Ah, this one is so garbage..-y... I just wanted to write something to kill my sour mood towards homework right now so please excuse mistakes. It's late and I should be sleeping.
Enjoy maybe.
Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia
Another beautiful day. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, my strawberry shake is still cold, and Mattie is running towards me with a panicked look all across his face.
...
Wait, what?
"Alfred! Please, I need your help for a bit!"
Whoooa. Mattie must've ran a marathon or something because his glasses are all fogged up and his chubby Kuma-something of fluffy doom isn't with him. Man, I love that bear. But still, he interrupted my walk! Why should I help him?
"Huh... I dunno man... You just interrupted me in my graceful and slow walk towards Wal-Ma-"
"Yeah, yeah. I know! It's tradition that you overload yourself on sugar to give yourself a power boost to aid in your plan of supposedly 'saving energy' by walking slowly during the duration of the ten metre walk to Wal-Mart every other Saturday. I get it! But I need help. Now."
Okaaaaaay, weird. Usually Mattie doesn't demand stuff like that out of the blue... Or demand stuff for that matter. So I guess it must be serious?
"Um, alrighty-o. Watcha need baby bro?"
With crossed arms and a huff (he's such a cutie! My baby bro!) he spat out his words. "Hmp! First! I'm older. Nordics found me first. You're MY baby brother okay? Secondly, it's England and France. They'r-"
I used to find it funny how super sensitive Mattie's hearing was a colony knowing that when I didn't want to play with him, I could create noises he hated. Now, considering my favorite jeans were dirty from being forcefully shoved into a nearby bush; my berry berry yummy strawberry milkshake was on the ground along with my face; and that my brother was now continually shoving periodic "SHHHH's!" down my ear drum (even though he should "SHH!") because he heard something suspicious, makes me question if he has schizophrenia issues I'm not aware of... And that's not funny.
"Yoooo, not cool! What are you do-"
"SHHH! Didn't you hear what I just said?"
"Hmp. Not by all those SHewewwewwewwe's! ... HUEWww's.."
"Ew, that sprayed all over the back of my neck... Anyway, just listen."
I paused confused.
"... To what?"
"THE SURROUNDINGS YOU IDIOT!"
This guy needs to sit down. I can smell his maple-y breath from how hard he's breathing.
"Whoa. Sheesh. Pushy. Someone didn't eat a balanced maple syrup filled breakfast today..."
So I tried to listen and ignore that 'I'm going to kill you stare'. Birds, wind, Mattie's erratic and paranoid breathing. But, as I was about to give up, I heard it. The obnoxious yells of Eyebrows and the "Onhonhonhon's" that always seem to flitter after France.
I looked over the bush to confirm my predictions with a paranoid Canuck trying to tell me something... Meh, he can tell me after.
"Oh! Mattie! It's Eyebrows and Francey-pants. HEY GUYS- GRAH! Ow, ow, ow... My neck... You didn't have to grab me like that. You could have said, 'sit down' or something..."
I saw the two geezers heads rotate to find the source of my heroic voice to no avail. What a shame. I wanted to help France bully England. Canada put his head into his hands and mumbled. Whoops. Guess I messed up real bad.
"Did you not hear a word I said?" I shook my head. He sighed. "Geeze you dolt, I even said England and France's name before I was cut off. Can't you connect the dots?" Another sigh.
So I thought about it and, I did connect the dots! ... At least I think I did.
"Yooo. Why are you saying their country names? I thought you were on 'filial gratitude terms' with these old geezers like 'ahahaha~ Oh! Arthur! You're so much calmer than Alfred~' or 'ahahaha~ Oh! Papa!~ I promise I'll spend more time with you now then Alfred!~' like... What's up?"
Mattie perked up! Guess I hit the target bang on! Of course, 'cuz I'm the Hero! But, he's breathing is still erratic for some reason.
"A-al... I hope you don't talk to other nations in that tone of voice... Pfft... L-like, P-Poland or anything..."
Oh. Nevermind. That jerk.
"Geeze, I was just trying to prove a point! Want to elaborate now? 'Cuz you laughn' ain't helpin' nobody!" The nerve of some people. Hmp.
"Hahahaha! No need to lay down the slang Alfie! Anyway, good job you airhead! I am calling them their country names. Why? Because they have this weird competition going on right now that, whoever can receive the most affection me for the rest of this month wins. Nicknames from me count too. Winneralso takes some next ridiculous amount of bragging rights and privileges with them."
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. WHOA! I thought I specifically banned all competitions towards Mattie's affection between all members of our dysfunctional family... Not that I follow it at times but STILL! Only I can show up at Mattie's door at three in the morning and ask him to have a Disney marathon with me! But still, he might be his imaginary schizophrenia acting up...
"... And how do you know this?"
"I overheard them at the meeting last week... I'm okay with it but, it's just showing up at my door in Canada at three in the morning with a choice of reading Le petite Prince or Winnie the Pooh as a bedtime story can be preeeetty ox in a box which is why I came to your place. But, they followed me. Oh, and- ... Al? Earth to Al? You still in there?"
