Celia couldn't remember a thing; the blood on her hands was still sticky and she wished for a sink and running water to wash its stains from her fingers. She couldn't recall why there was blood on the bat glistening from the floor, or how it got on her hands, and the man slumped in the corner of the room… who was he and what had happened to him?
"Are you gonna help me or just stand there staring?" A woman's voice in the room startled her, interrupting her thoughts. "You have to help me move him; he's too heavy". She said through the darkness and Celia turned around to see a shadowed figure nearly the same height as her, but not quite. In the dim lighting she could barely see the woman's eyes; they were narrowed and serious as they stared back into her own. "Did you hear what I said? I can't move him by myself…" she told her again. Celia thought she might have been dreaming at first. But as she curled her fingers into fists and the subtle scent of salt and iron filled her nose, she knew this was no dream. The light from a street lamp cast its glare through the dirty glass of a nearby window barely lighting the room, but with it, as her eyes adjusted, Celia could see the young woman slowly moving toward her, reaching her hand out to her in slow motion, taking her by the elbow and pulling her roughly forward.
"Over here; take his legs and pull." She ordered. Celia then stood still for a moment before reaching down to the battered figure.
"What did we do…?" Celia asked the woman, confused. "What's happening… what did we do?" Celia leaned in closer to the still figure; her eyes staring at the body, she was frozen until the other woman grabbed her by the arm, spun her around and shook her hard.
"What do you mean we?" She asked, anger growing in her tone. "You told me he had a knife… when he broke in… you said it was self defense; that you had no choice… YOU said…!" The woman told Celia firmly, her eyes narrowing as they met Celia's. Lines of confusion creased her forehead as she tried to remember and the woman went on.
"This…" she added, motioning her hand around the empty space toward the body on the floor. "…is not we; this is you… You did this. You!" Her tone had become harsh and she moved closer to Celia than was comfortable. "You called begging for my help, so I'm helping." She finished. Celia's eyes darted from the woman's onto the body and she was just able to hold back the tears as they filled her eyes; why couldn't she remember what had happened?
"I did that…?" She whispered, almost to herself, her eyes wide, staring at the lifeless figure. "Why…? I… I don't… I don't know why I would do that." She said shaking her head.
Her hand trembled and she pulled her fingers into a fist again, her throat beginning to tighten. "I don't remember what happened… I don't…" Her voice trailed off and she looked around as though an explanation would appear from the shadows.
"You told me he was after you, that he busted in here with a knife… wtf, Celia; you don't remember bashing the guys' head in!?" The woman asked surprised. "There's blood on the walls, the ceiling; it's all over you… You called me freaking out and hysterical, begging me to help you clean this mess up." The two looked at each other, Celia's eyes growing wide again as though seeing everything around her clearly for the first time; had she truly killed someone? Her fingers were sticky; his blood still on her hands, literally. It was right there in front of her, she couldn't take it back and it wasn't going away. Even if she were able to find a way to make a human being's dead body disappear in the middle of the night, how could she live with herself after the fact? As her fingers spread out then curled back into tight fists, she knew that she could never hide what she'd done from herself; there would be no way to make this right.
"I don't need your help." Celia said calmly and quietly. "This was a mistake… my mistake; I'll…" She paused looking around the room then fixed her gaze on the body again. "I'll take care of it." She caught her breath glancing at her willing accomplice. "Leave… now…" She said looking at the woman.
"You're f-ing crazy." The woman said glaring at Celia. "You wanna handle it? You can handle it then… I'm outta here." She told her then turned to walk away. "Hey, what else are friends for, right?" She called back. The slammed door echoed after she was gone and when several moments had passed the room became strangely silent.
Celia looked around again, the sound of her heart racing was a loud; a steady drum in her ears. She closed her eyes and raised the back of her hand to her forehead trying desperately to remember what had happened to cause this unforgivable ripple. Events began to flash behind her closed eyes… a bright, white room… the knock at the door… a tall, dark figure… rough hands grabbing at her, reaching for her… something solid and shiny reflecting the light through the window… paralyzing fear caught in her throat. Pieces of the attack came to her in stop action snapshots; the bat was in her hands and she was swinging down and around with all her strength. A sick, crutching sound turned dull and wet replaced her thudding heart beat and she suddenly opened her eyes.
Celia stared at herself in a mirror, cold water running through her shaking fingers… how had she gotten here?
"Don't believe it, Celia. You didn't do this." A man's heavy voice suddenly frightened her from behind and she quickly turned to face him.
He was tall but not like the other man, and he seemed familiar to her. She had seen this man somewhere before, but wasn't sure where. Still, her gut instinct was to run. The small space of the bathroom boxed her in making her uncomfortably nervous, especially with him being so close to her.
"Did you hear what I said?" the man asked stepping forward and she quickly moved back out of his reach, her eyes searching the room for anything she could use to her defense. He stood still holding up his palms to her. "Whoa, whoa, whoa… I'm not gonna hurt you, I promise; I came here to help." He said then stepped back slowly, clearing plenty of space for her to easily move out of the small room.
"Who are you… how did you get in here?" She asked, her eyes darting around the room as she stepped around him through the doorway.
