"Itachi!" Sasuke's aggravated voice rang through the house and assaulted his older brother's ears. While Itachi was sitting on the couch downstairs trying to stop the ringing in his ears, Sasuke stomped through the hallway from the direction of the bathroom; making sure to make extra clomping noises with his thick soled, black combat boots.
"You don't have to yell, little brother," Itachi said quietly when the other boy had arrived in the living room.
"Damn it Itachi, why the hell didn't you tell me the toilet was broken?" Stomping his foot in emphasis, Sasuke looked at his brother pissed off beyond belief.
"You're being childish. I didn't know it was broken." Itachi's voice was calm still.
"You were the last one in there! You'd better fix it before Orochimaru gets back. You know he goes right to the bathroom when he gets back from work."
"Why don't you try using the plunger? Or is that going to mess up your manicure?" Itachi teased in a bored tone.
Sasuke gave him a withering glare. "Shut up. Like you don't spend just as much on your hair. Don't you think I tried that already? It didn't work. Whatever is in there is stuck good."
"Then call a plumber."
"Fine, lazy bastard," Sasuke mumbled the last part under his breath. The last time he'd called his brother that to his face he'd ended up with a sore butt. Both from the spanking and the pounding into the mattress he'd received.
He walked over to the phone, shooting dirty looks at his brother's back, and called the plumbers. After explaining the problem and getting confirmation that they'd be right out, he hung up. Almost as soon as the phone was in its cradle it rang.
"Hello," Sasuke answered it.
"Sasuke, is that anyway to answer the phone?" Orochimaru's rasping voice came over the line.
"Orochimaru," Sasuke said. His tone changed from one of boredom to one of barely controlled desire. Itachi's head had swiveled around at Orochimaru's name.
"I will be home at six. Make sure things are ready for me." He hung up without saying goodbye.
Sasuke hung the phone up and turned to Itachi with wide eyes. "He's coming home early. What are we going to do?" he asked, panicked. "We only have an hour!"
"Calm down. Call the plumbers back and give me the phone." Itachi swung a leg over the back of the couch and rolled over it, landing on his feet on the other side. He took the phone when Sasuke held it out to him. "I need you to come over right now," he said to the guy on the other end.
"Sir, we can't do that. It's busy here," the man said patronizingly.
"Either send someone now or I'll come and get you," Itachi told him in a calm deadly voice that left no argument as to what would happen if he had to come get him.
Blocks away, the man sitting at the desk of the plumbing company pissed his pants. "Yes sir! Someone will be there in five minutes."
"Thank you," Itachi said and hung up. He turned to his brother who was looking at him speechless.
"You've got to teach me that."
Itachi poked him on the forehead. "Later."
Five minutes later exactly, there was a knock on the door. Sasuke jumped up from the couch where he'd been making out with Itachi and ran to the door. He flung it open, grabbed the pudgy guy and his thinner partner by the wrist and pulled them to the bathroom.
"There, something's stuck and it won't come out," he said in a rush. "Please hurry!" he begged them.
The two men looked at each other with raised eyebrows. They looked down at the overflowed toilet. Water filled it to the top and much of the dingy liquid was on the floor, soaking the brown rug.
"No problem," said the plump plumber. He rolled up his sleeves.
"It'll be clear in no time," said the skinnier of the two. "Please wait in the living room; we'll need room to work."
"Yeah, ok," Sasuke said. He walked back and sat in Itachi's lap. "I hope they hurry," he said worriedly.
Itachi sighed. He took Sasuke's chin in his hand and turned his face around so he could kiss him heatedly. "Don't worry so much," he whispered to his lips.
Sasuke growled and kissed him back. They were so caught up in their make out session that neither noticed the time flying until a discreet cough brought them back to reality. They swam back up to the present and broke apart to look over at the two plumbers standing in the doorway.
"Did you fix it?" Sasuke asked excitedly, swinging his legs from around Itachi's waist.
"Uhhh yeah," the skinnier plumber said. Itachi frowned slightly at the pink stain on the man's cheeks.
"Well? What was blocking it?" Sasuke asked.
Sudden silence filled the room as the plump plumber held up what had been blocking the toilet. The skinny plumber and Sasuke squirmed where they stood. Itachi looked unaffected and calm and the other plumber held the bloated used condom in his gloved hand with two fingers.
Of course, just at that moment Orochimaru walked in the back door and stood behind the two plumbers with an amused expression on his pale face. Sasuke's eyes widened. No one spoke. No one really knew what to say. But then Orochimaru opened his mouth and spoke in to the silence; his voice quiet and his narrowed golden eyes on his two boys.
"I see that my boys have been having fun without me. Gentlemen, thank you for your work. Please leave. I need to have a talk with my boys."
The two plumbers scrambled over each other to get to the front door and the safety of the outside.
"Boys. Bedroom. I will join you soon."
Sasuke squeaked and flew to the back bedroom. Itachi slowly stood, straightened his shirt and walked past Orochimaru following the blazing trail his brother had left in the carpet.
It was going to be a long night.
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I love the smell of crack in the morning. Don't you? ^.^ This was written for a friend of mine or, believe me, it never would have been written. I never knew I was able to write such crack. Ten points and a one shot of your choice if you can tell me who the plumbers are!