AN: So this is a story that I have written, a different take on Spike's return after dying in Sunnydale saving the world. I don't know where I'm going with this, so bare-with me while I figure it out. I've changed it slightly so Buffy and Co live in London and not Rome. Mostly because I can. So read and review it keeps me inspired and gives me motivation to write more.

Summary: Buffy and Xander head to L.A to pick up a few new slayers. They never expected to find out that Spike is alive for the past three months or that he spent the last six months in a hell dimension after saving the world. Now it's up to Buffy and the Scoobies to try and help a vampire heal from his experience and deal with a vampire with PTSD and no interest in fighting. Warnings are per chapter. This one might have some bad words, but that's pretty much it.

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Chapter 1

Buffy walked into Wolfram and Hart just after eight at night. She, Xander and Andrew had been in California for the past five days looking for new Slayers. They had stayed in L.A simply because the airport was the largest and easiest access to a hotel and food for the new Slayers. Andrew had just left a couple hours ago with the six new Slayers they picked up and was heading back to London, where the main head quarter is for Slayer training. Buffy was supposed to be taking up that job along with a few other Slayers from Sunnydale. Faith and Wood had decided that they were going to stay in Cleveland and work on the small Hellmouth that was opening up there. They figured they would be able to keep an eye on it in case it became the next top Hellmouth now that Sunnydale was closed for business. It had been nine months since Sunnydale was destroyed to a crater and Buffy couldn't believe how slow the time was going. Buffy and Dawn had relocated to London as well as Willow and Giles. Xander had been traveling around the world, but now he was in London staying with Dawn and Buffy while he was looking for his own place. Xander had spent the first three months in London with everyone helping to get the headquarters set up. For the past six months Xander was helping to look for new Slayers in Africa, because he needed the escape after losing Anya in the fight. Now that it had been six months he was looking to settle back down and find a home and get back to his normal job. He wanted to open his own construction business again and he figured he would do it in London. Willow, Kennedy, Dawn, Buffy and Giles all lived there. Giles bounced back and forth between Rome and London, but he did spend as much time as he could in London. The Sunnydale potentials were there as well helping out with training the new Slayers. It had been a crazy past nine months, but Buffy couldn't help but feel like part of her was missing. She missed Spike, she had been grieving his death for the past nine months. She didn't date, she had no interest in even entertaining the idea of dating someone. Dawn and Willow had both tried to get her to go out with someone, but she just refused. Xander was the only one who understood oddly enough. He didn't want to move on from Anya yet either so he didn't push Buffy for her to move on from Spike. Xander didn't always like Spike, but ever since he got his soul for Buffy, Xander saw him in a different light. He truly was trying to be a good man and not a demon anymore. Xander knew that for Spike to get his soul he would be putting himself through hell with the guilt of what he had done. It impressed Xander that Spike would do that for Buffy, so he would never hurt Buffy like he did again.

Spike had fought beside them once again in an apocalypse when he could have just turned and left. Spike had died saving the world and he had closed the Hellmouth. Xander had saw him in a different light and he wished he could have done something to ease Buffy's pain. Xander knew she was grieving for Spike very hard. Even though Xander hadn't been supportive of her being with Spike, he could see that she did care about Spike and Spike did care about her. Xander wished he could have done something to help ease Buffy's pain, some way to bring Spike back. He had even asked Willow, but they didn't even know where Spike was. So every day since the day Spike died Buffy had been crawling through each day. She would get her job done, but there just wasn't a spark in her eyes anymore. She was just going through the motions again, but this time Spike wasn't around to help her get passed it all. They had become even closer in the last year in Sunnydale and at one point Spike had been the one person that Buffy had trusted the most and counted on the most. In the end he didn't let her down.

Buffy walked off the elevator at Wolfram and Hart and looked around. The place was huge and it looked like a law firm, it didn't look evil, but what could she honestly expect. Buffy wasn't really even sure why she was here. She had told Xander she wanted to see Angel, but she wasn't sure why. Ever since he took over this place she wasn't really sure where he stood. She had been informed of what Wolfram and Hart was and it didn't help ease her concerns. Giles definitely was not happy about it and very adamant about not having Angel involved in anything they do. He didn't trust Angel to being with and this just made it worse. Now here she was at Wolfram and Hart while Xander was back at the hotel. He really had no interest in seeing Angel and they did have to travel back to London tomorrow morning. Buffy walked over to the receptionist desk and she was shocked to see Harmony sitting there answering phones.

"Harmony" Buffy said with surprise to her voice.

Harmony looked up and gave Buffy a tight smile.

"Buffy, what are you doing here?"

"I'm here to see Angel. Where can I find him?"

"He's in a meeting right now, he can't be disturbed."

"Buffy"

Buffy turned around to see Wesley, a black man in a suit and a female in a white lab coat and glasses.

"Wesley, look at you. No more suit and tie." Buffy said with a smirk.

"Yes I suppose my appearance has changed since the last time I saw you." Wesley said with a smile.

"I like it." Buffy said with a smile.

"Thank-you. This is Charles Gunn and Fred, they work with Angel and myself." Wesley said.

"It's so nice to meet you." Fred said as she held her hand out to shake Buffy's hand.

Buffy shook Fred's hand and then Gunn's.

"So are you here on business?" Gunn asked.

"Sort of. Xander, Andrew and me have been going around California getting the new Slayers that have popped up. Andrew left earlier today with the newbies and Xander and me are leaving tomorrow."

"Right Willow's magic spell that changed the Slayer line forever. I was very impressed by what you have done. It's revolutionary." Wesley said.

"Thanks. It's a lot of work to get all the new Slayers organized and trained, but it's nice knowing that the fate of the world doesn't rest on my shoulders alone anymore."

"I would imagine being the only Slayer would be very stressful. I know Angel has had a hard time in the past with just dealing with L.A. I can't imagine having to defend a city built on a Hellmouth." Fred said.

"It was definitely hard." Buffy said simply.

"So are you here to see Angel or Spike?" Gunn asked.

Buffy looked confused for a moment before she spoke. "Um Angel didn't tell you? Spike died saving the world nine months ago."

"Um no… Spike is alive. I just saw him two days ago." Gunn said back confused.

"We must not be talking about the same person, because Spike is dead. I know he's dead he died almost in front of me." Buffy said still confused and trying to see if this was some kind of sick joke.

"Buffy, Spike is alive. He came back three month ago." Wesley said gently.

"Angel didn't tell you?" Fred asked softly.

Buffy didn't say anything for a moment. Her mind was going a mile a minute and questions were flooding her mind. Spike was alive was going through her head over and over again. Her emotions went all over the place in a matter of seconds. Joy, relief, sadness followed very closely by anger. He had been back for three months and he never contacted her. She should have known about this and Spike kept this from her. She told him that she loved him and even though he didn't believe her she thought he would have at least called to tell her that he was alive.

"He's alive?" Buffy asked softly.

"He is, has been for three months now." Wesley said carefully.

"How?" Buffy asked as her mind tried to process the information and the questions that were flooding her mind.

"The amulet. It had been sent here through the mail nine months ago. Angel never got around to opening it until three months ago. The amulet fell to the ground and Spike was released from it." Wesley told her.

"The amulet. Is he okay?" Buffy asked with concern and anger.

"He's um…" Fred tried to say, but Gunn saved her the trouble and helped her out.

"He's a little messed up. He came out of the amulet injured. He wasn't conscious and he actually spent a month and a half in a coma and then another two weeks after that in the hospital. He only left the hospital a month ago. Physically he's perfectly healthy, mentally is another story." Gunn said.

