Title: Kaleidoscope

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. If I did, I would be showering in molten gold in a diamond encrusted shower stall while my chihuahua eats in a doggie bowl made from the skull caps of my adversaries.

Warning: AU, canon deviation, language, violence, gen, sometimes ideas from my head that reject canon ideas, random character-centric...

Author's Note: My comrades say I'm insane, but my mother insisted she had me checked. Still...

Prologue

What happens when a person studies for an exam too much after receiving multiple vaccination shots the day before?

Well, they usually blackout due to working so hard and not knowing their limits. Or they sleep because they do know their limits and they also they're too lazy to continue studying.

I'm one of the latter ones.

I could hear my phone's alarm ringing, echoing inside the confines of my room. I always imagined that it was yelling at me to wake up and get through another cycle of wake-up, eat, survive, and sleep. Usually it's loud and obnoxious, but for some reason, it seemed... muted. Muffled. Like cotton puffs were blocking my ears and the only thing I could register was the toned-down version of my alarm clock.

Still, the phone itself was a damn nuisance to my sleep.

I tried grasping around, looking for it to turn it off or smash it against the wall when I realized something I shouldn't have felt.

Nothing.

I couldn't feel the smooth feeling of the table I was supposedly sleeping on, nor the book I planned on reading for my exams tomorrow, now currently drooling on.

I tried again, an underlying sense of panic forming in my gut.

Still nothing.

I opened my eyes, or at least, it seemed like I opened my eyes. I knew in my mind that I opened my eyes, but what I was seeing eradicated my thoughts and replaced it with primal instinct.

I saw nothing.

I felt nothing.

Everywhere I turned, nothing was there.

I was alone, inside the cold embrace of nothingness.

After what seemed to be minutes of nothingness, I felt a warm sensation touching my forehead. I felt relief flood through my system as I regained my five senses again. It was rejuvenating as I breathe in deeply the smell of the book I was resting my head on as I could, and exhale to release all the unwarranted tension that accumulated on my shoulders. That's what made me freeze again.

I couldn't smell my book. It smelled like rose incense, like the rose bushes in my grandmother's garden.

Books aren't supposed to smell like rose incense. They were supposed to smell like ink, paper, cardboard, and the tears of children who couldn't understand them. I liked the smell of books; it made me sadistically happy to know that I could somehow understand them and not some snot-nosed brat that believed he could do everything. I loved rubbing it in their faces, and the cries of the little hellions were like an angel's choir to my ears.

I hate the smell of roses, scratch that, I hated any kind of flowers with a passion. Those useless, stupid, little shi-

Wait, I'm losing sight of what's important.

Stupid me.

I coughed, trying to breathe out the putrid smell of roses out of my respiratory system, and that's when I felt a warm hand rubbing my back carefully.

I opened my eyes, widening at the sight of dark eyes boring into mine. I glanced down, seeing the eyes belonged to someone with a rather good-looking but childish face. I kept looking down and saw that this person had one hand under my arms while the other hand was rubbing my back.

I felt myself froze up again when I thought of the worst possible scenario: I was abducted and taken as a hostage by some criminal mastermind bent on changing the universe.

This was like one of those James Bond movies my old man watches, but I'm the damsel and distress, I guess.

Huh. That's kinda shitty.

But, after reasoning with myself, I realized as to why I would be a hostage. I was never in my life important to be taken as a hostage for anything, and as depressing as that sounds, it was true. And if I were a hostage, why would my subjugator be helping me breath? Shouldn't he be torturing me to conform to his demands? Wouldn't that defeat the purpose of making me plead for help and assisting them in taking over the universe? And when have bad guys looked this cute?

Bah, fuck the semantics.

I closed my eyes and opened my mouth, letting out an ear-piercing screech. I heard my captor wince in reciprocation, at the same time shaking off my surprise attack. I felt his hands moving closer to my mouth, obviously trying to shut me up. He obviously didn't know who he was dealing with.

Heh. The giant turd.

