Way back in 2007 I published a Doctor Who fanfic called Dear Doctor… love the TARDIS, which was a fic written from the Doctor's time machine's point of view. (It was pretty short, as is this piece). I now return to that idea in a similar vain by writing about the relationship between Han Solo and his faithful love and companion, the Millennium Falcon. Since C-3PO said that the ship has a 'peculiar dialect' I've decided not to write this piece in BBC English for obvious reasons.
Please comment and critique. It is set some time after Episode VI and Truce at Bakura.
I don't own Star Wars or and of the characters associated with Star Wars.
Tell her we're just friends
Ok, ok, first off Han, that battle was the last straw; you are never letting Lando pilot me again! I know he's improved a little, comparatively, since he last flew me all those years ago, but the loss of that sensor dish left my 'ead hurting for a week. Metaphorically speakin'. And while we're on the topic of repairs, y'could always give me a new coat of paint now. A girl's gotta look good y'know. Ok, I can't say that with a straight H.U.D., I know I'm no Naboo cruiser. But anyway, the whole, element of surprise thing was great when you where out-running Imps in the Maw, but now it just make's me look like I've been in a space battle the day before and lost. All the time.
You're lucky I like you darlin', else at times I would cut off my stabiliser to spite my sublights, an' flippin' well not hold together. And you'd do well at times to listen to droids, my computers included, 'cos it might keep us all in one piece more often. Also let me explain incompatible hardware to you in ways you'll understand. Imagine someone replaces your left leg with that of a Rodian's. It's still a left leg, but not really what you want! Keep that in mind next time you decide to do some hot wiring. Although I am staying in one piece more often these days, thankfully (wait? What am I saying?!). And I'm sure now that the Empire's apparently no more I'll stay that way as you won't always be fighting to evade capture. Only most of the time.
Speaking of which, a ship can start to feel a bit schizophrenic with re-naming and false naming and the like. All those additional codes are starting to clog up my data banks, and you can harp on all day about 'ow it keeps a low profile, but it's all f'nought 'cos the second they see a Correllian pilot with a Wookiee, your cover's blown sweetheart! Incidentally, I like Millennium Falcon though, so jolly well stick with it, 'k? I don't need you changing my name to Leia or The Princess or some such nonsense 'cos it worked out really well last time you named a ship after a girl. For the ship and the relationship both. And y'do know that for a smuggler, even one gone legit, that ship trumps girl every time… Come to think of it, Leia seems to get the bond between ship and pilot. But that doesn't give you licence to leave me to droid repair teams 'cos you're on a date!
Leia. Y'know, I've seen you jump ship, if you'll pardon the space-faring pun, on several relationships since I've known you, but don't mess this one up, 'k? You're less likely to crash me into a neutron star when you're happy. And I won't even mind if I'm just the weekend runabout when you're Mr Family Man. 'Cos I know you love me, don't ya babe? I'll not let on to the Princess, and you can tell her we're just friends.
Thank you very much for reading, please comment and critique. Both equally welcomed.