Chapter 1: Merry Pulls Away

Oh, how they've grown. I have known them all their lives - Merry and Pippin from the time they were born, and Samwise since he was a young child. They have grown the most since we have returned.

Now I must leave them. I need to, or I will lose myself completely.

I move to Merry first. I have known him the longest. I was there at Brandy Hall when he was born, and was there through his early childhood. His eyes are red and wet with tears. His embrace is gentle, it always has been. Looking at him closely one more time, I cannot help but think of the baby who brought joy when I had no more…

Frodo stared out one of the hundred round windows at Brandy Hall. It was raining, and the rain always reminded him of his parents. It had rained the day he was told his parents had drowned in the river. Two years, it had been, and the tragedy still burned the young tweenager's heart like a heated dagger.

This day, he was alone in the library and Brandy Hall was in an uproar. Frodo, thankfully, escaped the bustle. He knew what the fuss was about. Aunt Esmeralda, the wife of the Master's heir, was delivering her and Uncle Saradoc's first child. Supposedly, it was a very important event, but Frodo didn't take much interest in it. A few babies had been born in the Hall ever since he came to live there. Everyone, especially the lasses, hovered over the wee ones and didn't pay much mind to the older child when the babes were around.

Uncle Sara and Aunt Esme had been his caretaker ever since his parents died. Now he'd truly be forgotten with their new baby around. Frodo sighed, and tried to concentrate on the book in his hands.

Many hours later, there was a shout outside the library door. Frodo jolted upright, the book falling from his lap. He rubbed his eyes, realising he'd fallen asleep. Hurried feet paddled by the door then stopped.

"There you are, lad!" Saradoc exclaimed, rushing into the library. "I'm glad I found you."

"What's going on?" asked Frodo, groggily.

Saradoc grabbed his young cousin's hand, and hauled him away. "Esme had the baby a little while ago. All the relatives have already come in to see him, but I noticed you were not there. Esme, exhausted as she is, was worried about you and told me to go look for you. Frodo, you must come see the baby."

Though it was nice to hear that he was being worried over, Frodo really didn't want to see the baby. He'd see enough of the little one in years to come. But he let Saradoc guide him to the healing room where Esme had given birth.

All the relatives had been chased from the room, and only the midwife remained. Esme was sitting up against the headboard, propped up by many pillows. The baby was in her arms. She looked up when Saradoc and Frodo entered.

"Come see your new cousin, lad," she said, smiling tiredly.

Frodo reluctantly approached the bed, climbing onto the side to get a close look. All babes looked the same to him, but when his eyes fell upon this one, he stared in disbelief. This baby wasn't the same as all the others. There was something special about him that Frodo noticed right away.

The babe's eyes were opened wide, staring right back at him. Frodo reached out a finger to touch the red cheeks, but the babe caught his finger! Frodo laughed, and gently rubbed the babe's cheek with his other hand. Never had this happened before, and it delighted Frodo to no end.

"Have you named him yet?"

"We decided on naming him Meriadoc."

"Meriadoc," Frodo repeated. This one would be different; he just knew it.

"But, I don't want you to go!" the eight-year old child protested through his tears.

Frodo sighed, and knelt down to his little cousin's level - placing a hand on his shoulder. "We've been over this, Merry. I must go. I cannot stay here any longer."

"Do you not love me anymore?"

Oh, no. The little lad was becoming desperate. Frodo did not know how to explain why he had to leave. It was too complicated, sometimes even for him, to understand. There were so many people living in Brandy Hall. When Frodo had come to live there ten years ago, there weren't many children, and though not too quiet and organized, it was peaceful.

Now there had been so many children born in the past few years. It was extremely crowded and hectic anywhere you went in the gigantic smial. Frodo was barely noticed by anyone, even his caretakers. All he had was little Merry, who was Frodo's shadow nearly every hour of the day. He loved his cousin from the deepest space in his heart, but he wasn't happy at the Hall. Only one person seen his unhappiness, and thankfully, it was his elder cousin who lived alone and was becoming rather lonely himself in his old age. That was why Frodo had not hesitated for a second when Bilbo asked him to come live at Bag End.

It wrenched Frodo's heart to know that Merry, who had been such an amazing source of joy in his life, could not keep him from leaving the Hall.

"You are not the reason I'm leaving, Meriadoc," Frodo said slowly and firmly. "I love you so very much, and I wish that you could come with me. But Brandy Hall is your home, and Bag End is my home now. You're always welcome to come stay. In fact," he added with a smile, "I order you to come stay at Bag End as often as you can!"

Merry flung his short arms around his older cousin's neck, and did not let go. He cried on Frodo's shoulder until Saradoc came to take the lad away.

You were a joy to me, Merry. You always will be. I would have been lost at the Hall if it weren't for you. I left you once, and now I must leave you again. I am truly sorry. You hang onto me and cry on my shoulder just as you did as a child. But this time, you can pull away on your own.