"Fly in the Ointment"
By Sharan McQuack, Launchpad's wife.
Based on "Seeing the Blight" In Gladstone's Ducktales #5.
I'm running out of ideas, so I may rewrite several Ducktales stories.
Besides, I used to watch the old "Fantastic Voyage" cartoons (1) when I was little. And rolled my eyes at the notion of a dweeb like Busby Birdwell doing anything remotely resembling brave even then and I must have been 8 at the time.
Double besides, I'm trying to get them to print the rest of the Disney's Ducktales and Gladstone's Ducktales in hardback, along with "Scrooge's Quest" and "The Gold Odyssey".
Launchpad and I were having a picnic. We had fun eating. And even more fun with "dessert". (Ahem!) (2)But just as we were thinking of going home, Launchpad's cell phone went off. It was Griz (3) at SHUSH.
Griz wanted Launchpad to retest a plane Launchpad had built. Seems somebody at SHUSH built a device that could shrink things and people to tiny size. They were sure it was safe, that they could shrink and un-shrink with no problem. But they didn't know what effect the tiny size would have on the plane's flying ability, so they asked the BEST pilot they (or anybody ELSE) knows: Launchpad McQuack. (4)
"Can I come? I don't trust them. They roped you into the DW business..." I began.
"I enjoyed "the DW business". It was fun..." Launchpad replied.
"Do you want to do it again?"Yes" is an acceptable answer." I inquired.
"NO!!! DW treated me like a horse or a dog. He treated me like I was too stupid to bother getting mad at. I enjoyed doing the WORK of a superhero. As long as somebody ELSE was wearing the dumb costume and calling himself by the stupid name and burdening himself with the goofy gadgets. Only it got old and once was quite enough, thank you!" Launchpad said. "I enjoyed laughing up my sleeve at DW. Only he never caught on and I'm glad it only lasted 6 weeks. Any longer and I would of started to hate it."
"Yeah...DW was the Queen of England and you were the Prime Minister! He was the Pomp and Circurcumstances, the Show; the Speeches- YOU did the actual WORK involved! (5)I've noticed that if you do at least one favor for SHUSH a year, they leave you alone otherwise. And this is just flying a plane, which is what you are best at. So it's fairly harmless, they must be sure they can unshirk you or they would not risk it. So I say let's both do it. They'll pay more that way and both of us being tiny would not be too bad. Not that I think that will happen..." I said.
So we let ourselves be talked into both of us testing the plane. SHUSH does pay well, after all.
We climbed aboard the plane and they shrunk the plane to fly size, us along with it. We flew the itsy-bitsy plane out the window.
However, it soon became obvious that shrinking the plane to fly size had very bad effects on its ability to fly. Air currents kept forcing it down.
"It's all I can do to get the plane to fly as high as a telephone pole! Which means we can't go very far without risking flying into a building or a tree...and I can't go any faster than 5 miles per hour! (6) Launchpad said.
"And every piece of trash is a potential disaster!" Launchpad added as a piece of newspaper flew onto the plane's "windshield", blinding us. Launchpad shook off the paper and dodged several others.
"Head to the park- there is an open area with no trees and certainly no buildings there. Let's see if we can at least listen into people's conversations- this is supposed to be a spy plane." I suggested.
Launchpad complied and flew the plane into the park. He spotted the Trins and flew close to them. But our ears were so tiny; we could not make out a word they were saying. And the Trins were so BIG; we could not make out what they were doing. They mistook our plane for a fly and tried to swat it! It was all Launchpad could do to avoid the plane being swatted.
Then, he saw a spider on Huey's back. Normally, Launchpad might have noticed something so small, but right now, it was bigger than the plane was.
"Sharan...is that a BLACK WIDOW SPIDER crawling up Huey's back?" Launchpad asked, not believing his eyes.
"I've never actually seen a black widow before- but there is no mistaking the "hourglass" on its abdomen. That's a black widow all right! What's one doing in Duckburg- on Huey's back, yet?" I asked.
"I don't know...but I've got to get it off of Huey before it bites him...without scaring it! If I scare it, it'll bite him for sure!" Launchpad replied.
"How are you going to do that?" I asked.
"We're the size of a fly, right? Let's see if that spider mistakes the plane for a fly, too!" Launchpad answered.
And Launchpad flew close to the spider.
"Nice deadly venomous spider...pretty black widow spider... come and get the big juicy fly..." Launchpad coaxed.
The stupid spider, seeing our plane either did mistake us for a fly or was annoyed enough to go after us anyway. It jumped on the plane and Launchpad flew off with it. Then he did a series of barrel rolls no fly could do and the spider gave up and let go.
Then a little boy picked up the spider. His mom saw him and screamed at him. Only because we were practically on top of them and they were screaming could we could faintly hear them. We could tell they were screaming at each by the tone of their voices, yet it sounded like a whisper to our tiny ears.
"Oswald! Is that- you stole a BLACK WIDOW SPIDER from your father's collection? What were you thinking?" "Mom" asked.
"Ah, Ma! Can that tiny thing REALLY kill anybody?" Oswald.
"Yes, it can! It can certainly make you good and sick! Put it back this minute!" "Mom" screamed.
This was enough for us. We flew the tiny plane back to SHUSH headquarters and thru the window. SHUSH grew the plane and us along with it back to our normal size with no problem.
"How did shrinking the plane work out?" Griz asked.
"Lousy! Air currents kept forcing us down, we couldn't go any faster than 5 mph, every piece of trash could blind us and our ears were so tiny we couldn't hear a word anybody said unless they were right in front of us and screaming at the top of their lungs!" Launchpad replied.
"Then shrinking the plane is a bad idea. Oh, well...your plane was not to blame. Go home and thank you very much." Griz replied.
So...we headed home.
"Now...where WERE we when we were so rudely interrupted?" I asked Launchpad.
The End.
(1) If it's not on cable, look up "Fantastic voyage cartoons" on Youtube.
(2) Somebody kindly explain to me the "sex only counts with somebody you are NOT married to" attitude that is so blame overwhelming in society. I don't get it.
(3) Why should I call him by his full name when "Griz" does just as well? I have a passion for nicknames, too.
(4) So I'm prejudiced. I suppose some pilots come CLOSE.
(5) Note to all DW fans: do you REALLY believe that anything ELSE was going on? Take a good look at Launchpad and DW and say so with a stright face.
(6) The average housefly flies at 4 1/2 mph.