This one-shot just came to me one day, and I had to write it down. =) Roughly, this takes place during that scene around the campfire in the Triet desert.
BTW, if you haven't finished the game, this is a huge spoiler. Just letting you know.
Kratos the Stranger
There he is again, staring into the fire.
He's asked for night guard every night. Says he doesn't sleep much. As far as I can tell, he doesn't sleep at all. Every night for the past few weeks, he would sit down somewhere away from everyone, and Noishe would nuzzle next to him. Noishe almost spends more time with him than with me these days. I just don't get it.
He's looking over again. He's always looking at me, especially during the night-watches when he thinks I'm asleep; it's so creepy. I'm pretty good at shutting my eyes so he doesn't know I know, but it's really not helping that I've been losing sleep over this. Then I get barked at by him the next day for 'lacking situational awareness' or something.
So, here I am again, rolled over awake after another bout of mystery laughter in an otherwise nice dream about the night stars. I open my eyes a fraction, and see that the man is staring blankly at the fire.
I can't say I started off on the right foot when I first met Kratos. He just came out of nowhere and saved our asses at the Martel Temple. He just thought he was just freakin' awesome. Granted, he did display some very impressive moves...but still...totally rubbed me the wrong way with his snide little comment on my self-taught sword skills. No one seems to think he's just plain annoying as I do. Genis said I was just jealous of him. Colette said I should ask him for fighting tips. It must be because he only ever barks at me about me 'not fighting right'. I still can't believe they just won't notice how freakin' full of air he is, though—
A movement at the corner of my eye breaks me out of my little rant. It seems Kratos has buried his face in his hands.
I squint a bit. What is he doing? Is he like, crying or something? And just what is Noishe doing now? He's like, all nuzzling his hair and leaning his head on him. Why does he like him so much?
Granted…Kratos does look really miserable… But then again, he's never exactly looked happy, either. Busy being stony and full of himself. You know, the too-cool-to-smile type. But...he really does look upset about something over there—whoa, was that a sob?
Maybe he really is…crying?
Now...I don't really care about him, but he's not being a good night guard like this.
I get up, catching Noishe's attention. The dog doesn't move his head; just follows me with his eyes—intent and questioning. Noishe keeps looking at me as I walk over; it's almost like he's trying to protect the man from me. Good Martel…isn't he my dog?
I hover over them uncertainly and rub my neck. I always do that, I don't know why. Kratos doesn't seem to have noticed that I'm standing right in front of him. I should fire him from night guard duty for his 'lack of situational awareness' or whatever he keeps yelling at me.
I clear my throat. "Hey, um, are you okay?"
Kratos snaps his head up and stares at me like I'm some kind of ghost. Nope, he wasn't crying. I knew it was impossible. Noishe moves aside, but it's still like he's standing guard.
"I am…thank you. I was…just thinking of something."
"Oh…" I reply awkwardly.
"Why aren't you sleeping?"
Man... "I dunno, I just woke up and couldn't go back to sleep. I've never been a heavy sleeper, though. It doesn't really bother me."
"No?" Kratos said suddenly, looking strangely alarmed. "Have you ever not slept at all?"
Why's he so freaked? "Um, yeah, a few times. But like I said, it doesn't really bother me the next day."
"I see." He looks a little disturbed, and I wait for some kind of lecture about the evils of not getting enough sleep...
But instead, he changes the topic.
"Tell me, Lloyd, what happened to your real father, do you know?"
I rub my neck in confusion. "Well, Dad said that Mom had told him to keep a lookout for my father who might've been looking for me. But, he never came. I guess the Desians had gotten to him, too. So Dirk's been my dad ever since."
"I see," he says, looking all troubled again. "Do you remember anything about your mother?"
Why is he asking me this? Isn't this kinda personal? "Not really." But actually...I do remember. I remember her warmth, her voice... To me, they were the most precious memories of all…and why should I tell him about that?
"How did you come by Noishe?"
What's up with all these questions? "Dad said he wandered to the house a few hours after he had taken me home. Noishe wouldn't leave and I seemed to recognize him, so he kept him."
"How did you—how did he get his name?"
"Well, apparently, it's what I always called him. Dad said we seemed to know each other already." I stretch out a hand to rub Noishe's fur. "Wish he could talk."
"I'm sure he wishes he could, too…" Kratos mutters, patting the animal on the back. Noishe gives a low whine and settles his head on my foot. I smile, in spite of myself, and scratch him behind the ears.
"He really likes you," I say. "It's weird because he usually doesn't like strangers."
Kratos' face seems to twitch a bit. "I had a family…once. And a pet. Noishe reminds me much of him."
"You had a family?" I cry, then I slap a hand on my mouth. "Er, sorry, you just don't seem like a family kinda guy…"
Kratos laughs, but it isn't a happy kinda laugh. Bitter, I'd say. "She said that, too... but I do think I was getting better at being a father... Then again, three years was too short to prove anything."
"Three years?" Whoa, Kratos's a dad?
Kratos sighs. I'd never seen him so tired-looking before. A bit of my dislike for the man fades, and curiosity completely takes over. I sit down across from him and Noishe. "So, like, you had um, kids?"
"I had a son."
"Wow…" I say stupidly.
"He was…very beautiful. Very good, very brave, very happy." He smiles when he says that, and that really makes him look almost nice. Then he looks straight at me with this piercing look. "You're right, I am no good with children…however, I loved him very, very much. I wish…I could just tell him again."
I shift uneasily under his gaze. "Um, so like…what happened to him?"
"The Desians found us. They cornered us on a cliff. I…couldn't save my wife. Afterwards, I couldn't find my—my son, either."
