Life Support
Allen stood in front of Kanda's door. He was definitely going to regret this but it was Kanda. One of the best exorcists and the order would seriously take a dent if they were to lose him. Screwing up his resolve Allen knocked on the door, the hollow sound echoing in the hallway.
"What the fuck do you want Moyashi?" Kanda asked cracking the door open.
"Kanda's been infected by an akuma on the last mission. He needs exorcist blood to sustain him – an exorcist with parasitic innocence," Komui said.
"Kanda, you left rather abruptly from dinner," Allen said.
"Parasitic innocence makes its influence in the blood more potent."
"Do you have a point or did you just come here to piss me off?" Kanda was clearly angry.
"If he doesn't have blood at least once a day to sustain him he'll go mad – in the occasion of this his innocence may reject him."
Allen's voice was caught in his throat as he watched Kanda's cobalt gaze drift to his exposed neck.
"I'm supposed to let him feed of me?" Allen asked uncertainty in his voice.
"Kanda, can I come in?" Allen asked.
"Allen, it'd be too much to ask this as a favour so I'd like you to treat it as your personal mission until we can find a cure for him."
"No, say what you want and go," Kanda growled.
'God he's going to kill me,' Allen thought.
"I can't do that," Allen said startling Kanda by pushing him into the room to the floor.
"What the fuck Moyashi! Get off!" Kanda growled but Allen could tell by the blood lust in the man's eyes that Kanda definitely needed this.
'This is just a mission,' Allen thought as he took a deep breath.
"You need blood right," Allen said silver eyes shimmering in the dim light, "take mine."
"Are you mental?" Kanda asked incredulously though he couldn't break his eyes away from the pale skin of Allen's neck.
"The order can't afford to lose you so quit screwing around," Allen said in frustration, it wasn't like he liked the idea of Kanda biting him but it was something that couldn't be helped and he's already accepted it as a mission from Komui.
Kanda's canines lengthened to sharp points unconsciously – he could hear the pulse of Allen's blood, his heart rate had increased.
"Get out Moyashi," Kanda said weakly trying to retain his control and give Allen an out.
"Don't make this harder than it has to be," Allen said stiffly as a blush painted his cheeks from the compromising position he'd pushed Kanda into.
"Baka Moyashi," Kanda growled as he pulled Allen flush against him and sank his teeth into the soft flesh of Allen's neck.
Allen's blood was sweet; it smelled of ambrosia to Kanda's lust hazed senses. Allen's heart beat quickened and the blush on his cheeks darkened as he felt his blood draining. He had gotten quite light headed by the time Kanda pulled away.
Kanda stared down at Allen and the flush on his face and the glassy look in his silver eyes - he looked all the more child-like.
"Oi Moyashi," Kanda said feeling quite content as he licked the traces of blood from his lips.
"Nnngh?" Allen asked his brain foggy from the loss of blood.
"Che," Kanda scooped Allen up into his arms and lay him on his bed, "rest here, I'm not taking you back to your room." Feeling oddly refreshed Kanda glanced at Allen almost wanting to thank the idiot.
Noticing just how pale Allen had gotten Kanda left to get something Allen could eat. Kanda wasn't an expert in such matters but after a lot of blood loss the body needs liquids and sugar to replace some of what was lost.
xXx
Kanda returned to his room a rather discouraged look on his face. He'd ordered a tray of Mitaraishi Dango - because it was sweet and Allen seemed to enjoy it - and everyone in the vicinity had stared at him in shock, most were too shocked to recognize that their lives were in danger just being around Kanda at this moment.
"Oi Moyashi, you lucid?" Kanda asked as he brought a cup of water to Allen who pushed himself weakly into a sitting position. Allen held his head in attempts to steady his dizzied vision and suppress the oncoming headache.
"Sorry I'll leave now," Allen said moving to get off the bed only for Kanda to rest a hand on Allen's shoulder stopping his movement.
"I didn't say you had to leave," Kanda said.
"You don't have to say it. I know you don't like people in your room, especially me since you continually profess how much you hate me," Allen said shifting out from under Kanda's touch.
"You really are an idiot," Kanda deadpanned. "Drink this, you lost a lot of blood and you need to have liquids to replace those you lost."
Allen took the offered glass of water, staring at it before looking up at Kanda.
"Thank you," Allen said before slowly sipping the water. Without a word Kanda offered Allen the tray of Dango. Cocking his head to the side Allen stared at Kanda in question.
"Is that for me?" Allen asked.
"Well I don't eat this crap so who else would it be for?" Kanda said. Allen pouted but didn't say anything, he was still a bit out of it and he was getting a headache from all the fussing. Smiling he took the offered sweets and ate slowly. After he'd finished eating he felt more grounded.
"Thanks again," Allen said as he placed the empty cup in the tray to take back to the cafeteria.
"Che," Kanda turned away from Allen but knew the boy was smiling as he left – he always smiled – even now when the Order was being stretched so thin and things were looking rather hopeless Allen would still smile.
xXx
"You'll be doing a simple mission, retrieve the innocence from a Bristol, England. The finder in the area said that strange incidences have been occurring around the River Avon, the possibility of their being innocence there is at least 93%" Komui said.
Nodding Kanda flipped through the mission folder.
"Allen will be your partner," Komui added as he sipped his coffee.
"Why does the brat have to go with me?" Kanda asked.
"You know why Kanda and I suggest you take good care of him. Right now that brat is keeping you sane and functional," Komui said.
"I can't keep…doing that to him," Kanda said.
"I've already talked to Allen, he knows the risks," Komui said, "once you sate the blood lust at least once a day, you should be able to keep control over your senses so you don't drain him."
Kanda was silent, the thought that he might lose control and drain Allen dry hadn't even crossed his mind and it only made him more adamant about not drinking the boy's blood. He hadn't even wanted to the first time, but Allen had been so damn tempting and the blood lust had clouded his judgment.
"When do we leave?" Kanda asked.
"Tomorrow morning, your train leaves at seven," Komui said. Kanda nodded and made to leave the room to tell Allen to be ready to leave in the morning and get some rest.
"Kanda, one more thing," Komui called, the dark haired male turned to look at the estranged scientist. "Allen's been having migraines lately. I gave him some pills to suppress them, make sure he takes them."
Kanda gave Komui a questioning look. 'Moyashi's been having migraines…earlier when he was holding his head…why?' Kanda wondered.
"He won't say if there's anything troubling him and as far as the head nurse can tell, the only thing wrong with him is the toll his innocence is taking on his body as a parasitic user," Komui said.
xXx
Allen shuddered as he pulled his hood up. The train would be leaving soon and he and Kanda had yet to board, the finder who was to be waiting with their tickets wasn't on the platform where he'd supposed to be and Kanda had told Allen to wait while he found him. Allen had been waiting for several minutes and was feeling a bit cold – it was still early fall but the nights were already getting longer and with it came a much colder atmosphere.
"Oi Moyashi," Kanda called as walked past Allen and boarded the train. Allen sighed and followed after him through the cars to the compartment they'd be sharing for the next day and a half. Allen placed his bag down; in doing so he felt the familiar throbbing of pain in his head and turned, leaving the car much to Kanda's confusion.
Leaning against the wall just outside their compartment Allen held his hands over his ears trying to block out the noises in his head. The pain increased and in attempts to keep himself from screaming his agony tears rolled down his cheeks leaving damp trails on Allen's skin. 'God, why won't it stop?' Allen thought stumbling further from the room and through the door leading to the space between two of the train compartments. Slumping down against the wall Allen curled his knees to his chest, leaning his head forward while still holding his hands against his ears.