"He's not crazy though. He's not talking to himself or writing all over the walls or anything like that." Fred said in a hurry.

"Spike had been in hell for six months and that is giving him some trouble adjusting. He also has a seriously long scar on the left side of his forehead and that damage is giving him some memory problems. He remembers who he is and who Angel is, who you are. He remembers what happened to him in hell and how he got there. He does have a few black spots and trouble remembering everything about people. We're not sure how bad it is as he never knew any of us to begin with." Wesley said.

"He was in hell." Buffy said softly more to herself than to the others.

"He's getting better. It's only been a month though really for him to process everything. He was seriously hurt when he came out of the amulet. He's just a little skittish and jumpy right now. He tends to just stay in his apartment that Angel put him in." Fred said.

"Angel knew." Buffy said with anger to her voice and in her eyes.

"He did. He wasn't too happy about it. When Spike was released from the hospital we were able to convince him to have Spike placed in one of the smaller studio apartments that Wolfram and Hart owns. It's a basement apartment so there are no windows to worry about. Spike has been there for the last month." Wesley said.

"He doesn't go out and he doesn't fight. The three of us take turns going by to see him and bring him blood. He's struggling with it all." Gunn said.

"Why didn't anyone tell me?" Buffy asked with anger.

"Angel told us all that he called you and you didn't want to see him. He told Spike that in the hospital." Fred said.

"That's why we are surprised that you appear to have no knowledge of this. Either Angel didn't speak directly to you or he lied and he didn't call at all." Wesley said.

"I'm betting on not calling." Buffy said with anger.

"Why would Angel lie about this though? I mean, I know he and Spike have a shady and questionable past, but why would he keep this from you though?" Fred asked.

"Because Angel doesn't like that I love Spike." Buffy said through gritted teeth.

"Oh" Fred said.

"Where is he?" Buffy asked with anger.

"Angel is in his office over there, he's in a meeting though." Gunn said as he pointed to Angel's office.

"Spike is in an apartment down on Fifth Ave." Wesley added in case Buffy meant Spike and not Angel.

"You said he was messed up. What do you mean by that?" Buffy asked Gunn.

"He's got some problems mentally right now. Like Fred said he's a little jumpy and he doesn't leave his apartment. He's got some memory problems, but we don't know how bad, like we said." Gunn started.

"He's paranoid and gets anxious easily. He's not really good around large groups of people. He's picked up this bad habit somewhere in the last nine months where he scratches the back of his right hand. He doesn't even know he's doing it and he tends to do it when he's anxious. He must have picked it up while he was um… in hell because he was doing it after he came out of the coma. He doesn't really sleep with the nightmares." Fred added.

"I need to see him." Buffy said in a serious voice.

"Of course. One of us can drive you over there if you'd like." Wesley said.

"That'd be great thanks. I need to speak to Angel first though." Buffy said with her anger back in her tone as she started to walk towards Angel's office.

"Um Buffy he's in a meeting." Gunn called out to her.

"Don't care." Buffy said with a snap to her voice.

Buffy pushed open both doors to Angel's office and saw Angel sitting at his desk with two men in suits in the opposite chairs. They all looked up at the sudden interruption and Angel looked surprised to see Buffy standing there.

"Um Buffy. It's good to see you, but I'm kinda in the middle of something here." Angel said politely as he motioned his hand towards the two men in suits.

"He's alive. Spike is alive and you didn't tell me." Buffy said with a deadly anger.

"Buffy this is going to have to wait. I'm in a meeting."

"Don't care." Buffy said in a tone that Angel knew all too well. She wasn't going to be going anywhere until she spoke to him.

"Gentlemen, can you just give me a few moments to handle something and then we can continue on the contract." Angel said to the two men in suits.

The two men didn't look happy, but they nodded as they stood up and left the room. Angel leaned back in his chair as Buffy moved closer.

"You knew he was alive for the past three months and you didn't even bother to call and tell me." Buffy said with anger clear in her voice.

"It had been nine months. I figured you had long since moved on from his death. Besides it's not like I ever expected you to care if he was alive or not."

"I told you back in Sunnydale that Spike was in my heart and you just thought what? That him dying saving the world wouldn't affect me."

"Oh come on Buffy he didn't save the world. The amulet is what destroyed the Hellmouth; Spike was just the one wearing it. Besides you said he was in your heart that could have meant anything."

"Well then let me make this perfectly clear to you. I love Spike. You don't have to like it, but you will not get in my way. You told him that I don't want anything to do with him. He spends six months in hell and two months in the hospital from it and you tell him that. I knew you both hated each other, but I didn't know you hated him that much Angel. You have no right to keep him from me or me from him."

"Oh come on Buffy its Spike. I know him, I made him. I know what he's like. Just because he gets a chip in his brain and a soul doesn't mean he's good for you or for anyone."

"Yes when he first got the chip he was just trying to handle life without killing humans. Afterwards though he was there for me. He helped me protect Dawn and my mother. He was tortured by a hell God to protect Dawn. He was there taking care of her and keeping her safe while I was dead. He did that because he loves me. He went and fought to get his soul back even though he knew how much pain it would cause him to have it. How crazy the guilt would make him. He did it for me; he did it so he wouldn't hurt me. So the demon wasn't in control anymore. He did that for me, he wanted to be a better man and he was. For that last year he didn't make a single pass at me once. He was there to support me and stand by me even when he thought I was wrong. He was always on my side and it wasn't easy at times. You might know Spike, but you don't know William. I know William, because I've seen his heart and his soul. He's a good man and I love him."

"And what about me? You said you loved me."

"You were my first love Angel. I was sixteen and just a kid back then. Looking back what I felt for you at the time was real, but it was just puppy love. It wasn't true love. What I feel for Spike is true. He loves everything about me, even my faults. He's seen me at my worst and he has stood by me and supported me. The only time he's ever left was to get a soul for me. He's done more for me then you ever have. He understands me completely. He's hurt me in the past, but I've hurt him just as much. The past doesn't matter, that last year in Sunnydale is what matters. You were my first love and Spike might just turn out to be my last. For the last nine months I've felt like something is missing, like a part of me is missing. I've been grieving for nine months. I haven't dated and the thought of seeing someone makes me sick. You kept him from me for three months. Three months that I could have been here for him, helping him get better. I'm not gonna let you take any more time from me. Giles was right, we can't trust you."

"You think Giles doesn't know that Spike is alive? I called to tell him when Spike first popped out of that amulet. Why do you think he has kept you away from L.A? He doesn't want you with Spike. He wants a better life for you and that isn't with Spike."

"It's my life and my choice who I want to be with and no one else's. I'll deal with Giles when I get back."

With that Buffy stormed out of Angel's office leaving him with his self-pity. Buffy walked over to where Fred, Wesley and Gunn were standing. Harmony was sitting at her desk, but she was trying to eavesdrop as best as she could while on the phone.

"I need to see Spike and if I have anything to do about it he's going to be coming back to London with me." Buffy said to the three of them.

"I'll give you a ride over." Wesley said.

Fred pulled out a key from her pant pocket.

"Here it's a key to the apartment. He won't open the door for anyone. Try and stay calm when you are around him. His senses are really sensitive right now from being in hell. He's having a hard time with having their strength back to normal." Fred said as she handed Buffy the key.

"I just brought blood over to him a couple days ago. There is also a duffle bag with clothes in it. He hasn't put them away yet. He just washes them and puts them back in the bag. I think he wants to leave L.A, but he just doesn't know where to go or if he could even leave." Gunn said.

"Hopefully I'll be able to get him to come with me. Thank-you for looking after him." Buffy said with a small smile.

