We're alone... we're always alone. No, we weren't the only ones in the world. No, we did have friends, but we're always alone. We don't have anyone to comfort us. It's tragic, in a way, you know? We only have each other, just Kaoru and I.
It started with simple hugging, and holding each other as we slept. It made us feel safer, closer, and more secure. It was natural. It soon came to be that we ended up always sharing a bed, though to others, it seemed weird, even wrong in a way. We didn't care. We only had each other.
After a painful experience, it went to kissing. It was in elementary school. I was crying after some girl called me weird for always wanting to be with my twin brother, and Kaoru stopped those tears the only way he could think of. He kissed me. At first I pushed him away, and told him it was wrong. We were brothers. We were both boys. He told me that people that love each other kissed when they hurt, or when they were happy, or just because they could. A few days later when I stubbed my toe, he kissed it 'better' then kissed me again. This time I didn't push him away. I accepted it.
It was a given that we never kissed in front of anyone. It was our little secret. Our most guarded secret at that. No one could ever know. I don't know what I'd do if someone found out. Kaoru would most likely be taken away from me to put a stop to it. I'd die without him. It was as simple as that.
Years later, we were in Jr. High, our last year before starting High School. I was taking a shower and... pleasuring myself. It's really dirty, but I couldn't help it, it hurt so bad and it turned violet and it wouldn't go away, so I started to rub it to soothe it and... And it just felt so good! No one ever told me about what I was doing, or that it could feel this amazing. My parents thought it was 'improper', and never spoke of it.
When Kaoru walked in, I didn't stop. To be honest, I was so focused, that I didn't even notice the door opening, or him calling my name. I thought I was just soothing the pain, which no longer hurt, but it was still swollen. I let out a noise that I've never heard myself make, and it was... weird. It took him yelling at me for what I was doing, to realize that he was there watching me. He told me that it wasn't wrong, that it was 'natural' but that I shouldn't ever do it out of our room or bathroom. I nodded my head at him and hung my head, extremely embarrassed that I was caught, which resulted in him stripping down and standing behind me in the shower.
I didn't think anything weird of it, because we often showered together. We looked the same when we were naked, so what should it matter? I did how ever, made a squeak of shock, when one of his hands reached down and grabbed me gently and starting stroking. The same spot that I was stroking moments before. I was mortified, and told him to stop it, but he said that he was just helping me do it right. I didn't think it'd matter. He kept pumping it, even when I started to feel weird and really hot. I kept making those strange noises, and I thought I was getting sick. I told him to stop; I didn't know what the feeling was, so I was scared. He told me that it was alright and it was supposed to feel like that. A few moments later my vision turned white and I let out a really loud noise, and my penis ejected a white-ish fluid.
When I was panting, he held his hand up in front of my face, the fluid coating it and asked if I've ever seen it before. I shook my head no. What kind of question was that anyway? It was scary actually, seeing something shoot out that wasn't urine. I thought maybe I was sick, or something was wrong with it. My face said it all. He chuckled lightly and told me that I had an orgasm. I just nodded at the piece of information and walked out. What else could I do?
A few days later, and hour researching on my laptop left my cheeks flaming red at the information I found. Apparently you 'orgasm' when your sexual arousal gets high enough. Sexual... Sex... Kaoru was having sex with me? When I asked him, he spit out his tea and asked if I was insane. Then he spent the next hour explaining that that was a hand-job, and though included in he sexual acts category, wasn't sex. I don't know weather I was sad or relieved.
I didn't know whether to be insanely embarrassed, or okay with it. Kaoru did these sorts of things, so I suppose its okay for me to do these things too... I still can't look him in the eyes though. I can't even take showers with him. Though we're the same, we're different. He knows so much more that I don't, and I really want to know what he knows, but I can't ask him. It's different than every other question I could ask him. It's just... weird.
Weeks later I found out different ways to make myself reach my orgasm. Depending on the mood I was in. I've never once seen Kaoru do that to himself. That night when we were lying down and watching TV in our bed, he asked if I wanted to learn something better than a hand job. Something that felt better. I nodded genuinely curious. I wanted to know badly. He told me to take my boxers off, as he went over and locked the door.
I slipped my boxers off and watched him. He crawled over me and kissed me gently and I smiled. 'People that love each other kiss...' Those words happily rang through my head every time our lips touched, because we did love each other, more than anyone in the world.
