If Only For Tonight: Part 2
I Solace Glade
Lana approached Neverwinter's city gates. Her heart was heavy with the burdens she carried. Sir Greyson, the knight she was to be squire to, had already arrived and was patiently awaiting her arrival.
"Are you prepared Lana?" asked Sir Greyson.
"Aye," Lana replied crisply.
"Then let us proceed to the Solace Glade," he said as he turned toward the city gates.
It was a long, slow walk to the glade. The moon shone in its fullness, almost bright as day. The stars twinkled over, winking at each other. Both had kept their silence through the duration of the short hike. Sir Greyson, out of respect for the solemnity of the occasion. Lana, however, had other reasons for her silence. Her thoughts were a tumultuous froth, all concentrating on Casavir this afternoon. What had he meant? His words were plain enough, but he's actions spoke volumes of something different.
They arrived at the appointed site. A campsite had been set by unseen hands. Most likely other young squires all dutifully carrying out their knights biding. A fire had been laid and was awaiting her arrival. A log had been drawn near, nature's bench. It seemed to have been there for many years. This campsite had seen many a young protégé hoping, praying, as they contemplated what the lie ahead. Lana sighed as she thought of her fate which seemed sealed and out of her control.
Sir Grayson cleared his throat, stretching forth his hand to indicate the scene before them. "Here we are, The Solace Glade. This is a sacred place to prepare one's mind for the sacred duties a squire will undertake. Many honorable knights have begun their path here. You have this night for prayer, meditation, or contemplation or just silence. It is up to you to decide. Use this time well." Without another word, he turned and left her standing there.
What a blow-hard, Lana thought. Someone is wearing their loincloth a bit too tight. Lana stood a moment and surveyed the scene around her. The moon was bright enough she could see clearly for a distance. This brought her comfort, no place for an ambush or someone hiding, waiting for her to let her guard down. Her shoulders slumped in resignation to the night ahead as she set about preparing for the long night alone.
Some peace and quiet might be good. Everything has been crazy so lately and I haven't really had a chance to catch my breath, she thought. She walked toward the log and dumped her pack. She carefully set her trusted longbow within quick grasp and set about starting a fire.
After she had the fire lit to her satisfaction, she undid her bedroll between the log and fire. She planned to use the log as a barricade between her and anything else that might be out to do her harm. At least one side would have some cover. Not great, but it was better then nothing. Lana again exhaled as she sat down on the log. Her thoughts almost instantly turned back to Casavir. He seemed to be constantly in her thoughts since they first met at Old Owl Well.
There was something different about him then ordinary men. Not just because he was a paladin, sure. That alone make a difference but there was something else. He didn't have that pompous attitude she-and many others-associated with knights, paladins especially. There was sorrow in his countenance that made her want to comfort him, a wound she wanted to help heal. She knew there was more to him then the pain too. She had seen him smile and laugh at Grobnar's jokes or riddles. There was a kindness in him, for instance the way he treated all of their companions. He never sniped or complained when things got rough. He was always there, her constant, if silent, companion. She had never had someone truly want to care for her. Her father, Deaghun had never been cold to her, but Casavir emanated warmth and unflinching loyalty. She again thought of their conversation earlier today. What had he meant? Was he just complimenting my leadership skills so I could keep the group going? His eyes though, there was something more. Was this his awkward attempt at a come-on? She felt there was something she was missing, he had almost taken her hand but apparently thought better of it.
Is it because I'm a rogue? Can't bring himself down to my level even if I have been above board lately. It would be hard for a trained paladin to trust someone like me. Casavir's not like that though. He isn't judgmental like that. I just don't know. She smirked and shook her head.
I'm as bad as a young maid before Harvest Festival. Smitten by a pair of pretty blue eyes like a silly virgin, she thought.
As that thought crossed her mind, she heard a slight rustling in the distance behind her. In one fluid motion, she grabbed her longbow, nocking an arrow and turning to face whatever was out in the night. Years of fighting and training had honed her body to taut perfection, ready to face any and all combatants. Lana could see a figure approaching and not trying to be very sly about it either. Whoever it was lumbered up the path toward her. Still careful to not let her guard down, Lana waited until a few moments until she could clearly see who it was in the moonlight. The figure had a firm, plodding walk. Not that of a warrior, but a farmer. Lana relaxed her stance as soon as she saw it was Shandra.
Shandra finally came into the fire's light, looking a bit embarrassed.
"I know you're supposed to be alone, but wherever you are, trouble goes. I don't want anything to happen to you because you were alone." Sandra stated as if it was the most obvious reason for her presence.