Though the screeching of the train's wheels and the clinking of the links connecting the two compartments were loud enough to drown out thoughts Allen could only hear the cacophony of sound in his head. The white haired boy desperately sought to hear something real, anything real that would cause the throbbing pain to subside. Listening ever so closely Allen felt a sigh of relief escape him as he heard the soft pulse in his wrists, the sign that he was still alive. Breathing somewhat heavily Allen laughed a mirthless sound as he wiped away the tears.
'I really am going to hell,' Allen thought mildly amused at the irony of the situation. He simply sat there in that small space which he believed he'd frequent during the train ride to Bristol. When he'd calmed down enough and he was satisfied with the natural though annoying sounds of the moving train Allen made his way back to the room he and Kanda were sharing.
A golden blur flew at Allen only to be caught by the startled exorcist.
"Tim? Oh I'm sorry, did Kanda threaten to slice you up again?" Allen asked a smile on his face.
"Che, as if I'd waste my time on that thing," Kanda huffed, his eyes trailing over Allen's posture, the hood was still up hiding most of the white hair that lay beneath it and his bangs were shading his eyes from view. The ever present smile was still there but something was off about the manner in which Allen had entered the car.
"Where did you go?" Kanda asked.
"Just a walk," Allen replied without hesitation seemingly having anticipated the question which made Kanda all the more suspicious. But the older male let the subject drop at that –Allen was stupid and he didn't care to deal with the martyr of a brat.
xXx
Kanda was slightly perturbed by Allen's frequent disappearance from their compartment. Why the boy kept abruptly fleeing the room – even leaving the now frustrated golden golem behind – was beyond him. Timcanpy flutter impatiently waiting for its master to return for what must have been the fourth time since the two had returned from the dining car.
Allen returned smiling as usual from wherever he'd been and took a seat across from Kanda, starring out the window at the passing scenery. The golden golem fluttered about trying to get its masters' attention but Allen wasn't responding. Baring its teeth in warning Tim bit Allen's hand effectively drawing the boy's attention as well as his blood. The scent wafted through the air and Kanda felt his control slipping as his eyes landed on Allen's now bleeding hand.
"What was that for?" Allen asked looking up at the golden golem. "No I didn't forget you – I didn't bring you for a reason."
Allen tensed when he felt the weight in the seat change, turning to see Kanda had moved next to him, eyes filled with blood lust and canines elongated. Kanda lifted Allen's hand to his lips and licked the blood from the small wound. Sucking gently until the bleeding stopped Kanda glanced at Allen whose silver eyes stared back into his, a light dusting of pink on his pale cheeks.
Kanda removed Allen's hood and pulled the boy against him as he sank his fangs into the flesh of Allen's neck just above his collar bone. Allen tensed slightly before relaxing into Kanda as his blood was being drained. Dizzy and light headed Allen slackened against Kanda leaning back into the older male's arms as he drank. Kanda licked the wound he'd made before pulling away fully sated.
Allen's breathing was labored as his body struggled to circulate the now thinned blood. Kanda waited a few minutes holding Allen before he met the glare of the golden golem.
"You bit him first," Kanda said simply. "Moyashi," his voice was softer than usual.
"Nngh?" Allen asked as he fought of the encroaching darkness on his vision.
"Why do you keep leaving?" Kanda asked hoping Allen would be more accommodating in this state. Silence.
"Is it because of me?" Kanda asked.
'No,' Allen shook his head the smile faltering as his eyes fluttered closed.
"Oi don't fall asleep," Kanda said shaking the boy. Allen gave a disgruntled yelp as his eyes flashed open.
"Nngh Kanda I…" Allen trailed of feeling the familiar throbbing sensation in his head. Stumbling awkwardly out of Kanda's arms Allen leaned against the door supporting him in his dizzied state.
"Oi what that fuck are you doing?" Kanda stood to pull Allen back down but the white haired boy moved away from the touch, opening the door Allen wobbled down the hall and out into the space between the two train compartments just as the cacophony of sounds filled his head. He collapsed, drained of blood and his head splitting with the agonizing headache.
"What the hell," Kanda's voice was angry, he'd followed Allen this time.
Allen was hugging his knees to his chest, tears streaming down his cheeks as he held his hands tightly over his ears, an agonized expression on his face.
"Moyashi," Kanda said crouching near Allen. He's been having migraines…make sure he takes the pills.
"Did you take your pills?" Kanda asked.
"Go away," Allen said shakily desperate to clear his head of the horrible sound that only he could hear.
"The hell I will!" Kanda said pulling Allen's hand away from his ears looking rather pissed off, "are you fucking deaf?"
'Shit,' was the only thought to make its way through Allen's mind; he needed to hear his pulse, it was the only thing that he'd found to calm his nerves and suppress the sounds.
"Kanda, let go!" Allen said desperately over the loud screeching noises of the train.
"Why?" Kanda asked looking questioningly at Allen who was adamantly trying to retrieve his hands. Then it hit him, Allen, for whatever reason, really couldn't hear anything he said. Kanda released Allen's hands which instantly flew back over his ears.
Desperate to hear anything real, focusing on finding any sort of sound that existed out of his mind, listening carefully for the small sign that he was alive a faint pulsing reached through the disharmony of his mind. Allen felt a wave of relief settle in as the sounds retreated to wherever they came from and slowly all the sounds of his surroundings returned to him, the pulsing of his blood in his veins, the screeching and rattling of the metal and Kanda's breathing.
Dazed silver eyes stared up at the sky as the tears slowed to a trickle before stopping altogether. Allen let his hands fall to his side as he let out a breath he'd been holding. He had no intention of moving – even if he'd wanted to he really couldn't, he'd been drained of blood and had yet to replace any of the fluids, actually managing to lose more through crying, and the migraines always drained him of his energy, making it hard to breathe and even harder to think. Allen wanted nothing more at the moment than to just die, perhaps that would be easy, perhaps then there would be no noises threatening to rip him in two and no strange and unfortunate happenstances that ended in his blood being drained from his body, slowly in such a manner that he could feel every bit of his life that he seemed to be losing at the exchange – yes perhaps death would be much easier.
"Allen," Kanda said. When Allen turned his gaze to Kanda the older male felt relief wash over him, whatever had happened to the younger boy was now over. Allen didn't speak, he just watched Kanda, trying to force a smile to his face but failed miserably, the look in his eyes much too broken to mask the fake smile as something believable.
Kanda pulled Allen into his arms, the younger boy curled into the embrace. Kanda was debating on whether or not to take Allen back to the train compartment. The boy seemed to have been escaping to this odd little place between the two train cars – did that mean the boy felt comfortable here. It's such a noisy place Kanda couldn't really understand why of all places the boy decided on this place as his refuge.
"Can you leave me alone for a while?" Allen asked.
"You're weak and you can barely move there's no way I'm leaving you alone," Kanda said. Allen fell into silence again. "Komui told me you've been having migraines but he failed to mention how bad they were. He also told me he'd given you pills to suppress them but seeing as this is the fifth time you've retreated out here I'm having a hard time believing you've been taking them."
Allen stiffened in Kanda's arms and made an attempt to pull away but Kanda held him firmly.
"Why aren't you taking them Allen?" Kanda asked.
"I have taken them, they don't work," Allen lied.
"Have you told Komui they don't work?" Kanda asked skeptically.
"No – he was just so happy that he could help me," Allen said. There it was that selfless, naïve nonsense that pissed Kanda off.
