their heated kiss.
Finally he could touch her soft, ivory skin again. He ran his fingers over her flat stomach and up to her breasts, eliciting a breathy moan from Lily. He could taste her sweet mouth again, explore it ruthlessly with his tongue, arousing a passion he only ever felt with Lily.
How he had missed her, every little part of her. From her slender fingers (running smoothly up and down his back, scratching ever so lightly) to her wild red mane and the smell of flowers, that was so uniquely her.
And after all this time, finally they were one again, their hot, sweaty bodies melting together, moving in unison and nothing else existed but them.
Their lips were locked in a breathtaking kiss, neither of them would ever forget.
The world became a blur of emotions; love and pain, desperation and hope, heat and passion. Sirius could feel himself getting closer to the edge, a fire building inside him that burned all thoughts out of his head, leaving behind only the bliss of what it felt like to have Lily's hot, withering body underneath him.
And then he came hard, pumping his sweet release into her, taking her with him to a state of pure ecstasy.
While they both tried to catch their breaths, coming down from the mind-blowing orgasm, Sirius pulled out of her and slumped down next to her on the soft bed.
This time he didn't have the strength to walk away. This time he pulled her close to him, so that her head was lying on his chest and she could feel the fast beating of his heart.
He inhaled deeply, her wonderful scent filling his mind and body, and he thoroughly enjoyed the feeling that was Lily Evans.