She desperately wished she could love him, but alas, her heart belonged to another.
Disclaimer; I do not own Naruto or anything Naruto related. This one-shot is based on the song 'Thinking of You' is by the singer Katy Perry, and therefore belongs to her.
Reposting this without the lyrics - it made me realise just how annoying they can be, as well as the fact that SongFics are no longer allowed on this site.
So please enjoy and remember, reviews are very much loved. :)
THINKING OF YOU
The cool night air hit Sakura's skin, making her shiver ever so slightly as she leaned upon the balcony's wooden railing. Despite the chilliness of the evening, she found it to be soothing, calming. The perfect temporary antidote for the inner turmoil which raged within her, and thoughts that dared to seep into her mind. Thoughts that she desperately tried to block with all the mental energy she could muster.
The thoughts were dangerous, harmful.
Now was not the time to be thinking of such things. To be thinking about him.
A pair of strong, warm arms wrapped themselves around her thin torso, the sudden embrace causing her to gasp audibly with surprise. Sakura could feel her body tensing up from the contact between them, hoping anxiously that the owner of the limbs that were clung around her petite waist had not noticed.
A chin rested on her shoulder, and she could feel his hot breath fanning across the side of her neck, brushing the delicate petal-coloured tendrils that hung there and causing a tickling sensation that made her giggle softly. A hearty chuckle joined in from behind her, rumbling against her body as he finally spoke. "I was wondering where you had gotten to." he murmured into her creamy alabaster skin, causing her to shiver once more.
Sakura sighed. "I just needed some fresh air, that's all." she admitted, the partial truth. She detested lying, especially to him. There was no way she could speak words that were untrue to his trusting face; the overwhelming sense of guilt was something she wished to never experience ever again. She'd been forced to give little white lies here and there to protect him over the years, each one eating away at her heart just that little bit. The truth was too hard to admit, the lies too painful to endure, and so she settled for the middle-ground of partial truths.
He inhaled deeply, and Sakura knew that he was taking in her scent, her aroma. It was a touching gesture, and yet in the pit of her stomach she knew it wasn't right. That what she was doing with him, to him, wasn't right. She closed her eyes, forcing herself to keep her mind distracted from the memories and thoughts that were beginning to flare up within her subconsciousness. She couldn't think about the reality of her circumstance. Not now.
Without warning, the arms that embraced her moved to her hips, spinning her around gently until she was facing him, jade green orbs meeting cerulean blue ones. Such optimistic eyes, full of wonder and hope for the future. Eyes that threatened to break her heart every time she looked into their ocean-like depths. He removed one hand from her hip and cupped her cheek with it, caressing the skin there gently with the pad of this thumb.
"You're so cold, Sakura-chan. Why don't we go back inside? I'm sure I can warm you up."
The guilt, like an old unwanted friend, greeted Sakura once more at that moment. It was times like these that she loathed the most, when she knew she was hurting him and yet he had no clue. What she was doing was wrong, she was aware of it and yet, she couldn't help herself. The smile on the blonde man's face was full of mischief, and it made her chest feel painful.
He loved her.
She loved him too, but not in the way that she desperately wished she did.
"Sorry Naruto, I should actually head home. I have an early shift at the hospital in the morning." she explained; once again a half-truth. She indeed had to work the next day, but not until the early afternoon. The smile on the blonde's face before her faltered for a moment as the information sunk in, but only moments later it returned, just as bright as before. "Fair enough. I guess I'll see you tomorrow after work then?"
They broke apart, Sakura tearing herself from Naruto's embrace as she scurried into the room, picking up her discarded clothes that lay upon the floor and hastily redressing herself. Once she was fully clothed again, she picked up her purse and moved over to her lover, giving him a small apologetic smile. "I'll see you then." she replied to his earlier suggestion, before pushing herself up onto her tip-toes and brushing her lips against his.
