A/N: I was bored and this was born. Feedback is good!! Pure and utter
fluff!
Words in *text* indicate actions
Jubilee...Domestic Goddess
Like any bad idea it had started off seeming like a good one. At least
that's what Angelo
was telling himself and had kept telling himself through the entire
ordeal. All five weeks
of it. Long long weeks of it.
What is "it" you ask? Well according to Emma (and I quote) "it's proof
that there is an
unholy and evil madness running loose in the world..." or in Sean's
words "a sign of the
coming apocalypse.." or last but not least the infamous "God, would
you guys please
chill? It's me doing some home ec stuff." by our beloved Jubilee.
Three days before it all started there had been a special on tv, a Martha
Stewart special.
A marathon in fact that lasted well over 24 hours. Which Jubilee watched
in it's entirety,
something only a professional or minion of the devil should do and
despite what Emma
might say, Jubilee was neither. To be honest it wasn't really Jubilee's
fault, Angelo had
proposed to her about two weeks earlier and for some reason Jubilee
had felt the need to
fulfill some antiquated stereotype of a perfect wife. Or at least try
and the marathon had
showed up at just the right time when she had passed the stage of just
thinking about it
and was heading into the actual doing something stage.
The first attempt wasn't too bad, it had involved a rather burnt coffee
cake and a
slightly melted stove. Nothing had been too badly destroyed (well,
except for the garbage
disposal that kicked the bucket after trying to grind nine servings
that had somehow
managed not to be eaten and hidden in various napkins and potato skins).
The second attempt wasn't too bad either, several evergreen trees and
pine cones bit the
dust in an experiment in wreathes and ribbons. Setting the antique
dining table alight
during dinner that night wasn't her fault at all. Or if it was her
fault then it wasn't a major deal int he grand scheme of things. At least
in what was to become the grand scheme of things after Jubilee's adventure
had finally finished.
After deciding that her forte wasn't in the realm of decorating or cooking
breakfast,
Jubilee turned to what some may call a more lethal form of domestic
bliss- sewing.
Jubilee had long discarded the idea of sewing with a machine (something
that everyone
in the house was grateful for) for a more hands on mean of clothing
the populace...or at
least her husband to be. It was a fairly inconspicuous looking piece
of material when Angelo
first saw it. A light blue cloth made of cotton that was several feet
long, was transformed
into a death trap for the young man only a couple hours later.
"Relax."
*hack hack hack*
"Um...chiquita?"
"Yes?" *HACK*
"I was thinking that you're a woman of the new millennium..." Shallow
breathing could be
heard as Angelo tried not to breath or (God help him) sneeze within
the confines of
several dozen needles, only millimeters away from bleeding to death.
"Definitely." Chewing on her lip thoughtfully, Jubilee sawed off another
foot or so of
cloth from the sleeve.
"And.." Angelo tried to ignore the fact that his voice was getting higher
and more
desperate by the second. "And, as such a woman there really isn't a
need to do this. I like
cooking...and sewing. I know, how about I sew the things in that need
to be
sewed...sewn...fixed?"
Jubilee smiled indulgently while stabbing a few more pins in. "I don't
mind." She
stepped back and pondered her creation for a few moments, wondering
why it looked
nothing like the pattern said it would. It hung off of Angelo's body
in some parts and in
others it was skin tight, hanging unevenly around the waist as she
decided whether or not
buttons were really necessary.
Swallowing down his fear, Angelo could not, for the life of him, remember
why he had
agreed to stand in for the dummy in the first place. All he could recall
were pouted lips,
and that tickling thing she did just behind his ear...
Beads of sweat collected on his forehead, and he flinched, the steely
slices of the newly
sharpened scissors shaving past his stomach with a hint of cool metal.
*HACK* * HACK*
*HACK!*
Jubilee's lower lip began to jut out. "It's not turning out at all like
what it was supposed
to."
"Really?" Angelo asked hopefully, trying to crane his neck around so
he could see the
shirt. "I mean, that's too bad."
"Oh well." Jubilee shrugged, and turned around to rummage on the table.
A cry of
satisfaction was heard as she pulled out bigger and *better* scissors.
"I have lots more
cloth." she said matter of factly.
-in-
Monet, Paige and Emma peered through the slats on the closet door, shoving
to get the
best view of what was going on. At this point muffled snorts of laughter
and giggles
could be heard through frequent "Shhh!'s"
"I can't believe she's doing this!" Paige grinned, peering at her watch.
"He's put up with
it for over a half an hour."
Monet hefted the video camera to a better vantage point as Angelo started
fervently
praying when Jubilee pulled out a hot iron. "I can't believe you didn't
think he would do
this at all."
Paige shrugged. "Excuse me for thinking the man had some sense. The
last time Jubilee
did the whole happy homemaker thing she nearly killed the hamster,
she did kill that
computer baby from class and I don't even want to talk about the spider
plant in her
room."
"Fork over your fifty." Emma smiled smugly, and pocketed the cash in
her top pocket.
"I'll take yours now if you want."
Monet smirked. "It's not over yet, he still has five more minutes to
run screaming from
the room."
Paige looked at the badly twitching man with a badly concealed grin.
"Does anyone else
think this is cruel?"
"It was Jubilee's idea!" Emma protested. "Besides he deserves everything
he's getting.
Tossing in a red towel when I'm washing my laundry is not funny."
"The Pink Queen is not funny at all." Paige agreed. "But having everyone
call you Pinky
was hilarious."
Snickering softly, Monet zoomed in on the slightly crazed look in Angelo's
eyes. "So
how much did we actually bet Jubes that he wouldn't outlast an hour?"
Random cutting could be heard as Paige peered at her watch in the dim
light. "Two
hundred bucks and wearing those purple monstrosities at the wedding
for dresses."
Emma narrowed her eyes. "We better not loose, Hank is going to be taking pictures."
Monet smiled. "There's no way we can loose, he's ready to bolt as it
is. He's going to be
in a very interesting marriage."
"That's for damn sure."
-in-
Jubilee was trying to eyeball the sleeve length and had so far succeeded
only in making
the shirt a short sleeve. Very short sleeve. In fact it was on the
verge of becoming a
no-sleeve if she kept up the pace. While she bent over to examine the
collar (located
currently somewhere around his stomach) she gave him a tiny grin. "Twenty
more
minutes and we win the bet."
Angelo just let another panicked laugh and winked at her. Emma having
to wear nothing
but pink for a week was good. Monet, Paige and Emma in purple taffeta
was even better.
-fin-
Pure and utter fluff..I did warn ya! That's what you get when I'm stuck
in bed for a
month with nothing better to watch than Martha Stewart and the Animaniacs.
:)