Winter was finally here at the Shoma house. It was a beautiful, but sad winter. I was missing mom more and more. This was my Third winter without her here with me, and I couldn't stop thinking about her. I had been crying on and off for the past week. I could imagine her smiling face, asking me "what's wrong Tohru?"

I wiped my blue eyes, fixed myself up a bit, and headed out of my room, determined to smile. Bumping into Kyo was not in my plans, but the Cat had ran into me, and hard. Like he had been running.

POOF!~

"KYO! I am so sorry! I-i-i just wasn't looking, and-and I-um-" I stammered.

"Damn it!" Kyo cursed, as Yuki came running around the corner, caught sight of Kyo, and began laughing uncontrollably. His disheveled mop-ish black hair falling into his face. Kyo glared at Yuki, in his orange little cat form, hissing and spitting every now and then.

They must have been fighting again. I thought as I began gathering Kyo's Cloths for him.

"Um, Kyo, Yuki, what were you running from?" I asked as I faced the boys, a small smile on my face. They always fought, and it was sadly because of how much they liked each other. It was how they showed it, at least, that is what Shigure told me.

"KYO!" kagura's voice boomed through the house. Followed closely by Ayame, yelling,

"LITTLE BROTHER! LITTLE YUKI!"

POOF!~

I turned around just in time, so as to not embarrass Kyo. I handed him his clothes as him and Yuki took off at a dead run out the house, and into the garden. Kagura and Aya came running up to me, both looking enthralled, and smiling.

"They went that way." I said, holding back giggles, and pointing out the ginger cat and the silver rat hiding in the garden.

"Thanks!3" Both Aya and Kagura chimed, as they skipped off to gather their prospective victims. I stared giggling to myself as I walked into the kitchen, putting on a pot of water for tea. The front door slid open and shut, I heard someone putting a bag down, then coming into the living room. I walked around the corner and greeted Shigure. He was dressed in a suit again, a light Grey one this time. He looked a bit stressed, as he sat down at the table. He ran a hand through his short black hair, and gripping the back of his neck. His eyes were closed, as if he was trying to forget the days happenings.

"Shigure-sama, would you like some tea? I just put a pot of water on."

He shook his head, opening his light brown eyes, and relaxing a bit, his childlike smile gracing his face, making him look years younger.

"No. No thank you Tohru. I wont be staying for long. I have to go back to the main house and help Hatori with some things."

"Oh. OK. " I replied, sitting down at the table with him.

"Hatori will be coming to dinner tonight. Will that be okay. with you?"

"Oh- um of course! This is your house after all, Shigure- sama."

"Tohru, you know you can just call me Shigure. There is no need to be formal. Oh! Crap! I'm late!" He exclaimed, jumping up from the table, pulling his shoes on and grabbing his suitcase, only stopping at the door long enough to say to me,

"We should be home in about an hour, Tohru. Bye! Take care."

Once Shigure had left, the tea pot whistled. I made myself a cup of mint tea, and sat back down at the table by myself, reminiscing.

I missed mom, even more every day. They say time heals, but I couldn't imagine this ache in my heart to see my mother again, alive and smiling, to ever ebb. I felt the hot sting of tears fill my eyes, and I sighed as I got up and grabbed some tissue paper to dab my eyes with. It was getting harder and harder, the closer it got to Christmas, to smile, and not to break down into tears.

I glanced at the clock on the wall, and realized that about a half hour had passed since Shigure had left.

I better get started on dinner. I thought, as I walked into the kitchen and looked in the fridge, to see what I could make.

Nikujaga** sounds good. I pulled the ingredients out of the fridge, and began the preparation for dinner. I let the meal, simmer on the stove for a good twenty minutes, checked the potato's to make sure they were soft, then turned the burner on the stove off and kept the dish covered. I set the table for three, since Yuki, Kyo, Kagura, and Aya were still gone, I assumed they would not be joining Shigure, Hatori and I for dinner.

"Tohru Dear! We are home!" Shigure called from outside the house. He sounded slightly drunk, and a lot happier than when he had come home earlier. Shigure came skipping into the kitchen, a broad smile on his face, as he hugged me tight. Hatori came in behind Shigure, a small smile gracing his devastatingly handsome face. Shigure, tripping all over the house, finally face planted into the floor, next to the dinning table, and instantly fell asleep, like nothing had happened, and he was just sleeping on his own bed. Hatori sighed, as he lifted Shigure off the floor and began dragging him upstairs to Shigure's room.

"Oh! Um-ah, do-do you need help Dr. Hatori-sama?" I stammered, as I ran after Hatori.

"No, stay there. I will just get him settled into his bed." He stated, his voice like velvet over my skin. I nodded, a blush covering my face, and I whipped myself around and sat the the table, examining my response to his voice in my mind.

My thoughts were brutally interrupted my my mothers smiling face. Her shoulder length light blonde hair blowing behind her. I couldn't hold the tears back, nor could I run into the bathroom fast enough. The panic attack setting in. I tried to calm myself down, but breathing was getting harder for me, and I just couldn't get myself to stop crying.

