Title: The mystery of letting go
Summary: Chuck finally stops fighting and tries to move on. Because he may have lost Blair in all of this but he sure as hell hasn't lost himself. Post 5x17. Chuck's POV
-ooo-
I tried to climb your steps, I tried to chase you down
And I tried to earn my way…
So when will this end, it goes on and on over and over again
I know that it won't stop till I step down from this for good…
-ooo-
Is this how it was supposed to be? Love lost, lives ruined – a crash even bigger than the one with the limo on that fateful night, the one that breaks hearts. Or just one as it may be the case here. And once more I see your face in the mirror. I can't deal what's already been dealt. Is this how a mystery ends?
The cold water does nothing to clear my thoughts. Nothing. Again I see you in the mirror. Who are you?
A man who has lost his way down this already steep road. Not being able to recognize the person inside, nor see the man that stares him in the face.
When has the dice began to turn, never ending in mindless chaos? Can't seem to grasp reality or see that maybe this is all wrong, it's not me.
And yet, as I look back on past few months it would seem that it is. But I... I don't know this person. The man who doesn't know where he belongs (if not by her side), his strength nothing but a lost presence that accompanied him a long time ago. The line of never ending spiral is before me. Will I look away? Who is the man before me?
Memory of the time that almost seems as it never was is nothing new. The actions speak lauder than words. Well, this time they speak clearly. This isn't you.
If it isn't, then who is?
The clothes or the stature don't make a man, but his principles, his belief to prove his worth. My worth.
I'm Chuck Bass and nobody cares.
The silk hair, immaculate suit, everything in perfect place. Oh... but the chaos is all around me, never ending and consuming more and more with each passing minute.
Another time and place there was a person who cared about you, loved you...once. Now, that person is gone, had to be. She, the one he knew, would never do the things that this one does. No everything is so wrong, so twisted that I can't tell which way is up or down, like a terrible nightmare I can't seem to wake up from.
The worn eyes look me dead in the eye - there's no one here but me. No one to help or guide me. Only me. Chuck Bass, a man who failed.
The torn paper of current affair, a letter of love, for someone important. Someone that matters. But finally I realize that person wasn't here in a long time. Is it always like that? Does everything fade until we're nothing but ghosts of who we are supposed to be?
It shouldn't be like this, there has to be more. More to this life, the hell I'm in. The paper lands in a trash can with a small thud and it echoes in a small room. It fills like a sonic boom inside my mind, the vision of past, the present and future filled with the one I love, filled with what ifs. But another sound that resonated through the room stops everything and I see clearly. I see that the trash can has closed - the last tie between me and her broken.
I see... that is how it is now. The deep breath that escapes my lungs makes me feel light, lighter than I have felt in years. Not even the coat that I place over my shoulders can affect me. Everything is clear, no need for a letter goodbye. No one that matters would see it.
Pulling out of the small restroom I glance back to the mirror and the person I see is finally me, taking out the phone and waiting for an answer of an old friend.
"Arthur, get the plane ready, I think it's time for people to re-acquaintance themselves with the name Chuck Bass."
Because New York is too small of a place to conquer now. The Bass name will conquer the world.
I am Chuck Bass, nobody cares... but soon they will.