Merry Christmas, Bo-bobo!
By DevilsArcadia777
Synopsis: Christmas is just around the corner in Bo-bobo's world, and the Shinsetsu Nonsense Team all want something special. And not just that, they want to spread the cheer to everyone else around them.
-Here it is, the Bo-bobo Christmas special, 2008!
-X-
One-shot Special: Merry Christmas, Bo-bobo!
It was Christmas Eve. Snow glittered along the streets of Japan, lining the sidewalks and roofs of the local shops. Christmas may have been a commercial holiday in Japan, but everyone looked foreword to it nonetheless.
Bo-bobo's team was residing in the Hotel Kegari in a luxury suite, courtesy of Bi-bibi. They were decorating the tree, and as expected, it wasn't going too well.
"Okay, everybody sing! On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…come on, everybody!" Bo-bobo bellowed through a megaphone, attempting to put the angel on top of the tree and failing.
"A partridge in a pear tree. Now shut up." Softon grumbled. He was decorating cookies.
"On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me…" Bo-bobo sang again.
"Two turtle doves…where's the fixture for these lights?" Heppkomaru grunted.
"And a partridge in a pear tree. Now shut up." Softon grumbled again.
"On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…everybody!" Bo-bobo still attempted to bring everyone together.
"Three Lithuanian Turkeys!" Tennosuke shouted.
"It's French Hens, you dumbass!" Namero shouted, eating the cookie batter and butter cream frosting Softon needed.
"Two turtle…stupid piece of s—t!" Heppokomaru was shocked by the lights.
"And a partridge in a pear tree. Now shut up." Softon repeated.
Bo-bobo: On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…
Namero: Four calling birds,
Tennosuke: Three Austrian Pigeons,
Heppokomaru: Two turtle do-what do you mean there's no extension chord!?"
Softon: And a partridge in a pear tree. Now shut up.
Bo-bobo: On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…
Beauty: Five reasons to shoot myself because I'm doing all the cooking!
Namero: Four calling birds,
Tennosuke: Three Yugoslavian Swans,
Heppokomaru: These stupid lights just fried the heater!
Softon: And a partridge in a pear tree. Now shut up.
Bo-bobo: On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…
Hatenkou: Six geese a laying! Or is it pooping?
Beauty: Five f—king onions!
Namero: Four gallons of frosting,
Tennosuke: Three Italian Storks,
Heppokomaru: Ahhh! My hair's on fire!
Softon: And a partridge in a pear tree. Now shut up.
Bo-bobo: On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…
Gaoh: Seven swans and a martini with extra vodka!
Hatenkou: Six geese a laying! Or is it exploding?
Beauty: Can somebody get me an AK-47 so I can kill someone!?
Namero: Four heapings of cookie dough,
Tennosuke: Three Norwegian Sparrows,
Heppokomaru: GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!
Softon: And a partridge in a pear tree. Now shut up.
Bo-bobo: On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…
Pokomi: Eight reasons that I want to see onii-chan in a thong!
Babuu: Me too!
Gaoh: Seven seconds until I kill you with this chainsaw, Babuu!
Hatenkou: Six geese a laying! Or is it puking?
Beauty: Five more minutes until the tempura's done…nooo!
Namero: Four buckets of ice cream,
Tennosuke: Three German Snow Petrels,
Heppokomaru: I wonder if Beauty wants to spend the night with me…ooh…
Softon: And a partridge in a pear tree. Now shut up.
Bo-bobo: On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…
Torpedo Girl: …pass?
Pokomi: Eight lipsticks! I want makeup! Waaah!
Gaoh: Seven deadly sins I so want to commit on Heppokomaru! Haha! I want to feast on his blood!
Hatenkou: Six geese a laying! Or is it brandishing carp?
Beauty: Five freaking minutes on break! Come on!
Namero: Four kilograms of anko bean paste…mmm…
Tennosuke: Three Greek Albatrosses,
Heppokomaru: Stupid lights! Power of Tsukuyomi compels you!
