Ok so I wrote this about 9/10 years ago when I was suffering a severe bout of insomnia, I think it was about 3/4 in the morning that I wrote it, by which point my head had turned to mush and I could have sworn was close to dribbling out of my ears from pure lack of sleep.

Please don't try to read any kind of seriousness in it as at the time of writing it I was incapable of any that includes trying to keep the characters in character, so I am well aware that they are likely to be very OOC.

Please enjoy, of and of course other than the plot and the one original character at the start, (You will know who I mean when you read this) who was written in honour of my bro who is in the RAF and was posted in the Falkland's at the time of this being written, none of this belongs to me but to J. .

It was late at night and Harry was lounging in a chair in front of the fire in the Gryffindor common room, everyone else had gone to bed due to how late it was and he was all alone. Suddenly he was disturbed from his thoughts as the small knee high penguin waddled past with its small Royal Air Force uniform on.

The little fella had been found to be wandering around the common room a few weeks ago. No one knew where he had come from but as it was hardly a threat and after all this was Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry no one really thought much about it, oh sure a few people had asked questions for all of ten minuets, but with all of the girl's ahhhing and ohhhing over the creature the guys had taken one look at their fellow housemates of the opposite sex and decided that it was one of those female things and so something they should just ignore.

Anyway the little bugger had disturbed him from his thoughts and no amount of trying could get Harry back into the comfortable not quite awake, not quite asleep trance that he had been in and as he didn't feel sleepy he decided to take a walk.

He found it annoying really at how predictable his life was. It was enough to make him roll his eyes and sigh.

Here he was taking an innocent stroll around the pitch dark castle, all the time wondering how he could see where he was going considering he hadn't lit his wand up and it was very dark, as well as how lazy the wizarding world was that it couldn't be bothered to experiment with ways to try and incorporate electricity preferring to stay living as though it was still the middle ages and as such there were no electric lights for him to flick on. As he has been wondering this, the damn medieval torches that the students weren't allowed to learn how to make jump to life (Bloody control freaks that the professors were.) did just that and brings us back to the annoyingly predictable situation.

Here Harry was taking a perfectly innocent stroll and who should stalk out of the darkness but royal pain-in-the-ass himself Severus Snape. Ahhh well maybe he could have a little fun with this, especially considering how it was just so easy to wind the potions master up.

"Potter it's after Curfew. What are you doing strutting around the corridors" the Dark wizard asked.

Harry just smiled and in a respectful tone said "I'm very sorry professor with all this darkness surrounding me I couldn't make out my watch and didn't realise it was past curfew. Thank you for telling me I'll head straight back to Gryffindor corridor immediately, after all I would hate for a teacher I respect in anyway to catch me out after hours."

With that Harry spun on his heel and began making his way back the way he came. Behind him Snape's eyes had gone wide and he was speechless and in his shock at the fact that the Potter brat had said such a thing to his face forgot to breath. However either due to all the Dark magic that he performed or been near to throughout his life or simply because this is Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry his face turned lime green from lack of oxygen.

Before Snape could remind his lungs to breath again and spit out a sarcastic comment at our darling hero of the story, said hero had already walked down the corridor and after ducking under a convenient tapestry that hadn't been there when he had walked down this bit of corridor not five minuets ago, found himself emerging from a secret passage way that lead to the entrance of Slytherin house.

He paused and after a few moments musing on the decision to decide that either the passage way had some weird space twisting magic on it to send whoever walked down it from the seventh corridor to the entrance of Slytherin house or Hogwarts just wanted him down there for whatever reason figured that given he was Harry Potter either reason could be valid.

He stood and stared at the blank wall for several minuets before focusing really hard on the image of a snake in his mind so that speaking in Parsletongue he said "I am Harry Potter a Student of this school and in my first year the Sorting Hat wanted to put me in Slytherin. I argued and made it put me somewhere else. Will you let me in because I can speak like Salazar Slytherin?" Then to his amazement because he hadn't really expected anything to happen the brick wall in front of him reformed into the shape of a pair of lips and a brick shaped tongue stuck its self out at him before sinking back into the smooth wall that it had been before.

Shrugging his shoulders he turned and began walking this time the dungeon corridors, and again his life proved to be just as predictable as ever as he bumped into Professor Snape again.

"Potter" the older man hissed at him.

Harry blinked at the man and calmly said "Really professor if you want to learn Parsletongue I would be more then happy to teach you, you just have to ask, you don't need to try and be all Slytherin like about it and drop subtle hints by hissing my name at me. But if you don't mind it is rather late and do have to be up early for lessons in the morning so if you will excuse me." And with a respectful nod at the silently fuming head of Slytherin house Harry stepped past him and continued down the corridor once again missing his Professor forgetting to breath in his fury only this time turning a nice and relatively normal shade of crimson.

Leaving the dungeons Harry stood for several moments in the entrance hall and eyed the doors leading outside for several moments before deciding what the hell he was bored and headed out through them and down to the main gates.

Once he reached the main gates and took one step outside of the protective wards his usual luck kicked in and Voldemort appeared where with a mad cackle that would earn him a round of applause at any Mad-Planning-To-Take-Over-The-World Club meeting, kidnapped Harry away to his lair.