Damn Desians! No wonder Kratos always looks so depressed all the time... "Well, you just couldn't find him right? So, maybe your son's still alive! We should keep a lookout for him! What was his name?"
Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say, because the man I thought was incapable of emotion, now looks like he's gonna break down... I think. But since it's Kratos, I just assume that him squeezing his eyes shut and pursing his lips real tight has got to equal a normal person actually freaking out. After a minute or two, he takes a deep breath and looks at me again. A second passes before he speaks again, all careful-like.
"Thank you for your interest, Lloyd. However, even if I finally…find him, all I wish for him is to be happy with the life he is leading now. It's been too long, I would not just jump into his life, now."
"Are you kidding? I'm sure he'd love to meet his dad! Dude, if my dad suddenly showed up again, I'd be super happy!"
He leans in suddenly, and I lean back in surprise. "Would you…?" he says. "But wouldn't you hate him for not finding you earlier? You thought he didn't come because he was killed by Desians."
I shrug. I can't say I ever really thought about it that much... "Well…I dunno, maybe he got captured or something and couldn't come?"
Kratos nods his head, looking a bit more relieved. "You could forgive your father?"
I look at him blankly. Forgive him for what? "Well... maybe he thought I was dead, too. I dunno."
"He did...!" He suddenly looks at me with a weird intense look. Even more intense, since his eyes were a weird, maroon color. "He most likely did, I mean. No father would give up on a son if he knew he was alive."
I'm not sure I'm following him at all. "So you think your son's dead? You just said you couldn't find him!"
Kratos looks kind of angry now, which alarms me a bit. "You're right, I should not have given up until I saw physical evidence. But I saw monsters devouring Desian corpses, and perhaps I frankly could not stomach finding them in such a state. I was a coward, you're right."
"Whoa, wait, I didn't say you were a coward! Good Martel, I mean you could see it as like, a hopeful thing, you know? You never saw the body so maybe he's alive! Well, what was his name? Where did you lose him? I bet we can find him!"
"You seem to take quite an avid interest. Why?"
"Well, why not? Don't be such a downer, it's worth trying at least! Not to mention, maybe then you won't be so freakin' sour and angry all the time..."
"I'm sour, am I?" Kratos says, cracking a slight bit of a smile.
Oops. Mouth before mind again, as Genis keeps telling me... "Er, yeah a bit."
"I'm not good with people. I'm sorry." Kratos looks away. "Tell me, you say I should find my son, be him alive or not. But, wouldn't you want to find your father as well—if there was a possibility that he is alive?"
"I do, but I really know nothing about him. I wouldn't even know where to start. Dad said my mom never got a chance to tell him his name or what he looked like or anything."
Kratos is still not looking at me. "What all did she say?"
"When Dad found my mom, she held me out and begged him to take me and that my name was Lloyd, and that my dad should come soon. That was all she could say." I say it all kinda matter-of-factly. I remember when I told Colette before and she started crying on the spot. I just feel kind of sad now, but I can't remember any of it.
"I see." Kratos says simply, turns his head, and plants his crazy intense look on me again. I shift uncomfortably a bit. "My son had a very special name. In Angelic, the language of the heavens, it meant 'hope'. He fell down the cliffs near Iselia. His name is…" Kratos stops, looking uncertain as he stares a hole into me.
"Yeah?" I prompt blankly. Why'd he stop? Did he forget the kid's name?
Kratos sighs, looking a little frustrated. "His name is Lloyd."
"Wow, really? That's cool, that's like, my—" Then it sinks in. Colette's Grandma Phaidra always did say my name was really weird since no one but holy people like her could possibly know Angelic...
I quickly jump up on my feet, knocking Noishe out of my lap. Kratos isn't looking at me at all now. "Wait, you're sayin'… you're sayin' you're my dad?"
"I would be appalled if I ever met another person named Lloyd as it is of an archaic language...and even then, not really used as a name. And... I saw your mother's gravestone as well when I visited your house. My wife's name was…was Anna."
I just stand there with my mouth hanging like an idiot. But I don't feel angry, or happy. This guy? Kratos? My dad?
"I was incredulous, as well." He looks at me and smiles faintly. "But, I am glad I finally found you, Lloyd."
The way he says my name this time... it's different... and it feels very familiar. I suddenly remember a brief memory of him—looking exactly the same but grinning—picking me up to look at a sky full of stars...I fall on my knees, and I can feel tears swimming in my eyes. I feel sick, and clamp a hand to my mouth. Stars...I had so many dreams of laughter and stars...I never knew who was the one laughing though, and I knew it wasn't me. "The stars...did we—were you the one laughing?"
"Laughing?" Kratos looks concerned for a minute, but quickly breaks into a grin. "We looked at the stars on every clear night together, while your mother slept. You saw so many pictures in the sky, Lloyd, though I'm not sure you ever learned the official constellations I taught you. I don't laugh much in my life, but I did laugh on those nights. Those nights...were the best times of my life."
My heartbeat has slowed down a bit. "I remember." To prove my bit of knowledge, I point at a row of four bright stars in the sky. "That's Undine's spear, which points to Gnome on the left, right?"
Kratos nods slowly—not in amazement, as I was hoping for, but whatever. "That's very good, Lloyd. I would not have expected you to remember something from... fourteen years ago?"
I lay down against Noishe, suddenly feeling more at home than I've ever felt in my life. "I remember the rabbit, too, over there!"
Kratos laughs. It was the oddest, yet the most comforting thing I'd ever heard. "That was one of yours, Lloyd. That was supposed to be the head of one of the Sylphs. I'm glad you did remember Undine, though, her constellation is the easiest to spot."
And...I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that.
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