Softon: And a partridge in a pear tree. Now shut up.
Bo-bobo: On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…
Suzu: Ten pipers piping pickle pepper…
Torpedo Girl: …pass?
Pokomi: And I want eight dolls, eight video games, eight scrunchies…
Gaoh: I need some hentai! Anybody got any on them!?
Hatenkou: Six geese a laying! Or is it choking?
Beauty: I want sanity!
Namero: Four hundred boxes of pockey and an axe to kill Tennosuke,
Tennosuke: Three Irish Herons,
Heppokomaru: Now the extension chord blew up! What the holy hell!?
Softon: And a partridge in a pear tree. Now shut up.
Bo-bobo: On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…
Battleship: Moo!
Suzu: Ten pipers piping pickle plop poppy…
Torpedo Girl: …pass?
Pokomi: Eight royal attendants to do my bidding! Waah!
Gaoh: Oh, go to hell, stupid magical girl.
Hatenkou: Six geese a laying! Or is it frying?
Beauty: Where's my ointment?
Namero: Tennosuke's pissing me off so much right now I want to kill him and I don't know why…
Tennosuke: Three Swedish Mallards,
Heppokomaru: Somebody kill me please…
Softon: And a partridge in a pear tree. Now shut up.
Bo-bobo: On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…
Rice: Twelve drummers…hajike hajike hajike I WANT NATTO!
Battleship: Quack!
Suzu: Ten pipers piping pickle poop prick…
Torpedo Girl: Why am I singing this!? I want Softon!
Pokomi: I hate you, onii-chan!
Gaoh: Okay, why is my stocking burning in the fireplace!?
Hatenkou: I love you, Oyabin!
Beauty: I give up…
Namero: That's it! (Axes Tennosuke in the head)
Tennosuke: (Dies)
Heppokomaru: YOU KNOW WHAT!? Screw this holiday, I'm converting to Judaism!
Softon: …f—k!
Don Patch: I hate you guys! I wasn't included! You can all burn in Hell!
The room burst into chaos. All of the Nonsense Team members, minus Beauty, Namero, Softon, and Bo-bobo, began beating each other up. Bo-bobo sat down on a chair and sighed.
"This nauseates me! No one is getting into the Christmas spirit!" Bo-bobo sobbed, crying into a napkin.
"Well, I'd love to get into the spirit as much as you do, Bo-bobo, but can you give me a break here!? I've been cooking like a needy housewife for five hours straight!" Beauty sighed.
"Sure, sure. You're a real trooper." Beauty sighed and sat down, hugging Softon. Her brother hugged her back and gave her a kiss on top of her head.
"I think everybody's a bit tired, Bo-bobo. Let's take a break for now. Who cares if the tree isn't done? I haven't even wrapped all my presents to you guys yet."
"Mah! No way! We do not stop until we're done! I want everything done by tonight! I want the best Christmas ever!" Bo-bobo screamed, veins popping out of his head.
"Kyaaa!" Beauty cowered along with Softon and Namero. Bo-bobo continued his emotional rampage, chewing up the carpet.
"He has a huge problem. He needs to understand that he started all this at way too late a date. December 21 is too late to start doing everything. You need at least a month…mmm…" Namero took some butter cream with his finger and began savoring and licking it.
"I agree Namero—ku-eh?"
Beauty turned around and saw Namero licking the frosting with some kind of sexy look on his face, tongue and all. She blushed quite a bit. Heppokomaru took notice, being the emo ass-stalker he was.
"STOP MOLESTING CHILDREN, NAMERO!" He screamed, throwing a massive dreidel on Namero's head. The two of them began a physical brawl, messing up the kitchen; Beauty tried to stop them. Softon palm-slapped his face and went upstairs to take a nap.
Dengaku-man was watching from the sidelines with a sigh.
-X-
22:37 (10:37 P.M)
Just about everyone was asleep. Dengaku-man was the only one awake, watching the stars emerge into the night sky. The snow glittered on the pavement and technologies the Hair Kingdom boasted. He spotted out that particular star that was always mentioned in the story of Christ. How was he able to tell his friends that there was a deeper meaning of Christmas than the obvious?