"He saved the world, kinda seemed like a shitty move not to look out for him." Gunn said.

"He's really sweet, which is surprising because of everything Angel told us about him. He'll sit there and just listen to you complain for hours if you need to. I'm going to miss him." Fred said.

"You can always call. Willow has my number." Buffy said.

"Come on, I'm sure you are anxious to see him. I'll take you over there." Wesley said.

"Thanks I do need to see him." Buffy said.

Wesley and Buffy went to the elevator and got on one when one of the doors opened. Wesley led Buffy through the underground parking lot until they got to his car. Wesley got into the driver side and Buffy got into the passenger side. Once they were settled Wesley took off for Spike's apartment. Buffy pulled out her cell phone and called Xander. It was just after eight thirty so she knew he would be up and waiting to hear from her. He didn't like Angel and he didn't trust him all that much either, especially after he became CEO of evil incorporated. After three rings he answered.

"Buffy, hey how did it go?"

"It's a, it's a long story, but it didn't go too well."

"What happened? He didn't hurt you did he?" Xander asked with anger.

Buffy gave a small smile even though Xander couldn't see it.

"No he didn't, not technically. Like I said it's a long story." After a moment pause Buffy spoke again. "I found out that Spike is alive."

There was a pause and Buffy knew Xander was trying to process what he had just heard. Finally he spoke.

"What?" Confusion was clear all throughout his voice.

"Long story like I said, but Spike is alive has been for three months."

"How is that possible? Why didn't we know about his?" Xander asked with a slight anger creeping into his voice.

"It had something to do with the amulet and we didn't know, because Angel and Giles felt that it wasn't important enough to tell us." Buffy said with anger to her voice.

"Spike not being dead isn't important to mention? Seriously? Has he been alive this whole time? Have you seen him?"

"He's only been back for three months and according to Wesley, Spike spent the first two months in a hospital. He was in a coma for a month and a half. I haven't seen him yet, Wesley is driving me to his apartment."

"Is he okay? Where has he been for the other six months?"

"He was in hell. According to Wesley, Fred and Gunn; people Angel works with, they said he was having some mental problems. He's not crazy, but he's not stable guy right now."

"He's spent six months in hell, I can't imagine he's perfectly fine with that. I mean we all figured he would be in hell, but we never expected him to come back from that. We all hoped that since he died saving the world that wherever he was wouldn't be too bad for him."

"Unfortunately that's not true. It's a long story and I'll tell you about it later. I just wanted to let you know and give you a heads up. I'm gonna try and see if I can get him to come back with us. He doesn't belong here. He should be with us, he should be with me."

"No ya definitely. He needs to come back to London where there are people that care about him and want him there. If you need any help getting him to come let me know."

"Thanks Xander. I'll text you if we're coming back to the hotel tonight. Maybe you can see him."

"Ya I'd like that. Let me know if you can get him to come back to London with us, because I'll change our flights so we leave after sunset."

"Okay right ya. I will. Can you do me a favor and call and tell Dawn and Willow. I know I should be doing it, but I want to make sure he's okay and I don't want to keep this from them any longer than it already has been."

"Ya I'll call Willow right after I'm done with you. Just worry about Spike and make sure he's okay."

"Thanks Xander for being so understanding. I know you weren't his biggest fan."

"Hey the guy died saving the world. He died saving all of our lives. He has a soul Buffy and ya at first I didn't think it would make a difference, but I saw the change in him. It made me realise that he wasn't born a demon, he was made into one. The soul just let his human side come out more and I liked what I saw. Plus he made you happy and with how miserable you've been since he died I'm not going to stand in the way of you being happy again. Even if that means it's with Spike."

"Thank-you, you don't know how much that means to me."

"Let me know how he is and if he's coming back with us so I can change the tickets. I'll call everyone and let them know. We'll get through this Buffy. We'll get him through this."

"I'll let you know if I can get him to leave with me tonight. Hopefully it won't be too bad."

"Hey wait, you said Giles knew?" Xander asked with confusion.

"According to Angel he called and told Giles that first day that Spike came back. Apparently Giles told Angel to keep it quiet. Which makes sense, because Giles has never sent me back to L.A always the other girls. He wasn't happy this time around that I was going. He kept telling me I have other responsibilities to attend to."

"This is insane. I get that he doesn't like Spike, but cone on the dude died to save all of us. He saved the world. He deserves some respect at least."

"I'll be dealing with Giles when I come back. Just tell Dawn and Willow that Spike is alive leave out the part about Giles. I want to tell them myself when we get back. I don't want to start a war before we even return."

"Alright, I'll get on the phone and give them a call. Text me if he's with you and about the tickets."

"I will. Thanks Xander I mean it."

"It's no problem. Good luck."

"I have a feeling I might just need that."

"You'll be fine. You and Spike had a strong connection. If anyone can make him okay again it's you. I'll talk to you in a bit."

"Ya ok, see ya in a bit."

Buffy hung up her cell phone and looked out the window. After a moment Wesley spoke.

"Spike does have identification papers. We got them for him in case he wanted to leave the country. He has a passport and a driver's license."

"Oh I didn't even think about that."

"We didn't want him to feel like he was trapped here. I think he wants to leave L.A, but he just doesn't know where to go. He's struggling with handling everything. Dying would be traumatic for a vampire especially the way Spike died. Spending six months being tortured in hell would have only made that worse. He's not crazy or mentally unstable. He understands what has happened and where he was. He can uphold a conversation he's just suffering from trauma right now. Hopefully seeing you, a familiar face will help him."

"I'll get him through it. I appreciate everything you guys have done for him."

"Like Gunn said, it didn't seem right to leave him on his own after everything that he did. From what I have heard he's changed in the last couple of years. Once we found out he had a soul it seemed wrong to leave him to figure it out on his own. Angel wasn't too happy about it, but he wasn't going to win against the three of us. He also has money that we gave him in case he did want to leave. Angel doesn't know about that so let's just keep it that way."

"He won't hear it from me. I don't appreciate being kept in the dark with this. Or that he told Spike that I didn't want anything to do with him. It's not true and it's not fair to do to him."

"When he did wake up in the hospital you were the first person he asked about. You could see the hurt in his eyes when he heard what Angel said. I think you are just what he needs to push through this and get to the other side."

"He has people who care about him in London He has a family. We'll get him through this."

Wesley pulled up out front of a small house. He put the car in park as he spoke.

"On the side, there is a set of stairs leading down to the basement. His apartment is down there. Be careful he might be confused with seeing you."

"I'll be fine. Thanks for the ride."

"Do you know how to get to your hotel from here?"

"Ya I do. It's only about ten minutes from here actually. So we can walk."

"If you ever need help just call. I know Angel taking over Wolfram and Hart seems like he's fighting on the wrong side now, but he isn't. We are trying to shut them down from the inside. Regardless Fred, Gunn and I are here for you if you ever need us."

"Thanks Wesley. You know for an Ex-Watcher you turned out pretty cool." Buffy said with a smile.

"Thank-you. You've grown into a very powerful and beautiful woman. I hope you are able to find happiness now that you are not the only Slayer in the world."

"My happiness is down those stairs. Hopefully I can get him back to normal."

"I'm sure you will. He loves you; that much is clear."

"Ya he does and I love him. The only difference now is I don't care what anyone has to say about it."

"Good for you. Life is too short to worry about what others think of you. You need to do what makes you happy not what will make everyone else happy. I'm sure Giles won't be too happy to find out you and Spike are in a romantic relationship."

