Okay,Okay. I know it's already past Thanksgiving, It's just it's really long and I started it a day before Thanksgiving but never got to finish it...I just decided to post this today maybe make it more than one chapter for each POV? I don't know...
WARNING:
-Blood
-Suicidal Thoughts
-Depression
-Inappropriate language
-A LOT of Drama
-Anxiety
-Panic Attacks
Read at your own risk
(Alex's POV)
Dear Diary,
It's been about 2 years since me and John started dating, but everything's been going downhill for some reason. First off, John's been ignoring and avoiding me for these past 3 days. Secondly, Jefferson's been acting nicer, like strange nicer. Thirdly, Eliza, Peggy, and Angelica are now always by me and are getting me busy with stuff. It's really weird. Even Washington's acting weird. I believe it's because Thanksgiving is coming up, but nothing seems like its about Thanksgiving. John even went to the verge of leaving our apartment and going to live with Lafayette and Hercules. I've decided to ignore and avoid him, while focusing on work more. Thank god Aaron isn't acting weird. He's the only one who is actually listening and getting coffee with me without telling me to get it to go when John arrives. That's probably the only reason I've been avoiding everyone except Aaron, Theodosia, Madison, and Maria. I really want to-
"Mon Amie!" Laf yelled from the living room
-never mind, Laf's calling me...
-Alexander Hamilton
"Coming!" I yelled back
I left the room, closing my notebook. I got to the living room I saw John,Lafayette, Hercules, and the sisters. When I sat down, I saw John looking at me, he flushed a dark crimson red and looked back at Lafayette when I looked him straight in the eye.
"Nice to see you too, Laurens." I said mockingly, I haven't used any nicknames for John since he went to live with Laf and Herc, so I've decided to call him by his last name like I did when we used to work with each other till' he quit, saying that, and I quote, "didn't enjoy working there anymore."
"Jeez Alex," Peggy said "really showing that you care for him, aren't ya?"
"He's the one who left." I say rudely rolling my eyes, John shot his eyes to the floor clearly hurt, He deserves THAT feeling, he didn't even bother asking me how I felt about that
"Okay Okay, that's enough guys." Hercules said stepping between me and Peggy before we started tearing each other apart
"I believe, our ami, has something to say to you Alex." Lafayette said looking at John and nodding, Jesus christ, what is going on?
"I-er- um," John started looking at me, god those hazel eyes, no Alex stop you're suppose to mad at him, I mentally yelled at myself "Lexi-"
And that's what got me, he used the nickname he gave me 2 years ago when we started dating. I was so mad at him for saying my nickname, that I stood up walked over to him...and...and I fucking slapped him before he finished his sentence. I fucked up again.
"Using nicknames now?" I snapped at him, he was about to start crying
"Alex!" Angelica said yelling at me while getting up and walking over to John "shh, I'm here John, it's alright I'm here..."
"What the fuck is wrong with you Alex!" Peggy said storming over to me and slapping me back, I deserve that I guess...
"Peggy!" Eliza yelled
"What!?," Peggy said glaring at her sister "he fucking slapped John! He deserves to be slapped back!"
"Peggy, he probably didn't mean it." Eliza said stepping in front of me to defend me
"It's alright Eliza," I mumbled "i do deserve it..."
"Alex, you didn't deserve it," Eliza started "you're just frustrated, stressed, and sad.."
"I'm not fucking stressed Eliza!" I said pushing her into Peggy
Silence, stares, I fucked up again... I ran out of the apartment room and outside. It was raining, and I didn't have a coat on. Perfect, you fucked up again Alex, you should just make them happy... I walked to the park where there was a bridge crossing over a deep valley with a rushing river. Perfect spot, perfect timing, perfect weather...I looked up at the sky, imaging my mothers soothing voice, smiling I started counting numbers in French like how my mother used to do.
"Un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq," I started walking to sit under a tree, closing my eyes, imaging my mother holding me "six, sept, huit-"
I got cut off by someone yelling my name dammit, I should've just jumped...it could've made them happy, I could've seen my mom again, my brother, cousin, grandparents, I could've been happy, but I fu-
"Alex!," a voice said cutting my train of thought "Alex! Where are you!?"
"Alex! I'm sorry," another voice started "i shouldn't have slapped you!"