"Baka Moyashi," Kanda muttered as he stood, lifting Allen with him. Kanda carried Allen back into their room and sat him down. Taking a seat next to the white haired boy Kanda looked at Allen's crestfallen appearance. He needed to know what was going on.
"I need you to tell me what your migraines entail because it's obvious they aren't normal," Kanda said.
"Please Kanda – it's not important," Allen said his voice soft.
"Damn it Allen!" Kanda was angry with Allen's antics, "you see me when I'm a fucking monster, I've been drinking your blood – and I like it! Why won't you tell me what's wrong with you?" How he hated admitting it, how he utterly loathed himself for needing to rely on the stupid martyr of all people.
"I don't know what's wrong with me," Allen said his voice sounding all too broken as if he'd given up, "it hurts so much…all these sounds just start pouring into my head..."
"Sounds? It was pretty damn loud out there but if the sound is what's bothering you then why do you go there?" Kanda said, "and why couldn't you hear me?"
"The sounds are in my head…I don't know how to explain it but it's like these sounds are just inside of me and every time they surface it feels like I'm dying…it's like nothing else exists because I can't hear anything else, like I'm drowning," Allen said delicate brows furrowed in a troubled manner as he tried to explain the sensation. "Even in the loudest place on the train I still can't hear anything but those sounds."
There were a few moments of silence as Allen seemed to be sorting through his thoughts and Kanda was contemplating what he'd heard so far.
"When you found me I was listening for my pulse…if I hear it, it's like proof that I'm alive and the sounds dissipate…once I hear something real the pain lessens and living is bearable again," Allen's silver eyes were clouded in agony as he stared longingly out the window, "I'm real aren't I? All I've been doing isn't for nothing right?"
Kanda didn't know what to say, he'd told Allen he wanted to know what was wrong but he never expected Allen to actually tell him – the first time around anyway. Allen seemed so lost and Kanda had no idea how to help him – or why he felt compelled to in the first place – after all he'd always seen the boy as strong though stupid and naïve and it never occurred to him that Allen could be so damn vulnerable to the point where he'd question even his own existence and meaning.
Kanda had never been one to associate with people, so comforting Allen was going to be a chore, why he felt the need to do so was beyond him – sure the boy was adorable and keeping him sane while Komui found a cure but before Allen came along something like that wouldn't have mattered to Kanda in the least. And he still hated Allen, the boy seemed too much of an idealistic dreamer and all that tragic hero complex crap was seriously getting to him. Kanda hated people like that.
"You are very real, Allen," Kanda said pulling the boy into a loose embrace, "you've done a lot and it wasn't for nothing. Right now you are the only thing that's keeping me sane." Despite his confliction of hatred, the need to reassure the boy burned at him – maybe it was because of the all too real expression and confession Allen had given, far from his cheerful façade.
"What a nice sentiment," Allen mused, eyes fluttering closed – he was much too tired to do much of anything and he wanted to get as much rest as possible before the sounds resurfaced.
Kanda stared down into his arms where the boy's breathing began to even out – asleep. Shaking his head in frustration Kanda eased Allen down onto the seat before distancing himself. Now sitting on the opposite side of the compartment Kanda studied the pale features of Allen's infantile face. It had always been of Kanda's opinion that there was no place in war for children, yet there Allen was, the most childish and seemingly innocent creature he'd ever come across. Allen looked so angelic lying there across from him even despite the marring of the curse over his left eye. Looking at him now, one would never guess that the boy was in turmoil, he was sleeping so soundly amidst the battles as if he had no care in the world. Kanda knew better though, he'd just witnessed the boy's breakdown – one of many he'd been having – noises that would infiltrate his mind and drive him crazy. The dull shine that had been in Allen's eyes out in his small place of refuge made Kanda sick, though it had been masked he's already seen it and knew that the boy had lost his will to live.
Kanda wondered when the boy had become so broken, had he been like this since he'd come to the order; it wouldn't have been much of a surprise the boy was a damn good actor after all. Kanda suspected that this was no new feeling for Allen and if he was right, why was Allen still fighting? What gave the small boy the motivation to keep walking and smiling and throwing himself into the line of danger for everyone?
xXx
Kanda blinked, looking around the compartment noticing he was alone. Cursing himself for having fallen asleep he stood noting the golden golem asleep on the seat which Allen had been left on. Kanda went to where he knew the young boy would be and sure enough there he was, tears streaming from unfocused silver eyes as he held his hands over his ears in desperate attempts to block out the sounds.
Kanda felt something twist in him as he looked at the display before him. Sighing he knelt next to Allen and pulled the startled boy into his arms, teary face staring into his shirt. 'Need to hear something real right?' Kanda thought.
Canines lengthened before sinking into Allen's neck, the boy's eyes dilated but his hands didn't leave his ears and sure enough a moment later Allen's hands fell to rest on Kanda's shoulders as the male pulled away, licking the trace of blood from his lips.
Kanda knew how Allen's heart rate increased when he was drinking him and if the boy was listening for his pulse then I'd be much easier if it was erratic and frequent. Allen looked up curiously into Kanda's steely cobalt gaze – just because he felt the need to do something for the boy didn't mean he had to be overly nice about it.
"Feel better?" Kanda asked to which Allen simply nodded a small smile sliding into place on his features.
"Then come on," Kanda pulled Allen up with him. Allen stumbled behind Kanda as he was dragged back to the compartment and pushed towards a seat. Falling rather ungracefully onto the seat Allen turned his gaze to Kanda who didn't look amused.
"Stop running away what do you hope to accomplish by hiding in a corner, crying?" Kanda's voice was harsh. Allen cringed at the tone his delicate brows knitting together as he looked down at the floor.
"I would have been fine," Allen's voice was bitter but the anger was clearly directed at himself.
"I don't give a shit if you think you'd have been fine. You need to quit with that self-pitying attitude of yours and fight that feeling down. When did it start? When does it start to resurface? Find out what the hell is wrong with you so you can do something about it!" Kanda glared at Allen.
Allen swallowed it had started after the incident with the ark, after he'd played that piano and had seen that strange reflection in the mirror. It started to resurface whenever Allen was vulnerable, when he questioned his purpose, when he questioned Mana. It was punishment, it was his sin and he knew that much but he'd never say it. He didn't know how or why this was happening all he knew was that it hurt like hell and that he just wanted it to end even if it was by his death – that's the only way it would stop altogether.
Noting the troubled and overly sorrowful look that affixed itself to Allen's face Kanda sighed. 'Damn troublesome brat, just had to make that face,' Kanda thought.
"Until then…until you can suppress it…until you have control over it I want you to lean on me," Kanda said and almost chocked when he saw the shocked and even more troubled expression on Allen's face.
"What's wrong?" Kanda asked.
"Kanda, are you sick?" Allen asked a bewildered look on his delicate features.
"Am I what? No! What the fuck?" Kanda was close to fuming now of all the things for the boy to say he begins to worry completely dismissing his own problems.
"It's just that I…you…are you sure you're alright?" Allen asked.
"Damn it, can't you worry about yourself?" Kanda asked in frustration.
"It's easier for me," Allen said simply. "Did you get enough blood?"
"What do you mean it's easier for you?" Kanda asked.
Allen smiled at Kanda that sickeningly fake joy surrounding him. 'Fuck you Moyashi, how can you continue to smile like that when you're breaking apart?' Kanda thought glaring at the white haired boy.
"Fucking hell, you piss me off," Kanda growled in annoyance as he stormed out of the compartment, leaving Allen alone.
xXx
The rest of the train ride was fairly silent, even though Kanda had told Allen to lean on him the boy would run off and suffer through it alone. It disgusted Kanda and his mixed feelings of hatred and caring grew.
