Disclaimer: I don't own Heroes of Olympus.
Remember how I said in the last fanfic that Percy lived with his pet scorpion happily ever after? Well guess what: I lied.
So anyway, Percy was walking towards a big meeting of Half-Bloods when his phone began to ring.
"Hello? Who is this?" Percy asked.
"I'm Kronos!" Kronos screamed. "And I want to talk to you!"
"Why?" Percy asked. There was silence from Kronos for a moment.
"Well, you see, my mobile network plan expires tomorrow and I only have one call left and I can't really go renew it since I've been thrown into Tartarus again, and your number is the only one I know besides my wife's, and we're not talking anymore, so, yeah… um… I mean that I'm totally going to destroy you! Yeah, I hate you so much that I'll freeze time just so that I can kill you over and over again!" Kronos said.
"Yeah, there are two things wrong with that," Percy said. "One, the gods don't even need time powers to torture someone like that. Two, I did a little research into your whole 'Lord of Time' thing and it turns out that you don't have any real temporal powers in the Greek myths. I think someone confused your name with Chronos, the real personification of time, and Cronos, which is you, so the directors have decided to strip you of your time powers in this fanfic."
"What? No! I only took this job for the time powers! Quick! My plan expires in three seconds! SOMEBODY CALL MY AGENT!"
With that, Kronos apparently hung up
Then, as Percy made his way towards the meeting, he stumbled upon Chiron who was just sitting there, looking bored.
"Shouldn't you be at the meeting, being Camp Counselor and all?" Percy asked.
"Really, Percy, are you going to tell me what to do now? Do you want to be counselor?" Chiron asked.
"It was nothing like that, just…" Percy began, before Chiron interrupted him.
"No, like, I'm serious. Do you want my job? Because I hate it. This is the worst job ever. Let me tell you, I was a big hotshot back in my day. I had the perfect life. But then I failed the entrance exam to go to Narnia fanfictions because I found out that my dad was Kronos and so Santa Claus was my half-brother and I went into depression because I always got coal, but anyway, once I failed, I lost everything. My girlfriend dumped me and my pet hamster ran away. Then, I was forced up to take a job in this ridiculous fanfic training morons who never even thank me in any way. On top of that, I have to go around in a wheelchair half of the time, and to top it all I'm now training a total idiot who doesn't even know what his name is. That, Perseus is why I'm depressed," Chiron said.
"Yeah, that was a waste of time because it wasn't about me and as we all know, I'm the main character and so anything important is about me," Percy said. "And anyway, I don't know which loser you're talking about, because I know my name very well. But who's this Perseus guy you're talking to?"
Chiron gave the audience an "Even the gods can't help this boy" look and went back to spacing out.
"Hey! Why did you look over there and give a total 'I'm talking to a moron' look? Is there someone invisible standing behind me?" Percy asked, looking around.
"One day, Percy, you'll learn about the fourth wall and how to break it," Chiron said. Percy decided that he had wasted enough time and proceeded to the meeting of Half-Bloods. Luckily, he wasn't late.
As he took his seat, Severus Snape burst in.
"Hello everyone, I'm the Half-Blood Prince. That means that I'm royalty and all of you are morons who will henceforth serve me until the end of time," he said.
"I think you're thinking of the wrong kind of half-blood," Percy said.
"No, I'm pretty sure I'm right," Snape said.
"I thought you were dead," Annabeth said.
"Plot hole, my dear, it happens," Snape said. "By the way, who are we supposed to be waiting for anyway?"
"We're waiting for Hermes to get here," Percy said. "He should be here soon."
Six Hours Later
Hermes finally managed to come into the meeting room.
"Why are you so late?" Percy asked; who had just woken up.
"A god is never late, and he is never early. He arrives exactly when his Godly Positioning System is finished recalculating," Hermes said.
"Godly Positioning System?" Grover asked.
"Yes. Also known as GPS. But it's totally messed up. See what it says now that I've finally reached my destination," Hermes said. He pressed a button on his GPS, and a voice said,
"You are currently at Fowl Manor. Travel five hundred miles to Hogwarts Castle, and then take a right for three centuries to arrive at your- recalculating."
"That was stupid," Percy said. "Everyone knows there are seven hundred miles between Hogwarts Castle and Fowl Manor."
"Once again, Mr. Jackson, you've missed the point," Hermes said.
"You mean the King of Pop is here?" Percy asked, wildly looking around to see where Michael Jackson was supposed to be. Apparently Percy doesn't know his last name either.
"Weren't you the one who designed the GPS?" Annabeth asked.
"No, that was Haephastus. All I did was interrupt him periodically and tell him to work harder while I sipped leisurely on orange juice, and then took credit for the entire invention," Hermes said.
"Something tells me this is going to be a looong meeting," Percy said.
So yeah, rate and review like always. And I always like hearing what your favorite/most memorable parts were.