Title:I'm Here for You
Author: J.E Talveran
Pairing:Fem!Tabris/Leliana
Rating: T

A/N:There are far far FAR far too many Alistair/Warden fanfics. Maker's boxers, there's more Male!PC slash than Leliana stories combined. This has to be fixed, so here's a one-shot from a story I may or may not post up. It's later in the game, probably right before the Darkspawn attack the camp. Contains Femslash, so if that bothers you, there's plenty o' other stories in the Dragon Age seas.

I'm Here for You

The press of the human's hand seared into her body's memory. She knew that if he ever removed his grasp from her arm, there'd be five purple blemishes burned into her skin, and underneath, the ache would probably never fade. "You actually think that you could fight back?" He sneered, his breath reeking with the overwhelming scent of rotten grain that she associated with the swill the arl's family claimed was alcohol. He jerked her forward, seizing her chin with his free hand, twisting her face up until their eyes locked. "You think you could save yourself? Save Shianni?"

At her name, Shianni's sobs hammered against her ears, the cries of her cousin ripping down through the fabric of her being and filling her with the desperate shame that she had utterly failed.

Then Vaughn grinned lecherously, his eyes raking down the curve of her cheek, the tilt of her jaw, until she could feel his gaze slide over the tease of skin that the wedding dress had been designed to reveal. "You know, your cousin's a screamer. Begged for mercy while you took your sweet time with my guards. Thrusts and parries…"

Her eyes widened. No! It hadn't been anything like that. She had tried her damnedest to break through before he touched any of the women.

"I wonder if you'll scream…" he trailed off thoughtfully, the hand gripping her upper arm already tugging the fabric of her dress.

"No!" She struggled, even though she knew instinctively that it was useless. After all, if Shianni, spirited as she was, couldn't break free, how could she, herself ever hope to?

"No! No!NO!"

Kallian surged upwards, her throat hoarse. For a scary moment, she did not know where she was, and the helplessness that had seized her just mere seconds before rushed back into her being. Her eyes roved over her surroundings like she was a caged animal and just as her legs tensed to bolt and run, a hand fell gently onto her shoulder.

With that touch, the stress and fear that were fueling her panic faded like the last gust of wind off the Highever coastline. Kallian slumped backwards, and slid her hands up to cover her face; cold sweat clinging to her palms.

"You were screaming." The gentle Orlaisin accent broke through the worry. The hand moved to cup Kallian's shoulder in mimicry of a massage. "Was it another vision of the archdemon? Alistar says that they're plaguing him most nights now."

Kallian shook her head, still reeling from the sudden mood-swing. She leaned back into the hold, closing her eyes as the grasp on her shoulder glided down over the ghost of pain that clung to her arm from where the arl's son had held her.

"No?" Gentle fingers brushed over phantom bruises. "Then what has you so seized by fear? Rabbit was circling the tent like a maddened beast."

Kallian glanced to the flap of the tent's opening, and sure enough, the shadow of her prized mabari war hound hovered there. She went to say the dog's name, but stopped as attempting to speak scraped her throat raw. She licked her lips, tried to swallow even though her mouth felt as dry as a desert, and attempted it again.

"Here," a water skin was placed to her lips. "Water from the river, it'll help."

Kallian took a greedy gulp from the offered skin, and then licked her lips a second time. "Rabbit, come."

The stiff fabric rustled as the large war hound pushed his way into the dark enclosure. He gave a worried whine and nudged at her hand. She responded by curling her fingers in the bristly fur that covered him.

"I was the only one he'd allow to enter. Alistar tried and received a nasty bite, and Morrigan's on watch, so she couldn't command Rabbit to stand down—"

"She wouldn't have been able to." Kallian rasped. "Mabari only take commands from their owners."

"But you and Morrigan—"

"Are closer than sisters, but that means nothing to my hound. Imprinting… doesn't work that way."

"Oh." There's a shuffle behind her, but the wispy touch never leaves her skin.

