Who was the Colonel's First Kiss?
Disclaimer: I own Fullmetal Alchemist… in my dreams. In reality, which I oh so hate to come back to, Fullmetal Alchemist belongs to Hiromu Arakawa (that's the author's name, right?).
Chapter 1
Edward Elric burst into Colonel Roy Mustang's office, panting, closely followed by Alphonse Elric, clanging into the room as a suit of armor. "Whaddya want, Mustang?" Ed gasped, his chest heaving. Havoc, Fuery, Falman, and Breda stared at the Fullmetal Alchemist, who looked as if he had just been chewed up and spat out. Riza Hawkeye just continued to work, ignoring the interruption of what used to be silence.
Roy calmly looked up from the little tic-tac-toe grid he had doodled on his paperwork. "I need your report from that last mi-" he began to remind the short blond, but was cut off by a screaming female voice coming from the hallway.
"Edward Elric, you come back here and face me like a man!!!! How the hell did you manage to ruin my precious automail again!!!!" Mustang winced at the shrill voice. Seconds later, Winry Rockbell, for of course in was she, burst into the room, wrench in her hand, veins popping on her head.
"Ed, I'm gonna ki-" she growled, before noticing the pairs of eyes staring at her. She blushed furiously, stuttered a "sorry", and hissed out of the corner of her mouth, "You are so dead, bean boy."
The bean boy grew livid. "You take that back, mechanic freak!" he screamed.
"Not until you apologize for breaking my hard work again, midget alchemy freak!" she screamed back. In the background, poor Al pleaded for them to stop, while trying to bow to everyone in the room and apologize for his brother and his friend's behavior.
Riza sighed as the pair continued their little fight. "Will you two please continue your flirting outside?" the Colonel asked over the commotion, "I like my eardrums intact, thanks."
Two glares that would have melted unmeltable things were directed to the man who made that comment. Luckily, the Flame Alchemist was well used to heat, and so took the glares without any response but a calm look and did not drip into a pile of liquefied bubbling flesh.
"Uh, nice to see you, Winry," Hawkeye said to break the burning silence, "What are you doing here at Central?"
Winry blinked, then snapped out of her staring match with Roy. "I came to visit Ed… and Al," she quickly added. Riza suppressed a small smile. Winry continued with a glare towards Ed, "But I came here to find his automail busted up… again."
"Not my fault," Edward grumbled, "That bastard Envy started it all."
"By telling the truth?" Roy asked innocently.
"Huh?" Ed was confused, that emotion evident on his face.
"By telling the truth that you should be called Full-mini instead of Fullmetal?" Mustang finished wickedly.
Steam spewed out of Ed's ears and nose. "Why you bastard Colon-" But was stopped by a wrench connecting with his skull with a sickening crack (Riza noticed that lots of people's sentences were being cut off today).
"You ruined my poor automail for that?!" Winry shrieked, walking to Ed and bending to retrieve her wrench. Ed groaned, rubbing his poor head. Roy sighed with an annoyed look, and rubbed his temples. He could feel the beginnings of a headache coming.
"Ok, Fullmetal, kiss the girl and make up so we can get back to the mission," the Colonel stated impatiently.
"You started it, ba-" Ed hissed, hoisting himself up with the help of his little brother, before what Mustang said fully registered in his brain (another sentence cut off, Riza noted). His face turned the same color as his coat, just as the same happened to Winry.
"K-k-kis-s?!" Ed spluttered. Roy raised his eyebrows.
"Surely you've kissed a girl before," he pointed out, "You are, what, 15 or 16 years old. And I'm sure not every girl has turned you down because you're vertically challenged." Ed was so embarrassed he didn't comment on the jibe about his height. Roy took one look at the Fullmetal Alchemist's tomato face, then smirked.
"So, you haven't had a first kiss yet?" Mustang chuckled. Edward, if possible, turned redder.
Maes Hughes, being Maes Hughes, had chosen that moment to open the door and enter the room. "Really, Ed?" he asked, "You haven't kissed a girl? Not even Winry?" Ed turned even redder.
"No," the alchemist replied shortly, "And why would I kiss Winry?" He turned to face the Colonel, who was still chuckling. "And just because you go around kissing any random woman on the street doesn't mean everyone does," Ed growled through gritted teeth.
Another silence formed, broken by an occasional chuckle from the Colonel. Hughes was suppressing the urge to chuckle along with his best friend.
"Um, Colonel Mustang sir," Al inquired nervously, saying something to make some noise in the room besides Roy's laughter, "Who was you're first kiss?"
That made Roy freeze in mid-chuckle. Winry noted with interest that Lieutenant Hawkeye stiffened as well. Maes looked surprised, then devilishly sly. The silence became thicker.
"Um, not to be nosey or anything," Al said hastily, "Just, well, uh, well, you… you can't have just picked some random woman off the streets to be your first kiss," he finished lamely.
"Knowing the Colonel, it probably was," Havoc murmured under his breath through the usual cigarette clamped between his teeth.
"Well, that woman must have been important to him in some way," Al protested, "First kisses are always important."
"My first kiss is of no importance," Roy stated flatly, startling the members of the room. He was staring at his best friend Hughes the whole time. Well, glaring is a more appropriate word. Maes shriveled under that gaze, and everyone else looked at the two best friends, confused. The two seemed to be having a telepathic argument, Roy doing most of the arguing.
"You don't even know that woman, anyways," Mustang finished, turning around to face his audience. Behind him, Maes silently protested that statement with vigorous shakes of his head. He immediately stopped and tried to look as innocent as his daughter when Roy turned around to face him again, obviously suspicious. "Maes, don't you dare tell," he ordered, "Or you shall find yourself a nice pair of fried, crispy peanuts." Hughes' eyes widened at the threat, and he nodded furiously. To further prove his point, he motioned zipping up his lips and throwing the key away. One hand was conveniently covering the threatened area. The Colonel nodded back, satisified.
Al, Ed, and Winry traded glances. So did Fuery, Falman, Breda, and Havoc. "So," they all thought, "the Colonel's first kiss is with someone we know. Who could she be?"
And thus began "The Quest to Discover: Who was the Colonel's First Kiss With?"
End of Ch 1
SPOILER: Maes shall not die in this story! Maes should not have died in the real story! Go Hughes!
Reviews are loved! Reviewers are worshiped! I like to know my stories are being read.
Angelicat: Hey, sorry, I know Mustang's first kiss is really obvious, but oh well. It'll be interesting to see how Ed & Co. try to find out who the woman is. If I can think of ways for them to try before discovering the truth. That'll be a bit of a problem…
Ed: It's obvious?!?! Tell me, tell me!! jumps up and down
Angelicat: What would be the fun in that?
Chibi-Chena-Chan (CCC): Why do I have to be here?
Angelicat: So I can have one more person to torture.
CCC, sarcastically: Oh thanks. You're such a great friend.
Angelicat, beaming, Ed still jumping in background: Thanks, I know.
Ed: WHO WAS THE COLONEL'S FIRST KISS!?!?!?! TELL ME!!!!!!!!!!!!
Angelicat: No. And if you keep screaming, I'll bring Winry and her wrench in here.
Ed: shuts up