I look around this classroom, and everyone seems happy, but are they? I assume so. They look so, but then again, so do I. I wonder how many of them have thoughts like mine. How many of them stay up all night wishing for a break, wishing for that light to show them which way to go. Wishing for the final courage to stop them from thinking forever. Up, down, left right. So many choices it makes my head spin. What if I'm still like this in a year? Five? Fifteen? I can't like this. It's pure hell.

Last night I sincerely contemplated death. What it would be like to leave .Something in me ached. I'm still not sure if it was because I have a desire to live, or a desire to die. I guess that's a good thing.

Thinking of the moment my thoughts, and heart, stop is peaceful .It's music to my ears; brings a certain joy to my soul. And then when I look back up at these people, it cements the feeling. Cements the helplessness I feel inside. Cements the need to run, to fall, to let the small amount of hope I have run dry. To say my last goodbyes and accept myself as I am.

A failure.

But is it giving up? It's just itching the scratch. Just freeing my mind from its rampage. Just stopping the noise.

Freedom.

"Daniel! Earth to Daniel? Anyone home?"

"Huh? oh. Uh, sorry Mrs. little."

"Yea yea yea. It's always 'sorry I'll never do it again'. Now go up to the board and do problem sixteen before I send you out."

Dan stood up and walked slowly up to the board. He took note of all the attention on him. A class of 32 students and all eyes were on him. Attention was definitely something he preferred to avoid, but somehow the teachers never let him get away with it. It wasn't like he really blended in well either. His tall stature left him towering above almost everyone else in his year. His hair was longer and covered his eyes. Not that you could see them anyway as they were always glued to the ground, and he wore the same dull clothing every day.

When reaching the board, he looked in the book. Problem 16. He copied it exactly as he saw it onto the board. A jumble of letters and numbers stood before him, and the solution was unknown. Just like everything in his life, he only had problems and no ways to solve them. He was drowning in a sea of bad decisions he made in an attempt to fix them; to the point where he just stopped trying to fix them at all.

"Daniel? Are you going to continue or are you just going to stand there?"

"I do not have an answer for you ma'am."

"Alright, just sit down then. Mathew, go up and finish the problem, please since Daniel over here could not."

Dan took the walk of shame back down to his seat. Once again taking note of all the eyes and disappointed stares that were on him. He couldn't help but laugh as he walked past them. How many of them could actually solve the problem? How many of them had their life sorted out? How many of them could deal with a life like his?

Most likely none, but he was just an easy target.

When he got back in his seat, there was a note waiting for him. It was just a typical paper folded up as much as possible with his name on top. He glanced around the room, but no one took notice, they were all furiously writing away to the lesson.

He quietly unfolded the note, trying not to draw anymore unwanted attention. It simply said

Hi

There was an arrow that pointed down and said

Behind you

Is this a joke?

People always did this kind of stuff to him. Play practical jokes on him that were so hilarious. Now he was going to write a note and pass it back and the kid behind him would be confused. Then the person who actually put the note there would start laughing and Dan's anxiety would get worse. Everyone would call him a freak. 'Why would anyone possibly want to say hi to you' they would all say. He would run out of the room to the nearest bathroom as they all go their kicks.

So he turned around. The boy behind him looked up and they locked eyes. The boy smiled and went back to his work.

Why not take the chance…

Dan wrote hi, folded the note back up and placed it on the desk behind him. He could hear the note being unfolded, the pen moving, and then the paper rustling again. There was no laughter from anyone; there was no attention on him. There was no need to run. Yet.

The note landed back on his desk. He unfolded it and read carefully.

Hey. If you need help with this stuff, or anything, I'm here. It can all get a bit confusing.

Dan turned around to look at the boy. He didn't remember him at all. His name escaped his brain. The boy looked up and smiled once more before returning to his work. Something Dan should have been doing, but could not. Concentrating on Maths was not an option right now.

Dan took his pen in hand and wrote back

Oh. Cool. Yea thanks man. Hey sorry. What's your name again?

He folded the note and sent it back.

The boy unfolded it once again and Dan could hear a small laugh come out of him. Suddenly the paper was back in his possession.

You either are a huge dick, or you are just as spacey as you seem. We've only been in this class together for five months. But we've never really been properly introduced. I'm Phil.

Hey yall. So I figured I'd take a stab at Phan fanfiction that way I can take a break from my other story. Woo. Yea. So. Hi…..Bye.