"I don't care what he thinks. He tried to kill Spike before the final battle and he's kept this from me too. He knows how I feel about Spike and what my opinion is of him trying to kill Spike. Spike is the one that saved the world, if he had been killed there's no telling what could have happened."

"Stick to your guns and don't let anyone try and control your life. I made that mistake and it's one that I will always regret. If Spike makes you happy then the rest doesn't matter. If they truly are your friends and love you then they will accept it."

"Thanks Wesley. I'm sorry if all of this has caused you any problems with Angel."

"Don't worry about Angel he will get over it soon enough."

"Thanks for the ride. Be safe and take care of yourself."

"You do the same."

Buffy just gave a smile and got out of the car. Wesley watched to make sure she was safe until she went down the stairs and Wesley couldn't see her anymore. Wesley put the car in drive and he drove off heading back towards Wolfram and Hart to deal with a no doubt pissed off vampire. Buffy walked down the stairs and she pulled out the key that Fred gave to her. She paused for a moment before she put the key in the lock and unlocked the door. She put the key in her pocket and she opened the door. The apartment wasn't dark; there were a few lights on. Buffy could see it wasn't much of an apartment, just enough for someone to live in. It was a small studio apartment with a small bed, a couch and a TV in the whole place. Buffy didn't see Spike, but she could sense that he was in here. Sure enough a second later he walked out of the bathroom with damp hair. He was dressed in a long black sleeved shirt and light blue jeans. He looked up and saw Buffy standing there and Buffy felt so many emotions going through her. She was happy and relieved to see him, but she was also nervous and sad. She didn't know how he was going to react to her being there and she was sad, because she could see the pain in his eyes. He had a long scar that went from the middle of his forehead all the way down on and angle to his left eyebrow where it mixed in with his existing scar. Buffy could see the shock and confusion on his face. He was clearly unsure if she was even here to begin with.

"Buffy?" Spike said softly with confusion to his voice.

Buffy walked over slowly so she wouldn't startle him. She gave him a small smile. Once she was close enough she slowly brought her right hand up to the left side of his face. Once she touched Spike's check he flinched and closed his eyes. She could see him struggling to calm himself down. He was clearly prepared to be hit and not lightly touched. Buffy gave Spike a smile once he opened his eyes and she placed her hand against his cheek once again. Buffy couldn't help the single tear that rolled down her cheek when her hand didn't go right through him.

"It's really you." Buffy said softly.

Buffy gently move her hand so it traced the new scar on Spike's forehead. Spike once again flinched back, but Buffy just waited until he had calmed himself back down before she continued.

"Does it hurt?" Buffy asked softly.

"Headaches" Spike said softly with a shrug.

"Can I hug you?" Buffy asked gently.

Buffy could see Spike thinking about it for a moment before he gave a nod. It was clear to Buffy that it wasn't that he didn't trust her; it was that he didn't trust anyone touching him right now. Buffy didn't take it personally; she understood where he was coming from. He had been tortured in hell for six months; she wouldn't like being touch either. She gently placed her arms around his waist and placed her head against his chest. Spike carefully put his arms around her and she could feel him tense with her touch, but after a moment he slowly began to relax and he held onto her. Buffy could feel that Spike was thinner than he used to be. It was clear that he was only eating because he needed to in order to live and not because he wanted to gain the weight and muscles back. After a moment he spoke.

"I don't understand why you're here." He said with no confidence in his voice.

"I didn't know Spike. Angel never called to tell me, he lied to you. If I had known I would have been here this whole time." Buffy said as she still held onto Spike.

"He lied." Spike said with confusion to his voice.

Buffy moved so she could look at Spike and he could see her.

"Spike I meant what I said to you before you died. I love you and I don't care who knows it. I didn't know you were back or I would have been here through it all. I'm so sorry he lied to you."

"It's not your fault." Spike said as he let go of Buffy. Spike crossed his arms over his stomach and walked over to the other side of the room. It was a small apartment so he wasn't that far from her, but Buffy could tell the distance was helping him calm down. Spike leaned his back against the wall as he spoke.

"What are you doing in L.A?"

"After Willow's spell to turn all the potential slayers into slayers we've been going around trying to find them all. Andrew, Xander and I have been in California for five days now. We've gotten a few others to bring back to London with us. Andrew left with the girls earlier today and Xander and me are leaving tomorrow. I just went to see Angel. I saw Fred, Wesley and Gunn first though and they let me know you were alive. They thought I knew. When they found out I didn't they told me what happened and Wesley drove me here."

"How's Dawn? No that doesn't sound right, that's not what I called her." Spike said with confusion. He brought his hand up to where the scar was and Buffy could see he was in pain. Buffy figured that whatever happened to get that scar there, obviously damaged something in Spike's mind to give him the memory troubles.

"Niblet or Bit. That's what you used to call her. It was rare when you called her by her name." Buffy supplied to Spike.

"Niblet, that sounds right." Spike said to himself more than to Buffy. "Is she okay?" Spike asked Buffy.

"She's good. She's in high school in London with Amanda and a few of the other girls. The ones from Sunnydale, except for Rona are in London. Rona is in Cleveland with Faith and Wood. Um… Anya didn't make it out of the fight."

"She died?" Spike said softly.

"She did. She died saving Andrew's life."

"I'm sorry. How did Xander take it?" Buffy saw Spike move his left hand and begin to scratch the back of his right hand. Buffy could see that he was anxious and nervous about having her here. She could tell he didn't really understand why she would be here.

"Xander spent the last nine months traveling all over the world. He was in Africa for a while finding new Slayers for everyone. He's going to be coming back to London and settling down there. He wants to find an apartment or a house and start up his construction company again. He hasn't dated anyone, I haven't either. I called him in the car on the way here to let him know that you are alive. He'd like to see you and he's gonna call and tell the others too."

"Why would he want to see me?"

"Because he cares. We all care about you Spike. I care about you, I love you. I know you've been through something and it's not easy right now. I'm not asking for anything from you. I just want to be here for you."

Buffy moved across the room slowly. She stopped in front of him and gently covered his hands with hers stopping him from scratching the back of his hand. Spike looked down at their hands. He didn't even notice that he had been scratching his hand once again. Buffy could feel the tremble in his hands and she knew that it was from nerves and it would take a while before that shaking would go away. Buffy heard Spike let out a shaky breath and Buffy knew he was trying to calm his nerves down. Spike was trying to cope with everything, but it wasn't going to be easy doing it on his own.

"Come with me." Buffy said as she looked right at Spike.

"What?" Spike asked with confusion to his voice.

"Come with me to London. Dawn is there and Willow and Xander is there. Come back to London with me Spike. I know it's not Sunnydale, but it's our home now. Come home." Buffy said as she looked right at Spike.

She was praying that he would come with her. That he would want to be with her again and not here on his own. She didn't know what she would do if he said no to her.

"You want me to go with you to London? What about Giles and the others, you know they won't be happy to see me. Or that I'm around you."

"I don't care about Giles. I'm not letting anyone run or dictate my life anymore. As for the others they all miss you and they are going to be thrilled to see you, especially Dawn. Besides I know Dawn and me are the only ones you truly care about and we want you there with us. Come home where you belong Spike."

Buffy could see the hesitation in Spike's eyes, but after a moment he spoke.

"I don't want to complicate your life."

"You aren't. Spike you can ask any of them, I've been miserable since Sunnydale. I've missed you every single day since you died. I haven't been happy. I've just been doing my job and going home at night. I feel like a part of me is missing and that part is you. I love you and I don't want to keep going through life without you. I don't care what anyone has to say the only opinion besides mine that matters to me is Dawn and she has loved you for years now. I love you Spike, you make me happy. I want you to come home where you belong. We can figure the rest out as we go."

