*Author's Notes: Originally, I had started this out as a story but I
decided that this was better off as a one shot. I just want to touch the
emotions that Kaoru feels after the Enishi incident.
Hopeless One Shot
~Often, it is our hope that shapes our decisions and also hope that shatters our hearts-IrrevocableVision
______________________________________________________________
She wished he could see the inner depths of her mind, the turmoil that always kept her
guessing whether it was all worth it or not. So was it? Was it worth watching his
crystalline lavender eyes show tenderness and caring whenever he looked at her...and
everybody else. Worth knowing he would run to her side in a heartbeat if she was in
trouble...and everybody else. He loved her, she knew it in her heart, just as he loved
Yahiko and Sano and Megumi. That love would never be challenged or lost. He would
willingly give his life to save hers, just as he would to everybody else. What feelings he
showed were equally given to every member of the family, no more....and no less. The
sense of security was wonderful and she would never willingly give it up...but-but
would he ever treat her differently? His constant presence at her side was like one of an
overprotective brother and had gotten even worse after Enishi. She wasn't allowed to
step outside the dojo without him padding along. She wasn't allowed to go off on
errands of her own. Gods, he even came with her when she went to teach at other
dojo's. And throughout the whole time, he would smile down like a proud brother, or
even worse, a proud father. He didn't want her to know it, but she knew. She knew that
he now thought that she couldn't be alone, that she couldn't protect herself and that job
was HIS. That she needed to be coddled like some weak little girl who didn't know how
to properly defend herself. The security of holding a bokken had been replaced by a
hesitation that made her wonder if she could even protect herself. She was years ahead
of Yahiko in training and experience, and yet...Kenshin trusted the boy to be around
him more than her. It hurt so badly to know that he thought so little of her. She had
spent over a decade hardening herself so that she could be independent and strong
only to have it smashed to pieces by his opinions. She couldn't live like this. Under
Kenshin's shadow, to never be a woman in his eyes but a mere child. She let a tiny laugh
escape from her rosy lips, a genuine smile lifting the corners of her mouth. Blue eyes
sparkled in the sun and she leaned her head back against the porch's wooden beams to
catch summer's last warmth. Time had passed slowly and quickly in the past two years.
Days sometimes lasted minutes, full of the simple joys of a normal life. And then, there
were the days that lagged, just like today, endless in their space and thought. Two
whole years since he first came here, and not a thing was different between them since
the day he first walked in her life. Nothing had changed for he was still courteous, still
hard working, and above all, still polite. Her heartstrings were sometimes pulled to the
limit and yet, he would politely smile and nod his head as if she was an honored
grandmother. The sparkle in her eyes didn't dim but grew brighter as she looked at the
fiery colors of the trees around her. Reds and oranges stained the trees, making her
think of Kenshin even more. A plethora of memories surged through her mind but she
fought them down, not wanting her heart to ache further. The cycle of life had grown
her body, but battered her spirit. The awakening of spring blooming into the vivacity of
summer, to the chilly warning of fall which died down into the coldness of winter. This
cycle never waited for anybody, most especially for her. Time heals all wounds, that is,
if they are willing to be healed. It appeared that her heart refused to give up, grasping
on to hope like a babe would to a mother. It tightly clenched on to the hope that one
day he would love her back and that all fears and reluctance would be banished. She
could never woo him like a village girl, flaunting and flirting with all she had. Nor could
she amaze him with her female skills which lacked in every department. She wasn't a
beautiful or graceful woman with charm and refined manners. She couldn't do anything
to win his love and that...that was the hardest blow of all. Nothing she had would win his
respect, rewarding her with a place in his heart. The cloudless sky began to grow dark
as clouds started to streak the blue heavens. No more laughter came out but she still
smiled her smile, never letting it falter for a moment. She was not content but she was
conscious of her deceptive thoughts inside, and that was the funniest thing of all.
~~~~~
She was stunning. The epitome of beauty and innocence rolled into one, the ultimate
perfection. And though she was sitting right there, with her heart warming smile, she was
farther from his hands than ever. It use to be that whenever he looked at her, he would be
given reminders of Tomoe. But memories of Tomoe faded away into memories of her, and he
hid himself even more. Could their love ever happen? His feelings for her had been cemented
after Enishi had stolen her away, he couldn't live without her. But the real question is, was he
worthy for her? Could he ever thank her enough for the strange normalcy of living in a family,
the simply joy of doing everyday chores, and waking up every morning to be greeted by a
brilliant smile that asked nothing more than for him to be there for her. Such a simple
request, and he was already failing horribly. She needed to be held, to be kissed, to be loved,
and she wanted all of that. But was he worthy enough to do that for her? She had already
pledged her love, now all that was left was for him to pledge his. He watched her for just a
moment longer before stepping into the sunlight, a smile plastered on his face but worn thin
on the edges.
"Kaoru-dono."He called out in that soft tone of his.
She closed her eyes, a smile still on her face. That prefix after her name was a constant
reminder of who she was to him. An honorable term used for acquaintances and not
close friends who had shared much.
"Yes Kenshin?" She finally said, her voice sounding like she was expecting something
from him, something important.
"It's time for lunch."
The sun was blocked by a long gray cloud and shadows covered the courtyard. A
desperate heart plummeted further into misery as a wind began to blow cold. And now,
the answer to her question: Yes, it was worth it, despite the despair gnawing at her
within.
"......I'll be right there."
_____________________________________________________________
*I know this is a pretty short one shot, but this was just something I had to get out of my system before I go nuts. What do you think? Like? Sorta? Dislike? Tell me tell me!!
