Summary: Whale Island is home to many mysteries, one being the disappearance of a particular Ging Freecss, but Gon never expected to meet a powerful spirit that would change his destiny.

Heart's Desire

He was running.

The world passed by him in flashes of green and onyx – staple fields and blurring trees. His breaths coursed louder and louder in his ears, along with his pounding heart.

Someone was calling his name, but the steepness of the slope urged his legs on, leaving houses and livestock behind.

"Gon! Where are you going?! Come back, I want to play! Gon! Goooooon!"

The sound of the young girl's disappointment faded the farther he ran into the forest. He didn't look back – he wanted to forget everything, even if for just an hour.

As Gon's knee-high green boots came to a stop on the crunching leaves, he glanced behind him out of the corner of one eye. Sweat ran down the sides of his face. He saw nothing but greenery behind, ahead, and all around him. Noko and the rest of the town were leagues away from him now. She was his only playmate with Whale Island's community being as small as it was – though the geography of the island itself was actually rather large, serving as the best temporary escape.

He sighed in relief, and turned his head up toward the sky, spreading his arms on either side of him. The shadowy canopy of trees camouflaged him in the green and brown underbrush – with his outfit and golden-brown skin, he looked like a small sapling himself, among the ancient redwood trees. Animals and vegetation marked the landscape, hiding in crevices and roaming in open areas. The air smelled fresh and sweet with dew and honey, and on the edge of his hearing, he could make out a trickling stream, lapping against clay-muddy banks. He faced its direction and bound toward it.

Unclipping his jacket and slipping off his boots, he set them by the stream's bankside, stepping into the water. His pores became exposed to the surrounding humidity, and precipitation formed on his skin as his feet sunk into the squishy muddy floor. It all felt refreshing in a way – even if he was practically bathing in his own sweat. Leaning over a log, he peered into the stream to see the small fishes that waded against the current. They wiggled this way and that, fighting the movement of the water. To Gon, it seemed so effortless to walk through, but to the fish, the water cascading down the banks was like fighting an uphill battle.

Gon sat on the log molding earthen clay in his hands, deliberate and methodical, until he heard a sound behind him. Spinning around, he saw the large shadow that moved in the foliage.

"Kon!" Gon sprang up and out of the stream to embrace his oldest friend. When he stepped back from the foxbear's thick cottony coat, he exclaimed, "Wow, you're growing so tall!"

The foxbear cub he had saved from Kite over a year ago was twice Gon's height now, and at least three times his size. Gon smiled, happy to see him. "What've you been up to all day?"

Kon responded by falling again on all fours, wagging his frizzy tail a few times back and forth and looking into the forest. Pointy canine ears erected attentively. Gon's foxbear friend had became rather secretive the past few months, despite the time they had previously been spending together. After Kite had been forced to kill Kon's mother from Gon's own ignorance…

Kon looked back at him with those perceptive yellow eyes that Gon had come to know better than any person in the last few years. As if Kon knew what Gon was thinking, he let out a throaty, guttural sigh.

"Anyway," said Gon, walking beside Kon through the forest with a hand on his furry back, "how about we catch some fish together?"

Lazily, they followed the stream to its source: a large river leading off from the ocean, where brackish-water entered into the lagoon-shaped estuary. Here, after the mixing, the water was so clear in the daytime that Gon could see large bass in its center, over two-hundred feet away. Kon sniffed in its direction, then glanced at Gon expectantly.

"Aw shoot, I left my fishing rod back at the house…" he mumbled absently, watching the fish in the center of the pool of freshwater. He trotted back to the entrance of the forest with Kon staring after him. "I'll be right back!"

~o=O=o~

He'd slipped past Mito and Abe to retrieve his fishing rod and tackle box from behind the house, and upon his return found Kon crouching low by the surface of the water, swiping impatiently at the fish. Gon chastised him for scaring away their snack and got to work setting bait to the hook.

After seven striped bass and four medium-sized cutthroat trout were caught, boiled, and devoured, Gon laid himself out on the lagoon's side to let his skin and clothes dry out in the sun, Kon beside him, stuffed full.

At sometime, Gon fell asleep, and awoke startled to find the sun had sunk deeply in the horizon, its light webbing out in a marvelous display of red and violet ribbons throughout the sky. Kon must have gone back to his cave.

Gon gathered his fishing rod, tackle box, and clothes, stamped out the last embers of the fire, and headed back through the dark forest toward home. With his supplies rattling beside him, and the sounds of the twilit animals awakening, emitting somber keening to the moonlight, he felt a staleness in the air. On the corner of his eye, he swore he saw something bright and blue in the shape of a woodland animal crouching among the trees. When his head snapped to the side, though, he saw only the dark outline of the leafy underbrush.