Buffy could see Spike thinking about it, but after a moment he spoke.

"I was never very good at saying no to you." Spike said with a lightness to his voice.

"So is that a yes?" Buffy asked with hopefulness.

"If you are sure this is what you want then you know I will."

"Yes this is what I want. I want you home where you belong."

Spike let out a shaky breath once again before he spoke.

"Alright"

"Come on let's go back to the hotel. Xander and me have tickets already for tomorrow morning. We can change them over to a later time and add one for you."

"Are you sure this is a good idea?"

"Yes, but only if you want to. I know it's been a long time and maybe you don't want any reminders from Sunnydale." Buffy said and Spike could see the fear in her eyes.

"I love you, you know I do." Spike said as he looked right at Buffy.

"And I love you. I don't want to be apart any more than we already have. Come home with me please."

"Ok" Spike said nervously.

"Come on let's grab your stuff and your ID and we can go back to the hotel. Xander really wants to see you." Buffy said with a smile.

"I highly doubt that." Spike said as he moved away from Buffy to grab his clothes and ID to put it in the small duffle bag that he had.

"He's changed a lot since you've last seen him. Anya dying really made him change his view on life. He's the only one that truly understood what I was going through. He didn't push me to try and move on or to date anyone. He understood finally how much you meant to me. He's grown up a lot. He truly just wants us all to be happy and he's okay with you now. He finally realised how much you have changed over the years that we've known you. He missed you and he really is anxious to see you." Buffy said as she watched as Spike put the few articles of clothing in his small duffle bag.

Spike just gave a small nod and Buffy could see his anxiety picking up. Buffy didn't know what was causing it, but she figured it was a few things. He was anxious to be outside, he was anxious to be around Xander and the rest of them back in London. Buffy knew it wouldn't be easy on Spike to be back around everyone and handling everything that will be thrown at him. A lot has changed since he died and he will be getting a lot of information thrown at him about it. Buffy just had to let Spike know and make sure he understood that she was there for him. That he wasn't alone in this. Buffy went over to Spike and grabbed his hand gently. Spike turned to look at her and Buffy could see the pain in his eyes. Spike wasn't okay at all after what happened, but she couldn't expect him to be. No one could and Buffy wasn't going to let anyone give him a hard time about it. He had spent six months in hell for the world, so they could live. She wasn't going to let anyone push him around or try and take advantage of him.

"Hey it's going to be okay. I know you are struggling and that's okay. I don't expect you to be fine after everything that's happened to you. We're going to get through this together though, I promise. I'm not going anywhere Spike and I'm not going to let anyone pressure you or try and hurt you. I want you there with me and I know Dawn does too. Nobody else matters."

"I'm not okay." Spike said softly.

Buffy brought her other hand up to Spike's cheek and gave him a small smile.

"I know, but it's okay because we'll get through this together. I love you, we've fought beside each other through apocalypses; we've both died twice. We got through all of that and we can get through this. We'll take it one day at a time."

Spike just gave a nod and that was good enough for Buffy.

"Come on, the hotel is only about a ten minute walk from here."

"Ya okay"

Spike went over and grabbed his jacket. It was a leather jacket, but it only went down to his hips. His famous duster was destroyed when he burnt up. Spike then put his shoes on before he grabbed his duffle bag and together him and Buffy walked out of the basement apartment. Buffy sent Xander a quick text letting him know that Spike was coming back to the hotel with her and he would be going to London. All she could do was hope that everything was going to be alright.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Xander had hung up his cell phone after speaking to Buffy and he called Willow. He knew that Willow was going to spend the night with Dawn while they were away. It would be the middle of the night in London, but Xander knew this was something they would want to be woken up for. After five rings Willow finally answered the phone.

"Hello" Willow said with a tired voice. Xander knew she wasn't really awake yet.

"Will, hey it's Xander. I know it's late, but something has happened."

"What's wrong?" Willow asked with more clarity to her voice.

"You're still at the house with Dawn right?"

"Ya of course I am."

"Can you go into her room and wake her up? This is something you both need to hear."

"Xander what is going on?" Willow asked as she got out of her bed and headed down the hallway to Dawn's room.

"It's nothing bad, but it's something you both deserve to know."

"Alright one sec."

Willow went into Dawn's room and saw her asleep in bed. Willow went over to Dawn's bed and sat down on the side of it.

"Dawn sweetie, wake up." Willow said in a gentle voice.

Dawn let out a moan as she opened her eyes to see Willow sitting down on the side of her bed.

"Willow? What's going on?" Dawn asked as she rolled over onto her back and looked out the window to see that it was still dark out.

"Xander is on the phone, there's something he needs to tell us." Willow said as she hit the speaker button on her cell phone.

"Xander what's going on?" Dawn asked with fear and concern to her voice.

"Nothing bad has happened, but something has happened." Xander said calmly.

"So Buffy is okay?" Dawn asked with concern.

"She's fine Dawnie." Xander said to reassure Dawn that her big sister was in fact alright, pissed, but alright.

"What's going on than that required a middle of the night call?" Willow asked.

"Andrew left earlier today with the new Slayers that we found. Buffy and me decided to stay one more night here, because she wanted to at least see Angel. I don't know the whole story and she'll tell me later when she gets back. Um… there's no easy way to say this so I'm just going to say it. Spike is alive."

The line went dead and Xander knew that Willow and Dawn were both trying to get their mind around what they just heard. It took him a little bit to grasp the concept that Spike was alive himself and he didn't have that close of a connection to Spike that Dawn did. Dawn had done her best to move on, but it was still very clear that she cared and missed Spike. Dawn was able to move on a little easier than Buffy, because Dawn believed that Spike wouldn't have wanted her to be miserable forever. That he would want her to find happiness and enjoy the freedom that he was able to give her. Still it was still hard to move on from Spike especially after what he did for them all, for the world. A lesser man would have walked away and tried to save himself. Spike didn't, he stayed to destroy the Hellmouth and give them all the chance to have a better life. As far as Xander was concerned Spike had more than earned his respect and loyalty.

"What do you mean he's alive?" Dawn asked softly.

"I don't know the whole story. I just know that he has sent six months in hell, that three months ago he came back. He spent six weeks in a coma and then another two weeks after that in the hospital. Buffy was told by Fred, Gunn and Wesley, three people that work with Angel that Spike was struggling, but he wasn't crazy. Buffy was on her way over to his apartment when she was speaking to me." Xander said gently.

"But he's okay?" Willow asked.

"I don't know. Physically I think he's fine, but mentally and emotionally there's no telling how messed up he could be. Angel's team did say that Spike was struggling with it all. Buffy will let me know how he is later when she comes back."

"We can't just leave him there alone." Dawn said with hurt in her voice.

Xander knew that this would be a lot for Dawn to handle. It was why he wanted to let her know now instead of waiting for them to get back.

"Buffy is going to try and see if she can get Spike to agree to coming back to London with us. If he does then our flight will be in later, we'll have to wait for the sun to go down." Xander said.

"Who else knows?" Willow asked.

"I guess Angel did, but he didn't tell any of us. Angel told Spike that Buffy didn't want anything to do with him, so Spike stayed in L.A. and he didn't call her. Buffy is pissed off at Angel and she doesn't trust him anymore. She's going to text me to let me know if Spike will come back with us. I'm sure she will be able to convince him to come back with us." Xander answered keeping out the fact that Giles also knew. He knew Buffy wanted to deal with that herself.

"So you don't know what he's like?" Dawn asked.