I was guessing by their feminine voices that it was Eliza and Peggy, since Angelica was still probably with Jackie...Jackie...no his name is John, the boy who's been avoiding and ignoring you, the one who YOU slapped...I...I...I...I got up and walked towards the bridge, I knew people were running towards me and were yelling my name and telling me to stop, I didn't. I climbed the railing looked down at the valley underneath, and jumped. Everything blurred out, everything went blank, all I could I hear was the wind rushing past me while I was falling. All I saw was black...all I heard was...black...Then I saw my mom
"Hello, Alexander." She said
I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out.. I started freaking out. That's when she walked over to me
"It's alright, hun," she said touching my crying face "someone else needs you more than me.."
She started walking away. No! Mom! Please don't leave me alone! I need you! I wanted to scream and yell, but nothing came out ...don't leave me...not like John...please I need you... I just sat there on the floor reaching out for her, crying, while she walked away
Light came back
Someone started shaking me awake
"A...x! A...ex!" Someone was yelling, where was I? Why am I in a hospital? Why can't I hear?
I heard muffled words but I couldn't see, it was still blurry but getting better
God, Alex, you're such a wimp...You should've jumped, wait a minute...you did jump? Why are you still alive...you need to be dead Alex.
"A...x," someone started "c...y...h...ar...me?"
I looked up in confusion. It was Maria who was asking me that.
"Al.x! Alex," Maria said tears flowing through her eyes "can you hear me?"
I opened my mouth to talk, but nothing came out except a little squeak. So I nodded yes.
"Good,Good," Maria said checking my heart rate "do you remember your name?"
"A-Alexander Ha-Hamilton..." I said remembering it from the top of my head
"Great!" Maria said happily
About 2 hours passed before I could actually talk without stuttering, and see fully.
"M-Maria?" I squeaked out
"Thank God you're alive!" Maria said hugging me
"What happened?" I asked hoarsely
"Well you jumped from a fucking bridge is what happened!" Peggy said walking in. Eliza, Angelica, Lafayette, Hercules, Aaron, Theodosia, Jefferson, Madison, and John coming in after her
"Brought the whole squad, huh?" Maria said laughing to herself
"I guess!" Pegs said
"Er-guys.." Maria started and looked at John
"Oh!" Theo said, understandingly
"Well, Alex I need to talk to you," Angie said seriously "alone."
"O-Okay, Angie.." I said looking at her, everyone left the room so it was just me and Angelica
"Why did you jump?" Angie asked
"I-I don't know..." I replied, I actually don't even remember why I even jumped
"We thought you were dead," Angie muttered to herself "especially John..."
"What about John?" I asked nervously
"..."
"Angie? What happened when I was out.."
"I-John he-um," Angie started "he thought you jumped because of him..."
"I did."
"What?"
"You heard me, I jumped because of him."
"Why?" Angie asked confused
"You want to know why!" I started yelling "he fucking left me and thought it would be fine to come back without and explanation on why he left me in the first place!"
"I had a good reason Lexi," John said coming in "you just never wanted to ask.."
"Oh great!," I said rolling my eyes "so, Jackie, you think it's fine to get up and walk out of my life without explaining why?"
"Lex, I-"
"No," I said cutting him off "you don't get a reason to explain why you left m-"
"I was going to propose to you!" John yelled at me, tears forming in his hazel eyes
"What?" I said, shocked
"You heard me.." John said tears flowing over his freckled face
"No..." I said "no, no, no!"
Memories flooded my mind, some of me and John, but a lot of them about my family, how my dad left me, and the hurricane that destroyed my home...my only home where I was welcomed and safe.
"Non...Non..." I started hugging myself and kept repeating "ils sont morts...Je ne pouvais pas les sauver...tout le monde que j'aimais et a pris soin de...est mort..."
"Laf!" Angelica yelled, walking over to me hugging me like how Maria did
"I'm here what's happening? Lafayette said running in
"Ils sont morts..." I repeated
"Oh mon dieu..." Laf said walking towards me and rubbing my back
"Alex, raconte moi ce qui s'est passe..." Laf said calmly
"Ils sont morts, tous morts..." I said to him
"Qui est mort Alex?" Laf asked me again
"Tou le monde que je connais..." I said
"Et qui est tout le monde?" asked Laf
"Ma famille, mes amis, et tout le monde a Nevis..." I told him again and then I screamed
"What's happening?" John asked
"Non! Sortez de l'eau! Non!" I screamed, trying to get out of Angelica's grip on me
"He thinks he is in Nevis when the hurricane hit." A doctor said coming in "I'm going to need you guys to leave the room."