"This is sad…just…so sad…" he sighed, fiddling with a wrapping ribbon.
"What's so sad?"
Dengaku-man turned around and saw Beauty, clad in a lacy black tank top and black shorts made from the same material enter. She went into the cabinet and found some white tea, then put some boiling water in a pot on a gas stove.
"Oh, Beauty. What's the matter?"
"I can't really sleep. I've been thinking about the last five days, and, well…"
"What is it?"
"This year is a living hell. I remember last year's Christmas, when the nine of us got together…it was so much fun."
"And it's hectic this year."
"No kidding. I know we had to start late for a reason, but Bo-bobo's taking it a bit too far. I'm exhausted. And frustrated…"
Dengaku-man plopped into Beauty's bosom. "Tell me."
Beauty sighed. "He-kun and I got into this stupid argument about when we traveled together…he blew up in my face and said he'd never forgive me…"
"What did you say?"
"I said some pretty bad things too…I just want to say I'm sorry, but he was the one who insulted me. I don't want that to get in the way of this Christmas, but it's been tearing me down."
Dengaku-man faced the moonlight that shone and reflected on the black ice in the street. "Everyone else is lost in the commercialism of Christmas. It seems that you got dragged in with them."
"Yep. I just don't know why we ought to do this. Christmas is an American thing. I know that it has something do with the Christian religion, but it's a minority in Japan. This just feels like another reason to blow our money on stuff. Even now, it's commercial, even in America."
Dengaku-man closed his eyes and had an idea. He finally knew how to persuade his friends into coming together.
"Beauty, listen to this story. It's about what's among the true meaning of Christmas." Beauty nodded her head as Dengaku-man began to recite.
"And there were in that same country shepherds, abiding in the fields, keeping watch over their flocks by night. An angel of the Lord came upon them, in all her glory, and they were all afraid. But the angel told them that there was nothing to fear, but that she had news of great joy. A child is born this day in Bethlehem, a saviour. And this shall be a sign to you. You shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. And then the sky was full of angels, praising the Lord above, saying, 'glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.'"
Dengaku-man paused for a moment, and then smiled. He had the knowledge of a wise old man, despite his size and his age.
"That is what Christmas is all about, Beauty…or at least it was."
Beauty's eyes sparkled. Never before had she felt such warmth, such love. A story like that was sacred, and she loved every word of it. She had once heard the story of the holy man that founded the Christian religion, yet she passed it off as a mere folktale.
"Wow…that was amazing. I…think I understand now…" Beauty gave Dengaku-man a hug, and he smiled in return.
"I get it now too."
Heppokomaru, wearing a navy blue pajama shirt and red-and-black checkered pants, came into the room. He made himself some red tea and set up Beauty's white tea.
"It's about coming together to praise someone who saved millions. Christmas is about the wellness of being together, and your blessings. I let our stupid argument get in the way of that." Heppokomaru embraced Beauty, making Dengaku-man plop on the floor. She blushed.
"I'm really, really sorry, Beauty. I said the most horrible things…I understand if you can't forgive me…" Heppokomaru bought Beauty onto the floor and hugged her tighter. She relaxed into his arms and kissed his cheek, making him retaliate.
"I'm sorry too, He-kun. What you said really hurt, but…forgiveness is the best thing."
"Yeah…thank you. This means a lot." Heppokomaru kissed Beauty's lips, and the two of them embraced as such for a minute.
"Uh, hello? Cute white thing in the room!" Dengaku-man squealed.
"Ah, sorry." The two of them sat together, and Dengaku-man hopped onto their laps. "I heard what you said, Dengaku-man. I loved it myself." Heppokomaru smiled. "Maybe if we all heard it, then this Christmas chaos can clear up."
"Aww, thanks." Dengaku-man blushed.
"I heard it." Softon emerged from the kitchen.
