Disclaimer: If I owned Supernatural, I could actually choose whether or not Season 9 moves us in the direction of End!verse. I'm not sure exactly how I would abuse this power.
A/N: There is absolutely nothing in the whole awesomeness that is Destiel that I am more obsessed with than the Season 5 episode 'The End'. Nothing. Therefore, have a take on how Dean tells Cas he's going to be his diversion.
2014
You tell him, of course. Explain the whole thing to him, because you know he'll understand. And he knows that you're not planning on surviving this thing, this thing where you kill your brother. And you know he won't want to be there when you aren't.
It makes sense, he agrees. You kept it quiet, but neither of you is naïve enough to assume no one in Lucifer's ranks ever figured out that he's the one thing apart from the guilt and knowing it has to be you that still keeps you going. So they know you'd never send him into a trap just to create a diversion. They'd know you'd never sacrifice him and leave him to die without you there by his side.
Like you should have been by Sam's side.
They figure you've learned your lesson. And you have, just not the way they think you had.
He closes his eyes and you see his fingers twitching for more medication, but he knows now is not the time for it, because you are having your last conversation and he doesn't want to miss a thing of it.
You come a little closer – and you haven't done that in a while, haven't touched him in more than friendship in so long, so you hesitate. It's an understanding between the two of you. He does his thing and you do yours and the fact that you're both feeling just a little sad about it doesn't matter. Because you could be so much more vulnerable if you allowed for this to happen.
There is no one watching, not now, not with certain death hanging over their weary heads. You are alone and you are Dean and Cas, Cas and Dean once more, just for a little moment an entity of its own, the way it used to be, the way that feels right.
You fall into each other more than kiss and it should be hungry and it should be starving and it should be ravenous – because you'll never have that again, you remind yourself, you know with perfect clarity – but it's just like breathing in, breathing each other in and he tastes different, but it doesn't matter, because his lips feel exactly the same, rough and dry and there.
And for a tiny little moment, you don't feel relief that it's all about to be over soon, that an end is finally in sight. For a tiny little moment, you want to hold on and you don't want to send Cas to die, because you don't intend to survive, but what if you do?
Neither of you moves your lips much. You just stand there, mouth to mouth, foreheads touching, breathing each other in. Your eyes are closed and your brow is furrowed and that's pain you're feeling right there, when you haven't felt anything in so long.
Eventually, you stop even the pretense of kissing. Nothing more will happen between you tonight.
Why am I doing this? you wonder and the answer is simple.
Because it's goodbye.