"It's all right." Kallian didn't want to turn around. In the dark shadows of the tent, with Rabbit's warmth pressed against her calf and the soft brush of fingers along her arm, she didn't want to shatter the odd atmosphere that settled around them. Instead, she stayed silent, listening only to the sound of their breathing, and the crackling of the fire outside. As the quiet lingered, she felt her eyes grown heavy and wondered if sleep could so easily reclaim her.

As if in response to her thoughts, there was the rustle of leather behind her, and the faint tinkling of a belt being undone. She still didn't turn around, but watched the act play out via shadow on the far tent's wall. A sheathed dagger was placed on the empty space next to her own greatsword, followed by a leather pouch that smelled of clover and honeysuckle. Then, gingerly, as if they expected Kallian to be a fragile doll, a second arm curled about her waist and gently tugged, beckoning Kallian to lean back.

She did so, and finally allowed herself to be engulfed by the bouquet of Andraste's Grace and the heady scent of leather. She closed her eyes as lips press tenderly into her hair, gentle as a snowflake's touch. Her head reclined back until it met with a softness that was undeniably feminine. Still, neither one spoke, neither one seemed willing to break the trance that had fallen in the tent. Even Rabbit, ever-energetic, lounged with his massive head resting on the curve of Kallian's calf.

Movement caught her attention, and she only flicked her eyes enough to watch the outline of figures shuffle against the backdrop of the flame outside. A whisper of leather and cloth announced Morrigan's approach to the tent, and soon enough, Morrigan's dark hair ducked into view, her eyes filled with concern as she stared into the darkness of the tent.

"Kallian?" Her voice is quiet, probing.

"Mm?" Kallian didn't feel quite like answering properly, she thought speech was too overrated by that point.

"Wynne said that you were having the Night Terrors again… that they sounded pretty bad." Morrigan shifted, the glint of her staff's light flashed silver over Rabbit's fur.

"Mm." Kallian shrugged, more akin to a tilt of the head than anything shrug-like, still, it registered with Morrigan's keen sight and she nodded in response.

"I'm just outside, but I think you'll be all right." Her voice drops with a lilting chuckle, and she allowed the tent's flap to drop, the last trace of her was with the faintest curl of a knowing smile at her lips.

A whisper of breath caressed the hair just against Kallian's ear, causing a shiver to travel down her shoulders. "She is a good friend, you know." Kallian nodded in response. She glanced down, even with her own keen sight; she's only made out shades of grey and black inside the tent. Rabbit rumbled a snore.

Without thinking too much as to why she's doing what she's doing, she tilted her chin up, canted her head just to the side, until her cheek brushed against the rose petal softness of her companion's lips. There's was a quiet intake of breath, a hitch in the steady breathing, and suddenly she's not sure which of them lost that tiny bit of composure first. Her own hands drifted south until they smoothed over her companion's. She gently pries away the hand that clasped her middle and drew it back when it was retracted shamefully. As if she's tracing marble, her fingers glide and danced along the planes of her companion's hand. She could feel where the calluses from dagger-and-sword play have formed, and pressed against the roughness, stealing an odd delight in the break-away from everything being gentle, soft, safe.

She didn't know exactly when the thought formed, but it's halted before she can even think of acting on it. The hand she's traced flexed, and soon it was her wrists captured in an exploratory hold. The flighty feeling in her chest pressed almost painfully against her ribs, and she knew that if it continued, she'd die from it.

"No," the whisper caused soft lips to brush softer butterfly kisses against her cheek. "I will not allow you to do that to yourself."

The mood shifted again, growing heavy, and strange. It reflected the feeling in her chest: where her emotion wanted to crush her lungs, so does the air want to crush her completely. Kallian tried to pull her hand back, she felt stubborn, angry that she couldn't heal, or grieve the way she thought she should.

There's firm resistance. Kallian tugged harder, jerking her wrists every way, but she's held like a skittish yearling. Each time she yanked, the firmer the hold became. She lifted her chest, suddenly wanting to leave the embrace, but her companion only followed, until she's pressed firmly against Kallian's back.

"You think it will be easier to forget if you harm yourself." The whisper was a sad acknowledgement. "If you can break yourself, then you can confirm what you believe about yourself." Kallian didn't shake her head, no; she held it defiant, not wanting to face what was being spoken. "After all, if you're broken, then there's no point in worrying about what happens to trash, non?"