"So did we." Rice and Suzu were arm and arm, emerging from the other side of the suite.
"It was…meh, okay I guess." Namero stretched his arms behind his back.
"That said a lot, you know?" Tennosuke, now in a wheelchair, rolled forth.
"I loved it." Hatenkou, with Don Patch sleeping on his back, also entered.
"Very heartwarming. Thank you, Dengaku-man." Torpedo Girl smiled.
"Yes, yes indeed." Captain Battleship came beside Suzu and Rice, hugging them.
"That was a nice story." Pokomi hopped from the ceiling, crushing Tennosuke.
"Yeah, yeah…dumb Dengaku-man…" Gaoh spat, but smiled nonetheless.
Also joining were Be-bebe and Byakkyo, who were arm and arm, and Bo-bobo's sister Bu-bubu. Bi-bibi and his daughters even took note of the event. Soon, everyone Bo-bobo's team had known had entered the room, much to Dengaku-man's shock.
"That was lovely. Now I know why I love this holiday so much. I get to be with the ones I love. And we have so many blessings…" Bi-bibi kissed his two daughters.
"Yep. We're all together now, all but one of us…" Bu-bubu said happily.
As everyone stargazed outside, Bo-bobo emerged from his room, blushing in embarrassment.
"Everyone. I want to apologize for what I've put you all through for the last five days. It was awful and shallow and mean and-"
"Okay, we get it. Just sit with us and enjoy the moment, Bo-bobo!" Beauty ran up to Bo-bobo and kissed him on the cheek. He walked on over with her, Beauty sitting back with Heppokomaru and Bo-bobo taking Dengaku-man into his lap. Together, the air of the holiday entered them, making their blessings grand.
-X-
The next morning, Christmas morning
Bo-bobo's posse plus many others started a joyous holiday by having breakfast and opening presents. Bo-bobo had gotten everyone the greatest present of all-gift cards!
Beauty had gotten Heppokomaru a book named The Five Rings, a book he had spent forever looking for. He had gotten her a diamond-engraved star-shaped necklace. The two exchanged kisses periodically throughout the day, much to Softon's disapproval. And coming New Year's, Heppokomaru had another gift package planned for that night…
Don Patch didn't give a thing, and in return, he got nothing but coal. He shot himself in the foot later that day.
Poor Tennosuke, on the other hand, received nothing. He, too, shot himself in the foot.
Hatenkou was given a Don Patch plushie by Bu-bubu, and he gave her a new set of barrette clips. He even attempted to kiss her, but got a face full of wasabi-drenched fruit cake instead.
Byakkyo received a new stethoscope. Be-bebe got the new motorcycle he wanted. The two of them also kissed one another through the day.
Bi-bibi gave his daughters new dolls. He got a chain necklace from Bo-bobo. Their brotherly love emerged for the first time.
Namero was given cookies. He gave Pokomi a pair of panties so she could shut up about it. Heppokomaru was angry, but he didn't do a thing about it, or else Pokomi would say she hated him.
Torpedo Girl received a massive punching bag from Dengaku-man. In return, he got a kiss!
"That lucky MoFo!" Gaoh shouted, having only received an authentic katana that was meant for display purposes only.
Suzu gave Rice a new ballerina outfit, and he gave her a teddy bear. Unlike Softon, the captain approved their relationship. He had gotten a new pink cell phone from Bo-bobo.
Beauty gave Softon some incense and a new jacket. He was happy, of course.
Bo-bobo had received a statue of himself from his friends. He was the happiest one that day and shared the glory with all his friends.
The Nonsense Team had learned the importance of counting their blessings. It was that holy night and those you loved being what Christmas was all about. They remembered this and carried it in their hearts every day more.
"And where was I in this story!?" Don Patch screamed, getting flattened by a Yule log.
The End
-X-
-Well, how was it? I'm just here to say, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
-And no, Heppokomaru was not serious about converting...
FOOTNOTES
-The Five Rings is a book written by an old Japanese warrior about the importance of discipline and how it applies to not just the warrior, but to life itself.