He stood in his kitchen, waiting for the arrival of a fellow pack mate and starred out of the window-walls. He had created his house like that to have nature always surrounding him, giving him calmness. Every day he enjoyed the view of it though today he was too caught up in his thoughts to see it. His fists were clenched and his look was stern as if he didn't like what was concerning him. The blue-eyed sentinel shook his head to free it from all thoughts and took a sip of his coffee.
Dorian lifted his head to take a look at the watch and sighed. He shouldn't have made his house the meeting point. The waiting gave him too much time. His gaze fell on a small box full of Barbie dolls and crocodile figures, which he had put on the table last night. Grief and sorrow reached out for him and he couldn't stop being pulled in –couldn't turn away from the box. There was no way to ignore it; he missed Kylie still as hard as the first days after her murder. Sure, he had been able to take revenge – a satisfying, bloody one – but it didn't fill the gap she had left.
Slowly he walked to the table and took up one of the Barbie dolls. Remembering how Kylie had forced him to play with her, he nearly oversaw the young and very feminine formed woman coming to his house. He looked up and put the doll back before he took a deep breath to gather himself together. He was a sentinel and had to go on. Lucas, the alpha of the DarkRiver leopards had not only given his parents time to grief but him too. Still, he couldn't risk taking it for too long. The Psy had an eye on the leopards since Sascha Duncan, Lucas mate, had joined the DarkRiver pack. The alpha needed every sentinel he had and Dorian wouldn't break of grief – never; for the pack and especially for Kylie he would always stand up and do what he had to do.
He went outside and let the female hug him to ease her. After the death of his little sister everyone had been afraid he might become a rogue. They had watched and cared for him, had done what pack members do for each other. His mentee was no exception, she even saw more than most. "Hey Rina", he greeted the young soldier and gave her a mild smile. The blonde cat returned it and there was warmth in here sky blue eyes of which only a few knew about. Rina Monaghan was known being a fighting and very proud leopard.
Rina watched him closely. "Are you ready?", she asked. He nodded. "Just one sec", he said and went inside to grab the box. Back at Rina's side he looked down at her. "Well, let's go then." Rina followed him into the trees quietly but it didn't take long until she broke the silence. "How are you, Dorian?" she asked. "You're still okay with it?" Dorian resisted making a grimace and forced a believable smile. "Sure I am. I'm not changing my mind over night, you know." There was silence and as he looked at his side, he saw her scowling at him. "I mean it", she repeated seriously. "We won't do it if it's too much…"
"It isn't", he said a little bit too harsh. He didn't want to appear weak by avoiding this event. Sure, it hurt to be remembered of Kylie's death, but he could handle it – he had to. "It is a good idea and I'm fine with it", he said finally, meeting her worried gaze. His own was resolute. "She would love that kind of… ehm."
"Memorial?" she aided. Dorian gave her a look and rolled his eyes. "Well, whatever this could be called." Rina's lips began to curve into a smile, the corners twitching. "Yeah, whatever." He snored only as an answer and as they reached a river he put the box down.
The grass was becoming really dry and already lost the greenish colour of harvest. The air was cold, the daylight faded earlier than in the warm season before. Winter was knocking at the door. Though it hadn't snowed yet it probably would soon.
Dorian watched as Rina stretched and searched through the box. It had all been her idea, yesterday at the training session. She had asked him if he would mind to put the Barbie's and crocodiles of him and Kylie into the river symbolically send them to a journey together. The thought had comforted him but it also let the horrid memory come forth. He could still see it as if it had been yesterday:
He scented her – finally. But there was something wrong mixed with it; something that shouldn't be there at all: Blood. First he jogged but after two seconds he ran, opened the main door and took several steps by two, ignoring everything else around. His heart was beating way to fast. He reached for her door and crashed it open. Then he saw her. She was laying there, eyes closed in a grimace of pain he didn't know she could have.
He fell down on his knees next to her. He could feel her warmth… disappearing, her life leaving her body; a body, which was covered with scars and blood. Jesus Christ, so much blood. He looked again up to her face, hoping, feeling the lump in his throat growing. His hands were on her neck. There was no pulse.
"Dorian!" Suddenly, he snapped out of the memory realizing that he had been once again stuck in the pain. Rina, now standing in front of him, took his hand and opened the fist. Then she embraced him, grounded him with the touch of a pack mate. "Don't", she said in a low voice, let it sound like a mix of an order and a plea. Dorian pursed his lips and felt sorry. He couldn't help remembering but he was sorry that he made her worry. "Won't do it again", he excused himself and petted her back while she held him. "I hope so or me and Mercy will kick your nice ass for it", she murmured. It made him chuckle and he answered: "I'd love to see you both trying to kick my ass one time", he said dryly. Now the blonde woman looked up and boxed him slightly. "Don't you dare challenging us", she said smiling, "We'll win."
"Never", he countered and took up the Barbie doll Kylie had loved the most. Rina growled but she seemed too happy he smiled than to continue the teasing. After all she was also his mentee; he ranked her out as well as most of the other pack, except Lucas, the other sentinels and the healer Tamsyn, who was ranked as high as the sentinels. "Let's make the Barbie dolls swimming against the crocodiles", he said gentler than before. The young female soldier smiled and together they walked to the river, saying finally goodbye to Kylie Christensen.