Kallian leaned forward, drawing the leg that Rabbit didn't use as a pillow up until her forehead rested against her knee. She knew, by feeling as well as sound that her Orlaisin companion moved until she cradled Kallian. Through the darkness, a leg framed hers, and the firmness of a thigh pressed against the swell of her hip. "Morrigan knows what keeps you awake at night." There's almost an accusation in that statement. "Alistar wants to think he understands." Hands slid against her stomach again. "But, they can't understand, not like I do."

Kallian let out a sigh that held only the quietest catch of breath. She closed her eyes and pretended that the gesture would make the conversation disappear. Her hair fell around her face, tickling her skin. There's no more questions, no more statements, but she could just feel the expectation of an answer. She thought— no, she knew that if this had been brought up at any other time, she'd have brushed it off. Shrugged it away like the pain of battle. She knew well how to mask the hurt from years in the Alienage.

Tonight though, so close to the nightmare, she believed that she could give voice to it all, and it wouldn't count. Nothing really counted in the dead of night, when the darkness could swallow up any secret.

"I had hoped to die in the Ostagar charge." She said. "Redemption in death. The noble thing to do." She turned so her cheek pressed against her knee. She still couldn't see the bard, and she knew she didn't want to, not yet.

"You throw yourself into your work, your duty. It eases the guilt. When you're a tool of the masses, you don't need to feel." There's understanding, a personal connection. A sigh issues forth. "You can't stay awake forever, though. The body tires out. Defenses drop, and when you sleep, that's when the memories start."

"I can't forget Shianni's expression." Kallian couldn't consider her voice a whisper; it was even softer than that. It could have been an internal thought, but the responding squeeze confirmed that she did say it. "Soris was near the fall wall, cleaning off the blood from his swords." She didn't want to close her eyes, didn't want to see the vivid scarlet that splashed over her dress, Shianni's thighs, Soris' face. "The arl's son was so still. But that… that smugness was still there in his expression. Even while he grew cold, he mocked us. Mocked Shianni."

"You don't feel guilty for his death, though."

"No." Kallian swallowed. "No. I killed him, and his guards like the depraved mongrels that they were. I enjoyed slicing him down." Kallian moved and the ghost of her companion danced on the edge of her vision. Without the harshness of light, she could pretend that this wasn't happening. "We killed him, and his two underlings, but we were too late for Shianni. I failed my cousin."

"You wished you had been in her place."

There. It hung between them, finally given voice. Kallian couldn't help but answer.

"Yes." She ducked her head again. "Shianni didn't deserve that—"

"And you do?"

"It would have been better for everyone." Kallian struggled against the hold again. "Leliana, don't."

"Don't? Don't what? Do this?" Leliana held her tightly.

"I'm not worth this— worth you."

"Is that so?" Leliana scoffed. "Well, aren't you an arrogant one for choosing what's best for me. Where would I be without your enlightened guidance?" Though the venom was there in the words, her voice never grew nasty.

"Safe. Happy. I don't know, take your pick." Kallian slumped again, shaking her head. "Look what happened to Shianni, I failed her when I swore I'd always take care of her and Soris!" She twisted her body, fully facing Leliana. Her eyes adjusted enough that she could make out the curve of her jaw, the cut of her hair, the slender line of her throat. "You don't deserve a failure, Leliana."

"You don't get to pick what I deserve." Leliana brought a hand up to cup Kallian's chin. Her thumb grazed against a recent scar. "I walked where the Maker led me, and he rewarded me for my faith." Her thumb stopped over Kallian's lips, and it's all of Kallian's willpower not to press a kiss, or part her lips. "I found you."

"Leliana…"

"Don't." Leliana used a bit more pressure, stopping the rest of Kallian's words. "Don't you even consider trying to do the 'noble and right' thing with me." Her other hand encircled Kallian's neck. "Do you think you're the only one with guilt tearing away at you? Do you think that you're alone in the self-loathing department?"