"I told you, I'm here to help you." He calmly said to her. "I know this looks bad, but you need to understand what's happening." He said.
"Okay, and what exactly is that; what's happening… what is it that you think you know about any of this?" Celia asked, her voice was growing louder and more frantic with each statement and she started to pace. "I don't know who you are, but you can't help me, no one can. I have to try to make this right, I have to." Her body moved almost automatically through the room then stopped, her eyes trailing a path slowly along the floor to the dark figure in the corner.
Celia stared watching it, half believing the man would get up and lunge for her or walk away. It remained just as still as it had the first moment she laid eyes on it, and he was just as dead.
"This is my mess." She said quietly, almost to herself. "I know what I have to do." Celia turned suddenly facing the stranger who stood behind her. "I don't want it covered up or dragged out to a ditch or buried in a shallow grave in the middle of a nowhere field…" She began. "He had a family, parents who loved him, friends who cared for him, maybe even someone special… someone who's wondering at this very moment where he is and why he hasn't come home or called." She shook her head as tears finally spilled from her eyes. "No… I won't just make this go away and I won't let anyone else make it go away either."
"But if you would just listen to me for a minute…" The man started. "…let me make you understand that it's all a mistake; it's not what you think, Celia… please. Let me help you." The man pleaded, but she was already moving at a frantic pace to each doorway of each room; looking for something. "You don't have to do this Celia, please… please, just let me explain." He said matching his pace to hers as he followed.
"Damn it… where is it?" She mumbled, standing in each open doorway, her eyes carefully glancing over the shelves and surfaces of each room. "Doesn't anyone keep a land-line anymore?" She asked frustrated. "Just stay out of this, please; go back to wherever it is you came from." She said pushing past him, moving quickly now. "I'm sure the cops will be very interested in whatever it is you think you know about it, and from what I hear about police interrogations, they can get you to confess to just about anything these days…" Celia reached the kitchen and stopped; the room was dark, but she automatically reached to the wall on her right for the light switch. The darkness was instantly replaced with light and her eyes quickly swept from one end of the room to the other as she stepped inside. She stood at the center, turning slowly in a circle, not finding what she was looking for.
"What the hell is going on?" She asked, her voice becoming anxious. She turned to the stranger and looked up to his eyes. "Where's the phone?" She asked confused, certain she had searched each room carefully for it.
"There is no phone, Celia; you can't call the police… not from here, anyway." He told her, and she eyed him suspiciously.
"That's crazy; that's just crazy… you're outta your mind." She said pushing past him again. Retracing her steps, she went back through the house to each room, turning on every light. She stood in each fully lit room, carefully looking around with no luck. There was only one room she hadn't checked, only one room that was still in the dark, and she wasn't sure she wanted the light to be any brighter in that room than the street lamp that shined through the window had made it already. Slowly, she walked back down the hall, to the room's entry and stood there, not moving.
"Go ahead, Celia…" His voice said quietly. "It's the only room still in the dark; the only place you haven't really seen inside." He was standing right behind her but his voice seemed to be a distant whisper in her head, and suddenly she was afraid. Celia didn't want the light, not in this room; she didn't want to see what was lying slumped in the corner… didn't want to see the evidence of her vicious act. "Shall I tell you now, what's going on… what the true crime here is?" He asked her, standing directly behind her whispering calmly into her ear.
"I know what I've done…" She argued, still not moving but staring at the figure in the corner. "I see it… I see…" Her voice shook and tears stained her face again.
"The truth is there's nothing in that room to see… there is no body in the corner, no blood on the walls, no bloody instrument of death lying on the floor somewhere. This is all a lie, Celia… it's all a lie. You've done nothing wrong."
She tried not to listen to what he was telling her, tried not to hear, but every word he said rang in her ears like sharp, crystal bells and still, none of it made sense. Except the voice in her head; she knew his voice but nothing else made sense. He was so familiar to her, she'd known this man from somewhere, recognized his voice and trusted him; she almost trusted him now.
"You agreed to this… we agreed to it." He started. "Your consent to this is the only thing you need to feel responsible for, and believe me when I tell you that you have caused no harm to anyone. We've been trying to convince of this for weeks now, but just when we think we've gotten through it starts again; this starts all over again." He said holding out his arms.
"What do you mean, 'we'?" She asked nervously, still staring into the dark. "Who else knows about this?" She asked her voice shaking as she spoke.
"We all know." He said and Celia felt her head grow dizzy. The room was rocking and her breaths came in shallow gasps.
"They know…" She said shaking her head. "…that I killed someone; Mom, Dad…?" She asked her voice choking in her throat.
"Celia… Mom and Dad are gone; they have been for more than a year now." As the familiar voice broke this news to her, Celia felt her chest tighten with unbearable anguish.
"Mom and Dad…" She repeated, barely able to whisper the words, and the little hope of forgiveness she was certain she had left was threatening to shatter with everything else around her. "And Trace…" She spoke softly, finding what was left of her voice. "Is he… is he… gone, too; does he know that I… I…" There were gentle hands on her shoulders then and she hoped she could bear what was to come next; news that her family was gone and she had no one.
