Pride, Prejudice, Illyana and Zombies

(Lots and lots of zombies)

Author's note: Been thinking more about Illyana's dimensional journey in search of her soul. Somehow I got to thinking about the upcoming film Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (marginal book at best, the film is much better but needed more fight scenes). Then somehow I pictured Illyana being present and viola, the present story was born. In part a bit of a humor piece.

This story starts after Illyana is placed on Scott's extinction team and they have their first deployment, which was against Mr. Sinister. This first chapter just sets up the story.

Will Anita Blake be in this? Well... zombies are involved so we'll have to see, my guess is yes but only towards the end.

Part 1a: Present is Prolog

Illyana was sitting on her cot in her cell on Utopia, well not so much on Utopia as several hundred feet beneath the surface. She was in the X-Brig in a cell specially designed for her. She was, as always, wearing her grey bomb jacket and restraint suit; the one designed to restrain her if she utilized magic and detonate if she entered Limbo. It was time for her weekly physiological assessment with Emma Frost, the co-leader of Utopia and Scott's girlfriend.

Emma, as always, was wearing her usual white garb (panties, corset, high boots, but she also had on a white cowboy hat for some reason). Emma was sitting in a chair conversing with Illyana. She had gone though the usual questions and was now making small talk (not that Emma ever really made small talk when doing an assessment, everything involving Illyana tended to be thought out and the results carefully analyzed).

"So Illyana, how do you like your involvement on the Extinction team"?

Illyana gave a half grin and a shrug. "Beats being in this cell. Although it kind of makes this cell worse. The taste of the open air, the opportunity to exercise in the gym and the danger room, the opportunity to interact with people in the briefing room and on missions. Well, it certainly helps drives home what's been taken from me. I suppose it's like getting pizza once a month when on a brown rice diet. I'll survive... By the way, how's the arm"?

Emma had had her left arm cut off while being in diamond form (Emma was able to transform into living diamond as well as being a telepath). This alternate physical form had allowed her arm to be reattached afterwards, but it had hurt, hurt a lot; even with Emma blocking the pain via her mental powers. Emma rubbed her left upper arm where her arm had been reattached. A faint white scar could still be seen.

"Weak, sore, stiff, and it hurts. I find myself currently unable do much with the arm and I keep dropping things. Very vexing".

"Yea, I can sympathize. I once was confined to bed for several weeks while I healed and it was almost as bad as this cell. At least I had books to read and company, although some of the company was annoying vapid in their conversation, forever going on about balls and social events and other such trite concerns".

"In what way? And when did this happened? I was unaware of any such event in your past".

"It was when I was... on my journey. I had a little problem and I ended up stranded for a time in a fringe dimension. A variant Earth locality, pre Victorian England to be precise. You'd have liked it there Emma, the lower classes knew their place and kept to it".

"Thanks Darling, right back at you. How did you come to be trapped there"?

"My mutant talent stopped working and so did most of my magic; and I was badly injured to boot. Lucky for me a British family cared for me and helped me to heal and eventually depart their dimension. Rather liked the place, my kind of fun. Been back a few times to visit".

Emma gave Illyana an assessing look. "Illyana, your kind of fun tends towards mayhem on a good day, the bad days have been noted to be apocalyptic".

"As I said, my kind of fun. It was an odd locality. Victorianish England, but with Zombies and Ninjas. I really do need to visit again after I'm released from this cell. I made some... friends there and I owe somebody a christening gift".

"That would likely be a wonderful story, assuming that you're not trying to pull one over one me that is. I mean really? Zombies and Ninjas in seventeenth century England? Not to mention the idea of you attending a christening is somewhat... unusual. Care to share any details"?

Illyana never spoke of her journey, never shared. It had in part taken place in a future that now would never be as Illyana had journeyed back in time and changed the past. One of Emma's goals was to get Illyana to speak of her travels, to date Illyana had always refused apart from one brief time Illyana had let Emma into her mind. But today... for some reason today Illyana spoke, maybe to reflect upon better times. Maybe because she was so very bored.

Illyana leaned back against the rear wall of her cell and began to tell her tail.

"It began with Odin, the Asgardian All Father. A GOD if you listen to him, but really just a godling. A really strong and powerful godling, but just a godling none the less. Odin is a god whom knows much but shares little. I went to his court once to ask him for aid but was rejected".

"Later, there was a war in Alfheim, the land of the light elves. The Asgardian gods were involved on the side of the light elves, and they were losing..."

Part 1b: Bargaining

"She still awaits outside All Father" spoke Heimdall. "Shall I send her away"?

"I would prefer it, but our situation is... dire" grumbled Odin. "Admit her and then leave us".