Swallowing thickly – sweat pouring down the sides of his face again in the nighttime humidity – he hefted his fishing supplies and clothes over his shoulders and turned back ahead, pressing on.

By the time he reached the edge of the forest, it was midnight-dark. All the lights were on in the cliffside house, and Mito sat on the steps leading up to the front door, sewing embroidery in her hands, peering out into the darkness. She jumped up the moment she saw Gon emerging from the forest at the bottom of the slope. "Gon! I've asked you not to stay out this late without telling me first! What if some creature got you, or you fell and injured yourself and I had no idea where to find you?!" Her voice feigned harshness – it wasn't the first time he'd done this, and they knew it surely wouldn't be the last.

Gon could handle himself in the forests of Whale Island better than any adult or child – well, except maybe Ging. Mito had to say it, for her own conscience if nothing else.

"I'm sorry," he apologized, barely looking at her as he circled around the house to stow away his fishing supplies in the shed in back. "I fell asleep and lost track of time," he said when he came back.

Judging from his subdued reaction, Mito knew something was on his mind. She said no more as he entered the house.

Inside, she watched her pseudo-son say grace and take up knife and fork to gobble down his food reluctantly. On the opposite side of the table, with a hand on her cheek, she asked, "Why did you run away this time?"

Gon gulped down a chunk of steak before looking at her in slight alarm. "What?"

"You can't fool me," she said softly. She leaned forward, her fingers folding on the table. "I know you didn't run away to be naughty. But you're always out in the forest now, as if you're looking for something."

It was true, after meeting Kite and hearing all he had to say about the outside world, about Ging, about the dazzling world of Hunters, Gon had been hoping to catch a glimpse of what kind of adventure awaited him – if only he could…

Mito had no idea about this fateful meeting.

"Noko came crying to me again today," Mito continued. "She said you ran away from her before she could even say anything."

Gon chattered a little as he brought a finger to his cheek. "R-really? I had no idea she was calling for me, haha…!"

Mito grinned tenderly, her eyes crinkling. "Gon, you're such a bad liar."

He said nothing – only looked down at his plate of steamed broccoli and steak, avoiding her inquiring gaze.

"Grandma's already asleep," she said, standing, "so you better wash up and head to bed as soon as you're done eating. All right? I won't ask again."

Gon nodded. "Okay, I will. Good night, Aunt Mito."

"Good night, Gon."

As her footsteps disappeared at the top of the stairs, Gon sighed. He'd barely touched his meal – but steak was expensive and quite hard to come by in a place as remote as Whale Island… He really wasn't hungry.

Gon wrapped the meat in salt and stored it in the basement – which was cool and clean enough to serve as their pantry. When finished, he went outside to stand on the front steps. Hands clenched at his sides, he looked up at the sky, overrun by ominous rain clouds that blotted out the stars.

If he told Mito what he actually wanted to do, what he wanted to become… she wouldn't let him. She hadn't told him about Ging's true whereabouts, all this time. Kite had. Gon knew she did it to protect him, but… comfortability wasn't something he had on Whale Island. Not when he knew there was so much more…

He heard a rustle in the bushes at the bottom of the slope in the forest, and saw something move. Listening intently – between the waves crashing against the seaside cliff… he heard and saw nothing more.

With a final glance around, Gon went back inside and turned off all the lights, unaware of the creature watching him among the trees.

~o=O=o~

Gon held a wooden weaved basket in his hands, his feet stopped halfway on one of the more common paths into the forest. I should've known not to take the main path, he thought. He knew he would have to face the young girl sometime, but he had hoped it wouldn't be so soon. With bright hair flaming more orange than Mito's, two long braids bobbed on either of her shoulders as she heaved in exhaust. "C'mon, you used to love playing together!" she whined in near desperation. "We used to love playing in my backyard! You even liked my dolls! Why don't you anymore?"

"I-I don't know," Gon stuttered, clearly avoiding her – his gaze drifted to the trees, to the town, to all the little people in their perfect little families living their perfect little lives on their perfect little island. Somehow, in that moment, it made him sick. "I'm eleven now," he said feebly, not really thinking – just looking for something to say. "I have bigger things on my m –"

"Like what?!" Noko demanded. "You're in the forest all the time anymore! You used to hate it there! What happened?!"

Playing with Noko had been better than being alone, it was true. However…

Gon shrugged slightly. "I guess…"

Noko waited anxiously for his answer.

"Never mind," he said quickly, turning away – which earned him an annoyed pout from the girl. "I'll see you later, Noko."

This kind of response was typical from Gon, even before he'd met Kite: Gon would be grasping at the words he wanted to put to his thoughts and feelings, only for it to slip away, replaced by the next emotion making way inside him, and he'd forget entirely what he wanted to say. Noko knew it was just how he was –

Except this time, he'd known exactly what he wanted to say. He merely knew not to say it.