"I'm right here, Celia… right here; look at me." He said turning her to face him. "Don't you know me anymore? I'm Trace." He said, his hands gripping her shoulders tightly as she stared at him. His voice was familiar to her, but his face… she couldn't tell for sure.
"Why can't I remember?" She asked, tears streaming down her cheeks again.
"You will, I promise, you will; let me help you…" He said holding back tears of his own for her sake.
"Then you will help me… really help me…" She said, almost questioning him "it's what he would do. Trace would help me to do the right thing." His eyes looked frightened as they searched her face.
"I'm trying to do just that, Celia, but I need you to help me now." He said firmly. "Can you do that?" He asked, and she wanted to, but she was so confused as she nodded to his request.
"I don't know how, but I'll try." She said.
"That's what I need you to do; I need you to try, try really hard to remember anything. What were you doing before you were here… where were you?" He asked.
She looked down at her hands, holding her palms open and her fingers out to him.
"There was blood…" She said quietly, then looked up again.
"No, I mean before that… before the blood, before the dark, where were you? Try to think, Baby." He urged, and Celia closed her eyes.
"Before the dark… there was a room…" It flashed so quickly it almost seemed made up to her. "There was a white room… white and with a window. It was sunny and… and green tags." She said.
"That's it, what else?" He went on, his voice near desperation.
"They made me sleep, dream... he said it was supposed to help, to help me sleep… it was supposed to help me."
"Do you remember who he was; what was his name, Celia?" Trace asked her.
"I don't understand; why is this so important?" She asked opening her eyes to search his face. "You said you would help me… if you were my brother you would help me. What does the man have to do with any of this?" She asked.
"It's important because all of this is happening because of him; because of what he did to you. The man who made you sleep is the reason you're here. This is all his fault." He told her and confusion filled her head again. She was struggling to remember anything that had happened before this night. "Please try." He asked her again. "What was his name; the one who told you he could help you sleep? You were in the room… it's daylight… what happens next?" Trace asked.
"He's not alone…" She said after closing her eyes again. "There's another, someone else… they're talking at the door and one leaves. The other is coming; he has something in his hands, he wants me to take it; it's a cup with coffee or soda… I can't tell. 'You won't even remember the accident when you wake up.' He said 'That's what we want, right…?' She said the words calmy.
"What's the name… on the green tag? He's standing close, handing you the cup; can you see his name?" Celia closed her eyes tightly and the image in her mind slowed. The dark haired man moved towards her and her face began to soften. As he came closer her eyes focused on the badge clipped to his jacket collar.
"Jason… Jackson…I think it was Jason." She finally said and went on. "I drank it, what he gave me and…" Celia's body shook and her breath came fast and shallow.
Strong images were suddenly there, replacing the brightly lit room; a dark stranger and the attack were flashing through her mind. "I hit him… I hit him with the bat…" She said pushing at his chest, her eyes still closed. But Trace kept a firm hold of her shoulders, even as she began to swing her closed fists at him.
"It's a lie, Celia; don't believe it. It's something he did… something he told you was real, but it's not, Baby. What you think you remember is not real… it's not real."
"But I can hear it… every time hit him, I can hear it, and the blood; it's on the walls and my clothes… my hands. I can smell it… and…" Her body was still, frozen except for her shaking hands before she went on. "I… I can see him…" She whispered. "…on the floor; I can see him." She cried covering her face. Trace shook her hard once, then his voice was firm as he spoke loudly.
"Open your eyes, Celia… look at me. Look at me!" He ordered frantically, then shook her again. Celia's eyes popped open, staring frightened into her brother's. "Listen to me… listen…" He said beginning to sound calm. She could feel the sting in her eyes then warm tears stream down her cheeks. "We are gonna to find out what happened, and punish the man who did this to you, but you have got to trust me, Sweetheart." Celia nodded her head and her fingers gripped his arms tightly.
"I'm trying… I'm trying." She answered between choked gasps. But how could it be that none of this was happening when everything felt so real… seemed so vivid? "I don't understand why this is happening." She sobbed.
"It's the drugs they were using, Sweetie; it's not your fault, but we are doing our best to fix it, I promise you… okay?" He told her.
"Now, it sounds like this guy gave you something that amped your regular meds. After the accident it was hard getting back to normal again. It was just us after Mom and Dad were gone and… I tried but I didn't know what to do to help you; you took it so hard." His own voice began to choke and tears glistened in his eyes. "I'm so, so sorry; we all thought this would help you, but now…" his shoulders shrugged and his voice calmed. "Now, we're gonna make this right again... whatever it takes, just stay with me. I won't lose you, too, Baby-girl." Celia looked up at him surprised then put her palms gently on his face.
"Trace used to call me that sometimes." She smiled. "We only have each other now." She told him, and after a moment, she turned to face the darkness in the room. "I think I'm ready now, Trace…" She told him taking his hand and holding on tightly. Celia stood firmly, bracing herself to face what was beyond the doorway and the two stepped into the darkness together.
"I'm ready to turn on the light now." She said boldly then flipped the switch on the wall.