Kallian shook her head, mutely. She sensed Rabbit shuffle to give them room, and noticed the mood evolving yet again. She wanted to grab for one of Shale's crystals, to have light tear through the dark haze and end this before it started, but she couldn't will herself to break away.

"Let me in, Kallian." Leliana pleaded, leaning in so their foreheads touch. "Allow me to grant you even a fraction of the peace you've given me."

"I don't want to hurt you." Kallian's last excuse fluttered weakly between them.

"I think I'm old enough to make that choice," Leliana smells of the white wilds flower. "I trust you Kallian."

"You shouldn't."

"Mm, love is all about taking those risks, jumping off those cliffs. It's not worth it, if there's not a little pain in the journey." Leliana tilted her head to the side, an offer unspoken with the gesture. She's made her case, they both know it. Now, it's in Kallian's lap if she would take it.

"I'll ruin everything." It sounded futile to Kallian; she was even adjusting herself to match Leliana.

"I'm already tarnished, you won't break me." For a moment, perhaps from a stray night breeze, there was enough light in the tent for Kallian to finally meet Leliana's eyes.

"Maker forgive me." Kallian murmured before she duck, her lips connected with Leliana's. She trailed a hand up along Leliana's arm as she moved her mouth shyly against Leliana's own. Her lips parted and she could taste the sweetness of the honeycombs they had harvested for dessert earlier that night.

Someone moved first, Kallian doesn't know if it's her, or if she was instinctively following Leliana's lead. She's twisted awkwardly, her muscles beginning to protest at their position, but she doesn't care. She shifted, planting her balance more on her right hand as her left entangled into Leliana's hair. The bard broke away from the kiss to make a quiet gasp of pleasure, and then dipped back in, more forceful this time. Kallian leant back, her elbow trembling as Leliana cupped her face and sampled her mouth with her own. Teeth scraped against Kallian's lips, and the pain is instantly kissed away.

Kallian pulled away the second time, offering an apologetic murmur as she rose up onto her knees, actually facing her body towards Leliana then. She stopped, hovering for a moment above the bard until Leliana rose to her own knees to meet her halfway. Open-mouthed kisses are pressed against the raging pulse at Kallian's neck and she can't help the small moan that escaped. Kallian weaved her hands back into the bard's scarlet tresses, savoring the silken feel. Her chest seized as she stared up into the tent's ceiling and she's tempted to break away again just so she can catch her breath; it's so hard to breath now.

Leliana must have had a sixth sense, for she darted an arm about Kallian's waist and held her snug. "Oh, no, my Warden," she licked a delicate path up along Kallian's jaw, "you aren't escaping back into your shell." She kissed the rest of the way to Kallian's mouth, almost bruising in her force. "If I have to sing to enchant you to stay here, I will."

Kallian quirked an eyebrow, even though Leliana can't see it, and a smart-alecked remark danced on her tongue, but it all faded when the bard kissed her again. When her lungs demanded air, she ducked her head away and nodded. "All right, I'll stay; I'll stay… just…"

"Just…?" Leliana left the question hanging, but she kept the smallest of respectable distance between them. Heat from her body burned into Kallian who knew that if she said no, Leliana would respect it, respect her. She couldn't say no, though. Not with the symphony of emotions that was singing through her veins. Not when it would shatter Leliana as much as it would break her own soul.

"Just let me catch my breath." Kallian laughed then, the saying sounded so odd. Especially coming from her own mouth. "You're… intense."

"Too fast?" Leliana's brow furrowed in concern.

"No, oh Maker, no." Kallian soothed away the worry with a kiss. "Just… it's a rush, you know? I want everything at once, but I want to savor it all, take it slow."

"Oh." Leliana giggled, "That's easy." She pressed herself up against Kallian again, the leather an odd contrast against Kallian's cotton tunic. "Do both." She purred now, her fingers dancing underneath the tunic, gliding up and over Kallian's ribs.

"Oh!" Kallian gasped, and arched into the touch. She tilted her neck fully back as Leliana took the opportunity to nip at the newly-available flesh. She kissed away at the pulse-point, before biting down, and wavers back and forth between the two until Kallian couldn't make out which caused the tiny jolts of pain anymore. When she finished with her masterpiece, she pulled away and nuzzled Kallian's chin.

