Author: Juana
Title: Cracked Heart
Story Summary: Bella made a choice and she plans to stick with it – but plans have a way of changing when Bella is around, and on the eve of Bella's wedding to Edward, Alice panics when she can no longer see Bella's future and Bella panics when she starts hearing voices – plural.
Authors Note: I promised myself I wasn't going to start another story with two currently going – I can only blame Stephenie Meyer. She is one gifted writer and she has successfully sucked (no pun intended) me into Bella, Edward and Jacob's world causing me to devour "Twilight", "New Moon" and "Eclipse" like a newborn, hungry vampire – I just can't get enough.
I am however not a patient person and therefore will go mad waiting for Stephenie (although I promise you I will read it) to get another book out. This is my attempt at forging on with Bella as she keeps on trying to figure out her world and how her heart can let go of even one of the loves she's been given.
Reading minds had never been something Edward like doing – actually loathed on occasion. Bella had been, although a bit frustrating at times, a burst of fresh air in that area.
When it was just he and Bella in a room he could silence the other voices and just listen to her heart. He loved the sound of her heart – he would miss that.
But still he had a nasty habit of listening and that was how he had known. He was sure Alice would have kept it him from him otherwise.
But she'd said the words "Bella…no!' and instantly he assumed Bella was in for some danger.
Danger and Bella seemed to always be synonymous – like peas in a pod.
Knocking quickly on the door of Alice's room he heard Bella's audible gasp.
On the other side of the door Bella sat kneeling beside a saddened Alice. "Please Alice…please don't say anything to him." Bella pleaded.
Not unlike Edward's ability to read minds, Alice was torn by her visions. Sometimes it seemed to her it would be so much easier not to know the future.
"Open the door Bella" Edward said irritated with her now, she knew he could hear her, did she really hope to hold a secret from him.
Quickly Edward tuned into Alice's mind and he outwardly cursed – she was quoting passages from "Hamlet" in her mind – she was shutting him out.
"That's enough Bella – Alice isn't going to give you away. Open the door!" Edward ordered the anger in his voice raising.
In a show of gratitude Bella quickly hugged Alice. "Thank you." She said sincerely.
"I don't want to do this Bella. It's not fair to Edward." Alice said barely above a whisper but knowing Edward would still hear her all the same.
"Neither is knowing this Alice. I'll figure it out – I promise." Bella said quietly as she got up and headed towards the door.
Of that Alice knew Bella was right. The searing vision that had shot through her head was of Bella's future – or lack thereof.
Jacob Black was not out of the picture – it was a resigned but truthful thought that she kept desperately trying to keep from roaming in and out of her head.
A mission she had failed miserably at as the small but musical tincture of Edwards voice broke into her thoughts. "How bad is it Alice?"
It was a small hopeless question and it pierced her heart as she answered not wanting to poke a hole in the wound she had already picked up on in his voice. "It's bad – I'm sorry Edward."
"Tell me?" He said his voice calm but sorrowful as he awaited her answer.
"I can't see her future anymore." Alice answered sullen.
"I see." Edward answered his voice one of resignation like he had been waiting for the other shoe to drop and it finally had.
Alice had no time to comfort him as in that instant Bella opened the door and immediately turned on her. "You told him!" She said accusingly.
"I didn't mean to – I'm sorry." Alice sighed her heart heavy with Edwards's pain now.
The timing had been just too wrong, Alice had told him, the door had opened and he'd been unable to quickly disguise his pained expression. For a vampire he had been particularly slow in that moment – too slow.
"Perhaps we should go talk Bella" Edward said his mask of calm and understanding once again in place.
Bella stood in front of Edward staring in to his beautiful amber gold eyes – eyes she had sworn to herself she would never put pain into again – it was a broken promise.
She had tried unsuccessfully to eradicate Jacob from her heart, but not unlike the time Edward had left she was finding it impossible – but she was fighting a silent fight, no tears were shed, no thoughts were spoken.
She had thought she was safe, protected in her own intimate grieving for the boy – wolf that she had befriended and unintentionally fallen in love with, in Edward's painful absence from her side.
She had toyed with the idea of trying to find him but had quickly batted it back into the recesses of her mind over a thousand times. She couldn't live without Edward – there was no point in pursuing another heart- breaking discussion with Jacob.
Her decision had been reached and it was final, which was why Alice's vision had caught even her off-guard – she had no plans to see Jake.
The mountains of California had been good to Jacob in that it afforded him a far enough distance from the pack that they were unable to read his thoughts. All except Sam, for some reason he had long distance radar – it was annoying and the sole reason he had taken to reverting to wolf form less and less.
His mind centered on one thing and one thing only – his Bella.
Although he was strong on the exterior, she had broken him on the inside by choosing to remain with Edward.
Damn he hated that guy.
Jacob believed that Bella was his imprint which essentially meant that Edward had stolen his perfect future.
When he had kissed Bella on that mountain top he had glimpsed his future with her like a movie reel playing in his mind, and it dissolved him to realize that he was being forced to give it all up to the cold bloodsucker by letting her go.
His future happiness, kids and wife – it sucked!
He had torn through the forest without looking back that fateful day he had received the piece of paper sealing her fate. To most it was a simple wedding invitation to him it was a death sentence. He regretted now – giving up without a fight.
Now it was a mere twenty-four hours or so till Bella's wedding – it was too late.
Or was it? He didn't know why or even try to understand it but suddenly he felt something he hadn't in so long – he felt hope.
Hope that made him take off in a run – he felt as if he were running for his future.
