Here's a (hopefully) humorous alternate ending to the anime series! I hope you enjoy it!
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"You lost to the Shinigami and the power of the notebook." Light Yagami's face twitched when Near's blasphemous words hit his ears and turned away from the white haired boy and the rest of his gang. Even if Near had found out that Light was Kira and was threatening to sabotage Light's plans of becoming God, Light still had a few tricks up his sleeve.
"If you want to defeat Kira and prove that Aizawa's note is real," Light turned toward the wall to hide a small, smug grin- He had just remembered the small piece of Death Note hidden in his watch, "you'll just have to write down my name or Mikami's to find out." He shrugged grandly and grinned more widely at the wall. He just needed to give Near a second to write Mikami's name down- because that's whose name he would write down first- and his soul would be damned by the time Light wrote Near's name in his own Death Note
"Is the note real," he opened his watch covertly, "or a fake?!" He grabbed his pen and began to write Near's real name down, so focused that he didn't hear the cries of recognition from one of the detectives behind him.
But suddenly he stopped and let out a roar of pain; a bullet had hit him full force in his right arm, obviously hindering his writing ability. His eyes widened when he saw dark red blood splattered on the ground below him and what had just happened sank in.
No. God didn't get shot. No one would shoot the almighty and get away with it.
He staggered slightly as he turned to face the others in the room, searching for the one who had shot him.
"You asshole!" Light screamed when he caught sight of Matsuda pointing his gun straight at him, his arms shaking and his face set in a twisted grimace. "Matsuda, who do you think you're shooting at!? Don't fuck with me!!"
"You drove your own father to his death! You killed your own father!" Matsuda accused.
Light's normally calm and cool mind was beginning to panic. He knew he needed to write down the names, but not while anyone was pointing a gun at him. He would have to distract Matsuda (and everyone else), but what Matsuda just said was pretty difficult to argue with.
Unless...
Light had one idea, and one idea only... It was crazy, but worth a shot.
"No I didn't, Matsuda! I didn't kill my father, because... Because you are my father!"
"Yes you- huh!?"
Light tried to keep any hint that he was lying off of his face and nodded solemnly. He then moved his hand to his watch and began to write the names of the FBI agents as sneakily as possible.
"It's a trick, Matsuda!" Aizawa yelled. "Now is not the time to be an idiot!"
"Right!" But Matsuda's arm had dropped to his side and his brief hesitation was all Light needed.
"It's not a trick!" Light continued writing, but looked up and continued talking as well; he only needed to keep everyone occupied for about forty more seconds. "My 'father' told me that he didn't want you to know because you were too young. You slept with my mother, remember?" Where was he getting this? That last sentence was utter crap- the loss of blood was probably making him stupid- but for some reason, Matsuda's face was pale.
"S-so that time..." Matsuda trailed off and he stared at Light with wide eyes.
"What the- you actually- I mean yes!" He actually slept with her? He had only known the Yagamis for a few years. Either he was thinking of another woman, or was just really, really, stupid. Light suspected the latter.
"Matsuda, for you to be Yagami Light's father you would have been five years old when you-" Near- or Nate, rather- was cut short as the Death Note took effect.
No one else even had time to pull out their guns before they had heart attacks, too.
When the last person fell, some unimportant member of Near's team, both Light and Ryuk burst into laughter. Light fell to the ground, unable to even stand with the intense relief flooding through him. He laughed uncontrollably until tears came to his eyes and he could barely breath.
"Humans really are entertaining. I thought you were finished there, Light." Ryuk shook his head and grinned widely.
"Yes, well," Light let out a few more chuckles and pulled himself up into a standing position, "I am undeniably more clever than Near and the rest of his team... Especially Matusuda. That's all there is to it." He retrieved the real Death Note from where Near lay and walked out of the warehouse and into the broad daylight.
He smiled up at the sun, basking in his victory. He had won. He would rule the world.
Well, first he would go to the hospital and get help for his arm, but then, then he would rule the world with no opposition whatsoever.