Tinsel
"Just a little more to the right." James T. Kirk grunted, his voice echoing off the smooth walls of Rec Room three in the wee morning hours of the night shift. The room was empty save for the captain's two companions. This was probably a good thing for the captain did not look his best in the position he currently was in, sprawled out on the floor like a crushed insect. Above him, the wide branches of a giant green pine shot out in all directions, making his current task nearly impossible. He was trying to reach the floor panels where the rows of energy outputs lay. In his hand, he clutched the small chip that would sync the christmas lights with the chips energy field thus completing their hard work. Behind him, McCoy and Spock stood back to watch, neither bothering to offer the help that they knew would be refused.
The three men had spent the greater part of their last off shift helping to put up this tree. They placed ornaments, bows, and crystal snowflakes ranging in color from magenta to beige on every branch. They winded multicolored strands of beads around trunks, and even took the time to string popcorn chains to grace the trees hardy limbs. Spock and McCoy did most of the work, the captain giving orders from the sidelines or handing out ornaments to the other two. Though the tree had been the captains idea all along, the two accepted both the task and the dictation nobly. Not that either would object. Both could see the logic of the captain's decision. Though the enterprise does carry a small number of 'alien' personnel, the overcoming majority of the enterprise crew was human. And one thing that is true of most human crews is that when a holiday rolls around, the moods on the ship tend to plunge quickly. Spending the holidays without family was hard even for the most harden individual, but when that holiday is Christmas, the experience becomes almost heartbreaking.
Therefore, in order to ease this pain and raise the crew spirits, Kirk always tried to create a holiday atmosphere around the ship through decorations, activities, and even celebrations. Every year, the effort seem to work increasingly well, but this year Kirk wanted to go all out. This year Kirk had been determined to give the crew its very own Christmas tree. And this year Kirk succeeded. A tree was found and hidden to surprise the crew. Ornaments were ordered in the utmost of secrecy and arrived in due time. All that had been left was for someone to help decorate. The only logical thing for the two officers to do was help, and all their work seemed to pay off. The christmas tree in front of them was stunning. Perfect to the utmost degree. The only thing that was missing was that familiar soft glow of blinking Christmas lights. Unfortunately, this was the captains job and one he was currently not doing very well. The impute seemed determined to stay just a hair out of reach.
"Damn, Bones, did you have to put the tree right in front of it." Jim complained, pausing to glance behind him where is two friends stood.
"That's the only place where the tree can be easily seen from anywhere in the room. You insisted it be where everyone could see it." the doctor reminded him innocently, "Besides, you have stood around here for the last hour without doing anything its only fair."
"But right in front of the socket." the captain stated with a glare.
"I fail to see why a tree is required at all." Spock commented dryly as he watched the two bicker from his position at the doctor's side. The Vulcan started at the tree with a look a young child might give a rubics cube. "The energy exerted to erect this 'Christmas tree' hardly seems logical."
"Its tradition, Mr. Scrooge." the doctor responded. "Besides, if you thought it such a waste of time then why did you just spend the last fifteen hundred hours helping us."
" I truly doubt such a large amount of time has passed doctor. As to your previous question, as a Vulcan serving on a human ship, I have a responsibility to observe the actions and traditions of. . ."
"Got it." Jim cried out triumphantly from his place under the tree.
"Thank god." McCoy grumbled ignoring the "its not a glare" glare Spock was sent his way.
Jim smiled as he wiggled out from under the branches and stood, separating the two bickering friends almost instinctively by taking his place between them. Brandishing the control pad for the lights like he was holding a matadors cape, he grinned at the two, ignoring the eye-rolling of McCoy and the raised eyebrow of Spock, he aimed the device at the tree with an almost flourishing gesture. Pausing for dramatic effect, he curled his thumb around the switch. "Alright. Here we. . ."
"Aren't you forgetting something Jim." McCoy drawled, causing the captain to freeze.
All three individuals turned to study the tree, their gaze studying the carefully placed ornaments and bows. The captain frowned in confusion. "No, I think we got everything."
The doctor shook his head. "James T. Kirk, I am ashamed of you." He said with a tisk. The doctor then shifted his way over to a small stack of boxes in the corner of the room. The boxes had contained the ornaments and bulbs that they had ordered for the tree, but now stood empty. The doctor shuffled them until he located one that they had not yet opened. Picking it up, he carried it over to the two other officers before dropping it at the captains feet. "There, now that will make it a tree." He stated firmly before leaning back on a nearby table. He looked at the captain expectantly.
The captain smirked before bending down to crack the box open. "Oh," he said as he stared at the box contents.
The Vulcan at his side leaned over slightly to peer over his shoulder. "Tinsel, doctor?"
"No tree is complete without it." McCoy confirmed. Kneeling beside the box, he threw open the flaps and plunged his hand into the mass of silver strands. Withdrawing a handful, he offered it to the Vulcan. "Care to help?"
The Vulcan looked down at the tinsel hesitantly, causing the doctor to snort.
