A/N: This is something I started on shortly after 5.04 first aired, and then kind of fell off. But my best friend and I had a 12 hour Supernatural marathon on Saturday (straight; i am dead serious lol) and I got inspired again. Let me know what you think! :) (Note: Font in italics are mostly Sam's thoughts; those in italic bold are Lucifer's inner thoughts.)
Disclaimer: Not mine!
For however long it had been since Dean had seen Sam, nothing could have prepared him for what he came to as he slunk into the courtyard, the Colt drawn and ready.
Well, not Sam; not really. The Sam suit, as it were.
His past self's voice rang through his head, the accusations and truths haunting him softly, all overcome by this desire to kill the thing that took his baby brother away. All the while ignoring the fact that Sam was already gone by the time Lucifer successfully took hold, and that it was all his own fault on top of it.
He came around the corner of the yard, finding the stone bench unoccupied and the space empty. Probably inside, he thought to himself. He moved to make his way toward the door and flinched as he heard the sound of gunfire and screams. He closed his eyes for a moment for his friends. Just for a moment.
"Hello Dean. Finally learned how to sacrifice something-someone, rather-than yourself."
His eyes shot open, and his heart lept in his chest. He turned at that sound of Sam's voice, and came face to face with the Morning Star himself. Dean swore.
"Is that anyway to greet your brother?"
He cocked the gun, pointing it directly at Sam-Lucifer's-forehead. "You're not my brother." He growled, tears beginning to prick his eyes. He cursed inwardly; it wasn't supposed to be this hard. He had prepared for this, steeled against it, made himself understand. But then Lucifer cocked the head to one side, let the eyes go puppy dog, using Sam's mannerisms to to his advantage.
Dean hesitated. Just for a moment.
"True." He popped behind Dean once more, with a blink of an eye and Dean spun, his aim unwavering. Right between the eyes. The expression was a sympathetic one, but there was a glint of amusement in his eyes. Dean clutched the gun tighter. "I'm not the enemy, Dean."
"Oh yeah? Cause I got about 6 billion witnesses that say otherwise."
Lucifer laughed harshly. "Human, witnesses. Biased." He strolled around, his expression changing to one of a kind of restrained insanity. "This place...this planet, was ours before it was ever yours. What is there to fight for? You yourself have said it...demons, you get; people are crazy."
"It doesn't mean you can exterminate them!"
"And why not? Look what they have done to this beautiful, wonderful creation of my Father's! They have turned it into a toxic dump; the glaciers are melting, the ozone is damaged...it has been polluted with the sins of Man! And not to mention what you do to each other...they don't even realize what they have. It should be cared for by those who understand what they have when they have it, Dean. Don't you see? Most of them don't even believe him anymore, not really!"
He held the gun tighter, his knuckles turning white. "I ain't ever gonna buy what you're selling. Humans may have their imperfections, may make mistakes, but it doesn't mean we're not worth saving."
Lucifer stared at him, and for a moment, Dean wondered why the Fallen Angel wasn't just taking him. He wasn't stupid; he knew this was an insane task, but he felt with every breath he took, he had a little more time, a better shot. Lucifer smirked.
"He's in here you know. Sam. Sammy." He drew it out, changing the subject. Dean winced. "And he's screaming. He's crying for you to shoot me. Because after all this, he still feels like he's not worth saving. I'm not the one who made him feel like that, Dean."
The stone formed in his gut, but he swallowed hard trying to get rid of it. Dean opened his mouth slightly to snap back at him, but his mouth had gone dry. Lucifer pushed on, his eyes narrowed in a faux sense of pain.
"You say that you all make mistakes, have your imperfections," He spat. "But you couldn't forgive your own brother. You made him feel like he had no choice but to give in. I suppose I should thank you for that."
"You son of a bitch----!" He snapped, making the move to lunge at Lucifer, who grabbed his arm and in an instant, had him on the ground. Lucifer pressed his knee into the middle of Dean's back, pinning him down with all his weight. Dean's voice cried in his mind; I've failed.
"And through all of this," Lucifer whispered, leaning forward to whisper in Dean's ear. "He's still screaming for me to have mercy. He's begging me to let you go. After everything you did to him..."
"Sam!" He whispered furiously, desperate to get the words out as his lungs burned for air under the weight of Sam's body, just in case his brother could hear him. "Sammy, I'm sorry!"
"Too late, Dean. Too. Late." Lucifer purred, his foot resting on Dean's neck. He rose up, his chin in the air, and Dean looked toward the entrance of the courtyard just in time to see his past self run through the gates, saw his eyes widen as he took in the scene and then...
