I saw this prompt and just couldn't help myself:
'I am headboy/headgirl, and I've been asked to give a presentation on safe sexual practices, and you will not stop asking me uncomfortable questions to embarrass me, please stop, I know you know the answer to that, we did it last night.'
This story takes place in the Marauder's 5th year, so Remus is actually a Prefect here, not a Head. But I really don't think it matters.
An Education
by padfoot
"-and that's how to cast a safe contraceptive charm."
Remus clears his throat awkwardly as he finishes, pocketing his wand. He stands awkwardly in front of the crowd of gaping third years for a long moment, then pulls his wand out of his pocket again, just to have something to keep his hands occupied.
"Any questions?" he finally asks.
A few boys in the front shuffle uncomfortably and stare stubbornly at their shoes. A group of girls in the back are giggling. Remus sighs.
"Girls," he warns, conscious that this tone of voice is making him sound a lot like McGonagall. "Does one of you have a question?"
The girls elbow each other and whisper amongst themselves for a second, before one of them eventually steps forward and says, "Do boys have to use contraceptive charms too?"
Remus frowns as the rest of room erupts into quiet titters.
"Of course," he replies, trying to keep his tone level and bored, hoping the boys at the front can't see the faint flush in his cheeks. Merlin he hates having to do this stupid talk.
He takes a deep breath and goes on, "Usually the more experienced witch or wizard in the- uh… situation… should cast the charm. That way you can be sure nothing will go wrong. And if neither of the people are mature enough to successfully cast the spell, then it's a good sign that it's perhaps too early for you to be- uh, um… experimenting."
"But what if it's two boys?" the girl pushes, and Remus is definitely blushing now.
He clears his throat again.
"I'm not sure that is exactly relevant to you, Miss Henderson-"
"But Mr Lupin," a voice at the very back of the room pipes up, "I want to know too – what if it's two boys?"
Remus closes his eyes, wondering how likely it was that when he opens them, this whole situation will just be a bad dream. He exhales, then opens his eyes. The room of third years is still there. Fifty pairs of eyes are fixed, unblinkingly, on him.
Fifty-one pairs, actually, if he counts the gleaming grey ones at the back of the room. Peeking up from the midst of the disruptive group of girls, Sirius shoots him a grin.
"Contraception charms will also protect both parties against most sexually transmitted infections, so they should be used regardless of the gender of the people involved. And I don't think you were summoned to this meeting, Padf- uh, Mr Black. So if you only plan on causing disruptions, I think it would be best if you left."
"I promise not to disrupt anything," Sirius says, his tone all innocence, his expression anything but.
Remus narrows his eyes.
"Only," Sirius continues, "I was just wondering: when, exactly, should you cast the contraceptive charm? Like, at what stage of the sexual interaction does the charm become necessary?"
"Sirius, I don't really think that-"
"I don't know that," one of the boys at the front says, "I mean, when do you have to… y'know?"
Remus sighs.
"Look, I really don't think that question is appropriate for me to answer within the scope of this discussion. It depends on your particular situation and isn't something that I feel completely comfortable commenting on, as I'm sure that-"
"Mr Lupin!"
Remus raises his gaze to Sirius again. His grin is wider than ever. The giggling girls have now incorporated him into their gaggle, and are whispering between themselves louder than ever.
"Yes, Mr Black?" Remus replies with gritted teeth.
"Well, let's say you're with a-" Sirius breaks off, holding the room in suspense for an insanely long moment.
Remus can feel his skin prickling, his palms sweating. He nervously grips his wand tighter.
"-a person. And, you know, it's someone you care about in… that way. But they've never really done the stuff before that you want to do. And you're kissing – and that's great, the kissing is great, seriously, top-notch – but you want to do more."
By this point, most people in the room have fully turned to face Sirius, and are listening intently to his rapidly unfolding tale. Not in a situation to feel much else besides mad panic, Remus forgets to be grateful that at least those fifty pairs of eyes are not watching him slowly turn beet red as the story goes on.
"So you sort of, make a move, on this… person. And they're totally receptive, y'know. They're into it. And so now you're kissing them still, but sort of, kissing with intent. Things are getting a bit steamy; you're checking the dormitory door, madly hoping that no one will come in. And you're on your bed, with this, like, awesome person who you're crazy about. And this- person, they're making the most incredible sounds, and it feels just fantastic and- are you still with me?"
Remus' eyes must have clouded over a bit, because he jumps at the question, suddenly pulled back to reality. Sirius' eyes are still gleaming, his lips curled up in a perfect, awful, beautiful smile, and Remus feels like simultaneously crying and fainting because this is just torture.
Remus coughs and then says, "Go on."
Sirius' replying smile is dazzling.