By the time the two reached their destination Kanda realized that the migraines only got worse. With the boy's wavering spirit, it took him longer to find his desired sound of life in his body and as a result the pain lasted much longer. Kanda hadn't wanted to feed off Allen when he was already so weak but the boy was insistent.
When the two arrived in Bristol the finder met them and took them to the inn they'd be staying in and filled them in on the town's schematics and where along the river they believed the innocence to be located.
The first two days had been simple reconnaissance as the two exorcists surveyed the area and searched the designated area, meeting their fair share of akuma along the way.
It was nearing the end of their third day in the town and they hadn't found any trace of the innocence they were supposed to retrieve. Kanda was rather angry that they could seem to pin down the location and end the mission and Allen's migraines only got worse. The two had made it back to the inn, tired knocked up from a tousle with several level 2 and 3 akuma who'd been hovering along the river.
"I'll come by after I clean up," Allen said as he headed to his room.
"You should rest, you already lost quite a bit of blood today," Kanda said though he knew the boy would still come – he always did.
Allen smiled at Kanda before retreating into his room and closing the door. Allen let out a sigh of relief as his smile faltered. 'God I'm such an idiot,' Allen thought as collapsed against the door, bringing his hands to his ears, 'it's getting worse.'
Timcanpy began flying about Allen frantically and opened its mouth to reveal a small box of pills.
"I'm not going to take them Tim," Allen said as the tremors in his mind had only been a dull throbbing – teasing his abused senses. "I don't care! I'll manage the pain somehow but I can't take those things again."
The golden golem bared its teeth at Allen in a menacing way, obviously angry with its master.
"So what if they do suppress it? I can't take them," Allen said his breathing heavy as he leaned his head back against the door. 'You know what they do to me,' Allen thought.
"They don't work huh? You fucking liar," Kanda's voice sounded from the other side of Allen's door and the boy tensed up, hoping that maybe by some chance it would have been a trick of his mind. Kanda had heard the thud against the door as Allen had collapsed and made to ask if he was alright only to hear the rather one-sided conversation between the boy and his golem.
Allen scurried away from the door as Kanda kicked it open and stalked into the room looking very pissed off.
"Uh…Kanda, can we talk about this?" Allen asked, terrified of the man's raging aura.
"Fuck no! Last time we had a chance to talk you, baka Moyashi, decided to fucking lie to me!" Kanda yelled as he stormed up to Allen and lifted him by the collar of his shirt and tossed him onto the bed. "Now, you're going to take those damn pills!"
Kanda shot his glare towards Timcanpy. The golden golem opened its mouth to reveal the small pill box which Kanda took. Marching forward he noticed the utterly panicked look in Allen's silver eyes but ignored it. Allen pulled his knees to his chest and buried his face in his hands, his whole body trembling.
"You can make this easy, you little retard, or I can fucking make you take the damn things," Kanda said harshly as he stood at the edge of the bed, heated glare set on Allen's trembling form. Allen didn't comply with the order or show any sign of having heard it so Kanda pocketed the pill box, leaning forward he grabbed Allen's ankles and pulled the boy towards him.
Allen struggled, trying desperately to break away from the angered Japanese man, but only managed to earn a placating slap to the face – Kanda was pissed off and he was not playing around. Kanda glared down at the terrified boy whose shimmering silver eyes stared into his cobalt ones with pleading that was probably caught in his throat.
Straddling Allen's hips, Kanda leaned down and licked at the boy's neck before sinking hungry fangs into the delicate flesh. Allen's heart beat quickened and his pupils dilated as his blood was drained from his body. Pulling away, still retaining the angered look on his face Kanda licked the blood from his lips while glaring down at the flushed boy before him whose mind was almost too fuzzy to comprehend what was going on. Kanda took a pill and tried to force it past Allen's lips, though placated and barely lucid Allen's lips were drawn tight and he turned his head to the side, away from Kanda's fingers and the pill that lay between them.
"Just had to make it hard didn't you?" Kanda growled in frustration as he gripped Allen's chin, forcing the boy to face him, "you are going to take the fucking pill." Kanda popped the pill into his mouth and leaned down, pressing his lips against Allen's.
The boy must have been shocked because his dilated eyes seemed to draw into a pinpoint for a moment as they tried to make sense of their surroundings. Kanda trailed his tongue over Allen's bottom lip causing the boy to gasp at the strange sensation. Taking the opportunity Kanda slid his tongue into Allen's mouth along with the pill and deepened the kiss.
Hazy senses sought to find reality but Allen's head swam in the deep kiss, swallowing as Kanda pulled away. There was a victorious smirk on the older male's face as he looked down at Allen.
"Why couldn't you just leave me alone?" Allen whispered as tears began to roll down his cheeks. He hated the feeling, he hated it so much and though he just wanted to die so that the pain would stop he couldn't allow himself to give up because of his promise to Mana. But Kanda had just made it difficult, left Allen completely vulnerable, in a state where he had no choice but to give up.
"What the fuck is the big deal? If you take the pills then the migraines stop, are you a fucking masochist?" Kanda's voice was cold and annoyed as he looked at the trembling body beneath him and the crystal tears the flowed from those gorgeous silver eyes.
Allen was still much too out of it to focus his thoughts, let alone answer any questions. Kanda fixed the boy on the bed and left to get water and food. He needed Allen at least somewhat lucid if he was going to get any answers out of him.
xXx
It was the morning after the incident and Allen hadn't spoken to Kanda since he'd been forced to take the pill; he'd even rejected the food that had been brought to him. Kanda was growing more annoyed by the second and just wanted to run Allen through with his Mugen to put the stupid boy out of his misery.
"Why the fuck aren't you eating?" Kanda asked angrily as he slammed the tray of food down on the table. Allen ignored Kanda curling into a ball on the bed. "Baka Moyashi, don't you ignore me!" Allen still refused to speak, he hadn't had any migraines for the past eight hours or so but he hadn't slept a wink for fear of an attack and not being able to defend himself – he was utterly paranoid and he refused to put on a front let alone speak to Kanda.
Maybe when the effects of the pills wore off he'd forgive Kanda if the male promised to never do it again but Kanda had kept the pills and the likelihood of that being without the obvious reasons were low.
"Fine whatever, don't eat!" Kanda yelled in frustration. "Come on we have to go get the innocence," Kanda said as he stormed over to the bundle on the bed that was Allen and yanked the covers off. Allen said nothing but he shook his head – there was no way he could go out there in the state he was in now.
"You better be fucking joking and get your damn ass out of bed before I give you a reason to huddle in a corner," Kanda said his voice holding a dangerous edge to it. Still Allen said nothing and all he did was edge closer to the wall and as far away from Kanda as the bed would allow.
'That's it; I'm sick and tired of his stupid problems. I don't care how cute or how broken he is I'm going to kill him,' Kanda thought as he leaned over dragging Allen off the bed. The young boy began flailing and Kanda had dropped him, Allen falling to the ground in the process.
"Fucking hell!" Kanda was beyond pissed off, Allen was now compromising the mission and he would not fail or be put behind by the stupid little child of an exorcist.
"Get away from me!" Allen yelled, speaking for the first time since the night before.
"We have a mission to carry out baka!" Kanda yelled.
"Even if I go I won't be any use," Allen said bitterly angry and hating himself for it and hating Kanda for putting him in this situation.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Kanda asked in annoyance, "if anything you should be one hundred percent rested and ready for battle – you haven't had one of those migraines in almost half a day. You should be jumping for fucking joy!"
