Hello! this is TheVampireStoryTeller and this is my first Twilight Fanfic! I do not own any of it so don't worry about that! i hope you will laugh because i thought this was a bit funny when i wrote it...
ENJOY!
"I wish we didn't have to leave…" I said as we lounged around in the living room. It's been about two months since the Volturi were here, and it was our last day of being in Forks. Everyone thought we moved to Canada a few weeks ago, but we couldn't bear to be separated from our favorite home.
It was one of the extremely-rare-you-have-to-blink-or-you'll-miss-it sunny days at Forks. We couldn't do anything because we went hunting yesterday. Everyone was bored, and it was radiating from their minds.
Ugh, I can't even go shopping!
So bored! Hmmm, maybe Emmet will want a rematch, considering I beat him yesterday…
Jasper! You are so on! As soon as we can go outside! What should we do in the meantime…?
How should I wear my hair tomorrow? What should I wear!?
I wish we didn't have to go too; this is one of my favorite homes…
I hope Emmett and Jasper will wait until they can go outside… I don't want any of my furniture broken.
Just then, Nessie came running downstairs from her room, "I'm bored! There's nothing to do!" she stated as she sat in her favorite chair next to the bookshelf. Bella and I were sitting on a loveseat, her practically in my lap, Emmett and Rosalie lying on the couch together, Alice was lying on the floor, her face in her hands, Jasper was next to her in a similar manner, and Carlisle and Esme were sitting on the other loveseat hand in hand.
"Nessie, What do you want to do?" Bella asked our daughter.
"I don't know but anything's better than this!"
"How about we play a game?" Esme asked, thoughtfully.
"Yeah!" Emmett agreed, "Let's play truth or dare!" Everyone seemed to like the idea.
"Fine," I said reluctantly. Emmett playing truth or dare… this will be interesting…
"Who wants to go first?" asked Jasper.
"Me! Me!" Emmett yelled.
"I think Carlisle should go first," I said ignoring Emmett. He pouted, "No fair!"
Carlisle sighed, "Rosalie, Truth or dare?"
"Dare," she answered with a smirk.
"Fine, I dare you to not look in a mirror for one week." He said with a grin as she gasped.
"Ooh, Carlisle, that was cold… colder than us!" Bella said laughing. We all joined in, including Emmett. Rose glared at him.
"What? Come on Babe! It's just a game!"
"Fine," she said. "Whatever. My turn. Alice… no shopping for a week."
"WHAT!? Are you out of your mind?!" Alice screamed, leaping up. Rose grinned and nodded if I can't do something I love, neither can you… someone has to suffer with me. Alice sat back down and got into fettle position, Jasper wrapped his arm around her, glaring at us. We all tried to stifle our laughs.
"Emmett," she said quietly.
"Yeah, shortie?" he answered, chuckling.
"Have you ever thought about… another woman… you have to tell the truth, Nessie will know if you're not."
That was Nessie's power… lie detector.
Everyone was quiet when he didn't say anything.
Well, there was that waitress that one time, ooh, and a stripper from one of my bachelor parties, a flight attendant, the blonde that was sitting next to me on the bus the other day…
The list went on and on.
I snickered and everyone turned. "Well, Emmett, are you going to tell them, or should I?" I grinned mischievously.
He gulped and quickly spilled his thoughts out into the open. Everyone burst out laughing. That is, except Rosalie.
"Emmett, sweetie?" she asked sweetly.
"Yeah, babe?" he answered carefully. She whispered something in his ear and he looked shocked.
"That's not fair!" he protested.
"Yes it is!" she snapped, "Oh, and also, I'm not speaking to you."
"Ugh! Fine, Jasper, truth or dare?"
"Dare me!" Jasper answered grinning.
I burst out laughing and everyone stared at me. "What?" Esme asked.
"You'll find out in a minute, this'll be good…"
"Jasper, I dare you to sing "To Sexy for My Shirt"… while doing a strip tease." He said grinning.
Bella slapped her hand against her forehead, Esme gasped, Carlisle rolled his eyes and mumbled something to himself, Alice giggled (her imagination was kicking in), and Renesmee ran upstairs.
"You've got to be kidding me…"
"Nope. And you have to do it or else we all get to tie you up and beat you like a piñata." Emmett answered smiling happily.
Jasper's eyes bulged out and he got up quickly.
I'm too sexy for my love too sexy for my love
Love's going to leave me
I'm too sexy for my shirt too sexy for my shirt
So sexy it hurts
And I'm too sexy for Milan too sexy for Milan
New York and Japan
And I'm too sexy for your party
Too sexy for your party
No way I'm disco dancing
I'm a model you know what I mean
And I do my little turn on the catwalk
Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah
I do my little turn on the catwalk
I'm too sexy for my car too sexy for my car
Too sexy by far
And I'm too sexy for my hat
Too sexy for my hat what do you think about that
I'm a model you know what I mean
And I do my little turn on the catwalk
Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah
I shake my little touche on the catwalk
I'm too sexy for my too sexy for my too sexy for my
'Cos I'm a model you know what I mean
And I do my little turn on the catwalk
Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah
I shake my little touche on the catwalk
I'm too sexy for my cat too sexy for my cat
Poor pussy poor pussy cat
I'm too sexy for my love too sexy for my love
Love's going to leave me
And I'm too sexy for this song…
He trailed off and I'm not even going to tell you what he was doing while he was singing… all I'm going to say is that the girls were squealing and giggling like fan-girls while yelling "Take it off!" Emmett, Carlisle, and I growled every time they did that.
Jasper quickly put his clothes back on and yelled, "You can come back down Nessie… it's safe."
She ran back down smiling, "Great singing Uncle Jazzy!"
We all laughed while he sat down with a sour look on his face.
"Oh Eddie!!!" he yelled.
"What Jasper?" I asked warily, I hated it when he called me that.
"I dare you to skip around for an hour singing "I'm a Barbie Girl"."
"FUCK NO!" I yelled.
"Edward!" Esme scolded, "Watch your language!"
"Sorry mom! But there's no way that I'm doing that!"
"Fine," Emmett said, "Who wants to get the titanium rope?"
I shuddered.
"Well, Dad? What's it going to be?" Renesmee asked me, smiling boldly.
That was a good question.
Well, what do you think? PLEASE R&R! NO FLAMING! they hurt my feelings...