In the Quiet of Christmas Morning
by MySoapBox
Happy Christmas to all my Chuck friends. May you find joy, peace and love this Christmas.
The Night Before Christmas 2009
He sat in the darkness, not wanting to wake her. There was enough light coming in from the window for him to see. He pulled the old shoe box in front of him on the desk. Running his hands over the battered lid, he pulled it open.
Sarah awoke to the soft crinkle of tissue paper. She opened her eyes and saw Chuck silhouetted against the dim light leaking through the drawn curtains. "Is something wrong?" Sarah mumbled.
His voice was just a whisper. "No, everything's fine. Go back to sleep."
Sarah got up on one elbow to get a better look at what Chuck was doing. She recognized the box as a gift Ellie gave him earlier in the evening. "Chuck, what is it? Are you okay?"
"I couldn't sleep," he answered. "I thought I'd unpack this. " And then he added after a long pause, "It doesn't seem right to have Christmas without it."
Hearing the sadness in his voice, Sarah took a deep breath and rubbed the sleep from her eyes. "Do you want to talk about it?" she asked, pushing back the covers and crawling to the foot of the bed where she sat cross legged facing him. From here, she could see the small stable Chuck had set up casting long shadows across the desk. Several figures were carefully placed. Without speaking, she reached out and took the figure Chuck had been studying in his hands and held it up to the light. It was a small wiseman, with a red robe and gold highlights on the box in his porcelain hands.
"That was always one of my favorites," he said to her. "I always wondered what was in that box he's holding. I decided it was probably the gold. I'm not even sure what frankincense or myrrh are, but if I was going to carry gold around I think I'd do it in a box like that."
"It's beautiful," Sarah said, turning it over in her hand.
"It was my mothers…you know…from before."
"And Ellie gave this to you?"
"Yeah, did you see that crèche she got from the Awesomes; it's incredible."
"It was beautiful," Sarah said. "But this, Chuck, this was your mothers."
"It meant a lot to Eliie to give it to me. I guess this old nativity is full of too many memories..." Chuck reached into the box and started to unwrap another figure. A small lamb fell out into his hand. "…good and bad."
Sarah carefully placed the wiseman inside the stable. "I wish I had something of my mothers," she said quietly.
Chuck looked up at her. Patterned shadows fell across her face as he watched her reach into the box and pulled out another bundle. As she began to unwrap he wondered if she even noticed that she had let a personal detail slip. Usually he wouldn't push it, but tuck the information away as one more piece to the puzzle that was Sarah Walker, but tonight, in the comfort of the darkness he ventured: "Do you miss her?"
"Not usually," she answered. She had finished unwrapping and held a bearded shepherd in her hand. "But around the holidays…" She let the rest go unsaid. Sarah positioned the shepherd opposite the wiseman, next to the little lamb.
"When I was little, my mom used to take us to church every Christmas Eve," Chuck said, reaching into the box for another figurine. "The preacher would talk about Christmas and Jesus and how he was the Savior of the world. Then we would sing Christmas carols with the bells and the choir."
"It sounds wonderful," Sarah said.
"It was. When I was singing…I felt something then. Something I haven't felt in a long time."
Sarah took the wiseman Chuck had just unwrapped and placed it in the scene next to the first. "I never went to church. Well, not really. I went a few times when we needed to for my dad's…work." Sarah paused at the sadness that the memory evoked inside her. "He said that religion was for fools and suckers."
Chuck looked up in surprise. "Is that what you think too?"
Sarah didn't answer but turned back to examining the scene.
When he saw that she wasn't going to say more, Chuck unwrapped another bundle revealing a tall angel with feathery white wings. He offered it to Sarah, who took it and stroked the textured wings.
As Chuck watched her, he thought how peaceful everything felt at this moment. So much of the happiness in his life seemed too fleeting. He wanted desperately to take moments like this and bottle them up and keep them forever. But the truth was, any day could be their last. He didn't know what he'd do if one of his friends were killed, most of all Ellie or Sarah. How could he go on without either one of them? "Do you think there's a heaven?" Chuck finally asked, breaking the silence.
"I don't know, Chuck," she said quickly.
"No really, I'd really like to know what you think."
Sarah's face fell into a thoughtful expression. "If you mean a place with clouds and harps, I don't think so."
"But, do you think we live after we die?" Chuck pressed.
Sarah continued to look at the angel, as she gathered her thoughts. "I hope so," she said finally. "I hope we get to be with the people we love."
"I keep thinking about Bryce," Chuck said. He heard Sarah suck in a breath at the mention of the name. They had talked about Bryce very little since his death. Chuck figured that Sarah needed to mourn in her own way, so he hadn't brought it up very often; but thoughts of his old friend were not ever far from his mind. "I mean, I know he killed people, and he did some bad things," Chuck continued, "but he was one of the good guys, right?"
"He did his job," Sarah said.
"But there has to be a place for him in heaven, don't you think?" Chuck prodded.
Sarah placed the angel down by the stable. Chuck's question resonated in her mind. It was clear to her that his question was about so much more than just Bryce. It was about all of them. Was there a place in heaven for them after all that they had seen and done?
"He was one of the good guys. I'm sure there is a place in heaven for all the good guys who give up their lives to make this world a safer place." She tried to make out the features on Chuck's shadowed face, to look into his eyes so he knew she meant the words she was saying. "Good guys like you, Chuck."
Sarah reached into the box to pull out the littlest bundle. She pulled on the paper and a baby Jesus in a manger fell out into her hands. "They say that Jesus came into the world to show us how to love," Sarah said holding up the little figure. "They say He has power to save everyone, even Bryce…even us."
Her answer totally surprised him. "I thought religion was for fools and suckers," Chuck challenged.
"I used to think that was true…after all that has happened, after all I've seen."
Chuck nodded his head. He totally understood what she meant. He had wondered many times how a loving God could allow so much evil in the world. "And now?" Chuck asked.
"And now, I'm now sure about all of it, but I know there's a God," Sarah said confidently, reaching for the last two bundles in the box.
"How can you know?" Chuck asked.
She didn't answer at first but handed one of the two bundles to Chuck. They both unwrapped the last figures. Sarah placed the kneeling mother next to the baby in the stable. Chuck followed by positioning the Joseph next to the Mary.
"Because of you." She reached her hands out for Chuck's in the darkness. "You've reminded me that there is good in the world."
Chuck loved the feel of her hands, small and warm in his larger ones, yet full of strength. Strength he had held on to like a life line these past three years. "What did I do?" he asked.
"You see the good in people," she answered. He smiled in the dim light and she wondered again at how his whole face seemed so innocent and trusting when he smiled at her that way. Just being with him made her want to be a better person.
"I see the good in you," he said, squeezing her hands.
"See, just like I said," she answered, and wondered again what she did to deserve him in her life.
A quiet beep of Chuck's watch on the nightstand reminded them of the lateness of the hour.
"I guess we better get back to bed, hu?" Chuck asked.
Sarah looked over to the nativity scene they had set up together. "Only if you're ready," she said.
Chuck took one last look at the figures, the wisemen, the shepherds, the family with the baby. A feeling of warm satisfaction overcame him. "I'm ready," he said and allowed her to pull him to the bed.
"Four hours 'till present opening," Chuck announced as they snuggled into their familiar sleeping position.
Sarah wrapped her leg across his and placed her hand on his chest. "I don't need presents. I have all I want right here."
"Merry Christmas, Sarah."
"Merry Christmas, Chuck."