She hurriedly left Naruto's apartment, almost instantly feeling the need to be sick. The self-loathing and guilt hit her full-force, as it did every time she left his place. She raised a hand to her mouth, brushing her fingertips lightly over her cherry-pink lips.
Every single time Naruto kissed her, she'd always imagined them to be another set of lips.
Lips that she'd never touched, and knew deep down that she never would.
Sakura paused for a moment, realizing her feet had not taken her home, but in another direction entirely. She somehow found herself to be near one of the village gates, a very familiar bench before her eyes. Her thoughts had brought her here, to the one place she avoided, that she detested going near.
Unable to help herself, she found her feet shuffling closer to the bench before her body sat down upon it. Her hands touched the seat lightly, a shiver moving across her skin as she recalled the last time she had seen him, the boy she had crushed on in her younger years before she had properly fallen in love with him at the tender age of twelve, and now, at the age of twenty, still found herself unable to let go of him entirely.
The night he had left was by far the worst night of her life. The many tears that had been shed that night, she remembered them vividly, streaming down her young face as she admitted her deepest feelings to his retreating figure, begging him to stay. When that had failed, she'd offered to go with him, abandon all her family and friends just so she could stay by his side.
He'd called her annoying.
Yes, she had seen him since that night on very few occasions, once even to eliminate him for the sake of not only herself but for her friends and her village, but she knew deep down that the man she had encountered was no longer that boy that she loved. He was a hollow, empty shell that had turned into a monstrous being that Sakura didn't know, and didn't want to even try to know.
It was shortly after that meeting that she and Naruto had first gotten together, commiserating with one another over their mutual sorrow of having lost their beloved former teammate. She knew at the time it had been the wrong thing to do, that she was leading him on. But at the time, the comfort he gave her had been tremendous. The mutual support between them had helped each other in many ways. Her selfishness refused to let her break it off at the time, and now, she was in far too deep. If she ended things now, it would devastate him. The friendship would be lost.
They were so different. Like night and day. Naruto was an exuberant being who had an abundance of cheerfulness that Sakura could never fathom no matter how hard she tried. His personality was infectious, and she had to admit that she couldn't get enough of it. He picked her up when she was down, held her when she cried, made her laugh when she felt that smiling would never be achievable again.
The boy she loved had been stoic, brooding, lonely. A lost soul that had been shattered seemingly beyond repair. He'd never looked at her twice, and yet she yearned for him, she wished to be the one who could put the broken pieces back together and make him whole once more. It had been wishful thinking at the time, she had learnt that harsh reality as she had grown older.
It was his arms she wished to be embraced with, the endless depths of his obsidian eyes she yearned to be lost within. To run her fingers through his raven-black hair, to caress his cool, pale skin lovingly. Even now, she could feel herself still aching for his touch, the touch she had never actually felt but had dreamed about for years.
She still held a small glimmer of hope that perhaps one day, he would return to them.
That he would return to her.
A gentle splashing noise tore Sakura away from her thoughts as she stared at the small wet patch on her skirt. Suddenly another drop of water fell upon the material, and it was then that she realised she was crying, the tears caressing her cheeks as the formed small rivers down her face. It had been so long since she had allowed herself to think about him, about the night he had left her, the last words she had heard murmured from his lips as he appeared behind her, his breath fanning the nape of her neck.
"Thank you."
The tears commenced to flow thicker and faster as Sakura's control over her emotions slipped and they began to flood through her petite form. She'd held her sorrow, despair and anguish back for years, always pushing them to the back of her mind. Now they were being let free at once, as her mind swum with images of a dark eyed boy with hair the colour of night, and the man he had eventually become, the man she didn't know at all.
Her body shuddered with the loud sobs that emitted from within it, her hands trembling as they clenched the bench she was sitting on. Her head hung low, her sodden face hidden by her exotic pink tresses that shook slightly as she continued to weep.
She uttered his name, her voice wavering with the overwhelming sorrow.
"Sasuke…"