Disclaimer: I do not own this story, my best friend Darling Juju wrote it
The Harrington Estate
The Garage
December 1st
2:40 P.M.
"Dude, why the hell are we here?" Cam Fisher demanded, blowing onto his icy palms and glaring at Derrington, snarling at the blonde Alpha.
"Yeah, I could be trying to put the moves on Alicia." Kemp Hurley demanded.
"Dude, that's MY girlfriend," Cam complained, whacking Kemp with a muffler.
Chris Plovert rubbed the tiny, smoky-colored wheel on his Blackberry, trying to regain the feeling in his nimble fingers and lifted his light blue eyes to the squabbling males.
"Dude, I was bored," Derrick Harrington seriously batted his light lashes and smiled innocently.
"AND?" Josh Hotz spewed, his dark brown eyes narrowing.
"Ah-and," Derrick sighed, "I was watching Spongebob Squarepants."
"As usual," Melissa, his ten-year-old sister hissed in his direction, sauntering by with an armful of Barbies in varying shades of dirtiness or cleanliness. She winked at Kemp, who licked his lips until Derrick smacked him playfully.
"Well, and it was an episode where Sponge and Pat changed lives..."
"OH NO! NOT FREAKY FRIDAY!" Plovert wail-begged. "I CAN'T BE STUPID!"
"I CAN'T BE PLOVERT!" Kemp head-bashed into Melissa's bright pink scooter, wailing.
"No, retard, I thought that may-be..." Derrick paused for seemingly dramatic emphasis. "We could switch girlfriends."
There was a split second of silence.
"No. No way. The thought of Leesh ending with Kemp-" Cam was shocked and disgusted.
"HELL YEAH!" Kemp screeched, causing Plovert to cover his ears with his pink, fluffy muffs.
"-Is too much to bear."
"Claire with who?"
Eyes were wandering but focused at the same time, as they demanded answers of each other. Sadly, no one had an answer, so they just kept asking more and more impatiently stupid questions.
"Seriously, I'm too sexy for all of them."
"That's why you're with the pig..."
"And what if I get smallie McBoobs?"
"I TOLD YOU TO STOP CALLING MASSIE THAT!"
"So many things could go wrrrrrrroooooonnnnnnnngggggggggggggg."
"That's why we MUST do it."
"Fine. For a day, we'll make them our girls." Cam begrudgingly obliged.
"Hos," Kemp noted.
"Girlhos," Derrick concluded happily.
"Fine. We'll choose from a non-biased person-The hat." He whipped the baseball cap off Kemp's bushy brown hair and eagerly ripped a sheet of loose-leaf paper from his marble notebook, ripping it into five medium-sized pieces of paper.
"Every boy, write your girlfriend's name in it." Plov nudged a blue Bic pen and a sheet of paper to every boy.
Cam gulped and scribbled ALICIA in his medium-sized, all-caps writing, crumpling it and heaving it into the hat.
Kemp quickly scrawled in illegible handwriting, Dylan, praying to Zeus (he thought that Roman Catholics worshipped Roman gawds) that he wouldn't land with the pig again.
Derrington giggled, taking his sweet time writing Massie's name in elegant, loopy script.
Plovert bit on his full lower lip and printed KRISTEN (K-BOO), whimpering softly and causing the other boys to stare at him and giggle-snort.
And Josh smiled as he wrote clarei, misspelling her name and proudly crumpling it and whipping it into the hat.
"Ready?" Derrick asked solemnly, shaking the hat forcefully, throwing a few pieces of paper back inside when they toppled out accidentally.
"Yes." Cam sighed, hoping Leesh would forgive him...eventually.
"YES!" Kemp licked his lips pervily.
"Uh huh," Plovert said gloomily, playing PacMan on his specially engraved light blue TI-295.
"Totally. No more Waterhose for meeeeee!" Josh twirled in a ballerina pose, his face filled with love and dreaminess, eyes batting eagerly at the ceiling.
"Pick." Derrick held the hat out, his pale hands shaking with anxiousness.
The boys each plucked a piece of paper from the pile, and opened it up, their eyes scanning the paper.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! SMALLIE MCBOOBOOB?" Kemp screamed in frustration, pounding his feet.
"YOU got Massie?" Derrick was disgusted. "Ew. I got Kristen." He mimed puking, and Plovert smacked him solidly.
"Crapola, I got Alicia." Josh whined, remembering his vengeful ex and gulping deeply, sighing.
"I got Claire," Plovert was disgusted.
"EWWW! I GOT DYLAN!" Cam complained, sticking his tongue out and groaning.
"Men, we'll meet here at 11 P.M." Derrick consulted his free Geico watch and nodded firmly. "Done?"
"Done." Josh chirped, skipping.
Melissa rolled her eyes and whacked Derrick with a purple Barbie beetle, savoring his hurt expression with a thoughtful and petty grin, giggling all the way upstairs.
"Done." Plovert trudged out, carrying a weeping Kemp with him.
As Derrick headed a block over to Kristen's new mansion, he grumbled and kicked the sidewalk muttering a few choice words under his gummy-scented breath. Banging on the door, he pasted a file on his face.
Kristen Gregory opened the door in her soccer shorts and a tee, glaring at him.
"Harrington?" She scrunched up her blonde brows in anger. "Need the new soccer schedule?" She demanded hurtfully, her aquamarine eyes lighting up.