"Well excuse me if I couldn't sleep because you made me take that damn pill," Allen said as he bit back tears, willing them not to fall.
"Damn it Moyashi, I don't understand! Why the hell is it such a problem? The damn migraines are suppressed! Can't your fucking brain comprehend how good this is for you?" Kanda was at his wits end he'd kill Allen if the boy didn't stop acting like a spoiled brat.
"I'm sorry if my fucking brain is too busy wondering how the hell I'm supposed to protect myself if an akuma attacks or worse a Noah!" Allen yelled, clamping his hand over his mouth once he'd realized he'd said that out loud.
Kanda stood staring at Allen in shock. He instantly felt worry start to creep up on him.
"You'd protect yourself with your innocence, what else baka," Kanda said his tone was far from angry, gauging Allen's expression and waiting for the response.
"I can't," Allen said biting his bottom lip as he cursed softly.
"Allen," Kanda said the boy's name trying to coax a less vague answer out of the boy.
"My innocence is parasitic meaning its part of my body. Those pills…they suppress more than just the sounds…they suppress my ability to invoke as well," Allen's voice was cold and scared. Kanda felt extremely guilty for rendering the boy so vulnerable.
"Why did you lie about the pills?" Kanda asked. "You could have just told me so we could have avoided all this."
Allen looked away not willing to answer. 'I didn't want anyone to worry – if I take them I can't fight, if I don't take them my head splits in two – I'd hardly think that anyone would be comfortable with that knowledge.
"Tell me Allen!" Kanda said a bit too harshly in light of the situation.
"What would you have done Kanda?" Allen asked clearly angry and defensive. "You couldn't have done anything either way so I did what was easiest. After all it's much less of a burden to go by thinking they just didn't work than debating which one to deal with – complete vulnerability or a fucking brain splitting headache!"
Kanda was taken aback by Allen's profanity – the boy was usually so mild mannered, even in their arguments it rarely led to such ungentlemanly like conduct. The British boy had pulled his knees to his chest and was fighting back his tears of anger and frustration.
"How long does it last?" Kanda asked.
"Twelve hours," Allen replied without looking at Kanda.
'Good going idiot, you not only took away his only means for protecting himself but you left him alone all night to worry about being attacked,' Kanda thought, mentally hitting himself for his stupidity.
"I'm sorry," Kanda apologized, "there are only about four more hours left so we'll wait it out here, together, then we'll go look for the innocence."
"You're not going to go look for it now?" Allen asked in surprise.
"I won't leave you alone when you can't even protect yourself," Kanda said. "I know I'm a bastard but really now," Kanda added cocking a brow while a small smirk made its way onto his face.
"Thanks," Allen murmured. He wouldn't say it but Kanda had made him quite happy, knowing the man wouldn't just up and abandon him because he was a burden – though he threatened it almost as if it were second nature – put him at ease, even just a little bit.
xXx
Allen was relieved once he was able to invoke again, thought it was bit sluggish and difficult to force out the first couple of times. The two exorcists searched another day with no leads and no innocence. Kanda had been watching out for Allen a little more than usual and Allen noticed feeling a spark of almost joy in his heart. No matter how much Kanda hated him it was nice to know the elder male was still willing to look out for him – even though he would claim he didn't need help.
"Oi Moyashi, let's call it a day," Kanda called and the two began heading back along the river towards the inn. Allen hadn't had a migraine since before the incident with the pill but as he followed after Kanda he felt the familiar throbbing in his mind and instantly his hands flew to his ears.
'Please let me just make it back to the inn first,' Allen thought desperately as tears began to build in his eyes. Allen knew he wouldn't make it if he took his time walking there so he began to run.
"I'm going back first," Allen called as he past Kanda. The Japanese male shook his head knowing the boy was probably going to go hide and suffer by himself but without even realizing it, he'd begun to run after the white haired boy.
Kanda caught up with Allen quickly and grabbed the boy, pulling him into his arms. The tears had already begun to fall. Allen's body was shaking and his knees buckled beneath him. Kanda held tight to keep the boy upright.
'Guess now is as good a time as any,' Kanda thought as he tugged down the collar of the jacket, revealing Allen's neck. Blood lusting eyes traced the delicate flesh before sharp canines pierced into it. As the blood drained, Allen's heart rate increased and the soft pulsing made its way through the noises, pushing them back to the recesses of Allen's mind.
Kanda felt Allen's body go limp and he pulled away, licking his lips. Turning Allen to face him, Kanda looked into the disoriented silver eyes that were slightly red from the tears.
"I told you not to run away didn't I?" Kanda said in a reprimanding tone. Allen nodded wearily as he leaned his head against Kanda's chest, the soft yet steady pulse of the man's heart soothing his overly stimulated nerves.
The corners of Kanda's mouth twisted up in what would have been a smile had he not caught a glimpse of the level 3 akuma that attacked from right behind Allen. Even with his foggy senses Allen's cursed eye had detected the akuma and as a result Allen had activated his crown clown – it was a split second move based on instinct – and shielded both himself and Kanda from the attack. His body was still weak and he couldn't even stand so there was really no way he could support the innocence to be functional; for more than that one assault.
Kanda held Allen tightly against him with his left arm and drew Mugen to attack.
"Let go, Kanda," Allen's voice was labored.
"Shut up," Kanda said as he defended against the akuma's attacks. Allen knew he was a literal burden right now and if Kanda were to continue like this he'd be at a disadvantage. Shoving himself out of Kanda's arms Allen fell back on the river bank. Kanda growled in frustration but knew what Allen must have been thinking so he let the boy remain where he was and lunged at the akuma. In a few moments the akuma had been destroyed and Kanda bent down next to Allen who seemed to be desperately trying to get a hold of his bearings.
"It's over," Kanda said softly. Allen had been trying to fight off the encroaching black on his vision but let he failed and had heard only a distorted voice calling his name as he lost consciousness.
"Shit!" Kanda exclaimed as he scooped the boy into his arms. The scent of blood wafted about Allen, Kanda had already had his fill so it didn't affect him but he hastily made his way back to the inn. Placing Allen down on the bed, Kanda realized there was blood staining his hands. 'Idiot must not have invoked in time or something,' Kanda thought as he stripped Allen's upper half and began cleaning and treating the wound.
'This is my fault' Kanda thought, a heavy feeling in the pit of his stomach, 'if I hadn't drunk from him, he'd have had enough energy and his senses would have been clear enough to fight. If I had even just let him run back to the room, he would have been safe here while he rode out the pain. But I just had to drink him there…damn it!'
xXx
Allen had woken the next morning in Kanda's bed and needless to say he was startled by the revelation. Kanda had looked so remorseful and Allen had insisted it wasn't his fault. The two went out in search of the innocence only to turn up nothing – again. Kanda had been grumbling about Komui's stupidity and how there is no way this should be taking so long if there was a 93% chance of there being innocence here. After the two had returned to the inn that evening Allen cleaned himself up and made his way to Kanda's room, but the older male hadn't been there.
Allen waited most of the night in Kanda's room for the male to return and woke to find Kanda with a scowl on his face.
"What the fuck are you doing here Moyashi?" Kanda asked. 'If I don't drink you then you won't be so vulnerable Kanda thought. He'd deliberately been avoiding Allen but the boy was much too stupid to get that.
"I-I-you never came in last night and you need to-"Allen was cut off by Kanda slamming a hand against the wall. Cringing at the sound, Allen's brows knitted together in confusion.
