DELECTATION

By Darynthe

Chapter 1

"The pleasure which may be taken in temptation , inasmuch as our souls have two parts, one inferior, the other superior, not unfrequently happens that the inferior part takes pleasure in a temptation not only without consent from, but absolutely in contradiction to the superior will. It is this contest which Saint Paul describes when he speaks of the "law in my members, warring against the law of my mind,"and of the "flesh lusting against the spirit."

Saint Francis de Sales, Introduction to the Devout Life, Part IV, Chapter 3

delectation (uncountable)

1. Great pleasure; delight.

xox

Sin can arise only when your will comes into play. I remembered this piece of information that I read a long time ago from one of the old books that Carlisle kept in his well furnished library. And then, if sin had a name, if sin had a face, then sin would be called Bella Swan.

Yes, I had happily gone for over eighty years, virtuously living a life of boredom and endless application, never wanting to break the moral boundaries that my parents set as an example.

Thou shall not kill the innocent....

But how meaningless eighty years can really be when there comes the day when you realize that you are not strong, it was just that real temptation had never come face to face to you before. How much it filled me with anger and hatred to know that I was weak, with no power of will, just waiting for the right moment to jump and kill all the witnesses and then drink the nectar that ran in her veins. The best moment that would allow me to kill the less possible people and yet enjoy to the fullest the final defeat of everything I considered the soul of Edward Cullen.

Now with the girl sitting not two inches from me, in the longest class of Biology in this side of hell, my mouth watering with venom, my eyes black with smoldering need, I was surprised that nobody actually started screaming and shouting, asking for help, because the monster should be showing in my face and awakening their pathetic survival instinct.

She peered at me from under her hair. Her eyes were dark brown, very expressive and together with her very dark hair, made a stark contrast with her perfectly porcelane skin. My breath began to accelerate and she looked away.

I felt something like fire go through my body making me tremble with need and the desperate, shallow hold I still had on my emotions was about to be let go the monster that shouted and growled to be let free just once, just this time. Please.

Mr Banner kept his upbeat and friendly tone and ordered us to go tonight to the forest and try to catch some insects for a analysis in the next lab class. I could hardly understand it. My mind worked very fast.

Would Alice see me killing all this people? If it was going to happen any minute now why she was not here, stopping me? It was something so big and important that I was sure that even her constant application to Jasper's, little slips wouldn't allow her to be oblivious to me for much longer.

I forgot not to breath and a new and scalding wave of smell hit me right in the head. It was painful. My hands started to tremble noticeably and I saw Bella turn her head but stop herself at last minute.

I wondered what it was she was thinking? Her head was impenetrable to me and I supposed that this somehow was part of the reason I craved her blood so much.

It wouldn't matter for long. I would just give in and be done with it. Carlisle would understand, he always did. He never recriminated me those years when I tracked criminals and human monsters and killed without mercy. Carlisle would forgive this too.

But would I ever forgive myself? Probably no. All the family would have to move today. Probably go into hiding for a long time as a manhunt would continue. Something like a hysteric chuckle menaced to escape my mouth as I considered that my face would be on all the news and TV and probably I couldn't be able to resurface for a few decades.

And I was the more angry then. What right had this girl to destroy my life? To shame me to my family, to make me hurt Esme? To destroy the lives we have so careful crafted?

But yet, nothing had happened. I had been in class for a whole of five minutes and I still haven't killed her or the other twenty children in the classroom.

I swallowed my poison again and tried to focus on a way to avoid the massacre. Think Edward.

I turned myself towards the window and held on tight the side of the desk. I forbid the lungs to breath and closed my eyes to try to dissipate the strong pull of deadly absolute desire.

It would be later today. I would wait until school was over and I would take her somewhere else to commit the act. I would leave no traces that would lead her to me. Nobody would find her body ever.

I needed to get my mind off the idea until the time came. I risked losing it otherwise. The most important thing was not to draw attention so no suspicion would be on me.

The hour dragged eternally. But at long last was over. I was out of my chair as a spring and I could hear the girl gasp in what I assumed was either fear or indignation at my behavior. I stopped in my tracks, trying to walk slower, to look more normal. I tried to smile, but it was physically impossible.

Instead I turned my head and locked eyes with her. A strange pull, different and similar to the thirst warred then in me. What was she doing to me? Her eyes were wide and wondering, she blinked a couple of times and swallowed, turning away her head.

The moment lasted a second only and yet it shook me again with sudden temptation to kill her then and there.

But then she passed me by in her way to the next class.

I walked to Spanish, resisting the need to skip class and just devote myself to my senseless longing and thirst. However, Carlisle face came to me and gave me enough will power to continue and give absolutely no reason for anyone to suspect me the next day.

I couldn't forget her smell. Emmet looked at me funny. I avoided his gaze but carefully looked into the textbook. I didn't want anyone in my family to talk me out of my madness. I still felt the pain and it had me almost whimpering. The bell for this class came too, eventually.

"Emmett, I think I need a little fresh air, is it Ok if I give you the key of the Volvo and you drive everyone home?" I managed to growl.

"Sure Edward, you look a little dead today, eh? Maybe I can join you."

"No," I said a little too harsh for seeming normal.

Emmett just rolled his eyes and shrugged it. The soonest I was out of Alice reach the better. Now everything depended on my not meeting other humans or vampires and nobody else needed to get hurt. And more importantly nobody could stop me in my now inescapable destiny of killing Bella Swan.

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Author's note: please leave feedback. I accept suggestions and constructive critique.