"Did that help you decide?"

"You are a cruel, cruel minx." Kallian didn't move for a moment. "So very cruel."

"Then, I should be punished, no?" Leliana said, her voice innocently ringing out in the darkness of the tent. It sent a wicked wave of pleasure down Kallian's spine, until it settled against her pelvis like a warm fire.

"I've found you out now, you realize this, yes?" Kallian pushes forward, forced Leliana to lean back. She dipped her mouth to the exposed flesh of Leliana's collarbone. Her teeth grazed along the slight uprise of the bone.

"Found me out?" Leliana had long ago mastered the art of playing coy.

"You play the innocent lay-sister, humble and chaste, but the real you, the true you…?"

Leliana craned her neck so she could meet Kallian's eyes in the darkness. There was a sudden vulnerability there that even the darkness couldn't shield.

Kallian's touches left the realm of passionate and turned tender, stroking along Leliana's cheek, her neck. "You're passion, everything about it."

Leliana gave a quiet laugh, "and you're a flatterer with a silver tongue."

"You haven't seen what this tongue can do …" Kallian stopped as giggles crept up on her. She dropped her forehead to Leliana's shoulder and the giggles turned into actual laughter. "Maker, do you hear me? I sound like a— like a—"

"Oghren, perhaps?" Leliana joined in the mirth, her hands coming to a rest upon Kallian's hips. "I think I kissed you too much, you've become silly; you've devolved to the poorly-crafted come-ons of a drunken dwarf."

"Aw, now see; you're just being mean." Kallian inhaled the scent of Leliana's armor, and then pulled herself upright, straddling the bard. She balanced herself there, content to stay in the moment. Leliana had the same idea, for her hands only gently teased at the Warden's hips. "Can't you ever be nice?"

"Oh? I thought you said I was nice?"

"No, I said you were one arch demon short of a blight, that's what I said." Kallian shrieked as Leliana's caress turned into a pinch. "Ow!"

"That, you deserved." Leliana said with finality to her voice. "Just as I've shown Alistar that I can be all … how did he put it?"

" 'Princess Kill-Kill Stabbity'." Kallian said smugly, and yelped when she was pinched again. "Owwie!"

"I'll kiss it better." Leliana sighed, "honestly, you would think that by being a GreyWarden, you'd be used to a little pain."

"No!" Kallian squirmed in Leliana's sudden hold on her. "No, I don't like a little pain. I don't like a lot of pain! Pain is not something I want to mark off a to-do list every day. Especially during these moments!" The squirm turned to a writhing motion as Leliana traced the path of a hipbone to where it met the thigh.

"A pity, really. Pain can remind us that we're alive."

"And you're positive you and Morrigan will never get along?"Kallian canted her head to the side much like Rabbit's when he'd questioning them.

"The mood was so romantic," Leliana mourned, shaking her head. Her giggles though, still broke through her attempts to be solemn.

Kallian opened her mouth to retort, but stopped. She felt a whisper press against the back of her mind, and turned her head to stare at the tent's wall that faced the forest. She was beginning to know that siren's call all too well now. Rabbit, just behind her, also climbed to his feet, a barely-audible growl issued forth from him.

"What is it?" Leliana asked, scooting back to sit up fully. She didn't wait for Kallian to respond, as she had already grabbed for her daggers and poison pouch. She knelt in the darkness alongside Kallian and Rabbit, her ears pricked for any mortal sound she could make out.

"Darkspawn." Kallian confirmed that with Rabbit's rumbling growl and then turned to Leliana. "Rain check?" She kissed Leliana swiftly, sweetly, and then grabbed for her armor.

"I have much planned for you," Leliana said, and helped Kallian to place on the dragonbone armor she wore. She clasped the shoulder guard tightly and pressed a kiss against Kallian's ear. "Rainy day or not."

Kallian laughed, and cupped Leliana's cheek in her palm before she snatched up her greatsword and charged out of the tent.