"No I don't know. If Buffy can get Spike to come back to the hotel tonight then I can see him and see how he is. I'm sure Buffy will call you tomorrow to let you know how he is doing. I can always text you Will later to let you know if our flight plan has changed. I know you both have questions, so do I, but I thought you should at least know he's alive."

"But he was in hell for six months. He might never be the same again." Dawn said sadly and Xander could tell she was close to tears.

"What's important though is that Spike isn't there anymore. He's alive sweetie and we can help him get through this together. We owe him that much." Willow said gently to Dawn.

"She's right Dawnie; we can get Spike through this. I think Buffy will be able to convince him to come to London with us and we can all help him get better." Xander said.

"Should we tell the others or wait until we know if Spike is coming to London or not?" Willow asked.

"Let's wait and see what Buffy has to say about it. I don't know how she wants to handle Giles after what happened back in Sunnydale." Xander said.

"You think she doesn't trust him with Spike still." Dawn stated.

"I don't know if she does or not. Let's just leave it as her call on the matter." Xander said.

"We'll keep quiet about this until Buffy tells us what she wants to do." Willow said.

"Spike has bounced back before I'm sure he'll be fine in no time." Xander said more to appease Dawn than anyone else.

"Ya, you're right. He'll come back with you guys and everything will be fine. Maybe he'll help out with the new Slayers." Dawn said.

"I'm sure he will. Spike enjoyed helping out back in Sunnydale. He'll be happy to help again." Willow said with a smile.

"I'm going to go and let you guys get back to sleep. I'll text you Will and let you know what is going on." Xander said.

"Okay keep us posted." Willow said.

"Good night Xander." Dawn said.

"Night Dawnie." Xander said as he hung up his phone.

Xander checked to see if Buffy had sent him a text message, but she hadn't yet. He didn't think she would so quickly, but he was hoping to get one soon. Xander knew that him and Spike had always had this weird relationship. There were many times when they couldn't stand each other, but there were times when they had gotten along and fought beside each other. Xander knew that if it hadn't been for Spike stopping Caleb he could have lost both of his eyes or his life for that matter. It was almost like this brotherly relationship where they could hate each other so much, but they would always be there to back the other up. Spike had surprised Xander by throwing his life away to save the world and to destroy the Hellmouth in Sunnydale. He didn't need to go that far, but he did, because it was the right thing to do. There were many times where Xander didn't like Spike and he was sure that there would be many more times where he didn't like him. However, Spike did deserve his respect and loyalty, because it was clear they had his. Xander was going to leave the mistakes in the past and just focus on the future. He had to grow up and see Spike for who he is today and not what he used to be. Ever since he had gotten his soul back he had been trying to be a good man and he had proved that he could be. Xander wasn't going to keep making the same mistakes. He was going to be there for Spike through this, because Spike would do the same for him.

Xander sat down and waited for a text from Buffy, it came just over thirty minutes later. She had told him that Spike was coming back to London with them and she had managed to get him to come back to the hotel. Xander sent a quick text back letting her know that he will change the tickets over to tomorrow night just after sunset. That way they would get into London still at night for Spike. Xander also asked if she was going to be going back to her room or coming to his. He wanted to see Spike and see for himself how he was handling everything. Six months in hell was not going to be easy on him or anyone for that matter. Xander knew he would need to be patient and just see how Spike was handling everything. Buffy sent him a text back letting him know that they will come to his room for a bit so he can see Spike and she can tell Xander everything that she was told by Angel's friends. Xander knew that this was important to Buffy as well. She had been miserable for the past nine months without Spike. She had felt guilty about his death as well as proud of him. Willow, Dawn and Kennedy had been trying to get Buffy to move on and starting to date again, but Xander never pushed. Xander understood what Buffy was going through, because he lost Anya that day as well. He didn't get to be there with her when it happened just like Buffy didn't get to be there for Spike when he died. She got to hold his hand and tell him how she felt which was more than Xander got with Anya. So Xander never pushed her to move on, because he hadn't moved on either. It just wasn't easy to move on from losing someone you loved, especially to violence. Xander had seen the change in Buffy over the last nine months; it was like she had died in that school along with Spike and Anya. She wasn't happy; she was doing her job and functioning every day, because she had to, not because she was happy.

When they were all in that little motel afterwards and trying to come up with a plan for what they were going to do next, Buffy didn't even add anything. She just sat there and let everyone else decide how they wanted to do things. She didn't care what was going to happen now. She did what she was instructed to do and she went out every night to patrol and she helped to train the new Slayers like she was supposed to, but there wasn't any light in her eyes. Xander was hoping with Spike back maybe he could put that light back in her eyes. Xander didn't know how everyone was going to react; he didn't know how Giles and Wood would react. Wood and Faith were out in Cleveland, but they did come down to visit and to help with the training a few times a year. They were due to come back in a few days to help out again. It was no secret that even after Spike saved the world he hadn't earned any respect from Wood. Wood wasn't upset that Spike had died and he didn't care to hide it either. The new Slayers had all been upset that Spike was gone, especially the ones that had spent the longest with him. It was clear that the death of Spike hit everyone that had spent time with him during those last few months.

Xander had to admit even he missed Spike a little. He had changed over the months that he had his soul and it was hard to miss for anyone that had known him before he had fought for his soul. Even Xander had to admit that Spike had changed for the better and in the end it was Spike that had saved them all. They could have all been killed if Wood and Giles had succeeded in killing Spike that one time they tried behind Buffy's back. Xander knew it wasn't going to be easy, but he also knew it wasn't going to be easy for Spike either. Xander was sincerely going to try his best to be there for Buffy and for Spike. He was going to have Spike's back this time around, he deserved that much.

It was just shy of an hour later when Xander heard the knock on his hotel room door. Xander got up and did a quick check to make sure that the lights were on and there weren't any weapons around that Spike could see. Xander didn't know how Spike was going to be like and he didn't want Spike to feel that Xander was going to hurt him. Xander went to the door and opened it to see Buffy and Spike on the other side.

"Hey come on in." Xander said with a smile.

The three of them headed inside and Xander sat down on the edge of the bed while Buffy sat down in one of the chairs. Spike stood standing with his back against the wall facing the room. Xander could tell that he was having a hard time. Xander was so used to seeing the smirk on Spike's face and hearing the snide comments from him, comments Xander would snip back at and they would almost banter with each other. This Spike was different, his eyes were full of pain and he seemed anxious and nervous. This wasn't Spike; Spike was never nervous or anxious. He was always cool and collected if nothing else he was always confident in his abilities, he knew he could handle his own in a fight. Xander could see the back of Spike's hand was red and raw from what he didn't know. He could also see the large scar on the left side of his forehead that blended into his previous scar on his eyebrow. Spike was also looking around at anything and everything in the room like he was waiting for an attack. The first thing that Xander thought of was PTSD. Xander didn't know if vampires could even get that, but he remembered it from his military training way back when. Spike was displaying those symptoms of it right now.

"Spike, how have you been man?" Xander asked calmly.

"Dead." Spike simply answered.

"Well ya I meant besides that." Xander said with a smile.

"Fine. You?" Spike asked as he started to scratch the back of his right hand again. Xander took notice and figured that Spike had developed this nervous tick.

"I'm good. I've been traveling a lot."

"Buffy told me about Anya, I'm sorry she was a good girl." Spike said sincerely.

"Ya she was. She died saving Andrew's life."

"She always was a little slow." Spike said with a smirk so Xander knew he was just joking to make him feel better.

Xander smiled. "I told Andrew she was always doing something stupid."

"Anya was always one of a kind. Unfortunately Andrew hasn't gotten any more normal in the past nine months." Buffy said with a smile.