"You shouldn't be out here. It's dangerous past the city walls, plus it might cause trouble." Lana chastised.
"Cause trouble?!" Shandra spat. "That's the thanks I get for caring what happens to you? That's the problem, wherever you go brings trouble. I just wanted to be sure you were alright. I don't want anything to happen to you. I need you," she concluded.
"Thank you Shandra. I didn't mean to belittle your help. Your concern is appreciated," Lana replied, trying to soften her harsh reprieve.
Both women stood in uncomfortable silence, unsure where to proceed. There was nothing more to say. This was not the time or place for idle chatter. Shandra shuffled uncomfortably, shifting her weight from foot to foot. Finally she broke the silence.
"Well, um… I should, uh, go then. It looks like everything is fine here and I don't want to cause any problems. I just hope I can find my way back in the dark," she said with a shy smile.
"Thank you Shandra. I think I just might be able to manage alone through the night. I will see you at the Sunken Flagon," Lana replied, returning a little grin. Shandra turned and left the campsite. Lana watched Shandra's retreating figure in the moonlight until she could see her no more. Lana returned to her place on the log, shaking her head.
Lana suppressed a slight laugh as she thought of Shandra. Nice farm girl. She has no idea how well I can take care of myself.
Lana understood Shandra's concerns all too well. Shandra had been through much lately. She had been left to fend for herself by the elders of High Cliff when lizard folk had begun attacking the outlying farmers and villagers. Those same lizard folk had burned her barn and a year's harvest to the ground, leaving Shandra with no possible means of income. The githyanki had then attacked her, burning her house down around her and finally, kidnapping her for purposes she had no previous knowledge of. Shandra was now destitute and homeless and had put herself at the mercy of a strange band of adventurers. Lana knew Shandra was stronger then she seemed or believed. It was acceptable for Shandra to be a bit needy, at least for a time. She was willing to allow Shandra that small luxury, plus Shandra was good with a short sword. It's never a bad thing to have another good sword arm in your party.
She had a lot of time ahead of her to spend in contemplation, but instead her thoughts again returned to the paladin. He still wouldn't come clean about his past and their conversation earlier in the day created more questions. She knew what it was to fight inner demons alone. She fought her own battle when her past was concerned. Being raised by Deaghun had not been easy. He had done his best to teach her his archery skills along with those of stealth and tracking and the numerous other things he had mastered. She was thankful to him for sharing that knowledge with her. Still, she knew he didn't love her. Sometimes she felt as if he blamed her for his sorrow. He never said anything to her, but she could sense there was something he was keeping pent up. He was not her real father; no one seemed to know anything about who he was. Deaghun also said very little about her mother, so her past was mostly a blank. Just recently had she learned she had an uncle and why she had such a huge scar down her chest. Her newly attained knowledge was unwelcome concerning her mother's death also. The secrets that were kept from her for so long were now becoming like lead weights pulling her down.
Lana yearned for someone to truly love her. She longed for that trust that only someone close to you gives. Most of all, she wanted to be held even though she would never admit this to anyone, ever. Lana understood and accepted the complications her position and chosen profession brought. Trust was very hard to earn when you were a rogue. Most folks were too busy clutching their coin purses once they knew what she was. That and she rarely, if ever, had allowed anyone to get close enough to know her true talents. Getting up close and personal was a good way to get a sword in the gut.
Lana exhaled deeply as she stretched her legs to the side, putting both hands behind her on the log so she could stretch. She was long and graceful; her lithe form stretching full length as she arched her back, head thrown back with her face to the sky. It was in mid-stretch when she saw movement out of the corner of her eye. Quickly grasping her bow and swiftly rising to her feet into a defensive position, she saw a figure approaching from the distance.
Lana smirked and thought, Well, so much for solitude. A small gasp of surprise escaped her lips when she recognized the new visitor. His broad shoulders were squared, purpose in his every step. His black hair gleamed in the bright moonlight. Lana noticed he was only wearing a loose suede tunic and soft leather pants. Even in the loose fitting tunic his tall, battle hardened frame was obvious. It also seemed he carried no weapon. She lowered her bow and waited for him to approach, watching his every move. His head was bowed, eyes intent upon watching the ground as it rose before him. He didn't meet her gaze until he was fully within the glow of the fire. When he finally stopped and raised his eyes to meet hers, he did so slowly.