They arrived in the large reception room that Harry was always seeing in his visions and with a swirl of his robes Voldemort turned and imperiously said "HAHA I have you now Harry Potter this time you will not escape from me."

Harry just stood there and gave a large yawn before saying with a small sigh "You know Voldie that gets really boring, you should think of something new to say. Anyway I'm not here to fight or run away. I'm bored so I thought I would see if I could come and join your little club."

A stunned Voldemort stood there staring at the brat that he had been chasing for all of these years before emitting a loud maniacal laugh that indicated he had clearly gone insane enough to earn him a permanent room at his nearest insane asylum should he choose to take the offer.

Swirling his robes around once more just because he loved to feel the way they flowed round him he yelled "Wormtail get your pathetic arse in here now."

There was a brief scuttling and the weak willed rat like looking man entered the room slightly out of breath from running from whatever distant room he had been working away in. "Yes Master, you called for me Master."

"I did Wormtail now hold out your arm." Cringing in fear of his insane-not-that-he-would-ever-say-it-to-his-face-but-you-know-what-locker-room-gossip-is-like master Wormtail held his left arm out exposing his Dark Mark. From behind Voldemort Harry tried to peer round him in an attempt to watch and see if he could figure out how that piece of magic worked, after all he was a young and inquisitive minded guy.

Shrugging when watching didn't really help he decided to say "Hey Voldie did you know that Wormtail here owes me a life debt?"

The Dark Lord narrowed his eyes and for the second time that night without realising it allowed the new nickname he was getting slide by as he concentrated on the more important part of the sentence, "No I did not, my servant here failed to mention that detail. But he will be punished for it."

Around them Death Eater began to materialise and Harry found it amusing how practically simultaneously and in stereo two of them pulled off their masks and screamed "YOU"

Looking over his shoulder Harry decided to ignore Lucius Malfoy and with a thoughtful look in place said "Dear me Professor Snape this is the third time we've run into each other tonight, you know I may start to think that you're stalking me"

The stern man pulled himself up to his full height and snapped out, "I assure you Potter if I were to begin stalking you, you would have no idea I was there."

Harry nodded and said, "You're absolutely right professor please forgive me."

To which Snape merely inclined his head in acknowledgement to the first ever apology he had received from a Potter, before sneering "And might I add that you are still out past Curfew and as such 20 points will be taken from Gryffindor and you will serve three nights in detention."

Had the Dark Lord possessed eyebrows he would certainly have raised one and mildly said, "Really Severus I seem to remember being caught out past Curfew incurring a far easier punishment, do you not think you are being a little harsh."

Snape merely bowed his head in respect and replied, "with all due respect my lord you were never hated by your professors, I however hate Potter and as such the punishment I have given tonight is not as sever as I usually give the boy due to the mere fact that he may not be alive tomorrow to serve his detention."

This statement was then supported by Harry speaking up with, "He's telling the truth Voldie, normally he gives me a whole week of detentions, and about half of that would be served with Filch."

Understanding dawned on Voldemort's face and with a nod said, "Very well then, now I would like to announce to you all that Harry Potter has expressed a wish to join me in my attempt to take over the world."

A loud theatrical gasp was heard by one and all gathered there, but once it had passed Harry shrugged his shoulders and said, "Actually you know I've been thinking about it and I've changed my mind. With all the homework I have piling up and Quidditch practice to think about I don't really have the time to help plan a takeover of the world, but I do have a favour to ask, would you mind if I took Wormtail here. My friend Hagrid has some friends in the Forbidden Forest that I would like to introduce him to. You met there leader once in fact Voldie, he goes by the name of Aragog."

At the mention of the name the furious gleam in Voldemort's eye died and the neon blue colour of his face that had been built up from the lack of oxygen at his fury at Harry's sudden refusal to join him faded and practically gushed "Of course I remember him and please I would be only too happy for you to take him, he keeps trying to gnaw holes in my walls. It's quite annoying really."

Harry nodded sympathetically and murmured "I understand." Before walking over and taking the dirty collar of Wormtail's ragged coat between his thumb and forefinger he looked back at Voldemort and asked, "Erm would you mind creating a portkey for me as I haven't taken my apparition lesson yet?"

With a shrug Voldemort picked up a stone and after a muttered incantation tossed it to Harry who as soon as he caught it disappeared. About 30 seconds after he had, it finally hit Voldemort just what Harry had been calling him all night and in a fit of rage that only Severus was spared due to his having to supervise Harry's detention the next night brutally cursed all of his followers that had arrived when summoned.

About half an hour after he had port keyed back to Hogwarts and Harry had paid a very quick trip into the forest to drop off Wormtail, he now strolled back into Gryffindor tower whistling a happy tune and after a nod and small wave at the still waddling around Penguin in his Royal Air Force uniform settled back down into the chair he had been sitting in earlier and found it much easier to return to the not quite awake, not quite asleep trance that he had been in.

And there you go. I hope you all enjoyed this little bit of mental randomness that was generated by my head due to a sever state of exhaustion so many years ago

Keep writing and have fun

V.