Author's Note: First off, this is my first Fairly Oddparents fanfic. I usually write Invader ZIM fanfics. I am, however, a long-time viewer of FOP. This is also my first Humor fic. I normally write Tragedy and such. This fic is dedicated to ExtremeWriter, who supported my decision to write it and helped me decide what "type" of old flame to give Cosmo, and Eternal Silence, admin of the "Fairly OddPairings" forum, who gave me the initial idea.
Disclaimer: "The Fairly Oddparents" and related stuff belong to Butch Hartman and Nickelodeon.
Old Flame
Eleven o'clock. Four hours had passed since the lovely Californian sunset, and all of Dimmesdale's children had been ordered to bed at nine in preparation for the next school day. All were now fast asleep with dreams of the next weekend-which was approaching at a snail's pace-all except for one ten-year-old in the suburbs, and the wailing infant preventing his slumber, though the second exception was also not one of the city's children who would go to school in the morning, being too young. Regardless, the baby needed sleep as well, and this would also allow his parents and older brother to receive a much-needed rest. But little Poof refused to stop crying, and his parents, who had tried every method imaginable to calm him, rubbed their bloodshot eyes in frustration that their every effort had been in vain. They looked desperately at their godson, who had clamped a pillow over his head in some hope of drowning the clamor out.
"Tii-mmeee," Cosmo whined helplessly, "Do you know anything we haven't tried?"
He was only answered by a muffled groan from under the pillow. Cosmo's eyes welled up with defeated tears, and Wanda, her arms practically frozen in the "baby rocking position", took their younger son from her husband's arms and rocked Poof mechanically while droning a slurred lullaby. Cosmo continued to sob in fatigue, and Wanda moaned in the realization that she would soon have another family member to rock to sleep.
As Cosmo's cries began to rival Poof's, Timmy decided he could take it no longer. He flung the pillow off of his head, stood up, and exhaustedly implored, "Poof, pleeeease go to sleep!"
The minute the words left Timmy's mouth, the infant fell silent. Poof looked over at his brother, a smile quickly spread across the baby's face, and with one small squeak of "Timmy…" he dropped into a deep sleep.
Never before had a greater sigh relief washed over the room. Immediately afterwards, all eyes darted back to Poof in silent prayer that the sound didn't wake him. But the tiny fairy was as peaceful as if he'd been sleeping the entire night.
"It's…finally…over," Wanda breathed. Offering a "goodnight" to her husband and first son, she disappeared with her second son and the two reappeared as goldfish inside their bowl. As Wanda tucked Poof into his underwater cradle, Timmy smiled at the loving scene, and then looked up to find Cosmo still floating in the air.
"You can go to bed now, you know," the boy prompted.
His godfather gave him a wide-eyed grin. "Well, it's the strangest thing," he explained, "but all this excitement actually gave me my second wind. In fact, I think I'm going to go get some early breakfast."
"Suit yourself," Timmy shrugged; then collapsed on his bed and was fast asleep within minutes.
Cosmo "poofed" himself into the Turners' kitchen with renewed liveliness. With a mere tap of his wand, the door of the pantry flew open and pastries and canned goods littered the floor for him to judge. He had always insisted that the food from Timmy's kitchen far surpassed in quality anything that magic could produce. He never cleaned up or replaced anything he took out, but he saw no security risk in this, as Timmy's human father was long convinced that the nightly raids of their kitchen must be the work of the Mole People he so ached to catch a glimpse of. His wife had long given trying to argue the matter with him, so Mr. Turner had taken it upon himself to set up security cameras every night in the kitchen (it never occurring to him that he should load them with tapes, of course). Hence, the carefree fairy saw no harm at all at weaseling meals, desserts, and snacks here and there and leaving the floor strewn with edible debris.
