Donatello's Demented Adventure
This was created on a sugar high. Thank you.
Once upon a time Donatello was reminiscing about the good ol' days when both he and his brothers were popular; when merchandise bearing their likenesses could be found in virtually every toy store around the country. He remembered the cereal, the fruit snacks, the movies, the cds, the video games, the action figures, the stuffed animals, the Easy Cheese molds and the crappy candles…he remembered when people could literally walk down an entire division of a department store that was dedicated to his coolness. But now what did they have? Nothing! It is pretty much obvious that they could have kept all that turtle stuff in stores for the rest of the century and made money because so many people liked him, but no…no, …… now they came out with Beetleborgs and Power Rangers and all of this crap that was just a big cheap cheesy rip of himself. Donatello got very angry as he thought of this…but what could he possibly do about it!
It was at that moment that he snapped. No, I don't mean that he started screaming and flailing his arms, although he'd been known to do that on occasion. He actually snapped, which in simple terms for those who are too stupid to figure it out means he went nuts. Yes, bonkers, bananas, fruity, batty, crazy, insane, crackers, tweety…in other words, he lost it. He just jumped up off of his bed (which was decorated with Dexter sheets and a big pillow shaped like a demented eye) and went running out of the sewer with one and only one destination in mind.
When Donatello arrived at Toys R Us he did not pause to allow the little old lady who was about to enter the store to take her time and pass through the doors. Instead he blew by her like any irritated ninja would do, causing her to have even lower opinions about "youngen's". Why, when she was that age, she would have never done such a thing….I mean, back in her day when you had to walk twelve miles to get to the nearest run-down, stinky, unsanitary, dilapidated shack and had to give the store owners four year's wages (2 cents) and your mom's purple hairnet just to get a sack of flour which you had to carry back to your home in the blinding snowstorm and intolerable heat which was uphill both ways…ahhh ok, you get it.
Sooo….Donatello was wandering around looking for someone to make a big stink to when he noticed that this little bratty kid, no more than seven years old, was making faces at him. This made Donatello quite peeved. He did the first logical thing that any ninja would do. He made a face back. This, however, was the equivalent to "fighting words" and caused a huge tiff to break out between the kid and the turtle. After a few minutes of getting kicked in the rear end and poked in the eye and called a "poophead", the kid had thoroughly raspberried Donatello defenseless.
Donatello was attempting to swallow his pride when the manager of the store came tapping-tapping at his chamber shell. Apparently, the fight had been reported due to the fact that young children should not be exposed to such violence because they are at a very delicate age. The kid who had slobbered at Donatello simply laughed hysterically at this outcome of events.
The manager politely asked that Donatello go find another place where he and his outrageous behavior might fit in better. This was all that the turtle needed. He finally screamed: "Well I would return to the aisle that I belong in if I COULD ACTUALLY FIND WHERE THAT IS!" The manager just looked at him strangely. Then, as if a candle that long had been extinguished suddenly gave a very dim light, the manager was able to mutter "Hey, buddy, what's the deal with you? Don't you get it? You are being kicked out! Aren't you supposed to be the smart one?" With this, Donatello made a somewhat scary smile and whispered, "Shhhh! It's a secret!" Then, after a long pause of crickets chirping, Donatello made his profound comment of the day. "Warning!" He said authoritatively. "Cape does not enable you to fly." Then, without any warning, he outstretched his hands into the air above his head and ran off down the main aisle of Toys R Us crying "WHOOOSHHHH!"
Well, this was certainly becoming a situation for the Toys R Us manager. He first decided that it may be possible to just try to talk some sense into this deranged customer. He made his way down to the other side of the store, keeping on alert for any sign of a big turtle. All at once, something hit the manager on the head. And then something else! Before the manager could comprehend what was going on, a whole mess of things came flying at him from the aisle next to him. "I toss my cookies at you!" Cried Donatello as he flung random plastic play food cookies at the manager. "And some weird bacon! And a hamburger! And I think this is supposed to be spaghetti! Yeah! Hi-Yah!" At this, the manager was completely insulted. Nobody throws spaghetti at him and gets away with it. Well, except for maybe Donatello, because as the manager started to approach him, all of a sudden Donatello screamed at the top of his lungs "OOOO PACIFIC SUN BARBIE!" and went running madly off to the other side of the store.