When I felt the fingers already three inches away from my mouth, I opened my eyes and lunged my head forward, focusing on his fingers. I bared my imaginary fangs and bit his fingers as hard as I can, relishing the screams of pain from his mouth.

I released his fingers, making him think that the worst was finally over, when I managed to lift my foot upwards and kick his face. I heard his teeth gnash and clench from the force, making me even happier.

As he was nursing his fingers and his jaw, I squirmed in his arms. He unconsciously released me, which allowed me to run as far away as I can.

Or more accurately, I tried to run.

As soon as my feet touched the floor, I dived forward, believing that my left foot will move forward so I could start my escape. Instead, my feet collapsed from the sudden weight and I felt my lips making out with the tatami mat soon afterwards.

I couldn't believe it. I tried wiggling my arms and legs and felt the bare skin of my limbs swiping across the floor. I lifted my head and craned it to see if I had any wounds that my subjugator might have given me while I was unconscious. It would be easy for anyone with an adequate knowledge of the human body and its strengths and weaknesses to just slash a certain tendon to incapacitate your victim for a certain length of time. I know, I tried.

As I looked for any indication that my skin was marred by a bloody wound or anything just as bad, I finally noticed that my leg was small. And short. Way too short for someone my height. And kinda stubby for a girl my age. I looked at my arm, and saw the same stubbiness from my leg.

As I was panicking with the questions 'How the fuck did my body regress so much or am I just hallucinating?' and 'What kind of drug did Bastard inject me with? Heroine? Meth? Some kind of unholy mixture of marijuana and hallucinogens?', I faintly noticed I was being picked up again by my subjugator, whom I aptly nicknamed 'Bastard' since I didn't know who he was yet, and brought me to his arms and hoisted me over his shoulder, like I was a mere sack of potatoes.

"No! Pu' me dow'!" 'Is he trying to pour salt on my wounded pride?' I thought as I gained the motivation to simultaneously scream and kick blindly at him, since I could only see his back, and hopefully scar that face of his. If I only had a lighter, I could make Freddy Krueger's face look like the Mona Lisa when compared to what I'm imagining for Bastard. All those villains and miscreants can go fuck themselves with a mace if they want, because I acquiesced to no one, be they man or god.

I felt my kicks weren't doing any good anymore, since he must have saw through my viciousness and kept blocking my feet with his hand. I felt him put both his hands on my waist, lifting me up away from his shoulders so he could sit down properly on the couch, and placed me on his lap. I still tried inflicting bodily damage with my hands, registering the fact that Bastard didn't look that old, but was still bigger than me.

He mussed up my hair as he playfully glared at me, deflecting my small fists with one of his obscenely large hands. "Oi, stop that Rei-chan, or you're gonna get hurt." He cooed at me, making me wish I did have a chainsaw so I can give him a mafia-styled smack down in the name of all things cheesy and holy-

What? Rei-chan?!

I gaped at him, betting that I looked like a fish out of water. He continued, pinching my cheeks to stop my mouth from opening and closing. "Now there's a good girl. You're such a cute baby when you're not trying to hurt me." He grinned cheekily. I was horrified.

I regressed into a baby.

A small, helpless, unimportant brat.

Aw... hell no...

I'm going through puberty again?

Noticing my sudden domestication, he adjusted me properly on his lap, fussing over me like I'm some sort of feline. "Whoa, whoa. What's wrong, Rei-chan? Does your tummy hurt?" He rubbed my tummy carefully. I gave no response. "Are you hungry?" No comment. I'm always hungry.

"Aww man! Mom's gonna haunt me in my sleep!" He whined, rubbing his head roughly, trying to think rationally. I stared at him listlessly all the while, the coherent thoughts in my head vanishing one by one. I barely noticed the sound of someone knocking on the door, Bastard carrying me with him to open the door to see who his visitor was, since I could only focus on his face as one thought repeated in my head.

'Who am I?'

As Bastard looked at his visitor, his face split into a grin, looking relieved at the intrusion.

"Itachi! Thank god you're here! I need your help!" My ears perked up at the name, recognizing it immediately. I turned my head slowly, eyes widening when I saw a kid version of Uchiha Itachi with no traces of the Sharingan on both eye sockets, reading something to himself. "Look Rei-chan, it's Itachi!"