Hopeless One Shot
~Often, it is our hope that shapes our decisions and also hope that shatters our hearts-IrrevocableVision
______________________________________________________________
She wished he could see the inner depths of her mind, the turmoil that always kept her
guessing whether it was all worth it or not. So was it? Was it worth watching his
crystalline lavender eyes show tenderness and caring whenever he looked at her...and
everybody else. Worth knowing he would run to her side in a heartbeat if she was in
trouble...and everybody else. He loved her, she knew it in her heart, just as he loved
Yahiko and Sano and Megumi. That love would never be challenged or lost. He would
willingly give his life to save hers, just as he would to everybody else. What feelings he
showed were equally given to every member of the family, no more....and no less. The
sense of security was wonderful and she would never willingly give it up...but-but
would he ever treat her differently? His constant presence at her side was like one of an
overprotective brother and had gotten even worse after Enishi. She wasn't allowed to
step outside the dojo without him padding along. She wasn't allowed to go off on
errands of her own. Gods, he even came with her when she went to teach at other
dojo's. And throughout the whole time, he would smile down like a proud brother, or
even worse, a proud father. He didn't want her to know it, but she knew. She knew that
he now thought that she couldn't be alone, that she couldn't protect herself and that job
was HIS. That she needed to be coddled like some weak little girl who didn't know how
to properly defend herself. The security of holding a bokken had been replaced by a
hesitation that made her wonder if she could even protect herself. She was years ahead
of Yahiko in training and experience, and yet...Kenshin trusted the boy to be around
him more than her. It hurt so badly to know that he thought so little of her. She had
spent over a decade hardening herself so that she could be independent and strong
only to have it smashed to pieces by his opinions. She couldn't live like this. Under
Kenshin's shadow, to never be a woman in his eyes but a mere child. She let a tiny laugh
escape from her rosy lips, a genuine smile lifting the corners of her mouth. Blue eyes
sparkled in the sun and she leaned her head back against the porch's wooden beams to
catch summer's last warmth. Time had passed slowly and quickly in the past two years.
Days sometimes lasted minutes, full of the simple joys of a normal life. And then, there
were the days that lagged, just like today, endless in their space and thought. Two
whole years since he first came here, and not a thing was different between them since
the day he first walked in her life. Nothing had changed for he was still courteous, still
hard working, and above all, still polite. Her heartstrings were sometimes pulled to the
limit and yet, he would politely smile and nod his head as if she was an honored
grandmother. The sparkle in her eyes didn't dim but grew brighter as she looked at the
fiery colors of the trees around her. Reds and oranges stained the trees, making her
think of Kenshin even more. A plethora of memories surged through her mind but she
fought them down, not wanting her heart to ache further. The cycle of life had grown
her body, but battered her spirit. The awakening of spring blooming into the vivacity of
summer, to the chilly warning of fall which died down into the coldness of winter. This
cycle never waited for anybody, most especially for her. Time heals all wounds, that is,
if they are willing to be healed. It appeared that her heart refused to give up, grasping
on to hope like a babe would to a mother. It tightly clenched on to the hope that one
day he would love her back and that all fears and reluctance would be banished. She
could never woo him like a village girl, flaunting and flirting with all she had. Nor could
she amaze him with her female skills which lacked in every department. She wasn't a
beautiful or graceful woman with charm and refined manners. She couldn't do anything
to win his love and that...that was the hardest blow of all. Nothing she had would win his
respect, rewarding her with a place in his heart. The cloudless sky began to grow dark
as clouds started to streak the blue heavens. No more laughter came out but she still
smiled her smile, never letting it falter for a moment. She was not content but she was
conscious of her deceptive thoughts inside, and that was the funniest thing of all.
~~~~~
She was stunning. The epitome of beauty and innocence rolled into one, the ultimate
perfection. And though she was sitting right there, with her heart warming smile, she was
farther from his hands than ever. It use to be that whenever he looked at her, he would be
given reminders of Tomoe. But memories of Tomoe faded away into memories of her, and he
hid himself even more. Could their love ever happen? His feelings for her had been cemented
after Enishi had stolen her away, he couldn't live without her. But the real question is, was he
worthy for her? Could he ever thank her enough for the strange normalcy of living in a family,
the simply joy of doing everyday chores, and waking up every morning to be greeted by a
brilliant smile that asked nothing more than for him to be there for her. Such a simple
request, and he was already failing horribly. She needed to be held, to be kissed, to be loved,
and she wanted all of that. But was he worthy enough to do that for her? She had already
pledged her love, now all that was left was for him to pledge his. He watched her for just a
moment longer before stepping into the sunlight, a smile plastered on his face but worn thin
on the edges.
"Kaoru-dono."He called out in that soft tone of his.
She closed her eyes, a smile still on her face. That prefix after her name was a constant
reminder of who she was to him. An honorable term used for acquaintances and not
close friends who had shared much.
"Yes Kenshin?" She finally said, her voice sounding like she was expecting something
from him, something important.
"It's time for lunch."
The sun was blocked by a long gray cloud and shadows covered the courtyard. A
desperate heart plummeted further into misery as a wind began to blow cold. And now,
the answer to her question: Yes, it was worth it, despite the despair gnawing at her
within.
"......I'll be right there."
_____________________________________________________________
*I know this is a pretty short one shot, but this was just something I had to get out of my system before I go nuts. What do you think? Like? Sorta? Dislike? Tell me tell me!!