"One of these days, I'll find a playmate who isn't so weird," Noko grumped after him as he walked up the path. Without turning around, Gon waved the basket in the air behind him in farewell. She stuck her tongue out at him before marching away.

No, what he'd truly wanted to say… was something no one on the island would understand. I don't care to be around someone I don't plan on sticking around here for anyway…

He trod past the tall trunks of trees toward the area of flowering plants – their branches heavy with fruit. The rest of the islanders wouldn't check to see if the apples were ready for picking until a few weeks from now, and Gon liked to be the first one to take his choice – anything to get away for a little while.

These trees were more spaced out than those in the denser parts of the forest, where Kon had found him yesterday. Kon usually dwelled on the more mountainous side of the island, while the villagers lived here. Kon would come down to the lower land of the rainforests to visit Gon, but no farther. The air was less humid here as well, chilly even, with the high winds that blasted the orchard down the side of the island – autumn close at hand.

Tossing his basket on the ground, Gon wrapped his thighs around the first tree in the field and shimmied himself up its trunk and into the branches beyond. He investigated every twig, searching for apples that were ready to be eaten. Had it been later August or September, he would have needed more than one basket, but given the earliness of apple-picking season, if he could fill one, that would suffice.

He hoisted himself into every tree – over fifty of them – to look for ripe apples, and carefully dropped those he found into the woven basket, slowly filling it, one by one. Once full, he seated himself among the wildflowers on the perimeter of the apple orchard to enjoy a snack. The late-summer sun made the ground feel hot against his rear.

He closed his eyes, lifting a juicy, bright red apple to his mouth, and drooling in anticipation of the splash of hydration it would provide.

Gon opened his eyes.

Before him stood a fox. Its fluffy tail swished from side-to-side, the white tip colored as if dabbed in paint like the end of a paintbrush. Its eyes were squinted, yellow irises appearing only as slits. It stood among the apple trees, the wind blowing its red fur gently, mesmerising to Gon. When it took a delicate step forward, it barely made a sound, and the entire forest seemed to freeze in time. All background noise was in a hush, except for that from the suddenly willful gusts ruffling through the trees.

As the fox drew nearer, Gon placed his apple back into the basket and took it aside. He believed it to be after his food, but when it was beside him, it peered directly into his eyes, mischievously squinted, ignoring the apples. Slightly larger than Gon, if he hadn't known better, he would have said a slight smirk curled the edges of its lips.

"What are you doing here all alone, little boy?"

To his astonishment, it spoke human words. Gon was too taken aback to form a coherent response, his mouth hanging open in confoundment.

The fox laughed at the face he was making, a dissonant sound that resonated around the trees, brewing an intense wind and a terrible clamor that thrummed in Gon's ears.

Shaking himself, Gon quickly turned back to the fox, who had circled to his other side now. "Wh-who are you?" he finally stammered out.

It laughed again, and this time Gon noticed as it flicked its bushy tail to the side – its tail was actually split into two. "My name and origin are of no importance," the fox replied, turning sharply back around. "Rather, it is my intention that you should worry about."

Gon realized the same feeling of panic pitted his gut – that which he had gotten from the pair of glowing eyes he'd felt watching him in the forest the night before. This fox – or whatever it actually was – gave off the same feeling: all-powerful and sly – something not to be tampered with.

Hastily, Gon stood up, apple basket in his hands. "I'm sorry, I'll be leaving now." He took off at a fast pace back to the path, but the fox's presence seared into the back of his skull with blazing golden eyes.

"Why do you run, boy?" it called after him, its voice echoing with the voices of many foxes, the wind swirling with a storm. "Isn't there something you're looking for?"

Gon knew he shouldn't dabble in whatever trickery this fox was playing at, but it had guessed correctly… Go back, and he'd have to face Noko again… And Aunt Mito, he thought. And Grandma, and the rest of the villagers, sailors, merchants, and travelers… He'd have to face them all, pretend that he was content staying on Whale Island when he could figure out what was so enticing about leaving – to understand how deeply inlaid the wonder was within the seas, and the promise of a horizon beyond that which he could see now…

When Gon turned around, his steps slow, the fox regained its benign, smallish appearance. It was coming toward him again. About half his height when on all fours, it gestured to the forest. "You'll find the answer there."

Gon blinked at the place the fox pointed out with its long nose. The trees spread apart, encircling around a vortex of white light – a kind of portal, perhaps.

Gon waited only a moment…

Then he dropped his basket – apples bouncing in the grass behind him – as he sprinted forward. Upon crossing the threshold, he was thrown backward in time – the forest around him grew dark, overlain as if with a grey film, shoving him simultaneously back into the main town near the port from years ago.