Oh, shit... am I in the Naruto-verse?

He looked at us, raised his hand to give a two-fingered salute. "Hello." He greeted Bastard, smiling slightly, before looking at me. He blinked dubiously at me. I blinked back stupidly.

... No way... this is my favorite anime... I can't be this lucky... Can I?

"Oh, what's wrong with Reina?" Itachi reached over to me, pinching my cheek softly. Reina? What's a Reina? Was that even a name?

Wait, was that MY name?

'What the fuck... is 'Reina' supposed to mean? It sounds weird…' I thought, sneering at the mere thought of that word being my name. I may or may have not registered the fact that he touched my cheek. Uchiha Itachi touched my cheek.

"I think she's sick." Bastard explained, walking out so he was outside with Itachi. I couldn't see it because it hurt to keep twisting my head, but I could tell Itachi was smirking at Bastard. "What a good brother you are to your cute sister." He teased, giving a small Uchiha smirk.

I saw my brother getting riled up, before teasing Itachi with his supposed superiority. I watched them annoy each other until I belatedly questioned one thing: Who is Brother Bastard anyway?

Since he knew Itachi, I guess that would imply that he's from Konoha. Since he looks young, he must be the same age as Itachi as well, if not older by a couple of years. He also had black messy hair, black eyes, a broad-ish nose, and a good-looking face. I can say without a doubt in my supposed pre-mature mind that Brother Bastard's real name is NOT Might Guy.

No way in hell would I be related to someone like that spandex-loving troglodyte. I'd sooner commit self-disembowelment than admit anything. I saw Guy's pictures as a kid, and only when hell serves ice pops will he look as good as this. Besides, Guy should be around 15 years old by now. Itachi and Brother Bastard only looked like a pair of cute kids.

I mentally reviewed all the possible characters and realized that Brother Bastard looked exactly like one person in canon...

As I was having a panic attack in my mind, I focused on going back to Itachi and Brother Bastard's conversation. They seemed to have stopped annoying each other, and were only conversing with one another. They didn't realize the baby in their midst was having an internal crisis with her identity. Insensitive asses.

"What happened to your jaw? It's puffy and red." Itachi asked, eyeing the swollen jaw I kicked earlier. Brother Bastard seemed to winced at the memory.

"Reina here thought it would be funny to see someone in pain so she kicked me in the chin and bit my fingers to test her theory." Brother Bastard replied, lightly shaking me. Itachi chuckled in response, patting my head softly. "Only you will make up a lie about getting hurt by a baby girl. When will you ever grow up?"

"She's a heathen, Itachi! She's out to get me!" My brother whined dramatically, but I knew he was faking it. I giggled at his expense, not minding the fact he called me a heathen. I've been called worst, believe me.

"Shisui, stop fooling around. We have a mission today and I'd like to get it over with as quickly as possible." Itachi reprimanded my brother, before regarding me again. "Just ask someone else to look after her while we're gone. I'm pretty sure Mother won't mind watching over her." I kept nodding, giggling at the look of realization on Brother Bastard's face but my mind was racing.

Brother Bastard's real name is Shisui.

There's only one guy named Shisui in the whole Naruto-verse, and he happens to be best friends with Itachi.

If going with the canon's facts, then his full name is Uchiha Shisui.

If Itachi's telling the truth, then I'm his sister.

Ergo, I'm an Uchiha.

Nice.

Hello, duckies! I'm back, with the major felony of authors: a self-insert fic~

I know what you're thinking, 'This Reina chick's taking this way too calmly...'

I know. A different perspective, I guess, since most of these fics start with denial and shock.

I'm more of a go-with-the-flow kind of girl.

If it was me, I'll be like: "Cool. Imma be a ninja and kick all them guys' gonads to win. With girls, let's see them bitches try scratching me with their manicured talons. COME AND FUCKIN' HAVE A GO THEN! (Screeches a war cry)"

Anyhoo, review on your way out~