"Get the fuck out," Kanda said dangerously. Feeling rather perplexed but frightened at the mood Kanda was in scrambled out as he'd been told.
The day went by quickly much like the days before and then the next day passed. It had been three full days since Kanda had drunk from Allen and the boy was worried to death about him. The migraines were persistent and steadily becoming more of a nuisance but all Allen could think about was Kanda and why he'd kept disappearing and been in such a bad mood and even flung him into a wall to get him away, when all Allen hand been trying to do was help.
That night when the two were heading back to the inn Allen had waited and followed Kanda into his room.
"Get out Moyashi," Kanda growled as cobalt eyes glared daggers at him.
"No," the word that had fallen from Allen's mouth made Kanda grow even more pissed off. Couldn't the idiot see he was doing this for him? So he wouldn't have to be so vulnerable.
Kanda made to throw Allen out but the boy closed the door and stood in front of it. 'If you won't do it for yourself, I'll make you do it,' Allen thought as he drew one clawed, black hand up and cut a line into his neck. Kanda's eyes widened as he the scent of Allen's blood filled the room, wafting into his nostrils and clouding his mind with the blood lust that he'd been suppressing for the past few days.
"Baka Moyashi," Kanda growled slamming his hands on either side of Allen's head as the boy had been backed against the door.
"BaKanda," Allen said a smile on his face as the blood trailed down his neck, tracing the gentle contours as it made its way down past Allen's collar bone.
Unable to restrain himself Kanda lapped up the blood from around the cut before he sank his already elongated canines into Allen's neck in a rather animalistic way – the need was so strong Kanda's mind was completely clouded as he drank the ambrosia from Allen's neck. The heated crimson liquid caressed his tongue and flowed enticingly down his throat and made Kanda burn for more as he bit down harder causing a pained yelp to escape the younger exorcist.
Allen's mind was dizzy; Kanda hadn't ever been so rough before – then again Kanda hadn't skipped three days straight before either Allen rationalized as he allowed the older male to do as he pleased. But Kanda didn't stop and Allen was so light headed and his heart ached from the thinned blood and Kanda had roughly pinned Allen against the door and was seriously so out of his senses that he probably didn't intend to stop.
"K-kanda stop," Allen breathed as his vision was fading. Kanda grunted and bit down harder causing pained tears to slip past Allen's eyes. "Kanda, it hurts." Still the Japanese man didn't stop.
'God he's going to kill me,' Allen thought through his foggy mind. "Please stop," Allen's voice was weaker now and his muscles burned – lungs filled with air but no way to circulate it. Screwing up all the energy he could muster, Allen invoked long enough to shove Kanda back across the room. As soon as Kanda's body was gone Allen slid down the door as darkness engulfed him.
Kanda growled as he looked up from where he'd been pushed. Once his cobalt eyes landed on the unconscious body against the door Kanda's mind cleared instantly.
"Allen," the name was soft and worried as Kanda stared from across the room. "Allen!" in desperation Kanda rushed to the boy's side and checked his vitals. There was barely any pulse. Kanda scooped Allen up and made for the closest hospital in the area. Looking down at the bundle in his arms as he ran through the dark streets Kanda felt guilty and so very angry. Allen was pale, much too pale and his heart beat was slow and weak, almost non-existent, the wound on his neck hadn't stopped bleeding and there were dark bruises forming around the punctures from Kanda's teeth.
"This boy needs medical attention now!" Kanda said as he burst through the doors of the medical facility. A nurse looked up from the desk, startled at the entrance and her eyes widened at Allen's limp form.
"This way sir," the nurse hurriedly rushed from behind the desk and led Kanda to an emergency room where he was instructed to lie Allen down onto the bed. Not a good minute later did the doctor and a couple more people in lab coats with masks and such rush in, ushering a protesting Kanda out the door.
"You have to wait outside sir," the nurse said as she closed the door, leaving Kanda alone in the waiting room to reflect on his stupidity and berate himself for almost killing Allen.
xXx
After what seemed like an eternity of waiting and replaying the images in his mind the nurse came out with a smile on her face.
"Your friend is going to be just fine, it's a good thing you got him here when you did – another couple of minutes and he would have died." Though Kanda was relieved Allen would be fine what the nurse said about just a couple of minutes more and Kanda would have seriously killed the white haired boy.
'He begged me to stop,' Kanda thought, remembering the pained and urgent pleas that had fallen from Allen's lips as he had drained him – viciously and needy with no regard for anything.
"Is he conscious?" Kanda asked, at this the nurse frowned.
"No, I don't suspect he'll be awake for another several hours at least. Whatever did that really did a number on the poor boy. There are these horrid bruises on his neck around the cut and puncture wounds." The nurse shuddered at the thought.
Kanda swallowed the lump that had risen in his throat as he continued to berate himself for losing control like that.
"What exactly did that to him, a wild dog or something?" the nurse looked at Kanda seeing the utterly depressed look on his face.
"Yeah, something like that," Kanda said eyes boring holes into the floor in front of him.
Noting the heavy atmosphere and the apparent gloom cloud that hung over Kanda the nurse left him to his thoughts, returning to her place behind the desk.
xXx
The nurse had gone into the room to check on Allen and when she came out she had a bright smile on her face.
"Your friend is awake. He's still a bit out of it but he looked rather desperate to see you, he even tried to get up right away – I only got him to stay when I said I come and get you."
Kanda stood abruptly from his seat and followed the nurse to the room Allen was resting in. When he walked into the room Allen's silver eyes instantly landed on Kanda a look of relief settling into his infantile features.
"Are you alright now Kanda?" Allen asked his eyes meeting Kanda's cobalt ones.
"Are you fucking mental?" Kanda flew into hysterics and the nurse hurriedly excused herself closing the door to the room to give the two their privacy.
"How can you seriously be asking me that baka?" Kanda stormed over to Allen's side.
"Well I was worried," Allen said softly.
"I almost killed you! Doesn't that bother you even a little?" Kanda was yelling in exasperation now. "I almost killed you Allen! You're in the fucking hospital attached to an IV because I almost drained you dry!"
"I'm fine Kanda. I'm just glad you're ok," Allen said softly. Kanda looked at him with such anger and confliction that he didn't know what he wanted to do to Allen to sate his frustration. Grabbing Allen by the shoulders Kanda glared down into shimmering silver eyes.
"You seriously piss me off," Kanda said, voice low as he pulled Allen into a kiss. Startled silver eyes widened as Kanda deepened the kiss. Licking at Allen's bottom lip until the boy complied with his wish by opening his mouth enough for Kanda to slide his tongue in. Allen let out a soft moan as his he felt the odd yet pleasurable sensation of Kanda's tongue exploring his mouth.
When Kanda finally pulled away and looked at down at Allen's flushed face and glassy eyes he felt oddly satisfied.
"Kanda," Allen's voice was soft and wavered a bit as he felt Kanda pull him into a hug.
"Baka Moyashi," Kanda whispered as he clung to the boy, feeling Allen's fragile body shiver in his arms.
"Kanda, will you do me a favour?" Allen asked not able to cool the blush from his cheeks and wondering just what the heck had happened to Kanda to make him act so strangely.
"What?" Kanda asked as he pulled back to look at Allen again.
"Can you not skip any more days, it kind of made me nervous last night," Allen said smiling sweetly up at Kanda.
"You-" Kanda sighed and let out a laugh as he ruffled Allen's soft white locks, "alright."
"Let's go find the innocence," Allen said sliding his feet out of the bed.