Illyana had been kept waiting for several hours while Odin had attended to his war counsels and other activities, one of which had been a brief supper and a nap (yea he was showing her just what he thought of her). Night had fallen since Illyana had arrived at the Asgardian war camp, the sky was lit with blazing of the distant forest and a burning manor, the former abode of a now dead female elf lord.

The smell of death and blood and smoke filled the air. A major battle had raged here but half a day ago before both sides had broken off to lick their wounds and assess the situation. Many had come and gone to Odin's tent, the last to leave had been Thor, the warriors three, and other advisers. Various disparaging remarks had been uttered in the direction of Illyana where she stood, but she had ignored the comments and had simply waited.

Illyana was shown into Odin's tent by Heimdall who then left. She was in her Darkchilde aspect, cloven hooves, horns, a devils tail, and that chain mail bikini getup she liked to wear as Darkchilde. Her soul sword was sheathed and was carried upon her back. She was also wearing ear buds connected to her IPod, which created a rather amusing dichotomy of appearances (Steve Jobs would have loved it).

The song Land of Confusion by Genesis was playing.

I must've dreamed a thousand dreams

Been haunted by a million screams

But I can hear the marching feet

They're moving into the street.

Now did you read the news today

They say the danger's gone away

But I can see the fire's still alight

There burning into the night.

...

Illyana hit stop on her IPod in the middle of the song. She could tell that wearing the ear buds had greatly annoyed Odin (good, two could play this little game).

Ooh Superman where are you now

When everything's gone wrong somehow

The men of steel, the men of power

Are losing control by the hour.

...

She examined the single room tent, there was a large table with a map and many scattered empty drinking goblets and plates holding the remains of food. Another table held a mass of cheese, bread, meat, and mead; lots and lots of mead.

Odin was sitting on a chair by the table with the map. He had a half full silver chalice of mead. Both of his crows were upon his shoulders, Huginn and Muninn. Huginn had cawed at Illyana when she entered the tent, Muninn had just eyed her. Odin addressed, not greeted, Illyana.

"Darkchilde..."

Illyana responded "All Father, pray tell, does the consumptions of such prodigious quantities of alcohol result in better planning or just aid in ignoring the upcoming debacle"?

Odin glared at Illyana. He contemplated throwing her out of his tent but... affairs of state counseled another course of action. Let's get it over with was his internal conclusion. He rose from his chair and began the negotiations.

"I know who you are, what you are, what you seek, and why you are here; and I profoundly don't care. Same as when you sought my aid before. I dislike you and all your ilk". There, that's telling the bitch where she stood.

Illyana strode over the to the refreshment table and picked up a clean empty goblet. She then filled it with some water from a pitcher (she was somewhat surprised to actually find liquid that did not contain alcohol) and took a piece of cheese. She nibbled upon the cheese as she turned back to address Odin.

"What about me so displeases you? That I'm a demon? Or a mutant? Or a mage? Or my sex? That I don't fall to my knees to worship you? That I don't fit into any of your plans or plots? Or that you and yours matter as much to me as I matter to you"?

"Take your pick, any or all will do" was the grumbled response.

Illyana took a sip of water and continued. "Since you know why I'm here you know what I'm offering in return for the knowledge you posses about... whom I seek".

"Yes, damn you".

"Too late, that already happened" was Illyana's curt reply.

The knowledge of the need for additional assistance grated deeply, and the source of the assistance was appalling to him. She was... unstable, damaged. Not rational in many ways. And Odin knew what she ultimately sought, the destruction of the Elder Gods, would likely endanger all of existence. She had come to Odin once before and had left with only his distain and disgust for what she was; something that she was likely throwing back in his face by appearing in her demonic form. To give her knowledge was abhorrent, but... now necessary.

"Well..." Illyana prompted after a long pause.

Odin had no choices left but the one before him. Funny that, almost like it had been arranged. Damn her and her ability to manipulate time, you never knew if events were coincidence or manipulation. It grated upon Odin that there was a sliver of possibility that this entire war had been arranged solely to make him divulge what he was about to share.

Grated, and brought a hidden fear of her he shared with nobody. Blast it, he chose wrongly when she had first come to him seeking knowledge. It was healing that she needed and he might have been able to help, thereby shaping her and altering her paths. But she had disgusted him, so fallen, so damaged, so... harmed. In his pride he had considered her minor thing destined for self destruction, not worth his bother.

But now? She'd survived herself. And had become... very very dangerous.

"I accept your offer of aid, unpleasant as it is. I know not where the one you seek currently abides. But I know where she returned to our shores. Seek in the land of Yandilin for an artist of mediocre talent in all but destruction. He painted her portrait and knows of more. That is where your quest lies. I will concede to answer additional questions after our victory in the upcoming battle".