"So Spike has Buffy told you anything about what has been happening?" Xander asked.

"I've haven't told him yet. I figured we could do that. Did you change the tickets?" Buffy asked.

"Yup we board the plane one hour after sundown and we will get there around midnight. Spike, do you want to sit down man?" Xander asked.

"I'm fine. Buffy said you've been traveling around Africa." Spike said trying to get the conversation off from him.

"I spent almost six months in Africa going around collecting new Slayers. I spent the first three months helping out setting up the new council and the location. It's quite the organization we have going on." Xander answered.

"Organization?" Spike asked.

"Yup it's pretty world changing amazing actually. Our main setup is in London. Giles had started to set it up after the battle. We drove to a motel on the side of the road to get some rest and to get everyone patched up. We spent a week there just letting everyone heal up. Wood was hurt the worst I would say. He had a large gash in his side and he was bleeding pretty heavily. He also doesn't have magical Slayer healing powers. He recovered though and he came with us to London for a little while with everyone else. After a month Faith and Wood decided to go down to Cleveland, there's a Hellmouth there and it was getting to be really active. They headed down there and they setup a center there, a residence for the other new Slayers that they found around the area. We have our main base in London, but we have satellite locations in Rome and Dublin." Buffy began.

"I thought the Council was killed before Giles came back." Spike said.

"The head guys were killed, but they had other Watchers in training and out on demand for when a new slayer or a potential slayer came on their radar. Giles was able to get in touch with them all and they also brought on new Watchers to be trained. The facility in London, Rome and Dublin also trains Watchers as well as the new Slayers. They pair up a new Slayer with a new Watcher so they get to know each other and train together. It's really cool considering since the beginning it's all been this huge secret. Now it's a little more out there, the general population isn't aware of us, but most of the new Slayer's family know about us and what we do. They are able to have a better relationship with their child." Xander said.

"The general public believe we are some high society private school. It's changed a lot, all of the Watchers and the Slayers get paid now. So they don't have to worry about jobs or money. The few remaining older Watchers from before are working on a system to help keep the money being generated after they are gone. Andrew is training to be a Watcher and Dawn is helping with the Administrative end of things. She's helping to organize the money and organizing the new Slayer's locations. We have a huge training and living facility in London. We have a cook and a maid service to keep everything clean some are actually family members of some of the new Watchers and Slayers. It's pretty cool." Buffy said.

"So who's in charge of this whole thing?" Spike asked.

"Giles is the head guy. He set up the new Watchers and the new Slayers. He organizes where everyone goes and what mission they go on." Xander said.

"What do you both do?" Spike asked.

"I help train the girls and get them ready. I still patrol, but I don't have to go every night. I've gone around to a few cities to pick up girls. That's what we were doing back here in L.A. Faith has a full house right now so we came down to get the few girls and bring them back with us. Andrew was with us and he went back with the girls earlier today." Buffy answered.

"I'm just getting back. I got back from Africa and three hours later I'm on a plane coming here. I'm not sure what I'm going to do when I get back." Xander answered honestly.

"Willow is heading the Wica operations. She's working with creating an organization with the other covens all around the world. Kennedy helps with the training of the new Slayers and she goes with Willow when she has to go out of town for business." Buffy said.

"Kennedy?" Spike asked confused.

"Kennedy the oldest Potential from Sunnydale. She had long brown hair and was Willow's girlfriend." Buffy supplied.

"Oh ya right." Spike said as he rubbed the spot on his forehead where the scar was. They both could tell that Spike was in pain and Buffy was worried about what the damage behind the scar was doing to Spike.

"Are you okay?" Buffy asked with concern.

Spike moved his hand back down and looked at Buffy. "Ya I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" Xander asked this time with concern in his voice as well.

"Ya it's just a headache." Spike said with a shrug.

"You were in the hospital for two months, but they made sure you were fine right before you left?" Xander asked.

"Ya I was all cleared." Spike said.

"Good." Buffy said with a smile.

"So tomorrow we leave and we will be back in London. I called Will and Dawnie and told them that you were alive Spike. They were happy and they are looking forward to seeing you. They are going to keep it quiet until we get back."

"Some people might not be too happy I'm guessing." Spike said cautiously.

"The new Slayers from Sunnydale are going to be thrilled to have you back. Everyone has really missed you. The new Slayers that you didn't fight beside will be a little cautious at first. The whole vampire with a soul thing is new to them, but once they see you are there for good and not to hurt them then they will be happy to have you. It's just easier to handle it in person. Plus if you want a few days by yourself before meeting everyone then it's no big." Buffy said.

"Everyone lives in the residence facility that is on the same piece of land as the training facility. It's all on fifty acres of land. There are guest rooms setup like a hotel room with private bathrooms, the girls all have a room with two beds in it so they double up. Willow and Kennedy have their own small little apartment within the facility. Dawn has her own room and her own bathroom. Giles has a house on the property that he uses. Buffy has her own apartment on the top floor of the facility that is her own. The training facility has conference rooms, class rooms and different training rooms for sparing and weaponry. There is a gate and fence all around the fifty acres that Will put a protection spell around as well. So if any demon or vampire try to climb over or break in an alarm will sound in both facilities. It's all pretty high tech compared to how it used to be. We truly did change the way the world is with that spell." Xander said proudly.

"Wow. You've been busy beavers. Why does Giles have his own house on the property and not in the living facility?" Spike casually asked.

"He is the head of the Council and it was just easier for him to be in his own place then with all of the girls and the craziness. I don't deal with it much because I have my own loft apartment on the top floor so I get to avoid them. Giles wanted his own space after being with all of the girls for so long. Plus if he has to have any meetings with the Council he can do it in his home then in the facility in a conference room." Buffy said.

"Hm." Was all Spike said to that.

"Ya I mean it makes sense he is older than everyone and he doesn't really do well with all of the girls around." Xander said.

"Was the property already there or did you have to have it built?" Spike asked.

He didn't truly care too much right now, but it was better than them asking him questions. Plus if he was going to be there then he figured he was better off knowing about it all.

"It was built, but we had to do full renovations. Xander took up charge in that department and got it all sorted and finished." Buffy answered.

"That must have taken a while." Spike said.

They could both notice that Spike's anxiety was picking up. It wasn't that he didn't trust Xander and Buffy it was just that it was all new to him. He had been in hell for six months than two months in the hospital. So Spike has only had a month to get used to being back after being in hell for six months. It clearly had an effect on him and he was clearly struggling with the after effects. Spike was still scratching the back of his right hand and he didn't even seem to notice.

"It took a good long three months before everything was finished and all set. We had a huge team working on it though so it wasn't too bad." Xander said.

"Well I am beat. That room bed is calling me." Buffy said with a smile.

"Ya me too. I'll see you guys tomorrow." Xander said with a smile knowing what Buffy was getting at. Spike clearly needed a break and some time on his own or with Buffy alone. "It's good that you are back Spike." Xander added sincerely.

Spike just gave a nod and Buffy stood up. She guided Spike out of Xander's room and headed down the hallway to hers. She opened the door and they went inside. Buffy turned the one side lamp on and Spike noticed that there was only one bed in the room. Spike knew he wouldn't be sleeping so it didn't matter to him. Buffy took off her jacket and turned back to face Spike. She could see he was nervous and having some difficulty with everything. According to Angel's team Spike hadn't even been outside so this would all be overwhelming for him. Buffy could still remember what it was like when Angel came back from his hell dimension and how messed up he was, after only being gone for a short period of time. That's what angered Buffy about this. Angel knew what it felt like to be in a hell dimension and Spike had been in one for six months. Angel should have been more sympathetic towards Spike and more willing to help him after what happened to himself. Spike had been in a hell dimension for six months, Angel should have been more supportive towards him, because he knew how it felt himself. Buffy went over to Spike and placed her hand over his.