He waved his hands across my eyes but my brain was in a different place.
Those geezers are going to pay.
"Um... Maybe I should call your boss or somethi-"
"O-oh, sorry Matt! I was just thinking if I left my stove on at home~ He he~ Sooo, about France and Eyebrows?"
"Ah! Actually yeah. That's why I came here! I need you're help for them to stop. So any ideas?"
Oh Mattie. That innocent head tilt of yours...
"I've got a few ideas~ And we're going to your house tonight~"
"I'll ring the door bell."
"No, I will."
"I will!"
"GRAH!"
"AH! MY HAIR!"
"WOULD YOU STOP?!"
"NO! YOU ENGLISH SWINE!"
"WHY YOU FRENCH BASTA-"
The door slowly opened to reveal a hesitant Canada in the tiny crack allowing just face to show.
"Um-"
The elder nations whipped their heads in the direction of the teen their entire competition rested on and broke apart from their attack positions. The image of the two of them pinching each others cheeks and pulling each-others hair wasn't the best impression you could leave on a person. Smoothing out the evidence of a conflict on their appearance, they proceeded as normal.
"Bonjour mon petit Matthieu~"
"Ah! My apologies Matthew. Er... May I ask how you knew we were here?"
Canada smiles and tilts his head with a glint of mischief in his eyes.
"I can hear you guys shouting inside. Figured it was you guys by the intensity and the topic's being yelled about." He let a hearty laugh out.
"Onhonhon~ Well, may we come in Matthiue?~"
"Oh! Um, of cour-"
All of a sudden the door whips half-open to show America.
"Heya Eyebrows!~ Francey-pants!~ Whats-up? I heard you from upstairs through all the hardcore gaming me and MATTIE were doing! AHAHAHAHAAA~ What brings you to MATTIE's house today hm~?"
Canada looked like he was fighting an intense war inside not to laugh. On the other side, it took the might of elephants high on electrolytes for America not to burst out laughing. The way that England and France paled notified the teens that their ingenious plan was working. After America explained the ban he put on the three family members to see him earlier that day, Canada couldn't help but laugh at the stupidity of all this and question what was wrong with their family. All Canada cared about was getting rid of them at the moment... Politely of course.
"Oh! L'amerique! What a pleasant surprise! Oui... Un supris... Ha..."
"Uh... So what are you doing here America? A visit perhaps...?"
A shit-eating grin crossed America's features. The tone in which he carried when addressing that question was so plastic that not even Barbie could live up to it.
"Why yes Eyebrows! I am! In fact," the door whipped completely open to reveal Canada's entire living room to the left. A pillow fort had already been constructed in front of Canada's TV which had the words 'Paused' and a hockey player in mid-fall. The smell of a newly opened maple cookies container sats by the pillow fort for easy access. "I'm, staying here for the rest of the month for some bro catch up time right Mattie?~" The American side hugs the Canadian to further agitate the elder two.
"Uh-huh~"
"So, I suggest you leave. You both loose the bet entirely~"
"Why you bloody wa-"
England raised his fist but America stopped him mid sentence to say, "Haha~ I'll walk you two to your cars okay? Think of it like the walk of shame."
"Oh L'amerique. You are too cruel."
"Oh!" The calls of Kumajirou distracted the Canuck. "Al, you walk them, I have to feed Kuma or he'll cranky... And um, Bye bye Arthur! Bye bye Papa! I'm sorry it had to resort to this..."
And with the disappearance of Canada, the walk down the long driveway of shame began. It was a tense silence but, England broke it knowing he had to address the issue.
"... You know you're a cheeky liar right?"
"Hm...?"
That innocent head tilt. It's a weird quirk with the North American twins for some reason.
"You told Matthew we were the only one in the competition didn't you."
The comeback of shit-grin boy-wonder returned.
"Mayyyyyybeee~~~"
Frustrated, France kicked the tire to England's car... His car was too nice to kick. Ignoring England's 'Hey's!' France continued.
"I can't believe you! You call us earlier today to ask if you can join the bet so that we can ignore this one time we broke the rules regarding Canada, that YOU put there no less, and you turn on us?!" Another kick and 'Hey!' to England's car. "Too cruel... Too cruel... I was going to get him to blush for me..."
"Welp! It's your guyses fault your were so slow-wow-wowowwww~"
"Ah, L'amerique, don't mock us with those duck faces..."
"Nuh-uh! I have bragging rights! Now pay up! Fifty each~!"
With a grumble they paid, climbed into their respective cars after England gave two solid kicks to France's cars, and drove off into the night. America waved them good-bye and into the nippy air of Canada, America couldn't help but reflect. "Ahh... Don't you worry Mattie. I'll always defend you..."
Then with a quick spin and sprint towards the house, America gushed, "HEY MATTIE! LOOK! I FOUND A HUNDRED BUCKS ON YOUR DRIVEWAY! NEAT HUH?"
~ Maple Syrup-tard
What are with all these terrible stories I'm writing lately?
Well, whatever. If you liked it, I'm glad~ If you didn't. Meh. Totally understand.