"Well, come on, its not going to bite you." he stated holding it out and dropping it, giving the Vulcan no choice but to catch the glittering material lest it fall and scatter across the deck.
"Considering tinsel lacks the orthodontic structure required to inflict such an injury, it is illogical to expect such an occurrence." Spock commented evenly. He then glanced down at the tinsel in his hand before looking back at the tree. "I assume one drapes the strands across the branches."
"My god, Jim. The man is gifted." McCoy cried in mock astonishment, causing Jim to snicker despite himself before jabbing a elbow into the doctors ribcage to quiet him. Spock neglected to comment on either man's action. Instead, he leaned back to study the tree. Jim an McCoy watched him expectantly. Spock then circled the tree, studying each branch but making no move to decorate it. When several minutes passed, the doctor got impatient and growled. "Oh hell, now what's wrong?"
"Nothing doctor. I am merely debating on the best way to approach this problem."
"Problem?" McCoy and Kirk exchanged glances. "What problem?"
"The problem of dispersing the tinsel properly. One's goal is to cover the tree evenly in order to create a symmetric look. To do so, one must take into account the amount of available tinsel, the surface area of the tree. . ."
McCoy groaned and put his head in his hands as Jim repressed the urge to laugh. "God, he is turning it into a math problem. Jim, kill me now. I cant take it anymore."
Jim could not hold back that time. He burst into laughter, causing Spock to turn and give them both another firm glare before turning back to the tree to ignore them completely. After a few more minutes of study, the Vulcan settled into the task at hand and quickly became so absorbed in his work he did not have to ignore the two at all.
McCoy shook his head. "I have to admit. When he does something, he does it with everything he has, even if it is in his own convoluted way." He muttered to Jim as he watched the first officer carefully drape each strand, a calm serene expression settling on Vulcan's face. "Just wish he was not to serious about it. Anyway, we better help him before we end up with a logical Christmas tree. Heaven forbid."
McCoy handed Jim a handful of tinsel and for the next few minutes the three worked in a comfortable silence. The three weaved themselves around each other with the careful practice that only those often confined in small areas together can obtain, each man leaving his own unique touch. Jim finished with his handful first and went back to the box to get more. But as the captain reached in to the box of silver strands a particularly mischievous thought popped into his head. It was the kind of childish thought that often hit grown men in times where things were quiet and peaceful, but that the grown man usually knows is neither appropriate nor mature to act upon. But this was no usual night. He and his officers had just spent hours that should have been used for some well needed sleep decorating a tree that young kids would dream of having. As a result, the captain was both tired and slightly hyper. He could not resist.
Fishing out a extra large handful, the captain strode back to his position across the tree from Bones, trying to maintain as normal a stance as possible. The captain continued to drape the tinsel across the branches in front of him, but out of the corner of his eye, he tracked the doctors calm movement. He watched the doctor weave from branch to branch, trying to get a feel for the doctors movements. When the doctor paused to adjust an ordainment that had been hung incorrectly, the captain took the opening. Judging the distance between him and the doctor, the captain cocked his arm back before aiming and finally tossing the handful of tinsel directly at the doctors chest.
The arching motion of his arm must have caught the doctors eyes for the man looked up just in time to have the ball of tangled strands hit him on the side of his neck. The doctor grunted as if momentarily stunned before glancing up with a look of annoyance on his face. His gaze shifted from the captain to the first officer, scanning for any sign of guilt.
Spock, who had somehow missed the attack, but had heard the doctors grunt, met the doctor's gaze with a mixture of confusion and concern on his angled features. "Doctor, are you all right?" he queried.
Jim muffled a chuckle as the doctor turns to give him a nettled look. The doctor then turned back to the Vulcan and answered. "I'm fine. Something just got caught in my throat that's all." he says, brushing strands of tinsel from his shoulders. The action did little to help. In fact the static electricity, it created only seemed to make the tinsel adhere tighter, causing the doctor to growl once again.
Spock raised an eyebrow. "Perhaps you should be more cautions with the tinsel doctor. It seems that some of you strands are becoming errant. "
Jim had to bit his tongue to keep from laughing when the doctor's expression settled into one that, if directed at any other person, would turn the victim into stone.
"I'll keep that in mind, Spock. Thank you."
"Please do." Spock replied before turning back to the tree.
The minute his attention was once again captured, the doctor turned to glare at the captain who silently shook with laughter. The doctor shook himself to free himself of any stray silver strands before giving he captain a vengeful look. Scooping to the ground, the doctor gathered up the strands of tinsel that he had dropped when the captain's attack fell on him. Wrapping the strands into a tight ball, he winded up and returned fire while the captains giggles incapacitated him. The ball hit the captain mid-cranium and exploded gloriously to rain down through his hairs and onto his shoulders. The action was of course a deceleration of war to anyone who knew the delicate politics of tinselfare (A.N get it warfare tinsilfare. . . never mind;-)). But lucky for Bones, the attack blinded the captain long enough for the doctor to make a v-line to the box to reload. The captain in the meanwhile hurried to scoop up what he could while the doctor was busy and was ready with his own ammo when the doctor spun around. He hit the doctor about mid-chest and ducked just in time to avoid the doctors second assault. The doctor and the captain continued like this for several minutes, each exchanging blow after blow in a timely and precise manner. With each blow, the balls of fluff became larger and larger until the the doctor soon had an full armful of tinsel wound loosely in a beach ball sized bomb. The doctor hurled it directly at Jim, who somehow managed to duck just in time for the ball to whiz just inches above his head.
