Title: Rhyme Time: I'll Ruin You, Sesshomaru.
Author: Sun
Rating: Adult, lol
Genre: Canon, Crack, Comedy, Smut, Semi-Poetic
Prompt: Sesshomaru/My Good Looks are Ruining People's Lives
Word Count: 479
Summary: Only one is worthy of Sesshomaru's attention.
A/N: Beware – I LMAO writing this, and I had to be creative with some of the words. XD You'll see what I mean.
*cue catchy beat box*
Now, gather 'round close
And listen here, you
This is the tale
Of a phat bro called Miroku
He's a warrior of old
And a real pervy monk
Don't let him fool you, though
He's a tight little hunk
So, one day,
He's jus' walkin' along
Got a spring in his step
And whistlin' a song
All of a sudden
He's gotta make a stop
Spotted a real cute cutie
Decided he wants her on top
So he follows her around
And she's just ignorin' 'im
She's got a real fine ass
But her hips are kinda slim
She's got real long nice hair
And eyes like gold
Hands sorta big but delicate
Better for him to hold
As he watches his beauty
From afar
The way her hips swing and sway
'S makin' 'im kinda hard
He knows his friends are worryin'
He should really hurry back
But this chick is so fine
He's gotta get a look at that rack!
So the perv follows her
All the way to the hot spring
He watches while she takes off her clothes
And he turns to the side to start puking
"This bitch is a dude!"
He whispers while he freaks
He can't believe it's a sausage,
Not the pretty pussy that he seeks.
"No one can ever know,"
He says while he runs away
Inuyasha would laugh his ass off
And he would never get Sango as a lay
He rejoined all his pals
And none were the wiser.
That night, Miroku was still so ashamed:
When he jerked off he came like a geyser!
Weeks went by,
And life went on like always.
But then the pretty bastard reappeared
And turned his life sideways.
Recognized the monk in an instant,
It was Sesshomaru,
Inuyasha's older half-brother,
And Miroku swore, "I'll ruin you.
"I'll ruin you
"Like you ruined me.
"Because of you,
"I went gay, see?"
And Sesshomaru saw it,
Plain as day.
Such a hunky piece of man he was –
No wonder the monk went gay!
Sesshomaru knew that
This is what would come.
It was just the price he paid
For bein' so damn "nom"
He was too fine a dude,
This he knew was true.
But he'd never met someone like this monk –
Someone he felt like he knew.
So later that night,
While the group was asleep,
He snuck into their camp
Without making a peep.
He found the monk,
Snickering as he snuck.
Silently, he woke Miroku,
Knowing the perv'd be up for a fuck.
Making sure to be nice and quiet,
The monk and the demon
Got it on nice and fast,
And poor Miro got covered in doggy semen.
But it made him one happy monk –
He had his pretty bitch at last!
Well, until morning dawned,
And he woke up alone, full-mast.
*end catchy beat-box*