Author's Note: This is kinda spoilery for episode 4, so if you don't know what happens in the episode yet, then don't complain I didn't warn you!
Disclaimer: Obviously I do not own Skins and I am in no way, shape or form making a profit from this!!!
It was just the drugs.
I honestly don't know what possessed me to go to Pandora's "party" in the first place. Just like I don't know why I went to that underground rave to sell drugs for a guy I'd never even met. It's her, I swear. She is the one doing this to me, chipping away at my resistance. She is the one who invited me to all these places, saying she wanted a friendly face to talk to.
It was a surreal party-even before the spiked brownies. Twister. I can't even remember playing it as a child-let alone at a sixteen year olds party. Twister-my body touching hers in an ever-so-wrong way, but it feeling ever-so-right. An excuse to be close to you without having to give a reason. But I shouldn't be thinking like that. You're a girl. You like me. Your sister hates me. These are solid facts. We kissed. That is a solid fact. I liked the kiss. I shouldn't like the kiss.
It was just the drugs.
It was much easier when it was just your sister calling me a lezzer bitch-at least I could come back with a witty retort. I don't care what she thinks of me. I care what you think of me. You kissed me and I kissed back. Does that mean I am a lesbian like your sister has said all along?
Why do you do this to me? Why did you have to tell me that you want to kiss me? Why did you kiss me? Why did I let you kiss me? Why did I kiss you back? Emily, please just stop this confusion, just stop liking me. Stop being so nice to me. Why do you like me? Why?
Was it just the drugs? No.