Unfortunately for both of them, when the doctor took aim, he failed to check for possible civilian casualties. The captain was no better with his evasive tactics. Just at that moment when the doctor had released his little bomb of glitter, a certain pointy eared officer emerged from the other side of the tree to get more tinsel, his mouth open in the act of asking the doctor a question. The ball hit him smack dab in the middle of the face filling the science officer's mouth with tinsel.
Both opposing armies froze, staring at the Vulcan with a mixture of shock and fear. The Vulcan appeared stunned at first, but then began to sputter as he tried to spit out the tinsel without looking undignified. He was failing horribly. Maybe it was the funny way the Vulcan looked as he tried to disguise the fact that he was practically choking. Maybe it was the dazed look in the Vulcan's eyes or the fact that several strand of tinsel were clinging to the pointy tip of the Vulcan's ear and fluttering in the filtered ship air. What ever the reason, the two other officers stared blankly at Spock for several moments before exchanging glaces. They then promptly dissolving into laughter.
This snapped the Vulcan out of his shock immediately and the first officer turned to glare at the two. The glare only served to fuel their laughter and soon the two men had to lean against the surrounding tables to keep themselves upright.
"Oh. . .Oh. . .Oh my god." McCoy managed to say between bouts of laughter. "did you see . . his face. . . did you see his . . ?" McCoy broke out in a fresh peal of laughter before he could finish. It was just as well for the captain was currently half collapsed against a nearby chair, unable to respond. The Vulcan continued to glare at the two and when that did nothing to stem the endless fountain of chuckles, he tried a new tactic. Bending down smoothly, the Vulcan began to gather up the strands of the ball that hit him and wind them back up together.
McCoy and Kirk both froze, the laughter dieing on their lips. McCoy glanced over at the captain. "He wouldn't would he?" He muttered, his eyes wide. The captain just shook his head, staring with an equal amount of awe at his first officer. Neither moved, even when the Vulcan stood up and regarded the ball of tinsel with an even stare. Then, the Vulcan's head rose to stare at them, studying both in turn with the same even gaze a cheetah might gaze at a Giselle herd. Finally, his stare settled on McCoy whose eyes widen. "Don't you. . .uff." McCoy gasped as the ball hit him precisely on the right side of his temple.
What followed was the tinsel war to end all tinsel war. Kirk dogged two handfuls carefully while delivering some very accurate blows himself. He laughed as one hit Spock right in the nose only to regret the action when he got a face full of shimmering tinsel curtsey of McCoy a half a second later. By the time the box was empty and the dust settled, the tree, the surrounding deck, and the three officers around it were covered from head to toe in the shining strands. Kirk and McCoy were laughing like children who had just been let out of school while the first officer had to lower his head lest the others catch the smirk that was tugging on at the corners of his mouth. It took awhile for the three to calm down and even longer for the three to shake themselves free of the tinsel that clung to every possible inch of their being. But finally after an half and hour of cleaning both their clothing and the surrounding deck, the three stood together around the tree to admire their "work". After a while, the captain reached for the switch that had ended up on the floor sometime during their tinsel fight. Pressing the light beige button, the captain and the doctor sighed contently when the tree lit up in colors of red, green, and blue.
"Now that is a tree." McCoy whispered as he watched the lights glitter off the glass bulbs. Turning to the captain, he remarked. "I think that we did pretty good. Don't you think so, Jim."
Jim gave their work a once over before smiling. "Yeah, looks just like home. The rest of the crew will love it." Glancing over at his first officer, his smile widened. The Vulcan was staring at the tree with a child-like awe dancing in his dark eyes. "What do you think Spock?"
At the sound of his captain's voice, Spock snapped out of his revery. Straightening his shoulders, he gave the tree a cursory look. "Though it is unsymmetrical and crooked. the tree will serve its purpose. No doubt the crew will find it satisfactory. Though, I still do not see the logic in this tradition of 'decorating a Christmas tree'."
McCoy and Kirk exchanged amused glances.
Then McCoy's eyes took on a more mischievous light and he turned to the Vulcan. "So, all your actions are dictated by logic."
"Of course, I am a Vulcan." The Vulcan replied coolly.
"Of course, of course." McCoy stated waving the comment away. Then, reaching back to casually lean against the table, he added. "So, tell me Spock. What exactly was the logic of throwing tinsel?"
". . ."
As the enterprise sped forward into the unknown spans of space, two officers in one of the main rec rooms leaned against the tables as they laughed themselves to tears while the Vulcan they laughed at turned once more to admire the glowing light of a tinsel covered Christmas tree.