As the manager of the store went chasing after the turtle, Donatello managed to evade him and make his way to the front checkouts. He approached the lady at the check out stand with much caution, and after a long period of deranged staring and twitching, began to make his statement with an increasingly frantic tone of voice. "Do….Youuuu….Know……WheRE…..YOU….KEEEEEpp….THEEE….BLUEEEEE……PLAYDOUGHHHH!" The woman was slightly taken aback from this customer's antics, but decided to be a good Toys R Us worker anyway. She suggested the silver playdough sets that were attached to the front of the check out stands. With this, Donatello became even more frantic. "NOOOOooooo……IIII….NEEEEDDD…. THE….BLUUUUEEEE…. PLAYDOUGH" he twitched. "Uh, Sir," She asked semi-calmly. "Are you sure you're feeling ok?" Donatello replied, "I FeEL FunNYYY" in a not mentally healthy way. At last the woman just pointed toward the other end of the store and Donatello went running off. Then she got on her intercom and contacted the store manager. "We have a Code 97398498572344324534534 in Aisle 9".
When the manager and a few other workers finally found Donatello in Aisle 9, the sight was not at all pretty. Blue playdough was everywhere – on the shelves, the floor, the ceiling…everywhere. Donatello seemed quite content until he noticed the growling faces staring at him. That was when he decided to make a break for it and screamed "GO GO POWER RANGERS!", running off toward the middle of the store.
Donatello now found himself in the playground equipment section of the store with his adversaries close on his trail. In an effort to stall his enemies, he quickly grabbed two plastic balls from a nearby ball pit and held them up to his eyes. "Veryyy eenteresting, but schtupid" he cried as he yanked the plastic ball pit off of its display stand and threw it on the ground, upside down. The balls went rolling down toward the Toys R Us workers and, of course, tripped them one by one. Donatello desperately looked for some means of escape, finally deciding on a little motorized Jeep that was battery powered, meant to fit a kid. He quickly climbed on board and with a very definitive whirr went rounding the corner at an alarming 3 miles an hour crying "You'll never catch me now! I am out of your reeeeaaaachhhh!"
Well it was beyond closing time now for Toys R Us, so the lights went down and the doors became locked. This, however, did not stop our hero from doing his best to hide from his adversaries. For about 10 minutes, no one could find any trace of the large mutant turtle who had so recently made his grand exit. However, it wasn't long before over the pa system one could hear a terrible and off-key adaptation of a common song. It went something like this:
Oh Donnie Boy, The pipes, the pipes are calling…
From glen to glen, and down the sewer side
The summer's gone and all the roses falling
Tis you, tis you must go and I must bide……
Now, it took a few minutes to locate the source of this horrendous serenade, but after about 10 repetitions of the song, the store manager was able to locate a tent in the outdoor section that had a glowing light coming from its completely sealed up interior. The manager and his minions approached the tent with much caution, and after a moment of preparation, unzipped the oval shaped doorway.
"GAHHHH!" Cried Donatello. "WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU IDIOTS DOING! GERMS! GERMS! AHHHH! THE GERMS! GET THE DISINFECTANT! GET THE IODINE!" He quickly zipped the entry back up. From the inside one could hear the slight murmur of "I feel funny".
However, this display of desperate paranoia did not keep the manager from once again unzipping the tent, this time prepared for the inevitable insanity that was to follow. With a quick yank, the tent was open once again and Donatello was caught by the feet. It was now that the manager could see a flashlight, a little kid's radio broadcasting toy (which had most likely been used to tamper with the pa system) and a multitude of pink crayons that had bites missing from them. This odd array of items did not stop the manager from prying Donatello out inch by inch and eventually dragging him kicking and scratching to the front of the store. "NO! NO!" Donatello flailed, but he could not compete with the indescribable strength of a Toys R Us manager. "Nooooo not my beloved pink crayons! Do what you will with me, but leave my sweet darling pink crayons alone you MONSTERS!"
As they dragged Donatello to the front of the store, he did his best to latch on to anything in his path. As they took him through the check outs, he grabbed onto the candy display and began ripping random items off the shelves, tearing open the packages with his mouth and flinging the contents in the general direction of his face (missing regularly)….pixie sticks, M&M's, skittles, nerds…The frenzy ended abruptly when he accidentally grabbed a packet of Chicklets and swallowed them, putting him in a coughing fit and allowing the manager to finally drag him out of the Toys R Us doors and throw him in the kiddie pool outside.
"And STAY OUT!" Exclaimed the manager. "Now I know why I got rid of your stuff in the first place! It was a disaster waiting to happen!" He screamed and went back into the store, locking the doors behind him.
Donatello just looked at the doors for a while, choking and turning a similar color purple as his bandanna. Suddenly, an idea dawned on him. "Oooo," He said to himself. "Water!" And he began slurping from the drowned-bug infested kiddie pool, totally absorbed in the task and having no concept of what had just occurred.
The End