AN: In continuing my personal challenge to write a tag for every single episode, here is a short little ficlet tag to 3x02, Bravo Lead + Loyalty + Friendship. I hope you enjoy, and please leave a review!
The Delta team was gone - as were Matty and Riley - but Mac couldn't stop thinking about them. The way they had accepted him so quickly, Mac just couldn't understand it. No one ever accepted him that quickly, much less actually liked him. But they did. They did like him and they'd even called him "one of them". They called him the newest member of their team. Throughout the mission, he'd overheard them referring to him as "Jack's kid" and "Jack's boy". Because he was family to Jack, he was automatically family to them.
"That's a great team you've got there," Mac muttered, staring into the dying embers of the fire. He and Jack had elected to remain outside while Bozer and Leanna cleaned up the kitchen. They were being disgustingly adorable, so Mac and his partner had decided to give them some privacy.
"Yeah," Jack replied with a smile, taking a swig of his warm beer. "Yeah, they're pretty great."
And they were great, but that was what terrified Mac. The team was absolutely fantastic, and yet they still didn't speak to each other in over a decade. If Jack hadn't spoken to this team - his former family really - in so long, and they had never done anything to hurt him, then there was no reason to believe that Jack couldn't do the same to him. He had hurt Jack a lot by running away, by not answering his calls, by not showing his emotions at all in Belarus, by running away a second time. It wasn't fair to Jack at all, Jack who was so incredible and treated him so much better than he deserved. One day, Jack was going to realize that he was better off without Mac, and he'd leave him. It was only what Mac deserved for what he'd done.
"You okay, bud?" Jack asked, bumping Mac's leg with his fist. He must have noticed the change in Mac's expression.
"I'm sorry, Jack," he said, his voice breaking. He couldn't hold it back anymore. He had done so much compartmentalizing for months and he just couldn't do it anymore.
"What for?" Jack leaned in closer, a worried frown on his face.
"For everything," Mac replied with a shrug. "For leaving, for hurting you, for leaving again, for acting like I don't care, because I do care, Jack, I care so much and I'm so sorry for making you think I didn't-"
"Woah, woah, woah. Slow down there, hoss, it's okay," Jack said, holding up one hand in an effort to get Mac to slow down, while resting his other on the blond's knee. "We already talked, we're all good, man. Where is all of this coming from?"
Mac sighed, refusing to meet Jack's gaze. Maybe this was a mistake, maybe he shouldn't have said anything at all. Jack was just going to think it was all stupid and then he would leave him even faster. He closed his eyes and hung his head. He was being so selfish. All he cared about was that Jack didn't leave him. What about what Jack wanted? That was more important than his own wants and desires anyway.
"Kid, you gotta talk to me," Jack said, rubbing his hand on Mac's knee a bit. "Don't shut me out."
Finally, Mac hesitantly brought his eyes up to meet Jack's. "You loved that team so much and you still didn't talk to each other for over a decade. That won't ever happen to us, will it? Because I never meant to stay away forever, I couldn't, I could never not talk to you forever, I swear, and Jack, I'm so sorry-"
"Slow down, slow down, it's okay, kid." Jack held his hands up like he was talking to one of his skittish horses, and maybe he wasn't far off from the truth. "If you had been radio silent for much longer, I would've gone after you myself, okay?" Jack brought his hand down to rest on Mac's shoulder, squeezing it slightly with a smile. Mac would never tell anyone how amazing that touch felt, how much he'd missed that touch, what he'd do to make Jack never let go. "And you're right, back in the day, me and those Delta boys were family. But they're not you. I love those men and I would die for each and every one of them, but they're not you." Jack gave a fond shake of his head. "The lengths I would go to for you are longer than any river in the world. Sometimes, the things I would do for you scare me, but I wouldn't change it. Ain't no mountain high enough, brother," Jack finished with a wide grin. Mac couldn't help but let out a small smile in return. "Now come here, kid. I deserve it."
Jack leaned forward and pulled Mac into his arms, holding him in a tight grip. The blond quickly relaxed into the embrace, letting his hands come around Jack's back and grip his shirt. He buried his face in his partner's shoulder and breathed in the smell of Old Spice and gunpowder, a combination so undeniably Jack. The man's hands held him gently, yet firmly, with one hand coming up to his neck, even going up to his hair, and the other across his shoulders.
Jack was right, of course. He did deserve it. But Mac couldn't help but feel he didn't deserve it himself. He didn't deserve the unconditional love and support that Jack always gave him, no matter what. He didn't deserve to have a friend, a brother, a partner - a father - as amazing as Jack. He didn't deserve to have the man in his life at all. But he would be damned if he didn't try to be more deserving of it every day. He was going to make all of this up to Jack, he was going to be better.
Gripping Jack even tighter, Mac knew he was selfish, but all he wanted was for that moment to never end.