Disclaimer: Degrassi is not mine
Author's Note: Just an angsty little piece on all the people that have walked out on Ellie's life.
Abandoned
Dad
I remember when my dad left. It's one of the clearest memories in my mind. I didn't want him to go. But he had to. I didn't want him to be in the army. But he was. Dad always told me that I can't always have what I want. I wanted him to be wrong.
Mom wasn't much of a help when he left. She was a mess, it was so obvious, and yet, Dad still got on that bus. He still waved out the window to say goodbye. He still left us.
I admit: I was a bit angry when he left. I never really got along with Mom, but Dad was always there to patch things up in our family. He always knew what to say and what to do to make us feel better. Just feeling his presence in the room made me feel safe.
Once he left, I felt vulnerable. Nothing was going right—with school, with Mom, with my friends.
And he wasn't there to protect me. He left me. And he never came back.
Sean
Sean: the first real boyfriend I ever had. I thought I loved him. I thought he loved me back. And he did. He cared about me enough to give the offer of moving in with him. Though I said no at first, I eventually moved in. It was great. Some nights we'd party, thanks to Jay, and other nights we'd just sit together and flip through all of eleven channels to see if there was something to watch.
Then the shooting happened. I wasn't in that hallway when Sean fought with Rick. Maybe that's why I didn't understand why he was so upset about it. I tried to help him get his feelings out, but he only ended up turning it into a big joke.
And then he drove Emma, Jay, and me to Wasaga beach to see his mom and dad. He wasn't too happy to see them. And that made his mood even worse. If he didn't want to see them, then why did we drive up there? Sean was a complete mystery to me that day.
Making it even more mysterious, he decided to stay with his parents. I really didn't want him to leave. He was my stability. He was my rock. I needed him. And I thought he needed me just the same.
Apparently, he didn't.
Ash
They say that women are more mysterious than men. In some cases, they're wrong. But in Ashley's case, they're one hundred percent right.
Ash has been my friend since grade nine. That's all of high school. Sure, we drifted a bit in grade ten, but we'd always confide in each other throughout the years of our friendship. When she and Craig broke up, I was there for her. When Craig had his major episode, I was there for her, even though I didn't know what was going on. When Craig wouldn't speak to her, I was the one who went over to patch things up.
And then one day, she comes over, telling me all about the exciting news. She's going to London. London! What can there possibly be in London?
Getting away from Craig, that's what's in London.
I don't know if I felt more upset for me or for Craig. Either way, it was bitter seeing her go.
Craig
After the summer before grade twelve, Craig and I were the best of friends. We were always there for each other. We helped each other. It was great having a friend like that again. It made me feel assured that there would always be somebody there to catch me if I fell.
And then I started crushing on him. That was a mistake. And then he found out, but chose Manny instead because him and I were "just good friends." That sucked.
But things got better. I didn't quit the band, though I really wanted to just get away. Things were awkward the first few days after the gig, but we eventually stopped avoiding each other's gazes. Then we started talking again, seeing each other at group, eating lunch together, discussing new underground bands, studying. Our friendship was all patched up.
I'm not the best drummer in the world, but Craig had faith in me. He kept that faith even when the manager we met said that I sucked, which I do. He wouldn't give up. But I told him that he should go on without us. It was tough for me to say that, but he never would have gotten this chance of a lifetime had he played with the whole band.
The memory of him driving away in that red convertible will always be etched into my mind. No doubt about that.
-End-