"So things are building – in a sexual way, if you know what I mean. But it feels a bit, I don't know, presumptive, to reach over and grab your wand and just be all, 'shall I cast it, or you?' so you hold off doing that and just keep doing… what you're doing. And then all of a sudden you realise it's just way too late to cast a contraceptive spell because everything is happening already and it's amazing – like, honestly, it's life-changingly good – but then you both come down from it all and your realise how irresponsible and impulsive it was. And this person is really not the impulsive type, so this person is just freaking out about the whole experience, and they're totally nervous about it and barely even able to talk to you afterwards. So you're hanging around all the next day thinking, 'did I do something wrong?', 'was it too much?' but this person won't just talk to you about it, and- well."
Sirius has clearly run out of steam, and at some stage his grin faded away and his expression turned more sombre, his gaze beseeching and almost apologetic. Remus' heart is beating double time, his mind a rampaging mess of images from last night: Sirius' face so close to his, his breaths fast, and his eyes wide and shocked and scared. His voice deep and rough in Remus' ear, anxious but excited, constantly asking "Is this okay?", "Is it too much?" and Remus' constant replies of "Please, keep going. Yes. More, yes. Please." He stares back at Sirius, motionless.
"What would you do in that situation?" Sirius finishes, and suddenly fifty-one pairs of eyes are right back on Remus.
He feels frozen, unable to move a muscle, let alone to frame a coherent reply. He clears his throat again and tries to ignore the wave of murmurs that is spreading through the crowd of third years.
"That. Um. Hmm."
Remus coughs once more, and tries his answer again.
"That sounds like a very particular situation. Mr Black. And while I am- um, happy, to talk it over with you, I don't think that it needs to be heard by everyone else here. So. Um."
"So is this safe sex lecture over?" one of the girls asks.
Remus glances up at Sirius again, who is staring at him, eyebrows raised in a challenge.
"Yeah. Yep." Remus says. "You're all free to go."
There is a general rush of movement as all the third years head straight for the door, where a bottleneck issue holds them up for an extra few minutes. Remus watches from the front of the room, his feet still pinned to the floor. Sirius slowly makes his way through the crowd, taking his time to disentangle himself from huddle. Remus' head feels dizzy, he feels nauseous, and his palms are suddenly so sweaty that his wand slips out of his hand altogether, clattering onto the floor.
Sirius sweeps in to pick it up, offering it to Remus as the last of the third years disappear. The door closes behind them with an audible click, and Remus gulps at the realisation that he and Sirius are alone. He can't help but remember what happened last night, the last time they were left by themselves.
"So you wanted to talk to me?" Remus finally asks.
Sirius ducks his head, a little abashed.
"And you couldn't think of a better place to do it than this?"
He may still be blushing madly, and his heart may not have been beating at a pace that could be considered at all healthy for the last ten minutes, but Remus still has the good sense to be pissed off. It certainly helps that Sirius is looking incredibly guilty about what he's done. Guilty does look very good on him.
Sirius shrugs uncomfortably, not meeting Remus' eyes.
"You wouldn't talk to me," he explains. "I mean, I wake up and you're gone. And then you were avoiding me all day and I just- I didn't know what it meant. Did I do something wrong?"
"You didn't do anything wrong," Remus sighs and, stealing himself, reaches out to touch Sirius' hand. "I just hadn't been expecting… all that. I was – I still am – just a bit unsure about, I don't know, about what it all means. I've never really done something like that before."
"Yeah, me neither."
"I know."
"Right. Of course."
There is silence between them for a few beats, and Remus releases Sirius's hand, wiping his palm on his robes. He takes a deep breath and then lets it out.
"You're pretty much my best friend, Padfoot," he says. "And I just- I don't want to ruin that, or anything. Not until I work out what this all is, what it means."
"I get it."
"Are you okay?"
Sirius shrugs again, starting to pout a little, and Remus smiles at him affectionately. It's sometimes easy to forget how sensitive Sirius is, how much he's used to getting his way.
"I just need a bit of time," he says.
"Yeah, sure. Whatever."
Sirius is definitely moping now, and Remus would be lying if he said he wasn't a little thrilled by it. He's making Sirius mope! Sirius Black is moping, over him. Ha!
"Y'know Prongs is my best friend anyway, Moony," Sirius mutters and Remus laughs out loud at that, feeling his whole body relax.
His tone is placating as he says, "I know he is."
Remus puts an affectionate arm around Sirius' shoulders, guiding him towards the classroom door.
Sirius doesn't resist, so Remus knows he has, at least for now, earned his forgiveness.
As they reach the door, Remus gives Sirius' shoulder one more last squeeze before letting go. Sirius stays close for an extra moment, not saying anything. The he pulls away, silent, face turned down to the floor.
Remus opens the door and steps out into the corridor, holding the door open as Sirius follows him out.
It's only as Sirius passes close by that Remus hears him mutter, "Prongs wouldn't have turned me down if I got off with him last night..."