Casavir looked up, his eyes seeming to see her for the first time. He didn't try to hide the fact that he was drinking her in, his eyes roaming over her. Lana stood silently, letting him drink his fill. She stood with one hand lightly holding her bow, hip cocked. She was dressed in her usual rogue links which left little to the imagination. Her black leather gear consisted of a short wrap, tied tightly at one hip, her shirt was cut off at the midriff under her chest, just enough fabric to keep everything snuggly in place. The outfit was body hugging and scanty on purpose to allow for ultimate freedom of movement. Being weighed down with any type of armor could be the difference between life and death for someone of her skill set or at the very least, severely impair her stealth skills. The outfit wasn't meant to offer much protection, just to cover the bare essentials society demanded. She knew the effect her appearance had on men. She was tall, taller then most women, standing at 5'9" and sleek. She had long ebony hair with a single dark blue streak in the front that she usually kept pulled back with a leather thong. She could tell he liked what he saw.
She sensed he needed a push back into reality and turned to resume her place on the log. He continued to remain silent, looking uncomfortable and unsure how to proceed. He looked like he was now uncertain of his purpose for being there.
Lana decided to bail him out and commented, "I thought you were Shandra returning." She graced him with a small, good natured smile, hoping to ease his discomfort.
He returned her smile, a slight smile flashed across his lips. "Yes, I watched her until she safely entered the city gates. She did not see me however."
Lana nodded. He was always looking out for others, chivalrous almost to a fault even when he was trying to be covert. He paused again, struggling for control of his thoughts.
"I'm sorry to disturb you on such a night, my lady."
"It's fine Casavir. We both know this is a formality and must be carried through. I am happy for your company as my thoughts have not been the most enjoyable."
"I imagine not my lady. The situation has become most grave." Casavir shifted his weight from one foot to another.
Lana continued, "Shandra was concerned at my being alone. Nice girl. It's good to have her around." She thought to herself, Ya, like having a puppy tagging along after you all the time.
Casavir glanced at the fire, not sure where to look. "Yes, she is 'nice'. She has seen much hardship of late. I too was concerned for your welfare." Casavir finally met her gaze. His eyes caught hers and held.
"Thank you Casavir. Your concern means much to me." She smiled again with more warmth. "Would you care to sit? I don't bite," She patted the spot on the log beside her.
Casavir relaxed his stance and a small grin lifted one corner of his mouth. He approached her and slowly lowered himself to sit beside her. He sat so close to Lana their thighs touched. She could feel the warmth of his body emanating from that touch. She longed to reach out to him, but as if he read her thoughts, shifted so that his forearms leaned on his thighs, hunching his back and intertwining his fingers.
Lana sighed resolutely. So close and yet so far.
Both sat quietly, letting the other collect their thoughts. It was peaceful like this, just the two of them, alone. She couldn't help but wonder what had brought him here. He knew this was a time meant to be a sacred night of solitude even if she didn't believe it fully. As if on cue, he spoke.
"I remember my time at the Solace Glade. The circumstances were quite different than yours." He paused and sent a teasing grin over his shoulder. She emitted a quick, amused snort in reply.
As he gazed into the fire not really seeing, he continued, "I am sure Sir Grayson explained to you the duties and responsibilities which are before you. I know you do not feel this to be an honor."
Lana began to protest but he raised his hand to indicate silence. Casavir continued, "I do not mean to mock you my lady. I am merely acknowledging your rather unique situation."
He paused long enough to take a deep breath before continuing, "I was young when I was called to become a squire. Younger then many, but the decision was made shortly after I was discovered to have the divine spark. Tyr had smiled upon me and you do not easily dismiss a gift from the gods. I was properly prepared, having the duties and responsibilities impressed upon me. It was exhilarating for one so young. I thought I would be the righteous weapon in Tyr's hand. A warrior fighting for truth and justice. The battles would of course be glorious, my Divine Might shining as a beacon, causing all wrong doers to cower in fear. It was many years later that I discovered my short sightedness. Being a paladin brings much loneliness. You must cast aside your personal feelings to keep your duties firmly before you. There is no room for doubt. I discovered later that Tyr's gift came at a steep price, a cost I was unable to pay. I ran, a coward in the face of my hardest trial. I had failed Tyr but was unwilling to face His judgment. I had failed myself and all I had believed in. I deserved death but was too scared to face the justice I deserved. As my grief continued to grow, I became blinded by it and began to now search for the death I deserved. It continued to elude me, mocked me. That was until you came to Old Owl Well.
Lana reached up, longing to ease the strain she saw in his shoulders. Her hand fell as she thought better of it.
He stopped; a deep painful sigh raised and lowered his powerful shoulders. Lana waited silently, willing him to continue. He remained still as he watched the fire dance with unseeing eyes. They sat that way for a short time in silence. The fire merrily snapped and popped as it kept the darkness at bay. Lana was content to have him so near and knew the effort it had taken him to reveal even this much to her. She exhaled a breath of relief and contentment as she allowed herself to lean against him slightly.
