A response to my own challenge at: http: / / forum . fanfiction . net / forum / Fully_Combustive_Material_For_the_Fanfic_Author / 65591 /
Can We Keep Her?
"Brother! Look what I found!"
Ed gave a sideways glance to the soggy creature in Al's arms. He groaned. "Great. Another one."
"Can we keep her, Ed? Pleeeease?" Al begged.
"No, Al. Put her back where you found her."
"But...She's so cold and wet! She's shivering!"
Ed pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. "Alphonse, you pick up one of those almost every day. They're annoying."
"But EEEEEED," Al whined. "Look at her! She's so cute! Sweet! Perfect!"
Ed sighed. "Lemme guess; she has a name, doesn't she?"
"My name is Belle-Luna Misa le Vonderpuffle! I am a chibi neko-chimera! Please take me home!"
"Isn't she perfect?" Al said dreamily.
Ed stepped closer to investigate. His brow remained furrowed in annoyance as his eyes swept over her innocent, clueless face, her scarily big boobs (they strongly resembled flesh-colored balloons), her hoodie and jeans and her automail limb (right leg, up to the knee). He shook his head. "Alphonse, there're better Sues out there. Let's give her away. I think Harry Potter may be willing to adopt one more."
Al was shocked. "But...But she's so perfect! Look at her!" He gestured wildly with his left hand, while keeping her (immaculate) body held snugly to his stomach using his right arm.
"No, Al," Ed said with a sigh. "You know we can't keep a Mary Sue like her. She only has one automail limb, after all."
Belle-Luna Misa le Vonderpuffle smiled sweetly.
"Pleeease?"
The combination of repeatedly vowels and the shining smile of a Sue were too much for Ed. He began to cave in.
"Well...It depends." He paused, tapping his chin in consideration like a total idiot. "What's your bra size?"
"25-E."
Ed bit his lip. "It's tempting..."
"Oh please oh please oh pleeease let me keep her!" Al begged. "She's the best Sue-y (1) ever!"
"What's your state alchemist title?" Ed asked.
"I'm the Four-Elements Alchemist," said Belle-Luna Misa le Vonderpuffle of 25-E. "I can control fire, earth, water and air. I don't need transmutation circles because I attempted human transmutation on my sister."
"Isn't she great?" Al said excitedly. "Can we pleeease keep her? I'll feed her, I'll pet her, I'll take her for walks!"
"How often do you angst?" Ed asked.
"At least twice an hour," said Belle-Luna Misa le Vonderpuffle.
"Oh. Angst is sexy."
"I know, isn't it?" Al exclaimed. "So, can we keep her?"
"Well..." Ed bit his lip, considering the important decision. "Fine. We can keep her."
"HOORAY!"
"Just keep in mind that she a Sue. Sues don't live long. You have to promise not to get too upset if she dies an epic death, like Stella-Jennifer von Poofles."
"What?" said Al. "I thought you said that Stella-Jennifer von Poofles ran away!"
Ed flinched as he realized what he had let slip. "Ah...Yeah, that's what I meant! Stella-Jennifer von Poofles ran away."
"To the land of Inuyasha?" Al said innocently.
"Yeah, that's right," Ed assured him. "To the land of Inuyasha."
(1) Get it? Like 'kitty'?
I need to stop writing these crappy Mary-Sue parodies. Seriously. They're rotting my brain.
Anyways. If you have an idea for a Halloween-themed fic (crack is good!) that you don't want to use, TELL ME WHAT IT IS. I'd like to post at least one more thing before I fall head-first into the world of NaNoWriMo. Please? Thank you!