Standing in Edwards's bedroom Bella closed her eyes frustrated. Nothing she said was penetrating and she was fighting hard not to lose her self and close up into that shell she had needed the last time this had happened.
She was afraid if she said one wrong word he would dismiss her – although with good reason this time.
"Admit it Bella…you need him. I will never be enough." Edwards said the sadness in his resolute tone unmistakable.
"Please Edward." Bella begged. "You have this all wrong. I have no plans to see Jake…none."
"Then he has plans to see you." Edwards said with surety.
"Alice's visions are not always right." Bella said not really believing it herself.
"That's your defense?" Edward said shocked.
"I need a defense now? That's kind of silly considering I have nothing to defend. I'm here with you – you Edward, not Jake." Bella reminded him.
'Yes, but for how long?" Edward asked as if Bella really had the answers.
He wished now that he had taken her up on her offer of complete surrender to him or even God help him "changing for him."
Instantly he realized how selfish he was being, wanting all the things he withheld from her for moral reasons to now have been granted to her.
Then she would have no choice but to be his.
He loathed himself for wanting to take away her choices – choices he had fought to protect.
It was his fear of losing her that brought the irresponsible and unthinkable to mind.
Thoughts like this would be easier if Jacob were really "not around anymore."
As if she could read his mind Bella gasped.
"What is it?" Edward asked as nonchalantly as he could manage – fearing she had indeed been privy somehow to his murderous thoughts.
"Edward promise me you won't do anything to Jake." Bella said pleading but unsure why.
It was as if she had heard the idea out loud followed by Jacobs's bitter laugh and words that seemed to come on the wind.
"Just let him try to get rid of me."
"Did you hear that?" Bella asked carefully looking at Edward.
"Hear what?" he asked.
Great – now instead of Edward's voice in her head her craziness would be making her hear Jacob.
But oddly she felt as if she had heard Edward too.
"Nothing." Bella quickly responded
Obviously her mind was playing tricks on her.
"Can we get back to the original question Bella?" Edward asked impatiently.
The original question – what was the original question Bella thought her confusion on severely escalating levels now.
'How long are you planning on staying with me Bella? "
"How long before you go running back to Jacob Black?"
"That's two questions." Bella pointed out.
"Yes…and I need two answers because I fear they are not the same answer." He said smiling calming as his non-existent heart began to show fissure cracks from the indecision in her eyes.
"How can they be different when the answer to the first is forever." Bella questioned emphasizing the last word.
It healed him a little to hear her say it – that forever was his.
"Do you still need the answer to the second one?" Bella prompted.
"Please, yes – it may be just the groom getting cold feet, but I need to know that my idea of forever and yours are one and the same." Edward informed her.
"Don't you always have cold feet?" Bella teased.
"Please Bella. I need your seriousness with this topic. You are my heart and I will be binding myself to you tomorrow after dusk. I'm rubbing Alice's brain raw with wondering if this is truly what you want." Edward admitted truthfully.
"This is truly what I want Edward – all of it." Bella sighed but it was as sigh of contentment in that moment.
A moment broken with this malicious intent to drive her crazy "I'm coming for you Bella."
It was Jacob's voice in her head again clear as day.
Relaxed now by her answer Edward pulled Bella against the cool hardness of his chest and breathed her in.
It still amazed him that he could do that – that he no longer needed to slack his thirst in that way anymore.
Her scent provoked a heady and provocative feeling in his loins – a feeling of wanting her in other ways – ways that over powered the vampire lust.
He had to believe that she was his or he would lose her he knew that now without failure.
Bella moved her hands lovingly across Edward's face, he was so beautiful and virile but parts of his demeanor were still that of a young man just beginning to understand the depth of his absentee heart.
Deep within her Bella knew she would love him forever, but on the surface the nagging voice, wait no voices that filled her head were working to confuse her.
"Go away Jacob – we do not want you here."
It was Edwards's voice but he had not moved his lips other than to kiss her.
And then his retort came bold and challenging.
"STOP speaking for Bella bloodsucker!"
Bella clung tighter to Edward suddenly afraid. Afraid Jacob was inside her mind forever.
Tomorrow at dusk she was giving Edward forever but she was damned if she was giving it to Jacob too.
He didn't belong in her mind and she wanted him out.
She needed to see Sam and suddenly Bella understood – something she couldn't explain to Edward.
The reason her future had disappeared in Alice's mind was because she was going to La Push to be among the wolves.
Not because she was going to see Jacob – Jacob was thousands of miles away and she was fine with that she thought as his annoying but confident voice broke into her thoughts again.
"You can't fix what we already broke together Bells. Sam can't help…no one can."
"Shut up Jacob." Bella muttered.
It was barely above a disgruntled whisper but Edward heard it – heard it and understood it.
He knew Jacob was coming for Bella he had heard his disgusting, possessive, obsessive thoughts miles away. Jacob was headed back to La Push. Jacob would be here on the day he was to wed Bella.
And Jacob would do everything in his power to make sure that didn't happen.
Edwards's instinct was to keep Bella there tonight but he knew or sensed that whatever she needed to do he had to let her.
His only hope was that Jacob would not make it back to La Push before Bella had left because he was certain now that she was headed there that somehow he had tricked her into thinking she needed to be there.
But how…how had he got inside Bella's head?
Edward couldn't help but wonder if he hadn't put the idea there with all his insecurities.
But it fit Alice's vision if Bella went to La Push tonight her future would disappear from the radar.
"Please." Edward prayed for the first time in a long time to a God he wasn't even certain he believed existed "Please let me keep my Bella."