Mom's smiling face. Her beautiful face, her loving spirit, destroyed by that accident. That one minute in time, destroying my whole life.

I gasped my breaths, and began sobbing even harder. Even though I heard Hatori coming close to the door, I couldn't stop crying, I couldn't stop the ugly sound of my gasping for breath.

"Tohru? Are you alright?"

I managed to mummer a small, "Yes", followed by my gasping for breath. Not breathing will make you do that.

"Tohru, I know you are not alright. Do you want to talk about it?" He was beginning to sound concerned.

"n-n-no. I-I-I-I'm f-f-fine." I managed to spit out, after holding my breath in for a bit. I let it all out and began gasping again. My eye sight was getting blurry at this point.

"I'm coming in Tohru." Hatori stated simply as he opened the door to find me, tears falling in rivets out of my eyes, and down my face. My waist length mocha colored hair disheveled, and my face a light red color from my gasping. His light olive colored eyes widened, shock evident on his face as he took in my chaotic appearance. He sighed softly, as he fell to his knees next to me, took my into his strong arms, and cradled me close to his chest. Even though I was still gasping for breath, he held me there, so close to him, I could hear his heart beating calm and even, just like him. He just placed his hand behind my head, pushing my tear streaked face even closer to his chest.

"Shh, I'm here. You are alright." His even voice enveloped me, cradling me, just as his arms were. My breathing calmed, and gradually I stopped crying.

"I'm sorry Dr. Hatori-"

"It's fine Tohru. Don't say you're sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for," he interrupted me, and held me away from his chest, to look into his eyes.

I had never seen him show so much expression before. I must have really worried him. I blushed, then shook it off.

He is just worried, as an adult worries about a small child. Like a father figure.

"Do you want to talk about what just happened Tohru?"

"Not really..." I replied as I looked away from him, my eyes downcast, and new tears forming in my eyes, this time for a different reason.

He doesn't care for me any more than a father cares for his daughter.

I thought, as the tears seeped down my face. His face became worried again. I wiped my tears from my eyes with the back of my hand, stood up and walked out of the bathroom. Hatori followed me into the dinning room, where I served dinner, just as if nothing happened. I could feel his eyes on me, watching my every move, as I was eating.

"Tohru." He said, his voice almost had a sort of longing in it, but maybe I was mistaken. His eyes were searching my face, for something, anything, what I didn't know.

"Y-yes Dr. Hatori-sama?"

"Please call me Hatori, Tohru."

"Alright."

"What was that? In the bathroom. What was wrong? I have never seen you show so much...sadness. I'm worried, Tohru."

I put my fork down, and sighed.

Figures I couldn't hide anything from Hatori. Anyone else and I could have played it off as hormones or something. I could say I squashed a bug, but Hatori. He would know. He knows when people lie.

"I miss my mom Dr.- Ah, I mean, Hatori... I really miss her, and its just getting worse this season. With Christmas so close, and everyone gone all the time, I have had a lot of time to think about her. About mom." I replied, my eyes examining my plate of food.

"What about after you were done crying and you started again. That was because of your mom too?" He asked, his head tilted slightly to the side, resting on his left hand. I imagined if he had his glasses on he would have pushed them up the bridge of his nose.

Always a doctor, no matter where he is. He is always a doctor first. And he looked it.

"Yes." I lied, hoping he wouldn't pick it up. He didn't seem to press it much further. So I assumed I had gotten away with it.

" Tohru! You should go stay with Hatori! It will help you get your mind off of things! Plus Hatori is done with his work for the rest of the year, so he will be able to keep you more company than us!" Shigure stated simply, a child like smile on his face, almost as if he was proud of him self for coming up with the idea. Hatori looked panicked, and I could have sworn I saw him mutter something under his breath to Shigure.

"Shigure, may I speak with you in the other room please?" Hatori asked as he stood up and lead Shigure into the Kitchen.

(In the kitchen)

"Are you nuts?" Hatori hissed, "you know how hard it is for me to even be around her when I visit here, what would make you think to have her stay with me?"

"She reminds me a lot of Kana." Shigure stated simply. Hatori's face sunk, his heart stinging at the mention of Kana's name, " She needs you Hatori. You of all people can see how much pain she is in..."

Hatori glanced back to Tohru, sitting alone at the table, picking at her food. He felt his heart sink, and had the sudden urge to hug her again. To smell her sweet orange blossom shampoo again, to feel her soft skin under his rough hands.

"Yes I can see it, but why me?"

"I think you both can help each other." Shigure stated simply as he walked back into the dinning room all smiles and began chatting with Tohru.

I love her...my god I fucking love her. Hatori thought as he watched her movements. Her brushing her hair back behind her ears, her smile, her laughter.

This is going to be a long Christmas....

**Nikujaga does not seem typically Japanese since the main ingredients niku (meat) and jagaimo (potatoes) are historically not traditional Japanese foodstuffs. But Nikujaga is a popular meal especially at home. It is a typical "mother's taste" meal. The taste of Nikujaga may surprise you because of the ingredients sugar and soya sauce, and I am sure that the surprise will be a positive one. **