He saw himself, many years younger, standing before a group of elderly women with Noko. He'd been only six, his hair not as buoyant as it had come to be, and Noko was little more than a toddler. Before he could creep close enough to make out what the women were saying, his younger self turned away in an embarrassed frustration, dashing away while the women laughed. He remembered – they'd been joking about him and Noko, just adult prattle. She'd laughed along with them, yet for some reason… he hadn't liked it at all. Those jokes weren't funny to him, knowing it was, truly, what was expected when he grew older.

The scenery changed – and he was in his own house. Gon saw himself trembling and in tears in Mito's arms as she rocked him in bed. It was raining and thundering outside, and he was too frightened to even look at the trees dancing in the wind as Mito shushed him, patting his head gently. He refused to let her go.

Grey again – and he was in the forest, nine years old and terrified, lost without Aunt Mito. Stupid, stupid, stupid of him to run away from Noko in here…! He stumbled through daytime darkness beneath the roof of trees. When he came to a clearing in the fray, he fell to his knees, sobbing hysterically while wiping his face. It was then a larger shadow passed over him – a fully-grown female foxbear, Kon's mother – and could only watch as Kite's blade tore through her, igniting guilt and shame. Even now, he wanted to look away, but he didn't let himself. He had to face the reality of what he'd done… his own ignorance.

Then Kon was in his grasp, scratching and clawing at him as his blood dripped onto the ground… Gon refused to let him go, even as Kite demanded he be put down to be killed – for his own good.

Later still, he saw Aunt Mito's strained expression as she cleaned his wound – though Gon waved off her worrying. There was a different look that remained in his amber eyes, one of determination and profound curiosity…

After that, flashes of the forest went by: the years he had spent as Kon's caretaker and friend, catching fish and feeding him, making a place for him to sleep – and once he was large enough, bounding through the forests together, laughing after tumbling down unforeseeably tall hill… Until now, when Kon had found a settlement of his own in the forest.

I've been watching you from afar for a long time now, Gon Freecss, said the voice of the fox. It appeared before Gon as all the memories melted away, leaving only a black sky filled with stars. He was in the realm between eternity and reality. The fox grew to the size of a wolf, transforming into a shining entity built like blue flame that glowing with celestial light. Its eyes were red-hot, its mouth steaming, two tails swished behind it. I know you care for this forest, more than any other I have seen in all my lifetimes on this island. Its voice rang, echoing many voices in differing pitches again, sempiternal.

"Even more than my dad?" Gon couldn't help himself from asking.

The blue spirit nodded. That's right. It lifted its chin slightly. I know that you are lonely, that you are not sure what you are meant to do, and you see no escape as long as you remain here. Gon's eyes widened in surprise at the understanding behind its words. The spirit's lowered its blue head. My power is not that great, it said, lifting its two tails weakly. I do not have much left after spending so much magic on warding off the travelers who have overstayed their welcome. Including your long-haired friend. Its eyes burned when it mentioned Kite, as if he had been a sickness that plagued the island. Though… I wish I could use my remaining power to help you take the first step toward the kind of adventure you desire. I cannot forsake my island, so all I can offer is this. The spirit touched lifted a paw to Gon's chest, and he looked up into the spirit's golden eyes, confused at the calm warmth that overwhelmed him.

Please know you do not always have to fight alone. There will be friends that you meet who will help you along your journey. You merely have to ask…

When Gon awoke, his vision was unfocused. The apples looked like huge red droplets in the green around him. He felt groggy as he sat up, lifting a hand to his forehead – the sun was already sinking into the sky, with orange blazing all around it. The apple trees possessed long shadows in the deep light.

"Gon!"

He turned toward Mito's voice as she came running down the path, practically falling on top of him when she reached him.

"Thank goodness!" she gasped, smothering him with her hug. "I heard from Noko that you went in the forest by yourself again, and then she found you collapsed with apples!"

From the way she was gasping, Gon knew she'd thought it had been like when he'd gotten lost before – that he would return covered in bruises and blood. He smiled, placing a hand reassuringly on her arm. "Everything's okay. I'm fine now," he said between her choking hold. "Aunt Mito."

When she didn't lean back, Gon squirmed a little out of her arms.

Finally, she got the message and leaned back. "Yes? What is it, Gon?"

He looked at her in earnest. "I want to become a Hunter."

With the wind rushing past, Gon felt a peculiar presence behind him – recalling the warmth of the spirit, dream or figment it had been. He swelled with confidence.

He'd go on his own adventure in the great, wide world someday soon. But what he would find was hardly what he thought his heart truly desired…

I needed a small break from all the angst of my other on-going KilluGon story, Things I Don't Understand, and this idea hit me like a freight train and… here we are!

Gon's such an underrated character… I was writing a character analysis for my muse and suddenly got really emotional? I liked being able to include a lot of the aspects from the manga that weren't in the 2011 anime, so hope you enjoyed this small glimpse into Gon's life before the Hunter Exam~

Please leave your thoughts below!