"I should have killed you," Kanda said shaking his head in annoyance though he couldn't help but smile at Allen's adorable determination – the same trait that made him want to strangle him.
"I'm sorry I've been so much trouble so far," Allen said looking rather depressed.
"Shut up, rest a bit longer. I'll ask the doctor to come in a check on you," Kanda said as he moved away from the bed.
"I'm really fine now, we can go," Allen said as he pulled the IV from his arm and stood from the bed.
"Sit the fuck back down if you don't want me to force you to," Kanda snapped from the doorway making Allen shiver. 'One minute he's kissing me, the next he's threatening me, what the hell is wrong with him,' Allen thought blushing at the thought of Kanda's lips against his.
Allen sat back down with a pout on his delicate features which only caused Kanda to smirk. 'Too damn cute,' Kanda thought absently as he left the room in search of the doctor.
xXx
"Well he's made quite the recovery but I think he should rest here for another day," the doctor said. Kanda seemed to be considering it until Allen looked at him in a pleading way – not wanting to stay in the hospital any longer. The doctor caught the exchange and smiled, "but if you can get your friend to take it easy for the next 24 hours then I see no reason why I can't release him into your care."
At this Allen smiled brightly and Kanda just scowled whilst shaking his head. 'Damn brat,' Kanda thought as he nodded.
"I'll take care of him. Is there anything I should know, or do?" Kanda asked.
"Make sure he drinks a lot of fluids, juice is best. Too much water will dilute his already thinned blood and slow his oxygen uptake, the sugar and vitamins in the juice will help replace the nutrients he lost" the doctor said "the wound on his neck will take a while to heal so just change the bandages regularly and make sure the area is clean so it doesn't get infected."
Kanda nodded in understanding as he glanced at Allen who had already hoped out of the bed and was putting on his shoes.
xXx
"Are we going to search the river banks again?" Allen asked. He'd just been discharged from the hospital and even after the doctor said to rest for at least one more day he was already heading towards the river, needless to say this pissed Kanda off.
"Baka, you're supposed to be resting," Kanda said grabbing Allen's wrist and dragging him towards the inn.
"But Kanda I'm fine. I promise I won't get in the way," Allen whined. Kanda shot a glare at Allen instantly silencing his protests. Kanda dragged a pouting Allen all the way back to the inn and pushed him down onto the bed.
"Stay here," Kanda commanded, "I'll be back in a few minutes."
When Kanda returned he had a couple of bottles of juice and some rolls of bandages. He found Allen staring out the window, his silver eyes reflecting the sun which had begun it's decent on the horizon.
"How come you're being so nice to me?" Allen asked, 'as nice as you can be anyway,' the smaller boy amended in his mind.
"You taste good," Kanda said bluntly and almost couldn't hold back the bouts of laughter that wanted to bubble up from within him as he looked at the utterly shocked and perplexed look that adorned Allen's now flushed face.
It was the truth after all and Kanda didn't want to believe there was any other reason behind his recent affection for the boy. What Kanda didn't expect was to feel something other than simple amusement when he took in Allen's flushed appearance. Cobalt eyes traced over Allen in an almost yearning caress.
"You know Kanda, I think I know where the innocence is," Allen said after he'd managed to cool the blush his cheeks a bit. At this Kanda cocked a brow in questioning. "We're always looking by the river all day and then turn in as it gets dark right?" Allen said more to provide part of his explanation than to ask the question to which he already knew the answer.
"You can see a bit of the river from the window here and just now – before you came in – there was this glow but it was gone almost as fast as it came. I don't think we can see the innocence if we're close to it. There are a couple of tall buildings around and maybe it'd become visible from a higher vantage point," Allen said seemingly having thought out his theory quite well.
"So you want to sit on a rooftop all day until you catch a glimpse of something that may or may not be the innocence?" Kanda asked skeptically.
"You don't have to come, so if I'm wrong we wouldn't have wasted any time," Allen said.
"If I leave you alone, you'll probably fall of the roof," Kanda said, watching in mild amusement as Allen's brows knitted together signifying the boy was displeased with being teased.
"I will not fall of the roof," Allen said.
"I will not leave you alone," Kanda said watching as the blush Allen had fought down slowly darkened.
There was a few moments of silence as Allen tried to force down the blush but then a thought crossed his mind, Kanda hadn't drunk from him since the night before – a little over a day would have passed by now.
"Um Kanda," Allen said drawing the older male's attention, "do you want to drink now?"
"Drink wha…do you want to die you fucking retard? You just got out of the fucking hospital!" Kanda was furious again, sure he did want that ambrosia running down his throat but Allen was just being ridiculous, he was still weak from the blood loss and the wounds on his neck hadn't even had a chance to begin healing.
"You promised you wouldn't skip any days anymore, which includes today," Allen said.
"I didn't…" Kanda sighed as he shot a glare at Allen, "are you serious?" Allen nodded, smiling as he tilted his head to the side while pulling the bandages off. "Che," Kanda cupped Allen's face gently in his hand as he pulled the white haired boy closer to him as he hesitantly sank two elongated canines into the flesh of Allen's neck. Kanda felt the sweet liquid slide over his tongue, making him want more, making him want Allen.
Kanda pulled away quickly before he lost himself, looking down at Allen's glossed over eyes.
"Was that enough for you?" Allen asked as he leaned into Kanda's arms.
"Shut up," Kanda said as he cradled Allen against him.
They stayed like that for a while and then Kanda felt Allen go stiff.
"Moyashi," Kanda said but Allen didn't respond, "oi Moyashi."
'God not now…please not now…shit…' Allen's thoughts fell into dismay as the aching sensation began throbbing in his mind. Allen's body started to tremble in Kanda's arms and he got the picture.
"Hold onto me," Kanda said as Allen tried to move back from his arms. Allen fisted his hands in the folds of the Japanese male's clothing as the sounds erupted in his mind, a cacophony of raucous sound. Tears began to stream down Allen's cheeks as he tried to bite back the pain that was tearing through him. He refused to allow himself to vocally express the agony he was feeling.
'He's not listening for his pulse,' Kanda thought as Allen had yet to move his hands to his ears, 'does it hurt that much?' Allen's hands fisted tighter as he desperately bit back the scream that wanted to rip through his being. Kanda brought his hands up to Allen's ears and held them there.
A strong, even pulsing made its way through the disharmony of Allen's mind. 'That sound…Kanda?' Allen thought as the noises ebbed away. 'It would make sense that his pulse is strong, everything Kanda represents is strength.'
The tears slowed and Allen's grip on Kanda's jacket loosened.
"You alright now?" Kanda asked. Nodding mutely Allen let out a sigh; he hated how vulnerable he was.
xXx
"I can't believe I've wasted an entire day up here," Kanda muttered in annoyance as he glanced down at the river with Allen seated next to him.
"I told you not to come," Allen said simply not moving his eyes from the shimmering waters.
The two had been out on a roof overlooking the river since dawn and so far nothing had happened to signify there was innocence by the water – no abnormal glow or strange occurrences, hell there weren't even any akuma.
Though Kanda had felt the time upon the roof had been wasted he was able to think over something he'd been debating over since Allen had told him about the pills. Allen's migraines had only been worsening and though his attitude was a bit better, as he was spending most of his time smiling and bickering with Kanda, the older male wanted to spare the boy all the pain he'd been suffering.
The sun began to dip below the horizon its golden rays glistening across the earth in a warm caress.
"There it is," Allen said as he hastily stood and jumped from the roof towards the glowing he'd seen.
'Baka Moyashi,' Kanda thought as he followed Allen to the river side only to see the younger boy stripping of his coat and his shoes.