"No. I need you." Derrington paused dramatically.
She gasped, then looked around and pulled him inside.
"Do you mean that?" She looked happy but doubtful, and looked at his light brown eyes, which were wandering around the empty house.
"Kristen Gregory, I love you." He said for emphasis, kissing her passionately.
Liar, Liar, Shorts on Fire.
"OH DERRICK! I KNEW IT! FOREVER!" she sobbed, kicking her clothes off and throwing him on the couch.
Naive one? I thought it was Cleh.
And Derrick was hhhhhhorrrrrrrrnnnnnnnnyyyyyyyyyyy as hell.
Until her parents walked in, screamed, and called the cops on him. The good girl, she cried that he was molesting her.
"Massie Block's boyfriend?" Mrs. Gregory screeched as the cops handcuffed him and led him away.
"The name," Derrick tried covering himself. "Is Derrick."
Then Mrs. Gregory started whipping his exposed flesh with her huge, gold Marc Jacobs tote.
Meanwhile, Cam was driving to Dylan's house, and was hoping that she would answer, not-
"CAM? CAMERON FISHER?" Merri-lee gave a super-botox'ed grin, her cheeks flushing. "Have you come to do-I mean marry-I mean see, Dylly?"
Cam had no answer but to nod, and Merri-Lee whisked Dylan to the front door, giggling like a giddy schoolgirl.
"Cam?" Dylan's eyes filled with luv. "Really?"
But Cam quickly ran away, screaming at the top of his lungs, sobbing.
"NO!" Dylan sobbed, whipping a Lil Debbie SnackCake into her wide mouth and suh-awbbed into the atmosphere, tears sliding into her mouth and coating her slippery tongue.
Josh was prancing down the Rivera driveway, waiting for someone to answer the door.
Finally, the humpty, dumpy maid opened the door, looking like a transvestite version of Dempsey with black hair and hazel eyes.
"Hey, is Alicia here?" Josh asked, twiddling his thumbs eagerly.
"Alicia is here. I will her get." She said in strangled English, and soon, Alicia appeared, looking mildly surprised and boldly angered.
"What are you doing here, Hotz?" She hissed.
"Well, I want to say that I'm a horrible bastard and that I don't deserve you, but can you forgive me?" Josh asked, his brown eyes brimming with tears.
"No," she said, folding her arms across her ample chest.
"WHY? DOST THOU HATE ME SO MUCH?" Josh begged, eyes watering again.
"I HAVE a boyfriend." Alicia hiss-scolded. "You should know that...you probably had a crush on him too."
"Lo-blow, Rivera." Josh mumbled sadly. "Bye, then," he placed a fedora on his head and turned around, hoping to be stopped.
And he was-Alicia aimed a kick towards his legs that sent him tumbling down the stone steps and cackled.
"KEMP?" Massie asked, looking around for some witness of the crime that was the pervert in her house.
"Smallie McBoobBoobs." Kemp said darkly.
"What are you doing here? Giving me praise?" Massie asked suspiciously, humphing in disgust.
"No, Smallie, I like you." He said flatly.
"WHAT? EWWW!" Massie was secretly turned on.
"And I badly want to hump your leg. Or your crotch, whatever you like," he began removing his pants immediately, revealing his dick.
"No underwear?" Massie asked.
"Never," Kemp sounded offended.
"And what makes me think that I would do it with you?" Massie demanded.
"This."
He put a CD in the Block stereo system and Sensual Seduction blasted. Kemp put on the glasses and began nibbling a straw, his 70s suit jiggling as he humped Massie's couch.
Massie salivated, licked her glossy lips, and watched.
"I'm gonna take my time, time," he unbuttoned Massie's shirt and jeans, throwing her on the couch. Massie moaned as his moist lips glided over her body.
Several minutes later, she was panting. William had come by, eating yogurt, but shrugged.
"Kemp Hurley, I love you," she let him touch her boobs.
"I love you too, Smallie."
"Hi, is Claire Lyons here?" Plovert asked Todd Lyons, who was watching him suspiciously.
"Um, nice attire."
Plovert was wearing swim trunks, pink Prada flip-flops, and dark black Aviators, his pale chest slicked in canola oil, since the tanning salons were closed.
"Thanks."
Suddenly, Claire giggle-pranced downstairs with Layne Abeley, and stopped when she saw Plovert in practically his skivvies.
"Ew, what is that?" Claire hissed angrily.
"What?" Plovert looked behind him.
"You," Claire burst out laughing, and pointed, tears streaming down her ruddy cheeks like the Tigris and Euphrates.
Plovert was heartbroken, looking at the floor, gulping for air. He felt so pitiful. So sad, s-
"Enuff," Layne glared at Claire, who instantly contorted.
"What the hell's your problem, Abeley?" Claire growled. "You're an LBR-"
"Who's twice as sexy as you'll ever be." Layne hissed. "I can't believe you, you bitch. This is a perfectly nice boy who came to woo you. Like Helen of Troy. Or Angelina Jolie."
"WHAT THE HELL?" Claire screeched, her eyes lighting up with anger.
And Layne wrapped Plovert in a long, foot-poppin' kiss. Todd whooped, and Claire threw them out of her house, storming through the vine to the Block Estate.
Two couples made, one arrested boy, one fat girl, and one potentially injured male.
That's Westchester for ya.