He turned, placing his hand behind her on the log. Their eyes met, each probing the other's depths. He stared into her eyes as if trying to see into her soul. She inhaled, taking in the smell of his leather tunic mingled with the scent of his skin. He smelled of sandalwood, clean, crisp and earthy as it mingled with the dusky male scent uniquely his own. Her senses were tuned to a high pitch as she stared intently into his eyes. She felt as if she would drown in those pools of ice blue, wanting to release herself to swim in their depths.
He reached up to her face to caress her cheek and traced her jaw line. He watched her intently as he brushed a stray tendril of her hair away from her face. She held her breath, not wanting to move, urging him onward with her eyes. The pain and sorrow which seemed to have taken up permanent residence in his eyes had been replaced with tenderness. She drank in the change she saw, needing it, longing and hoping as she allowed him to slowly proceed. He continued his journey as his hand reached behind her head and deftly removed the leather thong holding her hair. He watched as her hair cascaded down her back down to her waist, black and shiny as a crow's wing. His hand returned to its place at the back of her neck, fingers intertwining in her hair as he kneaded and caressed. She closed her eyes as she basked in the exquisiteness of his touch. She inclined her head further into his grip, reveling in the pleasure of his touch. She wanted to be nearer, feel his warmth.
His remaining hand moved to her thigh, slowly caressing the taut muscles. His touch teased as he paused at her naked upper thigh. Lana's breath was becoming shallower in anticipation. His hand continued it's ascent along her leg slowly, so painfully slow and languid as the other continued to knead her head with his fingers.
She opened her eyes and saw him staring at her. A gasp of pleasure escaped her lips. They both knew there was no turning back, only moving forward. Neither wanted to go back.
His hand again resumed its journey upwards as it approached her hip. The other hand ceased its caresses and became more insistent as he drew her face towards him. His lips found hers. Their kiss was soft, unsure but quickly progressed in intensity. Their kiss became that of two souls searching to find the other.
Fulfilling its duty, his hand dropped to her shoulder and ventured lower, encircling her torso.
Casavir pulled away and moved his head so his lips could retrace the path his hand had previously traced. His lips brushed against the slope of her neck, soft lips nuzzling her soft skin. Prickles of heat coursed up her spine, causing her to shiver. An unseen smile flit across Casavir's mouth as she shivered in obvious pleasure before resuming his quest.
He continued up her neck and gently nibbled her earlobe. With kisses soft as down, he nuzzled the most delicate skin of that particular erogenous zone. She yearned for more, needing him to continue, her need almost palpable. He had moved his attention away from her ear, searching for more.
He ceased his exquisite torture as he again moved to recapture her mouth. It was a collision of mutual need and hunger. He grasped the back of her head, once again entangling his fingers in her hair. Their kiss had the heat of an enraged animal as their lips crashed together, each needing the other for release of so much pent up pain and need. Casavir's arms wrapped around her, capturing her. Her hands clawed up his back, kneading into his tunic to feel the power that lay beneath.
Without missing a beat, Casavir pulled his shirt over his head, tossing it carelessly into the darkness. The motion was so swift their parting was but the barest of moments. He again grasped her, drawing her back and reclaiming her mouth.
Their bodies moved on their own accord, knowing by pure animal instinct what must be done. Without a clear thought they drew each other down to her waiting bedroll as limbs twined around each other in a dance known to all mankind since the beginning of time.
His hands now became possessive, greedy to know every inch of her. They caressed, groped and kneaded her thighs, hips, buttocks. She returned his kiss, feeling as if she was drowning and never wanted to come up for air. Her hands coursed over his naked, rippling muscles, fingers grasping and flexing.
He broke their kiss to begin a new, tantalizing adventure. Again, he reclaimed her abandoned neck, this time letting his tongue do some of the work only his lips had done before and in reverse order. He began at her ear, sucking, biting, tasting her skin as he slowly continued downward until he arrived at the crook of her neck. He continued blazing a flaming path as he nipped and teased her shoulder and moved his way across her collarbone. His head was nestled under her chin as he kissed the hollow of her neck and began journeying lower. A groan of pleasure escaped her lips.
He paused and rose onto one elbow to look down at her. Lana's eyes were closed as she basked in his attention but her eyes flew open at the sudden departure of his kisses. He was smiling down at her as something new and warm filled his eyes.
Lana returned his smile as he huskily uttered, "Lana, I no longer wish for death. With you, I only wish to live if only for tonight."