Illyana replied. "My thanks All Father. I will ready my forces. I presume that you will not share your counsels with me but that you will direct me as to where and when to deploy".

Odin drained his chalice "Yes... stay close. I will call for you when the time is right".

He told here where to deploy her forces.

Part 1c: A battle is fought

The battle raged anew. The Asgardian were in the center and on the right flank. The Light elves were on the left flank. The forces of the Dark elves and Muspelheim hellspawn were arrayed against them, along with the frost giants.

Odin was seated upon his eight legged steed Sleipnir, dressed in his armor, and holding his mighty spear Gungnir. He was upon a small hill and the all the battle was on display.

Thor was currently leading the right flank on the attack upon enemies left flank while Odin commanded and held the center and the warriors three led the left flank. The Enchantress, and many of the Asgardians drawn to the darker side, were engaged in an assault upon the rear of the enemy, led by the warrior maiden Sif.

They were wining for the moment, but Odin knew that all the foe's forces were not yet committed.

Then the cloaking spells of obscurement were lifted and the true strength of the enemies right flank was reveled; it was massive in numbers and contained dragons. It was going to be a disaster, a rout. Odin's left flank was going to be crushed and with that crushing the battle would be lost.

It was a trap and he had knowingly stepped right into it hoping that he had planned better then his foes. If the enemies right flank could be stopped and disrupted then Thor and the right flank could serve as the hammer to smash the enemy against the anvil of the center and left flanks. As the two flanks engaged Odin summoned Illyana.

"Darkchilde come forth"!

A teleportation disk appeared next to Odin and Illyana appeared mounted upon some form of monstrous steed.

"You rang All Father"?

Illyana was in human form and dressed in silver armor, her soul sword held in her right hand (no she wasn't wearing her IPod this time).

Odin gestured with his spear. "Deploy your forces against the enemies right flank. Stall them, disrupt them".

Illyana surveyed the battlefield. The physical fight was only one aspect of the battle. Great magic was being cast and blocked on many levels. The two sides were well matched on mythical power, but numbers were on the side of the foe.

Illyana concentrated and gestured with her soul sword. Teleportation disks began to briefly appear above the surging foe, demons rained down from the disks and ran amok within their ranks. Then another great obscurement spell was lifted and a horde of Limbo demons, led by S'ym, were reveled which surged forth and slammed into the exposed side of the enemies right flank.

"Impressive" grumbled Odin. "I'm somewhat surprised you did not take up arms against us".

"I liked your offer better" was Illyana's reply and a confirmation of a suspicion that Odin had regarding offers from the other side.

"They promised that I could question you afterwards but... perhaps you might not have survived. Battle is always so... uncertain and your death would have been oh so convenient for so many others. Plus...".

"Yes"? Odin replied as he eyed the battlefield, it was almost time.

"I doubt you would have answered my questions regardless of any... persuasion".

"Correct".

The time was now. Odin raised his spear and gave forth a battle cry and led the center into combat. Illyana rode beside Odin into the fray. She so loved a good fight, helped to distract her from her... other issues.

Part 1d: Conflagration

The surprise assault from Limbo had pushed the battle, and the war, into the win column for Odin.

The foe's ranks collapsed and a great slaughter commenced. Great were the deeds that would be recounted later amidst the feasting and drinking. Much of the gallantry of the warriors three would be told. The might of Thor and the strength of his arm and hammer would be described in great depth. The power and majesty of Odin would be praised with great praising. Sif would be showered with honor and mead as her victories were toasted (to be honest the shower of mead rather annoyed her).

Only Illyana would not be mentioned or spoken off. She was gone and good riddance. The power and might of Asgard and her allies would be celebrated, the assistance of Limbo literally forgotten as an enchantment of forgetting was woven about the battle field by Odin during the great feast.

Forgotten was the inconvenient fact that the forces of Limbo had been the deciding factor in reversing the impending defeat. That the winners write history tends to be an axiom. When gods are involved the winner tends to write the memories as well.

Illyana had fallen in battle. She had been engaged in battle with a Dark elf wizard mounted on a Draken (dragon without any fire or great intelligence). He had slain her steed which had rolled over Illyana in its death throws; she had emerged from beneath the beast dragging her left leg. She in turn had then gravely wounded him. In his desperation for survival he had unleashed a great spell that he promptly lost all control over (the spear in his back had something to do with the whole loss of control). But a hole had been torn in reality that had consumed Illyana and the drake while vaporizing the wizard.

Shame about that, Odin thought without any regret as he drank yet another cup of mead. Such things happen in battle.

But how... convenient.