He told me to relax, and that everything was going to be fine, and to not worry. I didn't. I trusted him completely. His hand took my hardening length and I moaned lightly, watching him attentively. When it was finally hard enough he looked up at me and told me not to worry. I didn't, until his mouth went towards it. I told him not to do it, that it was gross and that it'd taste bad. It was dirty. The usual cliché rebuttals. He shook his head and told that it was fine. That I should trust him. I instantly shut up. I could always trust Kaoru. He wouldn't ever do anything that hurt me.
His mouth surrounded it, and I could feel that sickly feeling approach. I don't know why, but that feeling was one of the best in the world, it took place right below all of the feelings that I had when I was with Kaoru. He moved his mouth on it, sucking it, licking it, tasting it. By the looks of it, he enjoyed it. I don't see why though. Minutes went by, and after a rather rough suck, I came into his mouth. I thought for sure he'd spit it out, but he swallowed it. He told me that I tasted really good, sweet even, and that he liked it. I smiled and kissed him tasting myself on his lips. I don't think I liked it very much, but it didn't matter. He did, and I loved him.
Two nights later, he requested that I gave him a blow job. I was really nervous. I wanted to help him out... but I didn't know how. He told me to just do something similar to what he did, and that I'd do fine. That night I gave my first blowjob to my brother. I smiled at the memory. Everything about it was nice. I wasn't pressured to do anything that I didn't want to, and he didn't force me to change my pace. Now I know why he enjoyed it, because making him make those noises, made me feel good. It showed that I did something right, even though my technique was probably really bad. He even tasted good... really good. Tart. I liked it.
We continued to do things like that, even trough our first year of High School. Our kissing sessions got more heated, and our handjobs and blowjobs got more experienced. Nothing was going wrong in our world... till she came.
Haruhi was a nice girl, even though she acted like a boy, she was nice. Tamaki was smitten with her, and I thought that maybe they'd love each other like Kaoru and I did. That year was rough. All because of her. When we vacationed at a little cottage and helped out a drag queen, he made me go on a date with her. It made me sick. I wanted to yell at him, tell him that I loved him and that it shouldn't matter... but Everytime I tried it'd die in my throat. He was so happy when he talked about her.
I admit. I had a level of respect for her. She was the only girl who never got us confused, even our own mother got us confused. But when Kaoru started neglecting me, that's when I started to hate her. Sure I'd act like she was a friend, but you know what they say 'Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.' I was going to keep my enemy as close as I could.
We got home days later, strained and angry. I refused to let him in the bathroom when I was in there and instead of going to bed naked, I went to bed with pajamas on. I didn't even listen to his protests against it, and I ignored him as much as I could... for that weekend. He wasn't too keen on me ignoring him, so when I was walking out of the bathroom, he tossed me onto our bed and pounced on top of me, pinning my slightly more feminine frame to the bed. That week helping out did his body good. "Kaoru what the hell are you doing?" he didn't answer, he only gazed at me with animalistic lust.
"Hikaru..." he said as he crashed his lips onto mine. I didn't know what to do, I really didn't. On one hand, I loved him more than I loved anyone else in the whole world, he was my other half. On the other hand... that look... I've never seen that look so intensified before...
"Kaoru!" I called out as soon as his mouth departed from mine. "Sh... Hikaru its okay. Just calm down." He said, giving me a gentle smile. I instantly did. Why wouldn't I? He was my brother. I don't know how he did it, but he coaxed me into nudity, even though I was angry with him, and got himself also naked and hovering over me. I gulped in, as he looked over me hungrily. "Hikaru, I'm going to make you feel amazing..." he licked his lips and met my eyes in a captivating gaze. I nodded and kissed back when he pressed his lips against mine.
That night, was the night I lost my virginity. It hurt, a lot, when he first pushed into me, so much I swore to myself that I was bleeding; yet, it was only the lubricant running down my ass cheeks. His pace started off slow, burning, and horrible. I felt like I wanted to scream out, to cry, but he just held me close to him and whispered sweet nothings into my ear to get me to calm down.
His method worked, and as his pace increased, so did my pleasure. He stopped holding me gently as his arms and hands were reassigned a more fitting task, as they relocated to my hips, holding me steady so he could move at a fast and smooth pace. In a matter of minutes, he had me moaning and almost screaming in pure bliss, and I was shocked, utterly shocked, that it could feel so damn good having someone fuck my ass.
We didn't last long, go figure, it was our first time, but in those 15 minutes, we bonded even more. We were the ultimate twins. We could find anyway to make each other do what we want, and how to make each other feel better. We know how to hurt each other, and how to heal each other. We are the only ones that matter in this world, and no matter what happens, no matter who comes into our lives, we'll always be the ones there for each other. After all, we're each others comfort.