All was black.
------
Sam was in and out of consciousness for the past three years. He tried to sleep, but one could only be away for so long. He would awaken to hear the screams, smell the burning flesh. To see the crazy, angry look in the infected eyes. All because he said yes.
He knew it was wrong; he knew he shouldn't have said shit, but after Dean was gone....he'd had nothing left it seemed. Just chaos and pain and hate and loneliness. No one was with him, and the only way to end this...was to just give in.
Lucifer was certainly silver tongued, and Sam was sure as hell no Jesus. He was a normal human, with original sin and everything in between. And he'd said yes.
He wanted to sleep through this. He wanted to be done. He didn't want to be awake, but Lucifer seemed to be taking a certain pleasure in this. He was keeping him up for it on purpose.
He heard himself speak, not of his volition but of Lucifer's. Saw Dean, saw his head turn and for the first time in 5 years, saw his brothers striking eyes. He saw the emotion flash across them before the steely look overtook his face as Dean forced himself to understand that this was not Sam, but some monster inside of him. Lucifer's giddiness bubbled inside of him, making Sam nauseous.
As Lucifer began to toy with Dean, Sam began to panic. This was usually how it was with him; wordplay, he would get the victim riled up and then with little effort, kill them. He was just taking far more pleasure in this than he ever had before, his arrogance letting himself believe he was so, so right.
Shoot the damn gun, Dean! Sam was trying to scream, fighting to take control, but he was no match for the angel in his skin. Shoot. Him!! Shoot!
Hush, Sam. Lucifer replied smoothly. No need tiring yourself out for nothing. That gun will do nothing to me. You know that.
No! Not him, not him! Not after what I've done...Sam began sobbing inside himself, curling up into his mind and weeping heavily. Not Dean, please not Dean!
He watched helplessly as Dean snapped and lunged at his body, hate blazing in his hazel green eyes and felt as Lucifer easily rounded on him and took him down, his knee in his back as he bent low to whisper more false truths. Sam sobbed in a way that would've made him physically sick if he could, begging Lucifer to stop, to spare his brother, but the Angel in him rose up.
"Sammy, I'm sorry!" He heard from a distance, and for a moment, he had his brother back.
"Too late, Dean. Too late." No! It's not, it's not!
He felt his foot twitch then, felt Dean's neck crack under it and he hit the floor of his mind as he edged on the brink of hysteria. But then Lucifer turned and there he was, alive, and staring bug eyed and slack jawed. Hope & saddness swelled for him. He sobs began to abate, deep breaths and hiccups taking their place.
Dean!
He could tell an obnoxious comment hung from his brother's tongue, but Sam was grateful he was smart enough to let Lucifer speak first. This was obviously not the same Dean; aside from the fact that his Dean was on the ground, warm body getting colder with every passing second, this Dean wasn't war torn or as hard as this Dean was. His brother, everything that made him his big brother, was still in him. Hope blossomed within and he felt Lucifer prickle at the threat. Sam began to worry; after so long of being so close to Lucifer, he knew his cues and could sense what he was going to do.
But he wasn't worried about Lucifer killing Dean. He was worried about what would be said, what insecurities would be played upon. He watched as Dean's tortured expression took Lucifers smooth, calculated words. He felt his mouth smirk. "Oh. Hello, Dean. Aren't you a surprise."
The past version of Dean jumped, startled as in a flash of light, Lucifer suddenly appeared behind him. Dean spun around, staring in horror at the man in front of him.
"You've come a long way to see this, haven't you?" His voice was calm, and smooth...arrogant. Sam noticed his brother's jaw clench and he knew he wanted to punch Lucifer in the face, but common sense-and his pride-wouldn't give the Angel the satisfaction. Instead, his tilted his head to the sky, glowering at the fallen angel in his brother's body.
"Well, go ahead. Kill me."
"Kill you?" Lucifer craned his head around past Dean, staring at the cooling body of his future counterpart. "Don't you think that would be a little...redundant?" The angel sighed. "I'm sorry. It must be painful, speaking to me in this shape. But it had to be your brother. It had to be."
He reached out his hand to touch Dean shoulder in a offer of mock condolences, but Dean jerked back. Yes, Sam hissed. Don't let him get to you Dean. Fight it. Lucifer ignored him and continued, his eloquent way of speaking painting a false picture.
"You don't have to be afraid of me, Dean. What do you think I'm going to do?" His tone was innocent, amused. Dean's glare hardened, but under it, Sam noticed the fear, the anger...the saddness.