He now hovered over the awaiting banquet and considered its various components: "Coffee? No, I'm awake enough", "Oatmeal? No, too mushy", "Creamed corn? For breakfast? Possibly…", "Toast? I do like toast…Maybe with my special jelly…" Cosmo wistfully mused on the inexplicable grape preserves that soaked any and all cotton swabs inserted into his ears. It was, in all honesty, the only substance that prevented his diminutive brain from being carried off by passing winds when he was outside, and it was also because of the jelly that his brain contained something tangible, so Cosmo could not truthfully be called an "airhead". In addition, it provided an enjoyable snack, and therefore, it was much more of a blessing to him than a curse.
"Perfect!" he exclaimed, snatching a piece of bread. He prepared to fly over to the toaster, but just as he looked up, he caught sight of a very familiar figure at the end of his "smorgasbord". The figure was thin yet rigid as it stood before him, defiantly barring access to the toaster.
Cosmo felt a lump beginning to form and tighten deep in his throat. "Y-y-you…?" he choked out, "W-why? Why did you come back? How did you find me? We went our separate ways and I came to live here."
The other being said nothing-its kind never did-but Cosmo had always shared a sort of telepathic connection with this individual, a connection that no one else ever understood. As he peered into the darkness, the message came across:
"Our separate ways? You mean your separate way. You ran out on me before I even knew what happened."
"But," Cosmo grappled for words, "I…I was young. I didn't know what I was doing-"
"As if that's any excuse! Do you even know how you made me feel?"
"I'm sorry, baby," the fairy's finger drummed on his wand nervously, "I never meant to hurt you."
"You treated me like an object. You never saw me as your equal, just because I was made differently than you-just because you were born naturally and I was…just because I was manufactured." The stiff but frail form seemed to almost shudder as she relayed her sentiments.
Cosmo bit his lip. "That's not true. I always loved you for the prize inside."
"Don't lie to me," she spat, "When we me that glorious day at the grocery store; when you whispered to me that you had considered so many others, and I was the only one for you, I found myself breathless. I had never felt better than I did when you took me home with you. But it wasn't long before it was only breakfast we were having together; then you'd put me on a shelf and forget me, just going off and having fun without me. Then you ran off with that awful girl Wanda-"
"Hey!" Cosmo interrupted fiercely, "Wanda is a wonderful woman and I love her! You can't take this out on her! I never even told her about you."
The rigid form seemed to shudder again. "Never? I meant so little to you that you never mentioned me to the girl you left me for?"
Cosmo cringed.
"Cosmo, don't you see what you did to me?" she continued with an enraged vigor. "You ate away at me until I was hollow and empty inside, and then you threw me away! I was disposable to you!"
The fairy hung his head. "How can I say that I'm sorry?"
"Take me back," his ex-girlfriend promptly answered, "And this time, promise me things will be different."
"What?" Cosmo retaliated, "I-I-I can't take you back! Baby, I'm married now! And I have two kids!"
"Leave Wanda. Let her feel the pain that I did."
"It's not her fault! She didn't know about you! And what about my kids? They weren't even born when I did this to you!"
"They can be our kids. That's how it should have been all along."
"I can't do any of that to them," Cosmo vented, then defied his anger to take on a slightly apologetic tone, "You were a wonderful girl, and I should have never treated you the way I did. And I'm so sorry. But I can't betray my family in order to date you again."
His ex was silent.
Hesitantly, he spoke again. "I think I know where you should be. I'll take you somewhere you can find many others like yourself. You'll find someone amazing, and you'll get lots of dates from him. Possibly even nuts and raisins…someone who won't flake on you."
He slowly floated over to her, and very carefully took the fragile frame in his arms. He carried her through to air, holding her close to his heart, and halted just above an angular, gaping abyss. Below them, several others who resembled the figure held above them acknowledged their existence with eyeless gazes.
"Cosmo…" his old flame whispered weakly.
"Trust me," he gave her a final, small kiss on the forehead as a means of goodbye, "It's for the best. We need to let go."
With those parting words, he released the cereal box into the trash can. No longer hungry, the fairy departed somberly for bed.
But at the bottom of her new home, Cosmo's past love shed one last crumb.
Author's Note: I appreciate praise and constructive criticism. No flames, please.