by Sarah Pearson
"Shh! Don't say that so loud, she might hear."
"I'm not sure about that. She's, like, so dead to the world. I mean, it's been like four weeks now."
"Geez, do I have an eggplant for a sister? She lost her FAMILY, don't you get it? That's not something one gets over lightly, if ever."
"Sheesh, sorry."
Sigh. "Don't be sorry, just try to be more considerate, okay?"
... ... ...
"I just wish.... I just wish Hitomi-san would play with us like she used to. She won't even let us see her most of the time, just sits in her room." Pause. "I really liked Youshi-chan. I miss him too."
"... I'm sorry sis, I know you do, but sometimes you can seem so...so clueless. I guess you might be too young to understand, but sometimes when people lose too much, they... well, they become a danger to themselves. That's why mother asked us to stay with Hitomi-san, to make sure that doesn't happen."
"I get it now, sort of." Pause. "Oneesan, promise me you won't do what Youshi-chan and Keisuke-san did to Hitomi-san. Promise me you won't ever leave me."
I wish I could, her sister thought, not saying anything but cuddled her little sister up closer to her side.
**
They were gone. Everyone was gone.
Hitomi stared at the corner of the room beside her bed, fighting to hold back tears. She had thought she was dried out from all the crying before, but each time she realized it yet again...again... Tears began to pool in her eyes, blurring the lined wallpaper illuminated by the small desk lamp.
Life has not been kind to me, she thought brokenly, staring down at the note in her hands. She winced at how short and trite it sounded, but that was how she felt: small and empty. It had been four weeks, and nothing had managed to erase the pain. She doubted if anything ever would. An accident had taken away her husband and beloved baby. A rabbit and a simple driving mistake had taken away her whole life.
"Youshi-chan," she whispered brokenly, crumpling the paper in her fist. Her baby had not died on impact, like his father - he had screamed for what seemed like hours before his heart finally failed him. Both had been trapped under the flipped car, and Hitomi could only watch as her son died before her eyes, trying to reach her desperately as he bled to death above her.
The bottle of sleeping pills was right next to the bed, resting behind the telephone on the nightstand. She had felt guilty for misleading the younger of Yukari's children into smuggling them from the bathroom, and hoped the child wouldn't blame herself. Okay, she knew the child would probably be blamed for it, but at the moment she honestly didn't care. She was just glad she had them right now, before she lost her nerve.
The instructions on the bottle called for only two pills in any eight-hour period: by the time Hitomi started feeling the effects she had downed nearly twenty. Her limbs feeling heavier than they would normally, she lay herself down on the bed and started to pull the covers over her when she remembered she was still holding the note. Feeling a bit disoriented she staggered off the bed, using the frame and nightstand to make her way over to the dresser where she lay the note. It didn't occur to her until after she set down the note that it probably wouldn't matter where it was found, but by then it was too late.
On her way back to the bed, her left arm gave way and she collapsed onto the nightstand, knocking over the lamp. It fell to the floor, not breaking but making noise Hitomi had been hoping to avoid. She hadn't wanted the two girls to find her like this: it would be traumatizing enough for them to have it happen on their watch, let alone coming in on it. Yukari would be by in a couple hours to pick them up, hopefully it would be her...
"Hitomi-san, are you alright in there?" a young voice called from beyond the door.
They'd heard. Hitomi would have groaned, but her chest was beginning to get heavy, as though a great weight was slowly being pressed in on it. She saw the doorknob jiggle but didn't hear any noise, and was glad that she had managed to lock the door. She did however hear the older girl screaming her name, but it seemed so very far away as she collapsed the rest of the way to the ground.
"I'm sorry, Yukari, Amano," she whispered. "I just...can't. Anymore." She let her eyes fall shut and had the curious sensation of the world shifting around her. Her eyes opened and she saw herself laying down on the ground, but heard nothing even though she saw the door still being rattled.
"Goodbye everyone," she whispered/thought, surrendering herself to The Call she felt. "Goodbye...Van-sama."
The boy was before her, and she smiled sadly through misty eyes. His face looked positively frantic, and she felt her first pang of real guilt at leaving him like this. He seemed to try to be talking, but she didn't hear anything he was saying - he looked to be realizing this and it was making him more frantic.
"I'm so sorry Van," she whispered brokenly. "I can't deal with this anymore. It's...too much.." The boy seemed to go ballistic in front of her, reaching but seemingly incapable to reach her. Unable to take any more of it, Hitomi forced herself to turn away. Goodbye Van, she thought brokenly, turning into the light that was opening up behind her.
Something grabbed onto her from behind, taking what might have in life been her hand. Startled, she turned around and saw the determined face of Van-the-boy seem to suddenly grow older, morphing into an older version she had never before seen. His hand tightened on hers, and they both began to be pulled into the light.
"Van, no, let go," she pleaded, realizing what he intended. It was like an epiphany: he was going to die with her. "No, don't do it, please don't die because of me. I don't want..."
Sad yet determined eyes looked at her through still-unruly bangs, and this time it was her that went ballistic. "No Van! You still are alive, I won't let you come with me! No!" She tried to release herself from his hold, tugging frantically to escape but failed. His grip tightened even as the light began to shine more brightly about them. "No, Van, don't. I'm not worth it anymore."
He seemed angry at that phrase and spoke again, but she still couldn't hear him. "No, no," she cried, shaking her head trying to keep him out. "Van, don't. Please." He couldn't die because of her. Too many people...please, not another one. Not another... "Van, i..if it means you're going to die...then I don't want to die."
Hitomi never noticed the light surrounding them beginning to grow a pale pink, and their movement slowing much more. She was focussed purely on Van, desperate for him not to follow her into the afterlife. This was her choice, selfish as it was, but she couldn't do it if it meant taking him along as well. Wherever he was he had his own life, and she couldn't take him from that no matter how willing he might be to depart from it. She just wanted her baby back, her little Youshi, but not at Van's expense. "I don't want you to die with me. Let me go."
The light was so bright now that their outline was almost completely outlined by it, but his eyes seemed to shine even through it.
Don't die, Van-sama, she whispered, bringing a hand to his face. Please...
In response he pulled her hard against him, enclosing her in his arms/presence. She watched as wings more pure white and larger than anything she'd ever seen him create sprout up behind him, then the light completely enveloped them, falling away into darkness.
TO BE CONTINUED (I *swear*)
Yes, this WILL be continued. I just wanted to get this out during my lunch break (yep, I typed all this in less than an hour) but there's more. No, it's not going to be a long fic, I've found that I just can't do those. If there's other fics out there like this one, well, I haven't gotten into the Escaflowne fanfiction-reading deal (regardless that I'm writing one) so am not deliberately trying to copy anyone. It was just ... an idea that wouldn't let me go.
As for the suffixes to some of the names:
- Chan ~ (chaan) ~ This is often used when addressing friends or people younger than you. Even siblings.
- San ~ (saan) ~ This suffix is most often used when you say someones name who is older than you, out of respect and usually when you first meet someone
- Sama ~ (saa - maa) ~ This is used for higher respect people like royalty and entities, as in Oh! My Goddess which is Oh! Megami-sama and Hotohori-sama from FY.
oneesan - elder sister
"I feel so sorry for her."
Hopefully I'll get more out soon. Sorry to everyone who's reading this wanting to know when QK is going to be done: that's what I'm asking myself! *sigh*