"You need to really try and stop doing that. You're gonna hurt your hand." Buffy said gently as she looked at Spike's hand.

"Sorry"

"It's okay you don't even know you are doing it. Why don't you take your coat off? We can sit down on the bed and just relax."

"I thought you were tired."

"No, but I could tell you needed some space. I know you haven't been outside since you've been in your apartment. I figured we could just relax we have all day tomorrow to hide out before the flight. Come on just take your jacket off and we can sit on the bed." Buffy said as she moved her hands to Spike's jacket and started to pull it off.

Spike removed his jacket and placed it down over the back of a chair. Buffy gave Spike a smile as she went over to the bed and sat down with her back against the headboard. Spike didn't sit down on the bed, but he leaned back onto the desk in the room so he was half sitting and half standing so Buffy took it for now.

"How are you feeling?" Buffy gently asked.

"I'm fine."

"How are you really feeling?" Buffy pushed gently.

"Besides the headache I'm fine."

"How often do you get the headaches?" Buffy asked with concern.

"Often enough." Spike said with a shrug.

"Is it from whatever happened to give you that scar?"

Buffy wasn't sure what Spike would be willing to talk about or not so she was going to test the waters and if Spike didn't want to talk about it then she would let it go. Spike just looked down and Buffy could tell this was a painful memory to Spike.

"Spike, are you sure you are okay? I mean the headaches if they are often and if the scar has anything to do with it maybe you should get checked out again."

"It's nothing" Spike said softly, but he wouldn't look at Buffy.

"Spike, you can tell me anything. Is… is something wrong?" Buffy asked gently trying to hide her worry.

Spike kept his eyes on the balcony door and after a few moments of silence he just gave a slight nod yes. Buffy moved away from the headboard, but she didn't move any closer to Spike. She wanted to go to him, but she didn't know if he would like her to be closer to him or not.

"Spike what is it? What aren't you telling me?" Buffy said gently.

"The ah" Spike cleared his throat and began again. "The ah…the doctors checked everything out while I was in a coma I guess. There's some shadowing they said on this one part of my brain in the front, the scar made them look. It was worse three months ago apparently." Spike trailed off and Buffy could tell he was lost in thought.

"Shadowing? Like bruising?" Buffy asked trying to get Spike to continue on.

"No it's..." Spike shook his head and Buffy could tell he was having a hard time dealing with this. Buffy just waited the few moments before he spoke again. "It's damage, brain damage the doctor doesn't know if it is temporary or not. It's not really something vampires get, it takes a lot." Spike finished and he looked at Buffy to see her reaction.

Buffy couldn't believe that Spike had brain damage, actual brain damage. She couldn't help, but feel hurt and slightly guilty. She had given Spike that amulet, she was the one that labeled him her champion and he got hurt by it. He had been killed and spent six months in hell, because she had given him the amulet that trapped him in its own hell.

"Don't, don't look at me like that with pity in your eyes. I hate that look and all I have gotten is that look from people since I woke up in the hospital. I can't take that look from you too." Spike said with hurt in his voice.

Buffy got up off the bed and went over to Spike. She grabbed his hand and held it in hers as she spoke.

"There's no pity Spike. None of this changes anything between us or what I feel for you it doesn't. I just… I can't help, but feel guilty because I gave you that amulet. If I hadn't you wouldn't have died and you wouldn't have been in hell for six months. I know what you did destroyed the Hellmouth and guaranteed us the win, but this price this time around was too high. I wish I hadn't given you that amulet, that we had researched it more instead of just trusting Angel and what he found. Spike you are a hero, a champion, my champion. There is no pity and there never will be." Buffy said with a fierce tone to her voice.

"What if it doesn't go away?" Spike asked softly.

"Then we will deal with it. I'm not going anywhere. I lost you once already I am not about to lose you again. I don't care what anyone says this time around. I love you and I want to be with you. That's all that matters."

Buffy moved in closer to give Spike a hug and Spike wrapped his arms around Buffy and just breathed in her scent. She always smelt amazing to him and he couldn't believe how much he missed just the very scent of her.

"God I missed you." Spike said into the top of Buffy's head.

"I missed you too."

Buffy couldn't believe how good it felt to be back in Spike's arms. They had a rough road behind them and Buffy knew that it was on both of them for what happened. In those last few months though before the final battle with the First they had started to become closer once again. They had become friends, they relied on each other both equally and that was new for the both of them. Buffy was always so used to being above Spike and he was just beneath her. In those last few months though they were equals and Buffy found herself being drawn to him, to the man that was the soul and not the demon she had always associated with Spike. She got to see how gentle of a soul Spike truly had and she couldn't help, but feel for him and fall in love with him. When he had died for the world she always felt like a part of her died that day with him. Now he was back and she was finally able to be with him, she wasn't going to let anyone stand in her way. She wasn't going to let something like brain damage get in her way either. Spike might heal from it eventually and if not she didn't care, he was hers and she wasn't going to lose him. Buffy pulled back and smiled up at Spike.

"Come lay down with me, we can keep talking if you want but just come lay down with me." Buffy said as she gently pulled Spike over to the bed with her.

Spike allowed Buffy to guide him over to the bed. They both removed their shoes and got onto the bed. Spike was half sitting up against the headboard and Buffy didn't even waste a second before she curled into Spike's chest. Spike wrapped his arm around her and placed his right cheek against the top of Buffy's head.

"I don't care about the brain damage Spike, but what side effects does it give you?" Buffy asked calmly.

"Headaches mostly and some memory problems. Docs don't know when it will go away or if it will. It really doesn't happen with vampires so no one can be sure on it. They did say it could get worse if I get hit in the same spot."

"And it's where your scar is?"

"Hm"

"So we will just be careful you don't get hit there. I'm sure it will heal with time, it just might take a bit, but that's okay we'll deal."

"You're tired, you should sleep." Spike said as he started to run his fingers through Buffy's hair.

"Jet lag, it's a bitch." Buffy said with tiredness to her voice.

"I wouldn't know. I traveled by boat mostly so you get used to the different time zones."

"Plus sunlight doesn't really matter to you." Buffy added with a smile.

"Get some sleep."

"Are you sure you are okay?"

"How can I not be with you in my arms?"

"You should try and sleep too."

"I don't sleep much. I'll be fine close your eyes and get some sleep. I'm not going anywhere."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

Spike continued to stroke Buffy's hair even after she finally fell asleep. Spike didn't know how well any of this was going to go over. He didn't know how he felt about going to London with Buffy and Xander and being with all of the girls again. He also didn't know where he would be staying, would he be with Buffy in her apartment or would he be in one of the guest rooms. He didn't know how the others were going to take him being back or how the new Slayers he didn't know from Sunnydale were going to appreciate him being around. There were a lot of unknowns and for Spike right now he was having a hard time dealing with the knowns let alone the unknowns at the moment. Spike knew he wanted to be with Buffy so this was just something he was going to have to handle and work through. He couldn't hide away for the rest of his undead life. He had to recover from what happened and get back to being useful. The problem was he didn't know if he could do it this time. He didn't know if he could handle doing it this time around. Spike didn't want Buffy to get annoyed or sick of him and then leave. She told him she loved him, but it wasn't that easy to just accept it and be happy about it. For now he was just going to focus on the present and that was Buffy being back in his arms sleeping away. Spike would worry about tomorrow when it came.