"What the fucking hell are you doing?" Kanda looked Allen up and down as the boy yanked off his socks, followed by his shirt, leaving the clothes piled on the river bank.
"Didn't you see it? The reason we couldn't find it was because it wasn't up here it was down there," Allen gestured to the river as he dove into the chilly water. Kanda looked out across the water as the ripples Allen had made dissipated. A few moments later Allen's white hair broke the surface of the river as he swam to the river bank a huge smile on his face as he tossed Kanda the innocence.
"Mission accomplished," Allen said as he pulled himself out of the water. 'Well go figure, the brat found it.' Kanda thought almost smirking.
Kanda looked down at the innocence in his hands, glowing softly and then he looked over to Allen who was gathering his clothing into his arms. Kanda's cobalt eyes traced the water as the liquid traced tantalizing lines over the pale skin. Allen stood straight up and walked towards Kanda.
"Shall we go?" Allen asked as he cocked his head to the side. Cobalt met silver as Kanda was suddenly sure of what he wanted to do, he would talk to Allen when they got back to the room.
xXx
"Allen," Kanda said from the doorway of Allen's room. The younger exorcist turned, a light blush on his cheeks, he had been changing. His pants hung off his slender hips while his shirt hung open over his lithe yet muscular frame. His hair was still damp and it seemed as though he'd been crying – his silver eyes were slightly bloodshot.
"Did you have another migraine?" Kanda asked.
"No…it was just a bit of a throbbing…nothing serious," Allen said smiling weakly.
"Liar," Kanda said walking forward.
"Really, it was nothing," Allen said waving his hands in front of himself defensively.
"Whatever," Kanda said shaking his head, "Allen I want you to take the pills." Allen's eyes widened in shock and fear at the suggestion, was Kanda going to force him to take those pills again even when he knew what they did to him.
"There's no way…I can't…I won't," Allen's thoughts were running a mile a minute.
"Allen," Kanda said.
"You can't make me…well you probably could but…no…I…there's no way," Allen stepped away shuddering.
"Allen, calm the fuck down!" Kanda yelled as he gripped the smaller boy's shoulders firmly.
"Kanda…I…please don't make me," Allen's voice cracked with his fear.
"I'm not going to make you do anything," Kanda said as he pulled Allen's shaking form against him in a protective embrace.
"But you-" Allen was cut off by two warm lips pressed against his. When Kanda pulled back he looked down into Allen's shimmering silver eyes with a warm emotion that Allen couldn't name.
"I want you to take them, I won't force you to but I would like you to take the pills Allen," Kanda said. "I know you don't want to but those migraines are only getting worse and your body can't handle them. It's been taking you longer to ground yourself every time and I don't want to take the chance that you won't be able to suppress it."
"I'll be utterly useless," Allen said his eyes downcast.
"Just bear with it for a while. Until we can do something about it I'll protect you," Kanda said. Allen shook his head.
"I can't…I just can't," Allen said not looking at Kanda, feeling much too confused and ashamed to look the proud Japanese man in the eyes.
"You are so damn stubborn," Kanda said shaking his head as he hugged Allen closer. "I already called Komui and let him know we got the innocence so we'll be heading back on the first train tomorrow morning."
"Get some sleep," Kanda released Allen and walked towards the door.
"Kanda," Allen's voice stopped Kanda in his tracks and he turned. "Thanks." Kanda smirked and left Allen alone in the room.
'I can't rely on anyone like that,' Allen thought as he stared at the closed door 'I can't be completely helpless and wholly dependent on someone else – even if I wanted to I wouldn't know how.'
xXx
The train ride back to HQ was slow and quiet, the two exorcists lost in their own thoughts. It had been several hours and Allen had already had a migraine and received concerned looks from Kanda when the boy had tried to escape the compartment. The other few times he forcibly suppressed the oncoming migraine while playing with Timcanpy so as not to worry Kanda – he hated seeing the look of concern in the older man's eyes, it made him happy but it was also much too depressing for him to think about the prideful man breaking for him.
"You aren't doing something stupid are you?" Kanda asked breaking Allen from his thoughts.
"What? No," Allen said, somewhat perplexed by the question.
"Your skin is flushed and-" Kanda paused as he leaned forward and touched the back of his hand against Allen's forehead, "you're a bit feverish."
"I'm not," Allen said brushing Kanda's hand away.
"You're in pain and you're suppressing it aren't you?" Kanda said as more of an observation than a question.
"That's not true," Allen said.
"Right and you aren't a compulsive liar either?" Kanda said his eyes boring into Allen's and his lips drawn into a tight line.
"That's hardly fair," Allen mumbled as his gaze fell to the floor.
"You're always imposing on other people trying to help whenever you can. Why won't you accept help from people trying to help you?" Kanda asked. Allen didn't say anything.
"You're a fucking hypocrite," Kanda scowled. Allen still said nothing.
"What, no retorts? No contradictions, Allen?" Kanda asked as he observed the smaller boy whose brows were knitted together in frustration.
"I can't fucking stand you," Kanda said voice low and even as he glared at the smaller boy. 'Why the hell did I fall for an idiot like him? Why the hell does it hurt so much to see him breaking?' Kanda thought.
"Then care to explain why you keep kissing me?" Allen asked, voice smaller than he'd have liked.
"Hell if I know," Kanda said in slight exasperation, "I seriously don't have a clue as to why I give a damn about what happens to you…why I can't stand to see you in pain."
There were a few moments of silence as Allen thought about what Kanda had just said, a blush painting itself across his cheeks.
"I'm sorry," Allen said, "I just can't depend on someone entirely. I'm probably incapable of feeling that kind of reckless abandon of putting all of my faith in someone. Even so I wouldn't want you to bother with protecting me…it'd be too much of a hassle and I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if anything happened to you because of me."
"Nothing will happen to me," Kanda said after processing what Allen had just said. "If you don't trust me there's really nothing I can say to reassure you but if you give me a chance…I'll show you." Kanda didn't know why he was trying so hard, he really couldn't understand what kind of judgment inhibition he'd come across but he refused to let up without trying.
"Why are you willing to go so far for me?" Allen looked up at Kanda curiously, "I just don't understand."
"I didn't ask you to understand," Kanda said as he pulled Allen into a kiss, trailing his tongue against the boy's bottom lip and the deepened the kiss when the boy parted his lips in a soft gasp. Allen's eyes fluttered closed as he hesitantly brought his hands up to lace behind Kanda's neck.
When they broke apart Kanda was staring down into Allen's glassy silver eyes. 'Maybe…just maybe…' Allen thought as he leaned his head against Kanda's chest listening to the strong, steady rhythm of his heart.
"If it's you I think I can try," Allen said softly. At this Kanda's lips curved up into a smile.
They were so different, so very incompatible in every way – they constantly bickered and they couldn't stand each other's conflicting emotions and actions – yet everything about this felt right and they were both willing to try.
The End
A/N: So this is the result of two days staring at my chemistry lab and deciding I had no idea what the heck it was asking (yeah I'm pathetic I already knew that). I had fun writing this one, it kind of got a bit weird and maybe it's just me but I feel as though it's a bit redundant, but I still had fun writing it out. I'm not exactly sure what I was trying to accomplish with this one though.
I want to thank everyone who read Not All Things Change. I have every intention of writing a sequel, I don't know when I'll get around to it but first I want to get down some of my other ideas before these plot bunnies just hop right out of my head.
So that about covers everything I have to say now except for…comments are welcomed – they make me happy :)