I'm sorry. He whispered tearfully. Lucifer laughed at him.
Now Sam..., his tone condescening as if a parent schooling a child. He turned, caressing a rose ever so softly, Dean a second thought.
"I don't know. Maybe deep-fry the planet?" Dean snapped.
His head snapped up, genuine disbelief in his gaze. "Why? Why would I want to destroy this stunning thing? Beautiful in a trillion different ways. The last perfect handiwork of God." The madness on edge tone of his voice was back, and he seemed to realize it, for he reeled it back in. He straighted, clearing his throat. "You ever hear the story of how I fell from grace?"
Dean winced. "Oh, good God, you're not gonna tell me a bedtime story, are you? My stomach's almost out of bile."
Sam began to laugh. Lucifer smirked over it, irritated at his snide comments already. Oh, well aren't you in for a treat then... "You know why God cast me down? Because I loved him. More than anything. And then God created..."
Suddenly, Sam felt like he was on fire; he screamed inside his own mind, Lucifer's anger taking an almost physical manifestation. He felt the face smirk once more, bitter this time. "You. The little...hairless apes. And then he asked all of us to bow down before you to love you, more than him. And I said, "Father, I can't." I said, "These human beings are flawed, murderous." And for that, God had Michael cast me into hell. Now, tell me, does the punishment fit the crime? Especially, when I was right? Look at what six billion of you have done to this thing, and how many of you blame me for it."
There were tears in Dean's eyes. I'msorryi'msorryi'msorry...It was the only thing Sam could think, over and over, his own tears ebbing in his mind's eye. i'm sorry...
Oh really, Sam, stop it. Now it's just getting pathetic, Lucifer snapped.
"You're not fooling me, you know that? With this sympathy-for-the-devil crap. I know what you are." Dean spat, tears falling.
"What am I?"
"You're the same thing, only bigger. The same brand of cockroach I've been squashing my whole life. An ugly, evil, belly-to-the-ground, supernatural piece of crap. The only difference between them and you is the size of your ego."
Lucifer smiled at the insult, but inside, his irritation spiked and Sam fell. Please no.
Relax, Sam. I have no intention of hurting him. What's the point? I already took care of the problem...
Bastard! Asshole, son of a bitch...! Sam hurled the insults at the angel in his mind, beating against him, fighting the hold but Lucifer just smiled back. There was no contest; but all Sam wanted was to say something-anything-to his brother. To say he was so, so sorry. For all of it.
"I like you, Dean. I get what the other angels see in you." Lucifer noted, not being too descriptive as he smiled tightly. Goodbye. We'll meet again soon." He turned to walk away, Sam drooping inside of himself, curling back into the abyss of his mind when he heard Dean's voice, strained and emotional.
"You better kill me now!"
Lucifer paused in surprise, then craned his neck around. "Pardon?"
"You better kill me now." He demanded, tears free falling rapidly down his face. "Or I swear, I will find a way to kill you. And I won't stop."
"I know you won't." Lucifer jumped on it, self assured and arrogant. "I know you won't say yes to Michael, either. And I know you won't kill Sam. Whatever you do, you will always end up here. Whatever choices you make, whatever details you alter, we will always end up here. I win. So, I win." He said it so simply, so factually that all Sam could do is watch as his brother's tears flooded his face, staring and searching his own, searching for any remaining evidence that Sam ever was in the body. He found none.
"You're wrong." Dean whispered tearfully.
Lucifer tilted his head in mock pity. "See you in five years, Dean."
Sam was crying again, as Lucifer appeared in a window above the courtyard, watching as Zachariah touched Dean's forehead and they disappeared. He stared at Dean's corpse, left on the ground as 4 Croatoan's approached it under his orders. They were going to put it on display, as a lesson; Lucifer had won.
He'll stop you. He's going to change this. Sam spat. You have to know that.
He won't say yes to Michael. Lucifer corrected. That's the only way to end this.
Maybe, maybe not. He won't say yes to Michael...but he'll try his damnedest to stop this. And he'll succeed.
Lucifer scoffed, but stayed silent. Sam started; for the first time, he felt something different then Lucifer's anger and arrogance; he felt his ambivalence, a gateway for self doubt and nervousness. Lucifer saw what Sam saw in Dean's eyes, heard what Sam heard in his brother's voice, and saw what the other Angel's saw in him. Passion. Love. Determination...an unwillingness to lose. Dean was going to fight this. He was going to use this to fan the flames inside of him, and he was going to forgive his brother. Forgive himself. He was going to fix this.
For the first time in years, Sam felt true hope.