Again, for WillowClan's May Writing Challenge! Writing prompt was:

It's never too late to live the life you've always wanted. It's never too late to correct past wrongs.

But it seems that my story seems to be going the opposite way...

Squirrelflight and Brambleclaw

Losing Dreams

They said it's never too late to live the life you've always wanted. It's never too late to correct past wrongs. But they're wrong, they're always wrong.

Because they've never had to lose their dreams, they think it's all possible. They've never had to lose everything all at once. They don't, and never will, understand.

*.*

You all know the story. There's a fiery ginger shecat, she makes mistakes, and she hates the handsome, tabby tom. They both hate each other.

One time she follows him, and he takes her on the journey of her life. They save each other so many times, they become friends. They all become friends, they go through danger together. They find a new place for their Clans, fulfilling a prophecy. Every important cat has a prophecy, and they were important, they fell in love and StarClan looked down on them.

Then, they had a happy ending, didn't they? They had kits and they taught them all they knew, and maybe their kits were so important they had a prophecy as well, and it was hard but it always ends well. Always. There's no sad endings, because it's a story.

But that's not what happens, not in real life. I hate that I can't dream anymore. I can't think it will all come right in the end. There aren't lies in a story, or if there are they're always for a good reason. I thought my lie was for a good reason, but I was wrong. It all went wrong, terribly wrong.

This isn't one of the perfect stories, where it all works out happily and it tells you what to believe, plain and simple.

This is my story.

*.*

When you're a kit you life half in a life of dreams. You play silly games, you fantasize and you even think if might come true. You dream of becoming leader, and if the actual leader looks twice at you, you think you've got a chance. Of course, my father was the leader. But it was always fun to pretend, to dream.

You dream of becoming a warrior, of finally being respected. Even being an apprentice seems very far away.

I was born into a loving family with no problems. There was the occasional spat, but my mother and father loved me. I could live in the sunshine all I wanted and run away from the arms, hiding behind them. I was safe. I was so innocent, so ignorant. I thought life was happy, carefree, that my dreams might come true.

There was another dream, the dream to fall in love. I never told anyone, never let it on, but it was that silent thought in the back of your mind, the one which is always there.

I thought it would be perfect, that one day I would see him and I would just know. Our eyes would meet and he would say those three words, and I'd be able to say them back. Then we would be happy and he'd tell me my eyes were pretty and all the things that didn't really matter.

But it wasn't like that with Brambleclaw. I hated him with a vengeance. Then I went on the journey of my life.

My life hadn't been all dreams, of course. Nothing's perfect, but my life before the secret was close. My sister became a medicine cat, leaving me in one way.

But when I heard that prophecy, it all came crashing down. I was part ofa prophecy, just like a cat in the story. It wasn't nice, it wasn't perfect, it was just hard. Before the journey, and during it, I was treated as inferior. Whenever I did something wrong, something stupid, Brambleclaw was always there laughing behind my back - everyone was.

*.*

Leafpool came to me. She asked me to keep her secret. I would do anything for my sister, anything. So I took her kits, and lied to the cat - the only cat I had and ever would come to love.

For a while it just hurt to see his eyes light up whenever he saw them do well. It started to hurt more with every passing day, but I kept the secret for Leafpool's sake.

Then came Ashfur. So many words to describe the cat who ruined my life. I could say he was evil, he betrayed me and ThunderClan, that he only ever wanted to hurt us.

But it wouldn't all be true. Some of it is, yes, but not all. He was an apprentice friend to Cloudtail, he must have been as carefree and happy as me when he was that young. I've heard stories from Ferncloud about how bravely they ran from the dogs. He was a brave warrior, despite all of his failures. I wonder sometimes if he would have done the same for his sister, if he could have.

He loved me, I pushed him away, and he destroyed my life and my dreams.

But it wasn't just my life - it was Leafool's Brambleclaw's, Crowfeather's, Firestar's, Jayfeather's, Lionblaze's, and Hollyleaf's - he destroyed her completely. He destroyed all of us.

And in that day, the day of storm and fire, there was no realization that it had all started. There was only a desperation to keep going, to keep it all safe and locked up forever. It didn't come crashing down, it didn't all stand still for a moment.

Only now can I look back. I lost my kits, I lost the cat I loved, I lost my father, I lost the respect I had earned, and I will never truly have kits of my own.

It wasn't just that. I lost everything except my sad, broken sister.

My dreams will never come true.

I was meant for Brambleclaw, with our temper's and our brave hearts, they said. I knew it was true because I loved him more than anything. I saw the same in his dear, handsome, deep amber eyes. But I shared something with Ashfur, too. Something that Brambleclaw didn't have in common.

Brambleclaw has a fire that burns inside of him, an ambition. There are two kinds of minds, two kind of hearts.

There's Brambleclaw. There's the kind who believes in their dreams with an all consuming need, who'll do anything to get their dreams. They're the kind you hear stories of, the kind who make a difference.

Then, there's me. Ashfur. The ones you don't remember. Some of us get our dreams through fortune, through chance, through quietly working towards them. You remember them sometimes because they're part of a story with someone like Brambleclaw, because at least they tried.

But there are the ones like me, who aren't part of anything. They aren't remembered, even if they tried their best. They might be patient, they might wait, they might try their best but they were afraid. They worked quietly, they were good, but they were too afraid to give everything to their dream and it let them take them to the stars. They were afraid they would fail.

So they were quiet. They worked hard but they were forgotten. They were forgotten in the stream of cats which did their best, but it wasn't good enough.

I wish I had given everything to it, but now I can't do it. I'm too afraid. Maybe I won't be forgotten, but I'll never be all I could have been.

All because I was afraid.

I was afraid to make it up.

Brambleclaw, you're all that makes me whole. You could carry me to the sky and back again.

But I've lost everything, and so I stay in the quiet misery. I look at the quiet hatred, blame, and sorrow in Jayfeather and Lionblaze's eyes and I hope they'll give their dreams everything and not let this stop them. I love you my darlings.

I remember Hollyleaf. She tried so hard to give her dream everything she had, and it destroyed her. Her shining green eyes, asking me serious questions when she was only a kit. It hurt so much to see the faith she had in me. Hollyleaf didn't know any better. I was all she knew, and I let her down.

*.*

I lost everything.

I lost my dreams.

Don't ever lose your dreams.

Thank you for reading!

~Iceshadow~